


Fractured

by Eien_Ni, Ember3ye



Series: Kintsukuroi [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Hatake Kakashi, Bottom/Top Yamato/Tenzou, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Innuendo, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Past abusive D/s relationship, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Top Hatake Kakashi, Trust Issues, almost cheating, not all D/s relationships are abusive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-04-29 11:47:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 108,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5126396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eien_Ni/pseuds/Eien_Ni, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ember3ye/pseuds/Ember3ye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy. Every healthy relationship is built on a foundation of honesty and trust.

“Lord Hokage, why did you do that?” Yamato asks, his fists clenched tightly behind his back and gaze rigidly fixed ahead at a tiny speck on the wall which is inexplicably bothering him. Much like the razor-sharp memories flitting through his mind.

Kakashi merely snorts, keeping his own gaze to the papers strewn on his desk. “And what are you asking about exactly? I've done lots of things today. Eaten breakfast, read a book, signed papers. So you're going to have to be more specific.”

Holding back a stifling sigh, Yamato exhales slowly, pondering how to phrase it in a way that won't cause his senpai to shut himself off utterly. It happened three days ago, and yet all the determination in the world can’t shove it down far enough not to upset him.

“I'm referring to -” a tiny pause. How does he put this? “- that night. I know you thought I was asleep, but I heard you and...I just can't stop thinking that I imagined it, or wondering why you would tell me that -” 

The simple three words of 'You love me,' lodge in Yamato's throat and stall his breath. He'd never thought Kakashi would allow himself to become that attached to someone, let alone a person he was sure he saw as a fuck buddy and nothing more, despite their fresh relationship. Despite how badly Yamato wants more than just sex.

Kakashi freezes. He remembers that night that Yamato is talking about vividly. He was positive that Yamato had been asleep, but apparently he hadn't been. Kakashi isn't even sure why those three little words had fallen from his lips. Truth is, Kakashi never allows himself to get close to anyone, not wanting to get hurt if they leave or die. With Yamato, though, things are different. Yamato is the person that Kakashi keeps coming back to. No matter who else Kakashi is involved with, it is always Yamato that his thoughts return to. Yamato is the only one that he continually allows back into his bed.

But does he really love him? Kakashi isn't sure about that. Yes, he cares deeply for Yamato, but is it love?

Finally lifting his eyes to meet Yamato's, Kakashi speaks. “Yes, I said those words. I just...don't know if it's how I really feel yet.”

“Oh…” Yamato's gaze falls swiftly, shadows forming thicker beneath his lashes as he closes his dark eyes briefly. “I see.”

He turns his face back to the empty doorway, thoughts tumbling through his head that he really didn't want to think about. And yet in the suffocating silence of their soundless breathing, all he can sense is the tsunami of acute...disappointment? No, disappointment is too weak of a word. Disappointment is what a child feels after being denied a cookie. The feeling causing Yamato's lungs to struggle with inhaling and causing his eyes to squint with unprofessional tears is not disappointment. Yamato's hands, gripping together, tighten roughly, skin growing red and knuckles white as a corpse.

He never should've fallen for Kakashi. Yamato knows - he always knew - that Kakashi doesn't love easily or freely. And yet all the logic against his senpai returning his feelings is lost within Yamato's hope.

But he is sure now. 

Kakashi misspoke. He doesn't love Yamato. Yamato repeats this over and over, trying to force himself to accept it. And yet, a tiny tear still leaks solemnly from the corner of his eye, an escapee from the unseen sea.

“Tenzou,” Kakashi says carefully. “Just because I don't know yet doesn't mean that I don't care for you. I always have, and I likely always will. I simply need time to think all of this through. This is the first time I've ever actually attempted a normal relationship. I still want this with you, if you're willing to give me time.”

Shakily, Yamato inhales softly, trying to concentrate on his unsteady breathing. He bites down on his lower lip, eyebrows drawing together as he turns over Kakashi's impacting words in his mind. “I understand that...but, senpai…” he trails off slowly, swallowing hard as he fights for the right words. “I don't want to feel that way ever again. I don't want to wake up one day and find you missing without an explanation. I'm just unsure if I should take this risk with you.”

Kakashi dips his head in acknowledgment. “I understand,” he whispers. “I'm sorry. I really am.” He knows that it's his fault. It's always his fault. He pushes people away constantly. He clears his throat. “I suppose you aren't coming over tonight?”

Yamato opens his mouth, emotions that can't be translated into words closing over his throat. He tries to swallow them down, but he simply can't deny the indescribable pleasure of Kakashi's soft moans and scarred skin flowing against his. Yamato finds himself unable to say no, yet fear is holding him back from saying a pure yes. He avoids even glancing at Kakashi’s silent figure, picking a tarnished spot on the floor and staring at it intensely, his stomach overturning with nerves.

The door suddenly slams back against the wall with an echoing bang, Yamato's gaze snapping up to see Sakura, short hair flying past her shoulders, racing in. She pounds her palms down urgently on top of the paperwork on the Hokage's desk with a crackling boom and Yamato is afraid for an instant that she may split the desk in two. 

“Sensei, I have a patient that claims he was attacked by the ROOT.”

Yamato inhales sharply. They'd just assumed that the ROOT had dissipated after Danzo's death - the structure was torn down and the agents integrated into ANBU, after all.

Kakashi looks up, eyes narrowed. “What the hell? ROOT is gone. After Danzo died, ANBU absorbed ROOT. How can ROOT be…” He trails off with a heavy sigh and rubs the back of his neck. He then stands up. “Take me to him, Sakura.” He turns to Yamato and points. “This conversation is not over yet. To be continued.”

As soon as Kakashi's finger is aimed as at him, Yamato winces inwardly. He has more time to think about a decision - but now, he can’t waver on it. He has a job to do. Following the Hokage down the hallway, Yamato calms himself down, the brightness in his eyes deadening as he reverts back to strictly professional mode. Collected, sure and focused. All the elements Kakashi demolished with his very presence. Yamato's fists clench as they stride out of the building en route to the hospital. He was thinking about Kakashi again. 

“Stop,” Yamato mutters soundlessly to himself. “Stop.”

“He claims he needs to talk to the Hokage directly,” Sakura quickly elaborates, briskly leading them on.

“Of course he does,” Kakashi says grimly. “If I'm not satisfied with his answers, I may end up having Ibiki interrogate him.”

On the outside, Kakashi seems calm and collected, the perfect picture of a Hokage. But inside, his emotions are roiling, turbulent thoughts crashing in his mind. He wants to talk to Yamato, to get to the bottom of this mess that he's caused, but frankly, he's scared. Scared that he'll lose Yamato, scared that he'll stay and Kakashi will fall in love with him.

Kakashi shakes his head, trying to clear his thoughts. He needs to be level-headed for this.

“Just through here,” Sakura says quietly, extending her fingertips onto the handle. She doesn't like this guy, with his demanding, oh-poor-me attitude circling himself, but, however insufferable he was, he may have critical information. 

Yamato's first view of the attacker is beyond Kakashi's wide shoulders, a harrowed-looking, lanky late-teens boy, haunted shadows running deep under his eyes. He lifts his head from his hands and stares at the trio. 

“You're actually here. I didn't think the almighty Hokage would -”

“Enough,” Sakura interrupts, turning to Kakashi. “You're free to question him now.”

“What's your name?” Kakashi asks. He stands at least six inches above the boy, and Kakashi knows that he can cut an intimidating figure, even when he's not wearing the Hokage cloak and hat. His headband isn't covering his left eye, which despite not having the Sharingan any longer, he usually still keeps it covered because it's a habit and familiar. Now he settles both black eyes firmly on the boy, searching for any hint of a lie.

“I'll speak with the Hokage and only the Hokage. Alone,” the boy insists, his nose creasing up in a pouty scowl, glaring viciously at Yamato and Sakura alike.

Yamato's gaze shifts to Kakashi, silently asking him if they should comply. He can always meld back into the wall, but that’s the only option. He’s not leaving Kakashi alone, no matter how demanding the victim is. But his choice of action depends on Kakashi's orders. Sakura, too, is looking at Kakashi for indication of what to do.

“You two may leave,” Kakashi says, not looking at either of them. Behind his back so the boy can't see, he uses ANBU hand signals to tell Yamato to hide himself in the wall. Yamato, Kakashi knows, is an excellent tracker. He should be able to pull it off without any hitches.

Yamato and Sakura nod briskly. Yamato eyes the boy skeptically before padding outside after Sakura, a feeling of unease building. He places his hand on the wall next to the door, concentrating. Sakura picks up on what he's doing and silently nods, wishing him luck, before pacing away. 

Yamato extends his arm into the wood, melding into it sideways, and slowly the image of Kakashi's tall stance comes into view, along with the entire room gradually.

“Time to cut the shit,” Kakashi spits out. “What's your name?” He knows that since the boy is supposedly a victim, he should be gentler, but his patience has run out. He has an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, and he wants this to be over with as quickly as possible.

Seems like Kakashi's running low on patience today, Yamato muses. His eyebrows raise as the boy's lips stretch into a thin smile. 

“Does it really matter? I just came here to deliver a message, so stop fucking acting like you can order me around.”

Chewing on his lips anxiously, Yamato's unease was confirmed. He isn't there because he was attacker, although there are multiple bruises and deep cuts slicing his battered face - probably just for effect. And yet Yamato decides to wait, see how it plays out. He'll come out as soon as Kakashi indicates, or as soon as the boy becomes a threat.

Kakashi continues to stare at him. It's times like this that Kakashi wishes he still had the Sharingan. More than once, it had helped scare the hell out of people he was interrogating. “A message? What message?” A sick feeling begins to curl in the pit of his stomach. This isn't good at all.

His face straightening out, the boy clears his throat, both hands slipping under the sheets covering from his waist down. He takes his sweet time getting comfortable, always shooting a small smile at the Hokage every now and then. 

“The ROOT is back, and you're fucked,” he says calmly.

Yamato stiffens instantly, memories of horrible slaughters bolting through his mind. Oh no, no - the boy's hand moves suddenly under the covers, deftly grabbing something metallic and -

He's springing out of the wall before he realises it, blocking a kunai a second before it thuds into Kakashi's skull. It hits the wall beside them, quivering as if scared of killing someone.

Kakashi doesn't even blink at the kunai since he knows that Yamato will block it. He swiftly moves past Yamato, grabbing the boy by the front of the shirt. He shakes him once for good measure and snarls, “Who the fuck are you?”

Yamato steps forward, eyes wide and focused at Kakashi's sharp anger. He's by his side in an instant, watching Kakashi grip the chuckling boy's shirt with cautious alertness. 

“I'd answer if I were you,” he says quietly. 

The boy's lips curl upwards, showing his teeth as he spits abruptly in Kakashi's face.

Kakashi's eyes widen in shocked surprise before narrowing. “Fuck you,” he hisses heatedly. His hand flexes around the shirt, and he itches to get his fingers around the boy's neck and squeeze until he's gasping for air, eyes rolling into the back of his head. But Kakashi doesn't do that. He steps back, after one final good shake, and turns on his heel. 

“I want him transferred to Ibiki immediately,” he barks out. “Keep him shackled. I don't want him escaping.” Kakashi sweeps out of the room and barely glances at Sakura. “I'll be in your office for a few minutes. I don't want any disturbances unless it's something threatening.”

“Ka-” Yamato barely got the first syllable out before Kakashi glides rapidly out of the room, the rest of his name failing to pass his lips. 

“Looks like he really appreciates you,” the boy snickers behind him. 

Spinning around, Yamato is about to either snap back at him or plough a fist into the wall when the boy explodes into the familiar blue fire.

Withholding a gasp, Yamato immediately tries to douse the fire with a water jutsu, but he knows it's futile. The boy burns up brightly and quickly, one waving hand dissolving into ashes as his body disintegrates into nothing. The standard procedure for ANBU agents once captured by the enemy. Yamato is left standing there with a clenched jaw, hatred bubbling up inside, at...someone. 

He was too young.

His stomach sinking, Yamato turns around to the doorway, Kakashi's scent still fresh and lingering in the room, becoming quickly overpowered by burnt flesh. Yamato heads out, subdued by the lack of intel and knowing Kakashi will be...irritated, to say the very least. 

“He's gone,” he says simply to Sakura, who races into the room. He can hear her call for a dustpan and brush all the way down the hall as he enters into Sakura's office.

Kakashi is slumped in Sakura's chair, staring vacantly into space as the chair gently swivels back and forth. Yamato can see that Kakashi hasn't bothered to wipe the spittle from his cheek yet. “He killed himself, didn't he.” It's not even a question. Kakashi knows the answer. He can smell the putrid stink of burning flesh clinging to Yamato's clothes. Closing his eyes, Kakashi sighs and leans his head against the back of the chair. “I was hoping to get some answers out of him, but that's impossible now.” He gives a harsh laugh. “Of fucking course.”

Yamato stands stiff at attention, his head bowed down, fixed on Sakura's neatly organised desk. “We'll find out, senpai. It may have been easier with him, but we know there's a danger out there now - we’re aware of them. I know all the old hideouts, if they're reusing them. We'll get them.”

In the blink of an eye, Kakashi vacates the chair and is standing directly in front of Yamato. His hands grip Yamato's shoulders tightly as he says urgently, “Be careful, please. If ROOT is back, they may view you as a traitor. I know that the Third told Danzo that he was taking you under his wing as an ANBU, but still…” Kakashi trails off, resting his forehead against Yamato's, staring into his eyes. “Promise me that you'll be careful, Tenzou.”

Inhaling swiftly in surprise, Yamato blinks, the concern in Kakashi's eyes almost unreal to him. He never expected this much...warmth directed at him, and his mind goes blank when he scrambles to recall a time when somebody openly cared about his wellbeing. How he is supposed to react appropriately evades him, so he simply does what feels natural.

He carefully clasps his hand around his senpai's wrist, leaning even closer and closing his eyes. There's something very comforting about being this near to Kakashi, and he wants to stay like this, memorise the welcome sensation of belonging flowing through him. “I'll try. But the mission comes first. I can't guarantee anything, but if you think that I won't be careful,” he says gently, opening his eyes and crinkling them up into a tender smile. “Then you don't know me at all. I'm always careful, senpai.”

Surprising Yamato even further, Kakashi wraps his arms around him and tugs him closer. His right hand cups the back of Yamato's head, fingers tangling in the short strands of hair there. He buries his face in the crook of Yamato's neck and breathes in, happy that he is able to breathe in Yamato's scent. “Good,” he rasps.

“What's brought this on?” Yamato breathes quietly, hesitantly curling his arms around his waist warmly. He stills feels a divide between them, an insecurity niggling at the back of his mind that wouldn't go away. The morning's discussion surfaced in his mind, and he tightened his clutch, trying to enjoy the feeling of Kakashi's muffled breath billowing against his skin. 

Yamato can't wrap his head around Kakashi's affection.

But he likes it, more than he ever thought he would. Yamato's shoulders droop, the tenseness drifting out of his muscles gladly. “You be cautious, too,” he whispers. “They seem to be after you too.”

“I'm Hokage, which means I have ANBU guarding me practically 24/7,” Kakashi reminds him, but doesn't add on that he would most likely bypass his security detail just to take on the threat himself. He trails his free hand up and down Yamato's spine, enjoying the simple intimacy of the moment.

“Once we step outside this office...we're going to have to get back to work finding out about the new ROOT,” Yamato points out solemnly, allowing the sparks of Kakashi's fingers running down his back to seep into his skin. He shivers slightly, Kakashi's warm body having a familiar effect on him, one he recognises easily. Fear washes over him sharply-fear that he won't be able to hold Kakashi like this again. Work will overtake their lives from now on, stress about the ruthless new organisation that would willingly burn up their own messenger. 

Yamato doesn't want to let go quite yet.

“Yeah, I know. Let's not worry about that quite yet,” Kakashi says. His gaze flicks to Yamato's lips then back to his eyes. His fingers twitch. He wants to kiss him, just to give his mind something else to focus on, but he refuses to make the first move. Yamato said earlier that he wasn't sure if he should take another risk again, so Kakashi was going to respect that. If Yamato wants this, then he'll have to be the one to move first.

Yamato sees the movement of Kakashi's gaze, his mouth going dry as he realises the solid desire gathering within him. He...wants to get his head sorted out, but Kakashi's skin was burning against his so badly, so urgently, pushing him to act. Yamato just isn't sure what action to take. He unravels himself from Kakashi slowly, breathing out and running his fingers back through his hair, taking in Kakashi's still figure. Yamato backsteps, gaze still tracing up and down his senpai's form as he leans back against the door. 

He's made his decision. 

His quavering hand reaches out and lock the door with a firm click. Then, before he can lose his sudden spurt of determination, he moves forward quickly, taking Kakashi's face in his palms, tugging down his mask rapidly. And kisses him hard, demanding the obvious.

Kakashi groans, kissing him back just as urgently. He shoves Yamato against the door and presses against him. His tongue slides into Yamato's mouth, slicking against Yamato's. His hands reach up and take off Yamato's faceplate, tossing it aside, and cup his face, tilting his head to deepen the kiss.

The back of Yamato's skull hits the door but he really doesn't mind, dipping his tongue into Kakashi's mouth, a low moan passing through his throat as their tongues grate off each other. His palms slide underneath Kakashi's top, as he circled his hips, frictioning against Kakashi's shapely pelvis so damn nicely. Kakashi's scarred skin is welcoming against his palms as he shifts Kakashi's shirt upwards after ridding him of his belt and vest, hands rounding his broad shoulders.

“Fuck,” Kakashi gasps. His own hands scrabble at Yamato's shirt, yanking it up over his head. Hands roam across Yamato's chest, and he feels the stomach muscles tense under his touch. He dips his head and licks a line from Yamato's neck to his ear, then takes the lobe of his ear in his mouth, scraping the soft skin with his teeth.

“Ah…” Yamato breathes out heavily, his fingers catching in Kakashi's hair as he grinds their hips together lustfully, feeling liquid fire starting to clump together, concentrated in his crotch. He extends his neck out to the side, allowing Kakashi more access, his eyelashes fluttering. He loops an arm around Kakashi's slender neck, loving the feeling of Kakashi's soft lips engulf his ear, teeth biting down pleasurably. He angles his legs around Kakashi's waist, asking soundlessly to be lifted up and pressed up harder against the thick wood behind him.

Kakashi wraps an arm around Yamato's waist until he presses a knee between his legs to support him and moves his arm. His nails scrape lightly down Yamato's right bicep, and he sucks lightly on Yamato's lower lip. He grinds against Yamato, hissing in a quick breath at the pleasure sparking inside of him.

Yamato's eyes narrow at the delicious feeling of Kakashi's hips moving roughly against his, the burning in his crotch ramping up a notch. He feels his mouth grow dry and all the air gradually filter out of his lungs, leaving him breathless as all his nerves start to prepare for an overload. It’s a familiar sensation, one he loves, one he can’t get enough of.

“Fuck…” he moans harshly against Kakashi's lips. 

He abruptly shoves Kakashi back, catching him off balance and gripping his thighs, hoisting him up onto Sakura's desk. Papers scatter everywhere, but Yamato is deaf to the quiet rustling, his mind becoming fuzzy with need as he drags his damp tongue up Kakashi's throat.

Kakashi moans roughly, wrapping his legs around Yamato's waist, dragging him in further. He tilts his head back and runs his fingers through Yamato's hair. He sucks on his neck, trying to make a mark but knowing that he has to keep it where no one can see. An insane urge to mark Yamato where people can see pops up, but he stifles it. Yamato isn't someone he owns, and until they figure out what they are, he's going to avoid any visible marking.

Yamato's structured fingers sink deeply into Kakashi's toned thighs, pressurising enough to leave bruises afterwards, but it is unconscious-Yamato's mind is pleasantly empty, only focusing on his senpai and nothing else. Only the feeling of his sinewy legs encircling his hips closely and Kakashi's gorgeous mouth sucking firmly on his sensitive skin is filtering through, making his nerves fire up all at once, his body heated and oversensitive. One hand travels up to Kakashi's waistband, one finger deliberately slipping in between the cloth and supple skin. Yamato raises his lips to Kakashi's ear, whispering low and richly, his voice deeper than usual and tainted with desire.

“You...okay with this, senpai? I mean...should we try to figure out what we are before this?” Once he begins speaking, Yamato's thoughts start working again, his old concerns rushing back, his eyebrows furrowing together.

Kakashi pants harshly, shaking his head. “I don't care. I want you to fuck me.” He pulls Yamato back in for a rough kiss. His fingers slowly slip below the back of Yamato's waistband, and he nudges the pants down further on his hips. He knows that this is a stupid move, but he frankly doesn't care. He'll deal with the fallout later.

“Oh, god…” Yamato moans loudly, Kakashi's words utterly failing to deter him and instead pushing him further. At this stage, he honestly can't resist a horny Kakashi, literally asking him straight out to fuck him. And, goddammit, is he going to indulge him.

He lifts up Kakashi's ass, slipping down his black pants down to his knees, his eyes shut soundly while his mouth slips open wider, kissing Kakashi harder and deeper. His eager fingers curls within Kakashi's boxers, rubbing lightly down his shaft.

Kakashi bucks into the touch. “Fuck, Tenzou,” he mumbles into the kiss. He pushes Yamato's pants down so they pool around his ankles, followed by his boxers. Fingers slide down then up Yamato's cock, and Kakashi pulls his hand away to suck lightly on a pre-come covered fingertip. He gazes at Yamato with half-lidded eyes, a lazy smirk on his face.

Gasping, Yamato bites his lip slowly at the tempting, arousing sight, leaning his forehead off of Kakashi's, their noses squashing together comfortably. His free hand rounds the curve of Kakashi's ass, while his other began pumping up and down, less softly and more seriously. 

“I want you so badly,” Yamato murmurs thickly, kissing furiously up the side of Kakashi's jawline. His index finger presses against Kakashi's entrance, brushing up and down lightly, teasing.

“Lube,” Kakashi says hurriedly. “God, we need lube.” The last word comes out on a hitch as Kakashi presses against the finger teasing his entrance. He turns his head and captures Yamato's lips, his hands returning to his lover's cock before dipping lower to his balls, taking one in his hand and squeezing gently.

“I think -” Yamato's sentence is interrupted by his groan, Kakashi's fondling fingers making him pant, breaths coarse and rapid. He scrabbles at one of the drawers, praying that somehow - for some reason he doesn't want to know - Sakura kept lube in her professional work desk.

As it turns out, she does.

Yamato snorts despite the situation, his fingers wrapping around a small tube found in the third drawer down. “Probably for medical purposes.”

Kakashi rolls his eyes. “I don't want to know, just get your fingers inside me now.” He tries to wiggle out of his boxers, which is easier said than done when he's sitting on a desk. “Shit.” He gives a short laugh. “A little help?” He asks playfully.

Yamato chuckles lightly, scooping one hand underneath Kakashi's ass and lifting him up a few inches off the tabletop with a small grunt, his other hand roughly ripping down his boxers, all the way down to land, discarded, on the floor. 

“That enough help?” Yamato utters softly, nuzzling Kakashi's ear as he lowers him down again. His arm ropes around Kakashi's waist, his other hand fumbling with the lube as he tries to undo the top behind Kakashi's back with pre-cum slicked hands. “Fucking -” The top finally unscrews, and Yamato squirts some onto his fingers, distracting Kakashi with an invasive kiss as he inserts his pointer finger inside of him.

Kakashi moans loudly. His fingers dig into Yamato's shoulders, which would most likely leave bruises. Kakashi hides a smile in Yamato's neck, pleased by the prospect of fingerprint marks staying on Yamato for a few days. He carefully moves down on the finger, attempting to get it deeper.

“No need to go slowly, Tenzou. C'mon, you can go faster, harder. You know I can take it,” he whispers hotly into Yamato's ear.

Yamato bites his lower lip hard, feeling himself stiffen even further with Kakashi's dirty words burning into his ear. 

“As you wish, Lord Hokage…” Yamato rasps back loudly, pulling out his finger entirely and instead jamming two up Kakashi's ass, up to the knuckle. He crosses them over, scissored them to widen his anus, and then started to thrust, fast and hard, just as his senpai ordered it.

“Fuuuuuuuuck,” Kakashi slurs. Yamato knows how much calling him 'Lord Hokage' while they're being intimate affects Kakashi. He shivers and grinds down against the fingers. His breathing quickens, and he grips Yamato's cock once more. “Yeah, just like that.” He alternates between kissing and nipping Yamato's neck, breathing hotly against the damp skin before dragging his tongue across his chin up to his lips.

Yamato tries to control how fast he rocks his hips forward into Kakashi's palm, but it's hard, with Kakashi's ardent lips working madly at his heated skin. 

“Mm…” Yamato pants, his chest rising quicker with every touch of Kakashi's of his pulsing cock. He adds in a third finger, one side of his mouth lifting, knowing that, soon, very soon, he'd get to be inside Kakashi completely.

“There wouldn't happen to be condoms in that drawer, would there?” Kakashi rests his forehead on Yamato's shoulder and moves his free hand to his own cock, gripping the base. He knows he's going to come soon, and he wants to hold it off as long as possible.

Which is difficult when Yamato's fingers press against that spot deep inside of him.

“Shi-” he bites back a groan. “Fuck, Tenzou.”

“Senpai…” Yamato mumbles thickly, the intimate use of his name causing his cheeks to flush darker. “Hmm...let me just check,” Yamato gropes in the same drawer, and his eyes widen, mouth curling up into a smile as his fingertips brush off something crinkly. “Ha…”

Yanking his fingers out of Kakashi's hole, wet and slippery, Yamato pouts, trying to open the packet unsuccessfully. “God-dammit,” Yamato hisses impatiently, wiping his fingers in some fallen clothing to get them dry again.

Kakashi takes the packet from Yamato and effortlessly opens it, smiling smugly. With one last stroke down Yamato's shaft, Kakashi pulls his hand away in order to roll the condom onto his cock. His fingertips barely brush the skin, Kakashi choosing to keep the touch as light and teasing as possible. When that's done, he gives Yamato a deep kiss. “Fuck me.”

Yamato seizes the tousled hair at the back of Kakashi's head strongly, tilting his face back as he breaks the kiss, instead choosing to press kisses all the way down along from his neck to his collarbone, dipping a little lower and circling his tongue roughly over Kakashi's nipple while he's at it. 

“I'm going to fuck you so hard, Lord Hokage, that you won't be able to stand for days.” He hoists Kakashi tighter around his hips, slathering on some lube profusely. He slips in two fingers quickly, making sure Kakashi is still loose enough, prepared enough that Yamato can thrust without hurting him. He adjusts Kakashi's pelvis to hit the right angle he knows will make him rake his nails down his tensed back and moan throatily aloud. And he meets his senpai's gaze intensely once more, then he thrusts into him. Hard.

Kakashi's breath is punched out of him, and his nails scrabble at Yamato's sweat-slicked back. “Fuck,” he moans. “Fuck.”

Sex with Yamato is one of Kakashi's favorite pastimes, beating out reading Icha Icha by quite a bit, if Kakashi were to be honest. He loves hearing Yamato's moans and watching him tremble and fall apart underneath his hands.

He grits his teeth, panting heavily, then swipes his tongue across Yamato's lips. His right hand wanders down to where Yamato is joined inside of him and strokes through Yamato's pubic hair.

Bolts of pleasure arch brilliantly through Yamato's body, his body trembling quietly in Kakashi's hand. Kakashi's wet lips are driving him forward, gaining speed and power, the slap of skin against skin growing louder and quicker with every rock of his hips. 

“Ah…” Yamato's moan vibrates against Kakashi's mouth. “S-senpai..”

His jaw clenches down hard, trying to withhold his groans, his flashing thoughts of how fucking fantastic Kakashi felt, how amazingly tight he is, how perfect it is to be a part of Kakashi. His knees quaver, just a little, the pain from Kakashi's nails barely registering, but he doesn't want to come just yet.

Kakashi bites down hard on his own lip, drawing a tiny bead of blood to the surface, in an attempt to stave off his orgasm. He's on the edge, about to tip over, but he wants this to last. It might be the last time he sees Yamato like this, and that thought alone is enough to dampen the fire growing in his groin.

He doesn't want to ever let go of Yamato, but he doesn't know if he can ever give Yamato what he desires - Kakashi's love.

Love has never really been in Kakashi's vocabulary, at least when it pertains to people. He's lost too many important people to allow himself to love. His mother, father, Obito, Rin, Minato... He doesn't think he'll recover from another loss.

Swallowing hard, Kakashi tries to tune back into the present, to focus on the feeling of Yamato moving inside of him, of their skin sliding together.

If this is indeed the last time he ever gets with Yamato, he'll make damn sure it's the best they've ever had.

Locking his ankles around Yamato's waist, Kakashi urges Yamato just a bit faster, arching his back. His fingers thread through Yamato's hair, and he pulls him down for a biting kiss.

Frowning, Yamato pushes their foreheads together, scanning Kakashi's obsidian eyes. His bucks became a little absent, sensing, rather than seeing, that something is off with Kakashi. His mind is elsewhere, somewhere darker than this moment... 

Kakashi's gaze drifts back, pushing Yamato's member deeper into him, and Yamato lets out a low moan. A trickle of concern stays in the back of his mind, but a sudden increase of the pressure in his crotch dashed the thought to the back of his brain. Kakashi's lips are stealing the breath from his lungs, yet giving him life at the same time.

“Ah...uh, oh...god,” Yamato pants heavily, his movements becoming jerky and his firm legs shaking more with every second passing. “Senpai...I'm going to -”

Kakashi moans and starts stroking his own cock. “God, yeah. Same.” He bucks his hips again, shuddering when his prostate is stroked once more. His skin feels sensitive to the touch, and he pulls Yamato closer, grinding down on his shaft.

He throws his head back, staring up at the ceiling as his mouth falls open with each heavy pant. One hand grips Yamato's bicep while the other makes tiny scratches on his back.

With a violent buck of his hips forward, Yamato came, his eyes drinking in the highly attractive sight of Kakashi's irresistible jawline flung back, his fingers digging hollow imprints into Yamato's dark skin, doubtless leaving a lasting mark. 

“Oh, fuck...Kakashi, you're -”

He presses one palm down on the table, supporting his weak legs as he leans forward, forcefully kissing all underneath Kakashi's straight jawline. His other hand joins Kakashi's, slinking up and down his penis, smudging cum over the sensitive head with his thumb. He's absolutely breathless, sweat coating every inch of his body, stomach flexing inwards dramatically every time Yamato pants.

Kakashi's orgasm hits, and his vision whites out for a second before he starts to descend from the high. He can hear the blood rushing through his ears, and he gulps in shuddering breaths of air. He mindlessly rubs small circles on Yamato's back. He can feel Yamato's chest heaving with each breath, and he traces a finger down the center of his chest. 

“Damn,” he manages to say. “That was…” But his mind doesn't give him the next word, still too overwhelmed by the mind-blowing orgasm.

“...Great?” Yamato offers with a small smile, caressing Kakashi's heated cheeks with his thumb tenderly. His nerves are still buzzing as he finally pulls out, giving Kakashi a quick peck on the lips. He wants to tell him how amazing that was-how amazing he is, and how suddenly it hit Yamato that he is so glad to have Kakashi, even if he can never love him back. 

Because as Yamato gazes at him silently, Kakashi's slender fingers circling comfortingly on his back, his guard goes down and he gradually allows a few facts to filter in. 

He doesn't want to ever lose Kakashi. He wants to stay with him as long as he possibly can, and this feeling pooling like healing fire in his chest...he thinks it’s probably love. Yamato hasn't felt this strongly before about anyone-but faced with the reality of perhaps losing his life, and therefore losing Kakashi, his inner walls fell down, and truth trickled through. Those emotions he had bricked up with the fear of getting hurt again...they’re loose. 

Oh no, Yamato thinks desperately.

'I love him, and that's going to affect how I do my job,' Yamato realises, slightly panicking. He'd always been excellent at separating out his personal life from his professional, and to mix them...well, it is daunting to him to say the least.

Kakashi carefully stands up, wincing slightly as he puts weight on his legs. They had become somewhat numb from being held so tightly around Yamato's waist, and they were just now beginning to regain their feeling. “Yeah,” he says. “It was great.”

He tilts Yamato's chin up with a finger and presses a kiss to his lips. Something niggles in the back of his mind, saying that this was way beyond traditional fuck buddies. Casual kisses after sex was something Kakashi rarely did, and yet with Yamato, it was second nature. It felt natural.

But now, Kakashi knows that he and Yamato are going to have to talk. He licks his lips, casting for a way to postpone it. Maybe he can suggest talking about it after dinner, and he will just have to make sure to distract Yamato, possibly by offering another round of sex.

He clears his throat and bends down to grab his boxers. “Dinner tonight?” he asks casually.

Yamato watches Kakashi edge into his boxers, half-thinking and half admiring those fine thighs. He averts his gaze after a few seconds, dragging off the condom and dumping it into a wastepaper basket bin. He didn't exactly care anymore.

“The question changed from if I was coming over to if I want to have dinner with you,” Yamato observes, his voice calm but his heart squirming around uncomfortably in his chest. Scooping up his own underwear, Yamato shimmies into his boxers, breath bated for Kakashi's reply.

Kakashi blinks, his boxers halfway up his legs. “Uh, aren't they basically the same thing?” His forehead creases as he tries to figure out what difference Yamato sees between them. “Unless you think 'coming over' indicates a purely sexual reason, and 'dinner' is just…” Kakashi makes some vague hand motions, nose wrinkling, “well, dinner.”

Throwing his shirt on over his head, Yamato nods swiftly in agreement. “Well...I assume that 'coming over' means sex, and 'dinner' means sex after dinner, possibly even in the bathrooms during dinner.” He hops on one leg, frowns as to why the pants were too tight around his butt and thighs, then figures it out and hands the creased bundle back to Kakashi with a sigh. “So, yes. Your phrasing changed, and I was just wondering - not wondering exactly, but you know…” He flounders briefly. “Pointing it out.”

Kakashi tilts his head, considering. “Well... Hm. I just thought we could talk.”

“Talk…” Yamato fastens his pants, kneeling down on one knee to begin wrapping his shins. “That is something we need to do.”

Kakashi sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose. “Yeah, we do,” he agrees reluctantly. He wonders how long he could keep Yamato preoccupied with other small talk before he'll come out and ask Kakashi what the hell they're doing.

“So why keep putting it off?” Yamato points out casually, padding a few steps closer to Kakashi. “We're alone, we have enough time, we're both alive - why not now?” He stares down Kakashi, fists curled up in slight anguish.

Replies gather on the tip of Kakashi’s tongue - because I'm terrified, because I don't know if I can ever love someone, because I don't deserve you - but he says none of them. He avoids Yamato's gaze, choosing to focus instead on tidying up Sakura's desk. 

“I…” his throat clicks dry, and he coughs. “I've never been good at these kinds of talks,” he allows himself to admit.

Yamato allows himself a couple of seconds to think, skimming through possible replies while gnawing slightly on his lower lip.

“Senpai, I know you're not being exactly honest with me,” Yamato tries, stepping forward nearer again, catching Kakashi's chin in his hand and turning his face towards him fully. “Will you make me a promise?”

Kakashi smiles wryly. “I don't have a very good track record at keeping promises.” Obito. Rin. Those two names hang heavy in the air between them.

Yamato smiles back dryly, shaking his head and rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. “I'm sorry. What I meant to say was a deal. I'll be entirely honest with you, and you finally open to me, as much as you can. We can try it now or tonight. I think...I'm sure that this is the only way we can try for a proper relationship.”

Hesitantly, Yamato bends forward and presses his lips lightly to Kakashi's. He breaks the shallow kiss almost instantly, but catches Kakashi's hand and clasps it gently, gazing questionably at his senpai.

Kakashi closes his eyes, swaying forward to rest their foreheads together. “There are some things,” he begins carefully, “that I can't talk about. But yes, I'll try.”

Kakashi hates having to be honest with anyone about himself. He tends to just shove things down and ignore them as they fester. Frankly, it scares him just to think about telling Yamato some of his deepest thoughts, but if this is the only way that he can keep Yamato, then he's sure as hell going to try.

“That's all I'm asking,” Yamato murmurs, a tad wistfully. “As long as you try. When I know you’re trying...it feels like you care.”

Yamato can't help winding his arms around Kakashi's body, grasping him close for a quick hug. If Kakashi could tell him things-if he tried to make this work-if they both gave it their best shot, Yamato has hope that this will work out. He traces Kakashi's bare face, wishing he could read it like a palm and know immediately all about this man whom he's so close to, yet so distant from.

Kakashi returns the embrace. He exhales shakily as he remembers what exactly had led to the impromptu sex they'd just had. ROOT is back and out for blood. “I need to get back to the office,” he says. “I have to inform everyone to keep an eye out. And someone should check on Sai,” he adds, realizing that Sai might also have a target painted on his back.

“Yeah,” Yamato responds evenly, untangling himself reluctantly from the Hokage. Time to get back to work. Yamato has to admit that the brief relief from the sudden pressure of the news was much-needed however. He places his helmet back into position, and puts his professional attitude back into place too, attempting to skim through possible actions in his head. Sai would have to be protected, just in case, but he left the ROOT much later than Yamato and probably knows much more updated information than Yamato. He is likely worth speaking to.

“I also need to figure out a way to talk to all the ex-ROOT members and see if any of them have been approached about rejoining. Or if any of them are already involved.” Kakashi frowns, knowing that talking to them could result in them getting jumpy and rushing into something.

Sometimes, Kakashi thinks, being Hokage sucks.

“I wouldn't advise talking to them directly,” Yamato says, scrunching up his nose in thought. “Maybe someone has overheard something though...” Yamato sighs, heading over to the door and unlocking it swiftly. “Can we talk about it on the way back? Do you have any way in mind to handle this?”

Kakashi shakes his head as he follows Yamato. “Not really,” he confesses. “Aside from catching all these bastards and killing them. I would like to do it as quietly as possible. I don't want mass panic to ensue.”

Letting himself smile a little in agreement, Yamato steps aside for Kakashi to stride out in front - couldn't have the ANBU guard leading the Hokage anywhere. “I'm just afraid of how far they've spread. If they confronted us like that - if they are confident enough that they tell us directly about their existence....it worries me. How powerful does an organisation have to be to take on the Hokage? And more importantly, who is leading them?”

“We need to see if we can find an approximate date as to when they began their organization,” Kakashi muses, walking down the hallway. “If we look through the list of former ROOT, maybe we can narrow it down. Look for ninja who don't seem very supportive. Maybe someone has overheard whispers of dissent.”

“Agreed,” Yamato bows his head, palm automatically wrapping around the handle of the kunai concealed up his sleeve. “Shall we assign some ANBU members to investigate into mission records? There has been a lot of casualties lately, on missions where the death toll shouldn't be that high. I don't like that. And I think we should restrict the number of ANBU guards trusted to protect you.”

“Only assign your most trusted ANBU to look into mission records. I'm sure we can come up with some kind of plausible lie for why we want that done. Tell them that we're looking into mission success rates and how the number of casualties ties into it, along with the rank of the mission. They can make note of anything out of the ordinary for us to review.” Kakashi lowers his voice as they pass by a nurse, nodding at her.

She blushes and giggles, murmuring for him to have a nice day before scurrying off to her rounds.

A prickle of annoyance barbs through Yamato, despite his expert upkeep of professional appearances. He should be focusing on what to do now, not irritated at the constant attention Kakashi receives from 90% of the population. He should be used to it by now. “I will,” he tells his senpai. “I have a few in mind, and I'll run them past you before I assign them.”

“Mm,” Kakashi hums. “Just keep me updated.” He halts at the hospital front doors and turns to Yamato, hands sliding into his pockets. “What do you want to do for dinner? We can go out, or you can come over and I can cook.”

Yamato's gaze wanders past Kakashi, rambling through the sunlit trees and idle passersby as he thinks. “I'd rather if we went out and I didn't pay for your half. There's this restaurant just past the weapon shop that I'd like to try out - I've heard good things about it.” He shrugs, eyes flickering over the open tops of Kakashi's boots. “I don't mind though. if you want to go elsewhere.”

Kakashi's visible eye crinkles into a smile. “That's fine with me. I'll meet you at your place at six.”

Frowning, Yamato takes another glance at the sky and realises how late it actually was, midgets beginning to thicken into airborne clumps. “Oh, my shift is over now, isn't it?”

“You've probably worked a little overtime, to be honest,” Kakashi tells him, mischief twinkling in his eye. “No doubt your replacement is at the office right now, wondering where the hell I am.”

“Then I should walk you back to the office,” Yamato insists. “My place is in the same direction as the office anyway.”

“I doubt anything will happen in that short distance. And if something does, I'm sure I can handle it by myself.”

“You have a point,” Yamato shrugs, tilting his head to the side. “But sadly, it's my job to constantly be around you until I pass you over to the next guard. I can walk a distance away from you, if you'd like.” He ends his mini speech with a steady stare, showing Kakashi he wasn't going anywhere until he knew he was okay. “And I know you can handle yourself, but I can't leave you alone when you may be a target.”

Kakashi heaves a long-suffering sigh. “Very well. I suppose I'll just have to endure your company for a few minutes longer. Then you should go home and shower.” Leaning forward, he gives an exaggerated sniff. “You smell like sex.”

“And you smell horny, as you always do,” Yamato retorts back as they began walking, some tenseness melting off his shoulders. Wasn't his best comeback ever, but he is so glad to be back to the usual routine that he didn't care. 

The two are side by side, and Kakashi angles his head back to catch a glimpse of Yamato's ass. “Horny for you,” he mutters.

Yamato catches his suggestive gaze and rolls his eyes, locking his hand onto Kakashi's shoulder and pushing him forward playfully. “Eyes on the path, senpai. Or you may just trip up,” he says as he not-too-subtly snakes out his foot sideways in between Kakashi's ankles.

Kakashi nimbly avoids being tripped, jumping to the side a foot away, and clicks his tongue. “My, my, Tenzou. How careless you are. I could have fallen.”

“You never fall,” Yamato mumbles to himself, quiet and somber. Aloud, he says, “I don't know how you manage not to trip over the Hokage cloak. The design is ridiculous. One day you're going to fall and break your neck.”

“I thought you liked my Hokage cloak, or at least that's what you said the last time I fucked you while just wearing that,” Kakashi reminds him. “Or do you just need a refresher course tonight for dessert?”

Yamato's cheeks flush darker just a tad, his shoulder brushing off of Kakashi's. “I like it -” It was soft and comforting and smelt like Kakashi “- but the material it's made out of makes it a bitch to try and remove come from.”

Kakashi makes a face. “True,” he concedes and casually bumps their shoulders together. “Hey, maybe one of these times I'll let you wear it, and I'll call you Lord Hokage.”

Yamato glances sideways at him to gauge his seriousness, and the edges of his lips quirk upwards. “I'm not sure if it'll work for me, but -” he shoots Kakashi a grin. “I'm willing to try it.”

“I'm looking forward to it,” he replies with an answering smile.

The rest of the walk is quiet aside from the passersby talking with one another. Events from the morning forgotten, the early spring afternoon is nice. A light breeze blows, rustling the budding leaves on nearby trees. The sun is warm on his face when he tilts his head back, and he wants to hide on a rooftop somewhere and read Icha Icha instead of dealing with security risks.

The Hokage building is in view when Kakashi becomes aware that he's being watched. The hairs on the back of his neck tingle, and he fights the urge to turn around and look for the source. Forcing himself to remain calm and loose-limbed, he glances at Yamato.

“I hope no one shows up at our dinner uninvited this time It seems like every time I go out, people think that they can just randomly come up and talk to me,” he grumbles, knowing that Yamato will recognize the hidden meaning.

Yamato's eyes swerve sideways, just for an instant. “It's always a shame when that happens,” he starts, beginning to focus on his surroundings intensely. “It tends to turn out disappointing for the person when they find out you're not as nice as they thought you were.”

There. About thirty metres back. Their presence is muffled to the point of being almost undetectable, if Kakashi hadn't possessed such keen senses and Yamato, aided by his combination of water and earth jutsu, has acute awareness of his surroundings. 

“Sometimes they just seem to pop up out of nowhere, like a weed sprouting suddenly from the earth,” he says, keeping his gait ambling and relaxed despite his stomach twisting in unease.

“Then I have to cut them off,” Kakashi grumbles. He focuses on the spy, cataloguing every movement. Suddenly, the spy disappears completely, and Kakashi swears. He immediately goes to investigate the spot, keeping an eye out for any traps that might have been set. There's no sign of anything out of place. “Damn. I can't sense anything.”

Yamato grimaces lightly, scanning around the typical, unruffled scenery. Picturesque. No trace that anybody was ever here. Yamato lays a hand on the earth and senses a slight change in the natural terrain. Several indents in the soil, in the shape of corrugated boots. Yamato inhales, pinpointing them to a couple of feet to their right. He beckons Kakashi over, whispering as quietly as he could.

“Senpai...I think they're still here. They've erased their scent and presence, and invisible, but they're still solid, standing at 3 o'clock.”

Kakashi nods. Technically, he should leave and let ANBU handle it, but Kakashi's never been one to sit on the sidelines. However…

“I don't think we should do anything yet,” Kakashi says lowly. “Right now, it seems like they're content to wait and watch. If we start something now, it could be disastrous. They're likely just here to remind us that they're back, and we have no answers to all of our questions.”

Yamato's mouth tighten, his lips pressing together as his eyes narrow at Kakashi. “Are you sure? They seem to be alone. If we successfully capture this one, we could find out answers much quicker.” Yamato's eyebrows drew together, magnified vibrations pulsating up his arm. “You'd better decide quickly, senpai.”

“Use your wood jutsu to catch him. Now.”

Without a word, Yamato flies through many hand seals, sensing the spy's feet propel him forward, aggressively sprinting towards them. Yamato slams both his palms to the ground, and the trees encircling them begin to creak and groan, swaying fluidly in an unknown breeze. Roots shot up from the soil, latching around a pair of ankles. No yell was heard as the spy thudded onto the ground, cutting themselves free of the randomly surging roots skillfully and swiftly. But the roots had done their job-distraction-and two trunks pounded down on either side of them, large branches quickly bursting from the bark and tangling together, holding limbs down, caught in an intricate realm of a web of branches.

Kakashi watches Yamato work. It never fails to impress him just how powerful Yamato is, how fluidly he weaves the hand signs. A shiver runs down his spine, and he swallows hard, finding it difficult to tear his gaze away but knowing that he needs to keep his focus on the spy.

Yamato tightens the net around the spy, sensing them struggle wildly to join their hands together. He really doesn't want to find out what would happen if he allowed that to happen. And yet one weakening branch snaps, one limb is freed and a whistling noise echoes through the trees before the arm slams down to the ground again with a fresh bough.

Inhaling sharply, Yamato doesn't dare take his gaze away from the thrashing, invisible body but he can feel the cold point of the unseen kunai embedded deeply in his upper thigh.

'They can make weapons invisible too?' Yamato curses inwardly, feeling the acute pain bound all over his body.

Kakashi moves beside Yamato, flicking his gaze down quickly to the ANBU's injury. “Are you okay?” he asks quietly as he looks back at the spy. He can smell the sharp coppery scent of blood and hopes that the kunai didn't pierce the flesh too deeply.

“I'm fine,” Yamato grits his teeth heavily, pushing back the agonising throbbing. 

It isn't his worst injury he's fought through by far, and the spy is finally beginning to be latched down completely. He finishes one final seal, encasing them utterly in a neat wooden box. Yamato exhales profusely, dropping his hands and tugging the kunai out with a small grunt. As soon as he touches the hilt, it shimmers, reverting to a visible, regular kunai. Which told them nothing about the origin.

Kakashi snorts. “They're covering all their bases, aren't they? I want him taken immediately to Ibiki. Tell him that I want a full interrogation, no holding back. That should make him happy, or as happy as Ibiki gets.”

“Alright,” Yamato nods, makes a couple of hand signs and the box sinks into the earth, en route to the intel headquarters. 

Yamato pulls out a bandage from his back pocket and quickly binds his wound solidly. 

“Although this just proves that you're a target, or at the very least, being observed,” Yamato mentions, walking forward with only a slight limp, successfully keeping the wince at bay. “I wonder how long they've been watching, waiting to make their move.”

“I have no idea,” Kakashi says grimly. “Weeks, months, longer.” He rubs the back of his neck and sighs heavily. “We have a lot of work ahead of us…”

“Well, we'd better get back then,” Yamato sighs shallowly, dismal thoughts of big piles of sheets full of small type filing into his mind.

Nodding, Kakashi begins walking. He wavers between cancelling their dinner tonight or having a hopefully carefree night. On the one hand, he has files to pore over, plus paperwork from earlier that he'd been interrupted from. And, he reasons, Yamato knows that being Hokage comes with many responsibilities, and Kakashi can't fuck off anytime he wants.

But a break would be welcome from the stress of the day, and he's sure that he'll be dying for a break later on.

His thoughts continue to war until they stop in front of the Hokage office, and he finally makes his mind. “I'll see you at six tonight at your place.”

“Sure,” Yamato nods, giving Kakashi a small grin, glad that the events, however taxing, hadn't altered their plans. “I'll see you then, senpai.” He makes a single sign then vanishes in a swirl of wind.

Entering the office and shutting the door, Kakashi allows his shoulders to slump as he runs a hand down his face. He has a feeling that the next few weeks won't be as quiet as the ones previously. He gives himself a shake and eases carefully into the chair, his ass still sore from the thorough fucking he'd received from Yamato earlier. He picks up his pen only to freeze. There, drawn neatly on the top of a piece of paper, is a tiny dragon.

Kakashi jumps to his feet and rushes to the windows, looking around furiously, his heart pounding. He reaches out with his senses, but no one is there.

Kakashi rests his forehead against the cool glass, struggling to calm himself. Just when he thought it couldn't get much worse.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being with you today is worth all the broken hearts of yesterday. - Steve Maraboli

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important note: There will be triggering material in this chapter and future ones. More details at the end of the chapter.
> 
> EDIT: I completely missed the last scene in this chapter, so it's now updated. Sorry!

Kakashi goes through the rest of the day on autopilot. Not only can he not stop thinking about the dragon drawing and what it means, but there's also the situation with ROOT that seems to be getting more serious by the minute. It unnerves him, and he just wants it over with as soon as possible.

When he's finally able to break away from the office, he hurries home, taking extra precautions even though he has an ANBU with him. He enters his home carefully, alert for anything out of place, but there's nothing. He slumps, relieved that for the moment, life is okay.

Moving to the bathroom, he quickly strips free of his clothes and turns on the shower, cranking the hot water up as high as he can stand it. He stands under the spray and allows the hot water to fall on him, droplets gathering on his eyelashes that he blinks away.

He loses track of time while in the shower, intent on scrubbing his skin as clean as he can.

Lather.

Wash.

Rinse.

Repeat.

It's a familiar ritual from years ago, back when he was younger, more foolish, more naïve. Nausea overtakes him as the memories do, and soon he's doubled over, breathing deeply, one hand over his mouth as he tries not to vomit and the other bracing himself against the wall.

Seconds crawl by until he manages to calm himself, shuddering and shaking. He rinses himself off one last time, shuts the water off, and steps out of the shower.

Kakashi grabs a towel and furiously rubs at his body, as if that action will chase away the itchy, crawling sensation he's had ever since he found that drawing.

But just like the times before, it doesn't work.

When Kakashi looks in the mirror, he finds that he's pale, mouth drawn in a straight line, and the bags under his eyes seem to be more evident. He curses, throws the towel at the glass, and strides to his bedroom for clean clothes.

He dresses mechanically, and when he's done, he feels a bit better. He has dinner with Yamato tonight, and hopefully everything goes well with that. He has hopes that this whatever-it-is between them will indeed work out.

Kakashi glances over at the small mirror hanging over his dresser. All that's visible of his face is his right eye, and that's the way he likes it. It's easier to hide emotions and facial expressions this way; he's not an open book. He takes a deep breath, holds it for a few seconds, then releases it.

He walks out the front door.

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Yamato is at a loss for what to do with himself. He's eaten, dressed his wound, cleaned his apartment thoroughly (found some boxers that seem just a little too small for him and that he doesn't recall buying, but he does remember Kakashi borrowing his boxers and never returning them), taken a shower, read a bit (but found he was too distracted by the events of the day) and still it was only four.

Yamato blows out a vacant breath, checking over his casual clothing in the mirror. (Clean and flattering, subtly grasping onto all the right areas to show off such as his broad shoulders and shapely thighs. The upper sleeves were a little tight, but Yamato supposes if he doesn't raise his arms it won't rip.). He nods as himself distractedly, wondering absently if this counted as a date. He had been on a decent number of them, but none had quite worked out well enough for him to continue seeing them. And his job, coupled with Kakashi's intense dislike of paperwork, leaves him with little spare time for leisure.

"Speaking of work..." Yamato hums to himself, plopping down on a chair and locating a pen and piece of paper. "I need to think of people to go through files.." 

Soon, Yamato has a list of eight names on the page. He rubs his forehead in thought, knowing he couldn't assign one member to both search through files and guard Kakashi. His own workload will be upped enough as it is. 

"Ah...." Yamato sighs, flopping backwards into yielding pillows. 

Even the notion of all the work ahead is stressing him out. Yamato glances at the clock, not expecting much time to have passed. His eyebrows leap up in surprise at the 5:48 indicated on the face, hopping to his feet hastily. True, he probably has loads of time until Kakashi arrives, but he just remembers that he forgot to feed Abacus.

To his surprise, Kakashi arrives promptly at his window as soon as he's scraping her dinner out of the can.

"Yo," Kakashi gives his usual greeting as soon as he's in the house. His hands slide into his pocket, and he eyes the cat distastefully. "I don't know why you have a cat. Dogs are much better."

"Cats don't dig up my garden," Yamato replies evenly, latching the window back into place as his ginger-coloured cat begins hissing at the Hokage. 

Sometimes he wishes Kakashi would use the door like an ordinary person. He takes in Kakashi's form, and just about resists tilting his head sideways in confused examination. Something seems a tiny bit...off about him. He can't quite tell, but the old headband is back, soundly slipped over his left eye. Perhaps simply out of habit, but that theory doesn't beat back the unease as soundly as Yamato would like. He suddenly has an abrupt urge to clasp Kakashi's shirt, pull him in close and kiss him warmly. Sadly, he knows how Kakashi would take that. Instead, he lightly brushes his shoulder off Kakashi's friendlily.

"You ready to go, senpai?"

"Huh?" Kakashi blinks into focus. He was lost in thought, staring blankly at the cat. "You say something?"

Frowning, Yamato shifts into Kakashi's direct line of sight, outstretching a careful finger. He lifts Kakashi's chin up hopefully, meeting his gaze and trying to read his mood from his blank eyes. "Are you ready to leave?"

"Yeah, let's go." Kakashi leans forward, brushing his masked lips across Yamato's forehead distractedly. "Lead the way."

"Alright," Yamato says evenly, trying his luck and swinging his arm down to Kakashi's side. He softly clasps Kakashi's hand, intertwining their fingers. He doesn't really know what's going on, but he hopes Kakashi knows that he's here to listen and support him. 

"I'm not going to hold your hand in public," Yamato reassures Kakashi with a tiny smile as he starts heading towards the door. "So don't worry."

Kakashi chuckles and squeezes his hand once before releasing it. "I'm not worried." He lets Yamato leave first, then follows and shuts the door. His hands return to his pockets as he resumes his usual slouched posture.

Yamato ignores the sting in his chest expertly. He thought - well, he had hoped that Kakashi would try having an actual, solid proper relationship with him, and maybe tonight they could start with that, but he guesses he was wrong. He walks beside Kakashi, searching for a topic they can discuss without it being work-related or them-related. 

"Have you seen the new line of Tenten's weaponry? The new tantós look quite handy."

Kakashi nods. "I have seen them, though I haven't bought any yet." His eyes flick around their surroundings. Was he here, hiding in the crowd somewhere? Watching from afar and laughing at how shaken Kakashi is?

He bumps into someone from lack of paying attention and immediately recoils, heart pounding, and throws his hands up in a defensive gesture. The kunoichi - he's seen her around before but can never remember her name - gives him an odd look but continues on her way.

Kakashi lets out a slow breath and lowers his hands, fingers twitching.

Yamato twists around to face him, taking in Kakashi's overly rigid shoulders and the embedded dread in his gaze he wasn't able to mask over quite as well as usual. Yamato's hands rise upwards unconsciously, his mouth pressing into a tight line as he stumbles between asking what's wrong (which something obviously was) and letting it slide, preventing any further awkwardness. After all, it has been a long time since Kakashi was okay. 

"You should try to relax," he offers gently. "Tonight we can get away from work completely."

"That sounds good," Kakashi says tiredly. He rolls his shoulders, amazed at how stiff they are, and sighs. He's been Hokage for roughly two years, and he's never felt more exhausted, even with the countless number of missions he's been on, the wars he's fought.

Relaxation sounds great in theory, but he knows he'll never truly be able to relax. Not with all that is happening.

"Hang on," Yamato says softly. "Do you mind if we go somewhere else first?" 

He's just gotten a good idea...he thinks. He’s a bit unsure of it in his mind, but he has no other idea on how to get Kakashi to unwind. He isn't having pity sex with him, anyway. But something is up with Kakashi, and Yamato is determined to find out why. Gently, without upsetting or making Kakashi close up. Which will be difficult.

"Where do you have in mind?" Kakashi questions. He can't deny that he's curious about what Yamato's thinking.

"Oh, you'll see," Yamato winks back at him, confidence growing as he thinks it over. He leads Kakashi out of the main,straight streets of Konoha, away from the nightlife throbbing in buildings, into the thin winding alleyways tangling through the outskirts that many people don't even notice unless they're looking for lost cats....or feeling so empty they flitted into them absently. Unfound cats arch their backs at the unfamiliar figures striding by, and Yamato is hit with a flashback of the time he and Yukimi explored the streets as children. 

Except this time, there are no lighthearted giggles or holding hands.

Yamato shakes his head, noticing that they were running out of alleys and expansive branches are becoming to glide into view. "Hey, senpai, we're almost there."

"Where is there?" Kakashi asks again despite knowing that Yamato won't say. He fights back a grin that's forming from seeing Yamato so carefree and excited. It isn't often that he sees this side of Yamato, since he, like Kakashi, had a difficult childhood. It's good, Kakashi realizes, because he's starting to feel the tension seep from his bones already, his body loosening.

"Well, 'there' varies a lot, since it isn't exactly a place," Yamato pauses swiftly, smushing his face against a tree with a smile. "But I can sense where they are, since the forest is my domain..." Yamato concentrates, palms clasping onto the circular branches carefully. He grins suddenly, having located what he wants. "Good, they're not too far from here! Come on!" He gives into his urge and grabs for Kakashi's hand, breaking into a run.

Kakashi takes his hand and follows along. He chuckles. Yamato's excitement is infectious, and he holds on tighter to the ANBU's hand. Yamato is going through a lot of trouble to make this a special night, to ease Kakashi's worries, and he appreciates it.

When he was younger, Guy had been the one to try to include him in different things, to cheer him up, and while it hadn't exactly worked, Kakashi was internally grateful for Guy's unconventional friendship/rivalry.

Now he has Yamato, who instinctively knows when Kakashi needed space or a diversion. His chest aches, and he swallows hard. He is lucky to have Yamato beside him, even if they still have no idea what they are.

"Lost yet?" Yamato asks him with an impish smile.

"I wouldn't be lost if you told me where we were going," Kakashi counters childishly.

"That means you are. Good," Yamato says mildly. "Most people have never been here, and that's for a reason. Even the Hokage doesn't know everything about the village." He slows down abruptly, sounds of light yelps and small growls reaching his ears. Crouching down carefully, Yamato pushes his finger against Kakashi's lips to silence him as he creeps forward soundlessly.

"Don't make a noise, senpai, or they'll know you're here."

Kakashi raises an eyebrow, and, not for the first time, wishes he doesn't constantly wear a mask so he can playfully nip at Yamato's finger.

Or take it in his mouth and suck on it.

The first option would have Yamato rolling his eyes and telling him to behave. The second would leave Yamato flustered, hissing for Kakashi to behave.

Kakashi's attention comes back to the present as he sidesteps a branch, not wanting to step on it and alert the animals, he assumes is what is up ahead, to their presence.

"Okay," Yamato whispers as he cautiously brushes aside a bendy twig. 

He can see them now, what he stumbled across one day while...well, what he was doing isn't important. There they were, just as playful as Yamato remembered them, slinky doglike forms wrestling each other in flashes of glittering greys, pure whites and muted golds. Summoning animals that had gone astray, masters lost or perhaps they'd forgotten how to return to their place of origin. Whatever the reason, a pack of wolf-like beasts had become settled in the forest near Konoha, their shimmering fur sparking every time they brushed roughly off each other, sometimes spiralling up into livid flame. Any time this would happen, any time the play would get too rough, an elder would appear from the brushes and growl threateningly at them, like adults telling teenagers to keep it down. 

Yamato had observed them often enough, and these few - around six - still seem like puppies, the way they tousled themselves around and how harmless fires erupted carelessly often enough. One nipped at the other's hind leg teasingly, and they spun around with a mild snarl, the fur around their snout bursting into vivid orange. Yamato likes to think that their fur colour reflects their mood, and if they're 'fired up' enough, soft fur can create flames which are harmless to the animal but scalding to enemies. With the war over...there's not much use for them anymore. 

And the one time Yamato had tried to approach them, they tried to eat him after barking at him to stay the fuck away, so he assumes they'd rather be left alone.

A sudden bout of nervousness hits Yamato. Did he build this up too much with the mystery? Is Kakashi disappointed with what he dragged him all the way out here to see? He bites the inside of his lip slightly anxiously, unable to resist casting a glance over to Kakashi to see his reaction. He smiles. It looks like he didn’t need to worry.

Kakashi stares in amazement. "Wow. I didn't know that there were still summonings around. I thought they'd all gone back to their own world."

He watches as one, smaller than the others, attempts to catch another, but isn't quite fast enough. The pup sits down and howls mournfully before flopping onto its side. Kakashi snorts in amusement. "That one's full of drama," he whispers in Yamato's ear.

"Oh, so you recognise when others are being dramatic?" Yamato teases gently, eyes flickering over to Kakashi.

"Fuck off," Kakashi says mildly with a playful shove. He perhaps said it louder than he should have because the small pup's ears perk up and its head swivels towards them.

The pup's nose twitches as it sniffs the air, then it slowly stands and bounds over to where they are. It's a foot away from Kakashi and Yamato, staring at them with large black eyes.

Kakashi slowly extends his hand towards the pup, but it becomes spooked and scurries away, yipping as it nears the others.

Yamato gazes at Kakashi warmly, gladly seeing his relaxed jaw and...somehow, more open expression. He becomes aware of hostile eyes on him and his stare snaps back to the entire pack looking at them. 

"Shit," Yamato mumbles, staying deathly still as leaves rustle dangerously around them. He really doesn't want to have a run-in with a bunch of war-hardened animals overseeing this group of pups. Just as Yamato's thinking that, some bushes to the right of the young pack split slowly, and an old, grey eye peeks out before ambling into sight. Catching his breath, Yamato realises he's never seen this wolf before - it's huge, looming over the young protectively, with many, many absent patches of fur and criss-crossing scars.

Kakashi holds a hand in front of Yamato. He's dealt with wild dogs before, and even though this is a summoning, he doesn't think it will be any different. "Don't look it in the eye," he murmurs. "He'll take it as a challenge. Back away slowly."

"Okay," Yamato breathes out lowly, fixing his gaze on the straggly bits of hair hanging off its throat. He takes a quiet step back, placing his toes down first, then the ball, and finally the heel. Nothing cracks, and Yamato lets out a tiny sigh of relief.

Kakashi does the same. He hears the old wolf-dog growling low in its throat, but it doesn't advance on them. Within a few minutes, the two ninja have put quite a distance between them and the summonings. Kakashi straightens.

"Thank you, Tenzou," he says with a soft smile.

"Ah..." Yamato scratches the back of his flushed neck, directing his gaze sideways. His heart continues beating hard from the near encounter, and he's very glad he had Kakashi with him. "I'd been coming here for a while and it occurred to me that you might like to see them too, so..there they are.." 

He glances upwards, taking note of the hazy pinkish-orange spreading across the sky. "It's almost sunset. We'd better hurry to the restaurant before it's dark."

"Yeah, let's go." Kakashi takes Yamato's hand for a few seconds, leading him in the direction back to the village.

Surprised by the sudden warmth engulfing his hand, Yamato glances down swiftly at back up at Kakashi in a matter of milliseconds. Then his eyebrows draw together, the contact causing a recollection to flare up. He's almost sure that...yes, he's certain of it. Before he went to sleep that night, years and years ago in ANBU, with Kakashi curled up beside him, he had taken his hand exactly like this. 

The next morning, Yamato was alone. 

Swallowing with difficulty, Yamato slips his hand out of Kakashi's before he can let go - as Yamato knows he will - and dips his face.

The walk to the restaurant is a quiet one. Kakashi's thoughts return to the dragon drawing, and he subconsciously distances himself from Yamato, his posture slumping.

Yamato becomes encased in his own thoughts, barely noticing all the shopkeepers bustling around, shutting up their wares...or Kakashi's gradual drift away from him. What the hell is he doing? Why is he spending all this effort on one damn man that doesn't even return his affections properly? Yamato's fists clench tightly beside his thighs, gripping the cloth tensely. He feels anger rising in him viciously, and Yamato struggles to keep a straight face, although he doubts if Kakashi would ever notice anyway. Why the fuck is he still in love with him?!

A glinting sign catches the corner of Yamato's eye, and he starts, realising they almost missed the place. 

"Hey," he calls out to Kakashi, a few feet ahead of him. "It's here."

Kakashi stops then backtracks. He nods in silent approval. "Nice place." He steps inside and leads Tenzou to a back booth, where they sit down opposite each other.

He glances around, noting that it's a small restaurant. There are a few families, couples, and single people sitting around. A waitress stops at their table and hands them both menus, then leaves to give them a few minutes to decide. He looks at the menu, but the words blur together.

Yamato scans through the menu idly, his index finger dragging down the smooth paper. "Mm...senpai, what do you think of this one?" He rotates the sheet around to face Kakashi, gazing at him questionably.

Kakashi hums distractedly. "Yeah, that looks good," he says without even looking. His finger taps the wooden table, and he surveys their surroundings again, eyes flicking to everyone and everything.

Yamato raises a skeptical eyebrow, unable to catch Kakashi's drifting gaze no matter how hard he pursues it. "I...yeah, I think you're right," Yamato concedes, slumping back into his own seat. Kakashi's concentration isn't even on him properly. What is the point of trying to make conversation?

They lapse into silence, and when the waitress comes back, Kakashi had barely looked at the menu. He skims through it briefly before choosing.

The waitress is obviously trying to get Kakashi's attention, standing with her hip jutted out, and her shirt shows more cleavage than it had previously. Kakashi pays her no mind, which frustrates the woman. She turns to Yamato with a sour look on her face and asks for his order.

Yamato sees how obvious her plays are towards Kakashi, and it still bothers him as usual, but this time, for some reason, it pisses him right the fuck off. He very politely orders the cheapest thing on the menu, no starter, no dessert, tap water is fine, yes, no sides. He recognises that the gesture is petty, he recognises that Kakashi isn't paying her any attention, but he lacks the shits to care.

Kakashi comes to life enough to say, "It's on one check," before looking back at the thinning crowd.

The waitress blinks, looks from Kakashi to Yamato and back again, then huffs and flounces off.

"She seems rather rude," Kakashi comments.

"That's because you didn't fuck her enough," Yamato mutters back, chucking the menu back onto the table carelessly.

"I've never had sex with her," Kakashi says with a frown.

"Might as well have," Yamato grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kakashi's voice has a sharp edge to it, and he narrows his eyes at Tenzou.

Yamato steadily avoids Kakashi's edgy glare and takes a swift mouthful of water from the glass on the table before standing up stubbornly. "I'm going to the bathroom."

"Fine," Kakashi snaps, body posture stiff.

Yamato turns around at the anger in Kakashi's voice, his eyes narrowing darkly as he slams his palms down loudly on Kakashi's side of the table. Perhaps too loudly, as several people rotate around to stare at them. Well, let them stare! Let them see a show! Normally Yamato would prefer to argue in private, but he's...not quite thinking rationally. 

"Why are you angry? What the fuck do you have to be annoyed about?! I asked you to do one simple thing and you're less than half-assing your way through this!" With that, Yamato spins around and strides into the bathroom, ignoring any looks he gets, eyes stinging with dry tears.

The bathroom door slams shut, and Tenzou hears a low chuckle near the sinks. "That sounds like a date going bad."

Yamato stiffens, taken off guard completely...he didn't sense that guy there until he spoke. He can pick up the man by the urinals, the man in the cubicle, even the man beside him washing his hands in the sink, without looking...but him? Yamato turns to face him, slight apprehension leaking into the boiling anger. Suddenly, he doesn't want to converse with this man at all. 

"Not exactly..."

The man laughs, shaking his head. "You don't remember me, do you, Yamato? It's me, Endo Ryusuke."

Eyes wide, Yamato finally recognises the rust-coloured hair, tanned skin and solid, but tall frame. "Endo-san...." Yamato blinks, then immediately rubs his arm. "I'm sorry. I haven't seen you without your mask very often, and never outside of the ANBU." Yamato smiles sheepishly, the unease he previously felt melting away as he holds out a hand.

Endo takes his hand, shaking it twice, then steps back. "That's fine. It's not always easy to recognize people from ANBU. Which is the point, I suppose." He tilts his head. "So who are you here with?"

"A friend," Yamato says back readily. He wasn't about to spread the fact that he's kind -of involved with the Hokage around like cheap gossip.

"Mm. Need some backup? You seemed pretty upset earlier," Endo says, then holds up a hand. "Ah, sorry. I don't mean to pry. It's none of my business."

"No, it's fine, but thank you," Yamato declines politely, inwardly flinching even at the notion of getting his private and professional lives flung together. "I shouldn't be letting myself get this flustered anyway."

Endo claps a hand on Yamato's shoulder and winks. "Try to have a good time, Yamato, okay?" He turns and leaves, saying, "We'll have to catch up later."

"Wait - ah," Yamato calls out, realising that he never asked Endo why he's here in the first place.

Kakashi is slumped at the table, and to anyone else in the room, it looks like he's not invested in his surroundings. But if one were to look closely, they would notice his eyes following different movements that might seem aggressive. They also don't know that his ears are attuned to every little sound, every conversation, every word.

All because of that fucking dragon drawing.

Yamato finishes up in the bathroom, grimacing as he unwinds the bandages around his thigh to replace with fresh wrappings. He frowns, tracing the edges which look like slight mold, scabbing over the mark. He's sure he cleaned it thoroughly, but it looks like he didn't do it well enough. Sighing, Yamato applies new bandages, making a mental note to visit the hospital later quickly. As he paces out of the toilets, he realises his fickle anger has withdrawn. It's still there, but it's been pushed back from the surface. Yamato approaches Kakashi, Endo's words of advice bubbling up in his mind. He can try this. He can make this a good night, right?

"Do you want to start again?" Yamato offers over at a forlorn-looking Kakashi, slipping into his seat.

"I thought that's what this was," Kakashi mumbles flatly, looking over at Tenzou.

"It was," Yamato swallows. "But I got too emotional and...I'm sorry."

Kakashi nods slowly. "I did the same, so don't worry about it." He offers Yamato a smile. "Let's just enjoy the rest of dinner."

Yamato's shoulder slide downwards with relief, exhaling the tightness from his chest. They can still manage this - whatever it is. 

"Oh, by the way, I bumped into Endo-san in the toilets," Yamato comments. "Do you know him? I'm considering him as part of the team who will guard you."

Kakashi's eyes widen, and he snaps his attention to Yamato. "Endo-san? You mean Endo Ryusuke?"

"Yes..." Yamato's taken aback by Kakashi's reaction, which is definitely strong but the aura coming off of him....it's strangely close to fear, Yamato realises with a dry, worried mouth.

Maybe - just suddenly, he feels like maybe he shouldn't have mentioned him.

Kakashi swallows, but finds his throat is too dry. He quickly tosses back his drink, then motions the waitress over and asks for another one. This time, he orders an alcoholic drink.

"We worked together in ANBU a few times, before you joined up," he explains.

"I see," Yamato muses, examining Kakashi just a tad bit more intensely than normal. He can't place anything wrong, exactly, but there's unease wriggling through his gut and he can't get rid of it. "So are you two friends?"

"No." That's all Kakashi says on the subject. He sips at his drink and gazes over the crowd, but sees no sign of Endo.

"I'm surprised," Yamato says cautiously. "He seems like a perfectly pleasant person, as sane as you can get in the ANBU." 

He thinks he's got it, but something doesn't feel right still. If they were previously fuck buddies, as Yamato assumes, Kakashi's reaction doesn't match up. His senpai was usually cool and lax when confronted with any of his former conquests, not getting alcohol at the very mention of their name.

"Did he say much?" Kakashi asks casually, looking at Yamato over the top of his glass.

"Not much, " Yamato answers honestly. "Just who was I here with, that I seemed upset, small talk really. He didn't stay long, seemed to be in a bit of hurry."

"What did you tell him?"

"That I was here with a friend. I assume you don't want people knowing that we could be involved in any way," Yamato's mouth grows thin, wondering why Kakashi is asking so many questions about such a brief encounter.

"Fuck," Kakashi hisses quietly. "He'll still... Never mind," he ends with a frustrated sound. "Forget about it."

"Should I have told him differently?" Yamato asks, tilting his head slightly. He knows that Kakashi's somehow entangled with Endo, and since this is try-and-be-open night.... "Who is he to you really?"

"An acquaintance," he bites out. "Nothing more."

Yamato sighs deeply, knowing Kakashi's withholding information and dithering between pushing it and letting it slide. He carefully scans Kakashi's expression, and his eyebrows drift upwards, the sharp line of his mouth softening with concern. He's going to let it slide. 

"Anyway, " he says warmly, trying for a soothing smile. "Did I tell you about the time I got stuck in a tree when I was training under Danzo?" He rambles on gently, hoping immensely that it may distract Kakashi somewhat.

Kakashi leans back in the booth, but it's obvious that he's still on edge. He seems almost too aware of everything - gaze skittering to loud noises, jumping slightly when people pass too close to their table - but he listens to Yamato tell the story, hoping that it will ease his mind.

It doesn't work.

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The dinner passes in a haze, with Yamato doing most of the talking while Kakashi mostly stared blankly at one thing or the other. He didn't even make any sex jokes, which worries Yamato a lot more than he'll admit. They pay - splitting the bill - and saunter outside, Yamato's concerned glances at Kakashi frequent and lengthy. 

"Hey," Yamato says gently before they turn in different directions to go home. The air is chilly, fresh with the night, and Yamato brushes his shoulder against Kakashi's, attempting to give him some warmth. "If you want you can come over to my place, senpai. There's no sex guaranteed, but I can make sure you're not alone tonight. I can tell something is wrong, you know. I'm not pushing for an explanation, I'm just saying that if you need a companion, I'm always here."

To Yamato's surprise, Kakashi wraps an arm around his waist, tugging him closer. "Thank you," he says, somewhat stilted, but nowhere near as tense as he'd been earlier. "I think... I think I will come over for a bit."

Yamato beams at him, feeling like, maybe, he's helping, even just a tiny bit, and that makes him happy. He winds his arms around Kakashi's still-tense back with a contented sigh, pressing a deliberate kiss to his exposed temple. "I'm glad." 

Yamato untangles himself from Kakashi, sending him shivering as he pulls further away. He silently passes a hesitant arm around Kakashi's shoulders as they walk down the route to his apartment.

Kakashi leans into the touch. No one else is on the street with them, which he is grateful for. Otherwise, he wouldn't have been comfortable walking so close to Yamato. He knows that he shouldn't feel that way, but it's true.

For so long, Kakashi has been going from one partner to another, it's still unnerving and odd to be in a - somewhat - committed relationship.

Breathing out a relieved sigh inwardly, Yamato's mildly surprised at how Kakashi leans into him, allowing his hand to curve around his far shoulder comfortably. He'd considered trying to take his hand for a moment, but had decided not to in Kakashi's current state. Soon, they reach Yamato's apartment, and they part while Yamato fumbles with the key. 

"What the hell?" Yamato mutters, struggling to open the door. The key wasn't even going into the keyhole. Yamato crouches down and puts his eye to the keyhole. Frowning, Yamato configures his finger into a hook, with a glance over his shoulder to hide the motion from Kakashi's sight. He pulls out the crumpled-up piece of paper and slips it up his sleeve subtly. Nothing good came in notes stuffed in keyholes, and he really doesn't want Kakashi to know about more things that will stress him out.

Kakashi stands by and tilts his head, eyeing Yamato's ass. After a quick look to see if anyone is nearby, he presses himself against Yamato's back and nuzzles the side of his neck. "Mm, what's taking so long?"

Feeling Kakashi's hot breath billow against his neck, Yamato straightens up and closes his eyes briefly, trying to block out the panic flashing through him. Attempting to focus on the warmth from Kakashi's body, Yamato inserts the key into the lock again and it rotates easily this time. 

"Nothing," he replies easily, spinning around and grabbing Kakashi's wrists, opening the door with his back as he pulls him inside.

Kakashi chuckles, following him inside. He kicks the door shut with his foot and braces himself against the wood. "Hey," he says.

Yamato blinks at him, the small thin slip of paper weighing his arm down. And something, just something, about the way Kakashi's slouched against the door makes his heartbeat speed up. Licking his lips, Yamato tries for as steady a reply as possible.

"Uh, hey? Can you let me through? I have to lock the door."

Kakashi shifts to the side with a frown, wondering if something is wrong. He knows that Yamato had said that there was no guarantee of sex, but he didn't think that Yamato would be upset over Kakashi flirting a little.

"Thanks," Yamato mumbles, locking the door swiftly. He exhales deeply, shutting his eyes in relief. He feels much better when the door is locked, even though he knows a half-skilled shinobi could get past it any number of ways. And yet Yamato relaxes, casting his gaze over to Kakashi's form beside him. Sidestepping so he's right in front of Kakashi, Yamato extends his arms out on either side, staring Kakashi in his one exposed eye soundlessly.

Kakashi tilts his head and stares right back. Maybe he read all the signs wrong. One hand settles on Yamato's waist while the other curls around the back of his neck. His lips twitch a bit. "What are you thinking about?"

"About what might happen if I kiss you," Yamato murmurs thickly. Shit, he wants to kiss Kakashi. Like, really, really, wants to kiss him. But his senpai has been on edge all night. Yamato isn't sure if making a move will help him or make him worse. And, hell, he needs to sort out his own head himself. But when he's around Kakashi, when they're this close together, when he can feel Kakashi's muffled breath on his lips, when he can see the tiny shards of glassy blue in those grey eyes...Yamato can't do much but want him. He supposes this is the reason behind Kakashi's constant flirting - everyone wanted him anyway.

Kakashi curls a middle finger underneath his mask and languidly drags it down. Slowly, deliberately, he traces from Yamato's chin to his ear with the tip of his tongue. "Why don't you kiss me," Kakashi hums, "and find out?"

Eyelashes flickering hazily, Yamato inhales Kakashi's rich scent, his hands travelling to his hips. "I may just do that..." He whispers back, letting Kakashi pull back from his ear before turning his head and softly joining their mouths together.

Kakashi hums, opening his mouth and drawing Yamato's tongue inside. His hands slide up and down the ANBU's spine, and he presses closer. The kiss is gentle, soft, and Kakashi allows the tension to melt away.

Yamato doesn't push it. He keeps the tension light in the kiss, his lips only parted enough to let the tip of his tongue slide off of the outside of Kakashi's mouth. He takes a step back from the door, conscious that people would likely be passing by and he doesn't exactly want rumours leaking out about what the Hokage's ANBU guard did just beyond his door. He grabs the front of Kakashi's shirt and leads him into the living room while still kissing him. Sure, he dizzily bashes into a good few things on the way there, but nothing was broken. He thinks. Yamato's unwilling to open his eyes to anything more than slits to check.

Kakashi stumbles along with Yamato, making sure to keep their mouths connected. The backs of his legs bump into the arm of the couch, and he loses his balance, falling backwards onto the soft cushion. The sudden jolt causes him to accidentally bite Yamato's tongue, and he immediately pulls away. "Damn, are you okay?"

Yamato had fallen with him, his knees resting on the arm of the couch and his hips slotted neatly against Kakashi's. He grunts, feeling a sharp sting of pain in his tongue and he runs it across the palate of his mouth, checking. A tiny taste of metallic liquids leaks onto his tongue, but he smiles lopsidedly down at Kakashi, the pain already dulling. 

"I sort of doubt that a tiny imprint on my tongue would cause me to be 'not okay.'" He bends down and kisses his senpai gently again, pulling his legs up underneath him to lie around Kakashi's waist.

Kakashi moans low in his throat, his hands flying to Yamato's ass. He presses Yamato down while rolling his own hips upward. The friction causes hot white desire to zing through his body, and he closes his eyes, savoring the taste of Yamato.

Moaning loudly in response, Yamato slams his hips downward, arcs of lust flaming through his body at Kakashi moving so deliciously beneath him. He knows he said there was no guarantee of sex tonight, but...he's enjoying this too much to break it off. Yamato switches to nuzzling Kakashi's jawline roughly, his teeth catching skin but not biting down just yet. The last of his sense tells him not to mark his senpai where people could see, so he trails downwards, resting his mouth briefly on a good spot by the base of his neck. The sensation of Kakashi's fingers sinking into his ass cheeks drive him forward, making him go blank and bite down a lot harder than he means to.

The pain of the bite registers in Kakashi's mind. In the span of a single second, panic replaces the lust, and Kakashi is transported back in time to a place where he never wants to be again. No control, powerless, helpless, voiceless.

His muscles tighten, and he struggles against the body holding him down. His hands shove hard at broad shoulders. His breathing is harsh and stuttering. He feels like he's drowning, not getting enough air. His lungs aren't working right, and his own body feels so heavy.

He needs to get away.

He has to get away.

Yamato's eyes snap open, feeling hands scrabble desperately against his shoulders - so frenzied it cannot possibly be mistaken for eagerness. He sits up immediately and his eyes widen with dismay, horror overtaking him like a kick to the face. He can feel Kakashi's hysteric body beneath him-not just tense, but tightened, so wound up that he feels like a solid block of terror. Yamato slips off of his torso, catching him by the shoulders, becoming alarmed by his frantic, heavy breathing. 

"Senpai? Senpai?!"

A voice breaks through Kakash's panicked haze, a familiar one. It's Yamato, the only one who still calls him Senpai. He drags in a shallow breath, and another one. He becomes aware of his tightly coiled muscles and forces himself to go limp. Squinting through half-closed eyes, he sees the fuzzy image of Yamato, who looks frightened and worried.

"Tenzou?" he rasps and moves to sit up.

Yamato exhales profusely, his shoulders slumping in the massive amount of relief he feels just hearing Kakashi say his name. He supports Kakashi sitting up, turning him towards him so his feet are touching the floor, silently wondering whether to ask or not. Biting his lip, he takes Kakashi's hand softly, meeting his gaze with warm concern. "What happened there?"

Kakashi shakes his head. "It's been a long day, that's all." He hopes that Yamato will buy his excuse, even though he knows Yamato is too observant to fall for such a lame one.

Yamato agrees, yes, it has been a long day, but he knows what Kakashi is like after a genuine ‘long day.’ After a long day, Kakashi collapses tiredly on the couch or in Yamato's lap, and his kisses are slow and lazy, his touches lethargic but warm.

He isn't like this. 

He rubs small circles on Kakashi's palm with his thumb, thinking. Kakashi doesn't want to tell him the reason he suddenly freaked out. His panicked thrashing is something Yamato is familiar with, although they had always come at night, after a nightmare. Never in a situation like this. Yamato doesn't know what to do. He swallows anxiously, sensing it might be too much for Kakashi if he inquires further. He slips up onto the seat beside Kakashi, trying to keep the dark depth of his worry out of his gaze. 

"I see," he says carefully. "In that case, do you want to just go to bed? I mean, as in sleep."

"Yeah." Kakashi stands up, somewhat unsteady on his feet. "Just let me use the bathroom first." He avoids eye contact - any contact with Yamato - and heads to the bathroom, where he firmly shuts the door behind him and leans his weight against it. He carefully slides down to the floor, burying his face in his hands.

"Fuck," he murmurs shakily. He hasn't had a panic attack due to these specific memories in years, and he hates it. Hates that it makes him feel weak, helpless.

He sits there for a moment longer before getting up and doing his business. He turns the faucet on, splashing cold water on his face. It cools his heated skin, and he feels like he can breathe a bit easier. He pats his face dry with a towel and exits the room.

"Bathroom's free," he mutters, then heads to Yamato's bedroom.

Yamato watches Kakashi's wavering gait as he retreats into his bedroom with hopeless eyes. If Kakashi doesn't tell him what's wrong, how can he possibly try and help? Yamato's fists clench together painfully as he stands up and shuffled into the bathroom. He places both tense hands on the still-wet sink sides and looks at himself in the mirror. He'd gotten older, and there are deeply rooted lines around his eyes and mouth that he doesn't recall being so obvious. He sighs, knowing it's unfair for him to wish Kakashi would be utterly open to him. After all, Yamato hasn't told his senpai everything either. 

Splashing some cold water up onto his face, Yamato tries to push back the guilt that accompanies his thought. And, suddenly, he can't bear to look at himself any longer. He abruptly spins around, padding into his bedroom.

Kakashi, while Yamato is in the bathroom, finds a shirt and a pair of clean sweatpants and pulls them on. Normally, he sleeps naked, or at least mostly naked, but tonight he wants the comfort and barrier of clothing. He slips under the covers and lies on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He still has that uneasy feeling that he's trying to ignore, but it won't go away.

He knows that he's going to have nightmares tonight, and for a brief moment, he entertains the idea of going back to his apartment, but he doesn't want to be alone.

Yamato leaves the door open as he paces over to the other side and shuts the window with a firm clunk of wood against wood. He can tell it's going to be a cold night. The stars are out and glittering dimly in the darkness like unattainable jewels, brightness that most shinobi will never have. The thought subdues him even more, and so he turns away from the window, draping his gaze over a silent Kakashi in his bed. He tries to smile at him, but his muscles feel stiff and Kakashi doesn't appear to be looking anyway, so he drops it quickly. 

Shuffling over to the wardrobe, he changes swiftly, donning just a plain t-shirt and boxers. Usually on these nights when they had each other's warmth, they wore little, but Kakashi's shape underneath the sheets is that of one fully clothed, and that worries Yamato. Wordlessly slipping in beside Kakashi, he outstretches an arm across his chest, noticing how still it is.

Instinct is telling Kakashi to move closer to Yamato, to curl around him, but his body won't move. He can't handle physical contact right now. As it is, Yamato's arm lying across his chest feels like it's suffocating him. It's taking all of Kakashi's willpower to remain still and not recoil from the simple, affectionate touch.

Fuck you, he thinks miserably.

Kakashi's stillness, after a few minutes, causes Yamato to seriously worry. Even if Kakashi's had a bad day, he always shifted closer to Yamato for comfort, or at least grasped his hand or something. As it is, Yamato's beginning to feel like he's lying beside a corpse, and the comparison made in his mind definitely doesn't diminish his concern. 

"You're not okay, are you?" Yamato murmurs quietly, so quietly it's almost impossible to pick up by his own ears.

Kakashi hears Yamato's whisper, but he doesn't answer. He doesn't know what to say. If he lies again, Yamato may very well push for a reason, and Kakashi has no desire to explain himself. So instead, he slowly evens his breathing out to mimic sleeping.

There's no way Kakashi went asleep so quickly after that, Yamato knows sadly. Kakashi really doesn't want to talk to him at all. Shivering, Yamato withdraws his arm, wrapping it somberly around his knees as he curls up quietly. As he drifts off, one last solemn thought flits through his mind. 

I'm so cold.

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Kakashi wakes with a start, chest heaving as he works to figure out where he is. Yamato's bedroom comes into view, and Kakashi releases a silent breath. It's always unnerving waking up in places other than his, even if he does it on a somewhat regular basis.

Quietly, he sits up and slides out of bed, not wanting to wake Yamato. He fears that the ANBU will persist with questions again, and that will only lead to frustration on both of their parts. Grabbing for his clothes, he sheds the borrowed ones and dons his own.

A soft mew grabs his attention, and he looks to see Yamato's cat jump on the bed and wander over to Yamato, mewling again and as if asking for food.

Yamato awakes with a searing pain in his thigh, letting out a tiny gasp as he snaps upright. And then he's staring into two slitted eyes of a feline two inches away from his face. 

"Ah..." Yamato dips his face, ruffling his hair with one hand and rubbing the tabby with the other. "'Morning, you little fluffball."

Kakashi freezes, not sure if he should make a dash for the door or make up some lame excuse about not wanting to wake Yamato from a good sleep. In the end, he clears his throat, letting Yamato know that he's present. "Hey," he says uncertainly.

Yamato starts at Kakashi's voice, making his cat yowl in protest at his footing being disturbed. Gaze bolting to a slouched Kakashi, Yamato presses his palm against his throbbing injury, trying to relax. 

"Good morning, Kakashi-senpai," he says, memories of last night making the edges of his mouth droop down. He wants to ask how Kakashi is today, but he suspects he'll get a similar response to yesterday. "Want some breakfast?"

"Ah, no. I have to head home and get some clean clothes before going to the office. There's a lot I have to do today. But thanks," he adds belatedly. "I appreciate the offer." He shifts back a step, meeting Yamato's gaze for a second before breaking away. "Uh, so I guess I'll see you around."

"Sure..." Yamato agrees half-heartedly. "Take it easy, senpai." 

Abacus meows triumphantly, as if it's her fault Kakashi's leaving. Sighing, Yamato curls up, dislodging Abacus from his lap and resting his forehead on his knees as he hears the door click behind Kakashi. He'd wanted things to improve between him and Kakashi, but something went awfully astray. He doesn’t know what. He doesn’t know how to fix this. He can’t recall a time when their relationship was this stormy, ever. Even when Kakashi left ANBU….it wasn’t exactly as if they’d had a falling out, or anything was wrong. Sure, it hurt, it was rough, but the silent parting was completely different from this. This is...a situation almost beyond Yamato.

And now he's curled up alone on his bed, sobbing mutely into his knees as his hungry cat winds around his shins slowly.

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The words on the page swim before Kakashi's tired eyes, and he stifles a yawn with his hand. He's exhausted, unable to sleep the past four nights due to recurring nightmares, nightmares that he thought he was free from. It's weighing a toll on him, not only physically but mentally, as well. His relationships with people - Yamato in particular - have suffered. He and Yamato have barely spoken, and there has been no more dinners or spending the nights together. In fact, he's basically avoiding the ANBU altogether. Kakashi knows that this isn't good for their fledgling relationship, but he doesn't know what else to do.

Physical contact, even from people he knows and trusts, makes him sick, so sexual contact is even more so out of the question. With Yamato, he's always been more of a tactile person, always touching him in some way. He can't react normally in situations now. Granted, avoiding Yamato is also a major clue that something is wrong, but it's better than seeing the pitying looks Yamato sends his way.

Kakashi doesn't need - or want - anyone's pity. He can deal with this on his own. He's done it before, he can do it again.

It would be a whole lot better, though, if he doesn't have to talk to Yamato about the whole ROOT issue. Seeing Yamato before him, obviously hurt and confused, makes Kakashi ache and wish to hold him to make everything better, but that's impossible. Kakashi needs to maintain distance right now, and he can only hope that Yamato will see that need and honor it, and their relationship will not suffer for it.

But Kakashi's never been that lucky. He can tell that that will not be the case.

Yamato knocks on the office door mechanically, resisting the urge to lean his forehead against it in despair. But he has new information, and despite how painfully awkward it is between them, he needs to tell Kakashi personally. The fewer people that know, the better.

Kakashi closes his eyes, drags in a deep breath, then releases it. "Come in," he says authoritatively, mentally patting himself on the back when his voice remains steady.

Yamato slips in quietly, keeping his head bowed so he won't have to meet the Hokage's eyes. "Ibiki has finally cracked the spy."

Kakashi sits up straight, attention focused solely on Yamato. "What did he have to say?" he asks urgently. Ibiki is often quick to break captives, but ANBU and ROOT are harder to crack because they have to be resilient and strong in case of capture. Kakashi had asked Sai earlier if he knew anything about the new ROOT, but Sai couldn’t think of anything that might be helpful.

"The new ROOT only involves one former member," Yamato begins, his fingers clenched tightly behind his back. "All the rest are new, transferred in from our ANBU. Ibiki says that he didn't know much more, but apparently they communicate with self-destructing coded notes, and only one-the leader-knows all of the members' identities. The spy didn't know how many the organisation consists of either, only that, once he complained aloud in the locker room, there was a note for him the next week."

The note left in his own keyhole springs up in Yamato's mind, highly unwelcome. His knuckles turn a lot whiter.

Kakashi slumps in his chair. "Our ANBU," he says in disbelief, shaking his head. "Some of our own ANBU members have turned against Konoha. Why? What the fuck do they have to gain from joining ROOT?"

'A better leader for starters,' flashes viciously through Yamato's mind, but he shakes it away. Kakashi is doing his best and he knows this. It’s unfair for him to hold personal experiences against his professional leader.

"I don't know," Yamato says, withholding his habit of putting 'senpai,' at the end of every sentence when he's nervous. He's right across the room from Kakashi, hardly closer than the door, and he's fine like this. Well, that's what he tells himself.

"Thank you for the information." Kakashi hesitates, then adds, "I noticed that you created a new roster for the ANBU guarding me."

"Yes," Yamato nods, his feet rigidly stuck together and his gaze strictly elevated to over Kakashi's head. "Also," Yamato mentions, tugging out a scroll from his back pouch and hesitantly steps up to Kakashi's desk to hand it to him. "This is Ibiki's report on the mental condition of the spy in general. He thinks you should take a look at it."

"Okay." Kakashi takes the scroll and opens it, scanning the contents.

"May I leave now?"

Kakashi pauses and looks at Yamato, who's deliberately not looking at him. He frowns and is about to say something, then stops. He doesn't want Yamato to pry into his life, so he'll consider Yamato's privacy. "Yes, you're dismissed," he says quietly, half wishing that Yamato will stay instead.

Yamato bows swiftly yet formally, spinning around and striding down fast to the door. His hand rests on the knob, hesitating. There's something about the not-quite-as-harsh atmosphere around Kakashi that makes him think that maybe, if he says something, it won't be so bad. Swallowing heavily, Yamato borders between leaving silently or speaking up. For good or bad, Yamato has never been prone to avoiding his problems. 

"Senpai," Yamato says quietly.

Kakashi looks up hopefully. Maybe things will be okay between them after all. "Yes, Tenzou?"

Yamato squeezes his eyes shut, his hand tightening around the doorknob like a rock. He hadn't been addressed by that name in what seems like months, and yet it has been only a few days. It burns through his mind, reminding him of what could happen between them, if only both of them truly risked their hearts. Neither wants to get hurt, and neither wants to hurt the other. Yamato knows this as solidly a fact as he knows the exact colour of Kakashi's eyes. And yet they can't seem to make this work without getting hurt. Yamato's willing to take the leap if Kakashi is-kind of like stepping off a cliff where you can't see if the tide is in or not, but Yamato wants to step off hand-in-hand with his senpai.

But he needs to know something first.

"Since that night...have you slept with anyone?" 

The three words Kakashi once whispered honestly to him when he thought he was asleep rise in Yamato's mind, and his eyelids open a crack. Hopeful.

Kakashi is taken aback. That isn't the question he was expecting, but if that's what Yamato wants to know, then he's more than willing to answer. "No, I haven't," he replies quietly. "I have no desire to sleep with anyone else." Which is essentially the truth, although not the full truth. He has no desire to sleep with anyone right now because of things in his past.

The clenching in Yamato's chest releases somewhat, and his hand falls from the doorknob. So Kakashi hasn't been with anyone else, unless he's lying- Yamato can't judge unless he's looking right at Kakashi, and even then it's difficult to tell. His gut feeling is that it is the truth, but he's worried that his hope may have gotten to him, fogging up his judgement. Slowly, he takes a careful step back from the door, rotating around to face Kakashi. He needs to gaze his senpai straight in the eyes for this one. Yamato knows Kakashi would find it all too easy to avoid the question if his back is turned, so he silently pads up to the front of the Hokage's desk. Taking a deep breath that goes all the way down to the bottom of his lungs, he speaks, readily and clearly. 

"If you don't want to break off all contact with me, and you don't want to be with anyone else, then why are you still so closed off?"

Kakashi's breath catches, and he swallows hard. "It's nothing really, just something I need to work through right now." He knows that the reply won't satiate Yamato's curiosity, but that's all that he's willing to reveal.

"Don't give me bullshit," Yamato drops his voice. 'Nothing really,' his ass. "I'm only asking why you can't tell me what's going on. Or -" Yamato chews his lip for a moment, unsure of whether to continue. And yet, if he doesn't, he fears it may stay this way between them for much longer. "Or I'll have to ask Endo-san about it instead."

Kakashi's on his feet before he realizes it, leaning close to Yamato. "Don't," he says, tone strangled and laced with fear. "Don't you fucking dare ask him."

"So he does have something to do with this," Yamato says sadly, unfazed but his expression softening as he takes in how panicked Kakashi is. "I'm not going to ask him if you don't want me to. And I don't know why you're so unwilling to tell me anything at all."

"It's private," Kakashi grits out. "I don't talk to him, and I don't talk about him. It's in the past. That's where it's going to stay."

"Then why is it still affecting you now?" Yamato counters, bending forward more over the table determinedly. "You can't push everything down forever."

Kakashi shakes his head. "It's not important, Tenzou. Just give me a few days, and everything will be back to normal." I hope, he thinks as he recalls the dragon drawing he'd found inside his bedroom.

Yamato rounds the side of the desk, stepping nearer to Kakashi and brushing a finger lightly against his cheek. He doesn't know much, but he doesn't think this is something that'll blow over easily, especially if it seems to be recurring. 

"I hope so," Yamato murmurs, then leans forward and places a sweet, split-second kiss on Kakashi's covered lips. "I'm always here, and there's the counsellor in the hospital too, if you need extra help."

The concern in Yamato's voice makes Kakashi's chest ache, and he clasps a hand around the back of Yamato's neck, keeping him near. He knows that Yamato doesn't believe him at all, but the fact that he's willing to ignore it and give Kakashi another chance means the world to him. "Thank you."

He pulls down his mask and gives him a proper kiss. He moans softly, having missed the quiet intimacy, the slick feeling of Yamato's mouth, their warm breaths mingling together between kisses, the contentment rising inside of him as he holds Yamato.

Yamato doesn't want to admit how much he's missed this - the sensation of Kakashi's fingers tangled in his hair at the back of his neck, his familiar, slender lips touching his so beautifully, the unmistakable sound of Kakashi's low moan of contentment. Yamato's arms slip around Kakashi's waist underneath the cloak, and he notices how much easier he can feel his hip bones through his clothing, adding to his already-large amount of concern. He's really glad he didn't bolt out of the office as soon as he could. Now, as Kakashi's body presses warmly up against his, it's like they can try this again, try for what Yamato's been hoping for all this time. 

There's a loud knocking on the door. Yamato disconnects from Kakashi quickly, a rush of panic running through him that whoever it is on the other side will fling the door open and see them. 

Luckily, Sakura's steady voice travels to them from behind a closed door. "Captain Yamato? It's your shift, right? I have the test results back." 

Yamato exhales deeply with realisation. Right. His leg.

"Test results?" Kakashi repeats, looking at Yamato in alarm. "Are you sick?" He brushes a hand across the back of Yamato's forehead and looks him critically up and down, as if trying to figure out what might be wrong.

"No, no," Yamato chuckles lightly, catching his senpai's hand. "It's just the kunai wound-it hasn't really been healing so I got Sakura to check it out. Are you going to let her in or should I go out?"

Kakashi frowns, and his hands twitch forward as if to grab Yamato and check for himself. "I'd forgotten about that," he admits, tugging his mask back in place. "Come on in, Sakura."

The door clicks open, and Sakura also clicks inside - she'd taken a liking to high heels. Her gaze flickers from Yamato to Kakashi in an instant, as if reading the atmosphere between them. But she doesn't have time to figure out the relationship between her former sensei and previous captain right now. "I'd prefer to speak to Captain Yamato alone," she says crisply, shuffling an envelope around in her hands.

Kakashi frowns. "He and I are..." here he pauses, not sure if he should continue or drop the subject, "We're...involved. May I stay if he says I can?"

"It's fine, Sakura," Yamato smiles gently over at Kakashi for an instant, laying a hand on his shoulder before straightening his face again. "Go ahead." 

Sakura nods, handing over the envelope to Yamato. He scans through it, his eyebrows drawing down together as he speaks solemnly. "So what does this mean?"

"It means you need to constantly be under attendance until we figure out exactly what the poison is and what it does."

"Poison?" Kakashi hisses. "Is it life threatening? It's been at least four days since the poison entered his system, though, so wouldn't he be -" He abruptly cuts himself off. He doesn't want to say the next word.

“It's definitely slow-acting," Sakura states, gaze dropping to Yamato's thigh and scanning him slowly with an expert eye. "I'm surprised you haven't felt any effects-physical, anyway. And that's why we need to keep a very close eye on you from now on, until we know more about it. The details are on the sheet." 

Yamato, silent, stares at the sheet. "Four check-ups a day?"

"Yes," Sakura replies. "And if you miss one, I'm assuming it's because you've collapsed and possibly dying."

Kakashi suppresses a shudder, trying not to imagine Yamato alone and dying. An image of finding his father dead on their living room floor filters through his mind, and he inhales sharply. "You live alone, Tenzou," Kakashi says. "You should stay with someone until this is resolved."

Yamato turns to face Kakashi abruptly, somehow keeping his mouth from hanging open. And then the ‘someone,’ hits his mind. He takes a deep breath, reminding himself to keep his hopes low. Yet, before he could speak, Sakura cut in.

"That's an excellent idea, Sensei! Captain Yamato," she turns, clapping her hands together. "Don't you dare try and refuse his kind offer. You both are under a lot of stress and need to watch out for each other. You're not as young as you once were," she finishes with a smile, spinning around. "I've got to get back to the hospital now, but take care!" 

"Ah...he didn't say -" Yamato gets out before the door bangs shut. He sheepishly faces Kakashi, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's alright, senpai, I haven't got any relatives living in the village but I'll try and see if the ANBU headquarters have any rooms free."

"You don't want to stay with me?" Kakashi asks, an impish gleam in his eye.

"Of course not, " Yamato replies with a dead straight face. "The risk of my ass being overused is too great. You do know Sakura does a full-body examination, right?"

"It doesn't have to be your ass. It could be -" He stops and shakes his head. It definitely won't be his ass being fucked. "Mm, never mind. There's no promise of sex, so why not stay with me?"

Unable to keep himself from chuckling, Yamato's eyes crinkles up at his past words being reused on him. "And we saw..." he trails off quickly, not wanting to bring up what happened last time. Clearing his throat, he shrugs, spirits inwardly dampened by the memory of Kakashi being triggered by something he did. What if he does something wrong and the next panic attack is much worse? A crease forms between his eyebrows with worry. Maybe staying with Kakashi isn't the best course of action. 

"I'll see," is his serious answer.

"Ah," is Kakashi's reply as he casts his gaze down to his paperwork and sits down heavily. Of course Yamato doesn't want to stay with him. Kakashi is hiding something from him, and Yamato knows he is. Not to mention, the panic attack he had while making out... Kakashi is incredibly lucky that Yamato hasn't just tossed him aside. "Just let me know if I can do anything to help," he finishes, picking up his pen.

"You are helping, just by offering," Yamato says gently, laying a hand on Kakashi's shoulder. "But I'll be fine. Don't worry about me." 

He doesn't mention that he'll probably be selfish and head over to Kakashi's this very evening. After all, he's been pretty lonely for days, and it seems that his senpai is finally ready to try and patch things up.

Kakashi tilts his head to the side, resting his cheek on Yamato's hand. He misses being close to Yamato, being intimate with him, but he has no idea if he'll be able to do that right now without being triggered. He'll try, dammit, he'll try, but he can't promise anything.

"I do worry," he admits quietly.

Yamato silently moves his other hand to sift through Kakashi's silver hair softly, ruffling it with careful fingers, thinking. "You've enough to worry about already," he says quietly.

Kakashi snorts softly. "That doesn't mean anything. I'm always going to worry about you. Even after Sarutobi removed me from ANBU years ago, I didn't stop wondering how you were doing, if you were okay."

Yamato blinks, his fingers pausing momentarily in Kakashi's hair. He often wondered of how his former senpai was doing at that time too, but he always dismissed it as mostly one-sided affection. He was young, and he used that as an excuse-oh, it's like a schoolboy with a crush, it'll pass in time, etc. But it didn't pass. 

"I wondered about you too. Sometimes -" Yamato hunches up his shoulders, ready for embarrassment. "Sometimes I volunteered for missions involving Team 7, like cover-ups, just so I could see that you were okay. And...thank you for reading in trees so often."

Kakashi chuckles. "You're welcome." He suddenly moves, twirling in his chair so he's facing Yamato, with the ANBU between his legs. His hands brace against Yamato's hips, and he tilts his head back to look up at him. "I'd feel better if I knew you were with someone else, at least, if not me. I don't want to find you...dead," he manages to choke out, then rests his forehead against Yamato's stomach, looking at their feet. His cheeks redden in embarrassment at what he just admitted.

Yamato smiles down at Kakashi warmly, but a trickle of sadness enters into his dark eyes. He doesn't want Kakashi to find him dead either. And...if they're really as intimate with each other as Yamato dares to think, he doesn't want to even consider what another loss would do to Kakashi. This thought in mind, he bends down and rests a kiss at the top of The Hokage's head, feeling his tousled hair tickling his nose. 

"I'm not going to leave you."

Kakashi remains in this position for a moment longer, soaking in the peace and comfort of being near Yamato. "Good," he whispers before leaning back and, after dragging his mask down, drawing Yamato into a kiss.

Yamato's mind flashes to the very large, clear windows behind them, but only for an instant before he kisses back, making sure to keep it light. It amazes him constantly how Kakashi makes him feel, sturdier, more at ease. Sometimes he ponders if he's only as resilient as he is because Kakashi's relying on him to be steady. And yet, Yamato realises as his arms wind around Kakashi's back, somehow, being around his senpai steadies him too.

Kakashi breaks away from the kiss but keeps Yamato close, their breaths mingling. "So I'll move some things around so you have a place to put your things."

Yamato sighs with a slight smile, his fears safely stomped down in the back of his mind with the last kiss. 

"I'll be moving in tonight," he decides, giving Kakashi a large grin.

He's strangely excited about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> During an intense makeout, Yamato accidentally bites Kakashi harder than he intended to, and Kakashi is triggered to an as of yet unknown event. He panics and starts to push Yamato away. Yamato realizes that something is wrong and immediately stops.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I will always find you. I will always protect you. I won’t let you down. I promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think any warnings really apply for this chapter, but I'll add a few things at the end of the chapter just in case.

Kakashi glances around his small apartment. He's already moved everything that he can to make way for Yamato's things, but it doesn't seem like there's much space left. He sighs. They'll just have to make do with what they have.

To be honest, Kakashi is anxious about this. He's never had a roommate before, and while he and Yamato have spent the night at the other's house previously, that's a whole lot different than sharing living space. They'll have to work out bathroom schedules, likes and dislikes for food, not to mention privacy will be out the window.

Kakashi cringes. He loves his privacy more than anything - except maybe his porn books and having sex with Yamato - and although he's reluctant to give it up, it's definitely worth it if the alternative is Yamato's death.

With another quick look, Kakashi nods to himself, finding that apartment acceptable. Nothing left to do except for Yamato, he heads over to the small kitchen and pulls out ingredients for dinner.

Deep breaths. One, two, three, four, Yamato counts, a shallow sheen of sweat ringing his hairline as he stands outside Kakashi's door, holding a single cardboard box. This will be different, much different from anything they ever did before, and Yamato isn't sure whether to feel nervous or excited. Although, he reasons, he can keep a close eye on Kakashi's mental state this way too. Even if the main reason for the move is his own injury. Yamato, reckoning he's spent long enough wavering, shifts his belongings to one arm and knocks solidly on the wood.

"Door's open!" Kakashi calls. He usually doesn't lock his door, figuring that anyone who breaks in would have to be an idiot. He is, after all, the Hokage.

Not to mention that he can recognize Yamato's chakra anywhere.

Yamato, fighting not to let the box topple off of his arm, swiftly turns the handle, catching the heavy box as soon as it's about to overbalance. He breathes out a grateful sigh, walking inside and pushing his back against the door to shut it. 

"Senpai, you shouldn't leave the door open like that. It's dangerous," automatic words slip out of his mouth as he gazes around the familiar apartment, newly cleaned.

"Only for the person breaking into my apartment," Kakashi retorts. He pokes his head around the corner. "You can set your box down wherever you want. Did you bring your cat?"

"I guess so," Yamato says, hearing paws run down Kakashi's window with a smile as he sets his possessions down in the living room and walks over to the window. "You know cats, they just do whatever they like. But it looks like Abacus followed me here," he shrugs, popping open the window and leaving in the tabby, who immediately leaps down and disappears into Kakashi's bedroom.

"Just as long as your dumb cat doesn't leave fur all over my house." Kakashi goes back into the kitchen. "We can share the bed, or I think I have a futon in my closet. Somewhere."

"What about your ninken? Do they get along with cats?" Yamato asks, edging towards Kakashi's bedroom in the hope that Abacus wasn't clawing up his porn books. "And I don't mind where I sleep." 

He does. Yamato likes the soft warmth from Kakashi's body, the feel of his smooth skin, the view of his silver hair tousled and messy in the morning, the sight of the trail of grey hair snaking down from his belly button to- Yamato shakes his head. He knows it's unlikely they will be able to fuck each other without the risk of Kakashi getting triggered, and he's going to respect that.

"They aren't here right now. I only summon them when I need them." Kakashi doesn't mention that he's been summoning them at night lately, just as an extra precaution. Not that it matters, since Kakashi hardly sleeps anymore. "And we can share the bed."

"And you never 'need' them around for company?" Yamato raises an eyebrow, spotting Abacus raking her claws down one of Kakashi's bedside drawers. "Dammit, don't do that here," Yamato hisses, picking her up and marching her outside the room, shutting the door firmly behind him. Plopping her down on the floor, he finally joins Kakashi in the kitchen, wanting to smile just at the sight of him. 

"Sharing the bed sounds great, senpai. Hey, what are you cooking?" he asks, leaning over Kakashi's shoulder.

"Rice and grilled mackerel," he replies, turning his head for a quick kiss. "As for the dogs, sometimes I do like them around for the company." It strikes Kakashi as odd that this seems very domestic - himself cooking and Yamato coming home from a long day at work. He snorts quietly to himself. As if he'd ever be just a stay at home partner.

Yamato returns the kiss with a small smile, winding his arms around Kakashi's waist. "How considerate of you," he says, shifting so his chest is pressing against his senpai's back and resting his chin on Kakashi's shoulder. "Need a hand?"

"You can get out the bowls and chopsticks. Bowls are in the cupboard to the left," he indicates with his head, "and chopsticks are in the drawer by my right hip."

"I know," Yamato responds, swiftly unwrapping himself from around Kakashi and moving to the left. Swiping two bowls out of the cupboard, he lays them down on the table in the main room, eying Abacus sharply and thinking of all the cracked bowls in his apartment. Heading back into the kitchen, Yamato slides a hand around Kakashi's hip, underneath his shirt as he breathes onto the back of his senpai's neck. It's odd, having the opportunity to be this open about his affection for Kakashi. Usually this sort of closeness is restricted and wary, always fearful that someone will see them. Being able to touch Kakashi without having to glance over his shoulder is a novelty for Yamato, and it doesn't look like it's going to wear off anytime soon.

Kakashi leans into his touch. "If you don't stop distracting me, I'm going to burn the food," he murmurs, although he doesn't really mind. He loves having Yamato this close, able to touch him and be touched as much as he wants.

One of Kakashi's hands slips back behind him, and he hooks a thumb under Yamato's waistband, giving the material a light tug. "Maybe we should have dessert first, though," he muses.

"Then we'll spoil our appetite," Yamato murmurs back, placing a kiss underneath his ear but slapping Kakashi's hand away from his pants. He moves out from behind Kakashi, bumping him gently to the side with a swing of his hips before fetching the chopsticks. "Also, I'm starving," Yamato adds, the aroma making his stomach tremble in joyful anticipation.

"You're no fun," Kakashi pouts. "Here I am, flirting with you, and you'd rather eat." A wicked smirk suddenly spreads across his face. "If you want to eat so badly, then you can eat me out."

"Unlike you, I'm not a slave to my sexual urges," Yamato retorts back, laying down the chopsticks neatly beside the bowls. Returning to the kitchen, he leans over Kakashi's shoulder again, gazing at the meal in process. "As for eating you out, that depends on how good the food is."

Kakashi shivers. "I think it's safe to say that it's in my future, then." He removes the food and places it on the table. "Grab some food, Tenzou."

"Mm..." Yamato moans, only taking an instant to slip in place, thanking his senpai for the food politely on the way there and then digging into the mackerel somewhat mannerly. "I think you may be right. This is really good, senpai. Why didn't you ever cook for us before?"

"Because I knew that I'd have to cook all the time, then," Kakashi replies as he also grabs some food.

"Probably, but as payment you'd get your ass eaten a lot," Yamato points out, aiming his chopsticks at Kakashi.

"God," Kakashi moans, shaking his head. "You should stop talking before I jump you."

"At least wait until I'm finished eating," Yamato says, muffled by a mouthful of food and his cheeks puffing outwards.

"Only if I have to," Kakashi sighs, but it's evident that it doesn't bother him too much to wait. He takes another bite and swallows.

Yamato's bowl is emptied within minutes, his stomach satisfyingly full as he stretches both his arms above his head with a contented yawn. "Thank you, senpai. That was delicious. I'll take care of the wash-up," he says calmly, reaching for Kakashi's bowl.

"Are we divvying up household chores already?" Kakashi questions, his eye twinkling.

Yamato frowns, stacking the bowls and gathering up the chopsticks as he heads into the kitchen. "Already? Isn't it a common practice that whoever cooks doesn't have to clean up as well?"

Kakashi shrugs. "I've been cooking and cleaning up for years now by myself. I'm not used to having someone else help."

"Well, surprise!" Yamato flashes a grin back at him, running hot water into the sink and dumping the bowls and saucepans into it. "Then again, it's not like you had anyone else to clean up after, either."

I could get used to this, comes the sudden thought. Kakashi stares at Yamato in the kitchen - HIS kitchen - and wonders if this could be a common occurrence. He wants it to be. He wants to come home from a long day at the office and have someone be here, someone to talk to, to joke and laugh around with, to kiss and have sex with and not have to worry about being alone come the next morning.

Kakashi can see himself and Yamato years down the road - Kakashi cooking while being distracted by Yamato's everything, and Yamato washing the dishes, followed by both of them cuddling on the couch trading lazy kisses back and forth until they decide to go to bed and fuck. Suddenly standing up, Kakashi comes up behind Yamato and loops his arms around his waist, burying his face in his neck. The words 'I like this' are on the tip of his tongue, but he fights them back. He's not ready to say them yet. There's too much he has to work through right now.

But he can show Yamato how grateful he is.

"Hey," Yamato smiles gently, feeling Kakashi's somehow thoughtful embrace and wanting to return it, but his wrists are sunk down underneath the soapy water. "What do you want to do after this? There's still some paperwork left over from today, but there's also a bottle of sake in that cupboard, am I right?"

"Sake sounds great." Kakashi pulls away only to tug his mask down, then nuzzles his neck.

Yamato rolls his eyes, plopping down the equipment onto the draining board. "For once can you touch me when I'm not doing something?" Yamato asks, eyes closing at the melting sensation of Kakashi's warm mouth on his bare, pricking skin. "You are distracting me a lot, you know. Why don't you go and get that bottle?" 

He's honestly impressed at how he kept the low moan deep in his throat silent. Kakashi's attention, his flirting, his way of speaking to Yamato, touching him and handling him in such a way that he feels like he's the only one his senpai will ever want. And Yamato adores it.

Chuckling, Kakashi steps away, his right hand dragging slowly down Yamato's groin. "Sake, it is." He grabs the bottle, opens it, and takes a swig. "Are we going to drink it all?"

"Depends on how drunk we want to get. But yeah, that's highly likely," Yamato answers, his stomach still tense from Kakashi's intimate touch. Finishing the wash-up, he shoulders Kakashi sideways, out of the room, clasping the neck of the bottle himself. "Don't you have any glasses, so we can drink like civilised people?"

Kakashi disappears back into the kitchen and grabs two glasses. He holds them out for Yamato to pour the sake.

"Thanks," Yamato mumbles, pouring out two glasses carefully, then grasping one and downing half immediately.

Kakashi drinks his more slowly, eyeing Yamato up and down. He thinks that if he gets drunk enough then he and Yamato will be able to have sex. He clears his throat. "The couch would be more comfortable than standing."

"You're probably right," Yamato replies, watching Kakashi's throat swallow the drink closely. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Yamato shoots a knowing smile over to Kakashi and grabs his wrist, leading him over. He's up for some making out, definitely, but there's a sensation in his gut telling him not to try and take it too far, not to try his luck. Definitely not, unless Kakashi’s being very persuasive.

Kakashi sits down and pulls Yamato down to straddle his lap, facing each other. "Hey," he murmurs, dipping in to lick at Yamato's lips, tasting the sake lingering there.

Wiggling his butt around to get comfy, Yamato places both hands on Kakashi's cheeks, fingers laid far apart on his skin, spanning all the way from his jaw to his ear. 

"Hey," Yamato breathlessly murmurs back-there's just something about seeing Kakashi's face naked that continually causes all the air to vanish from his lungs. He kisses Kakashi's lips softly, the taste of alcohol reminding him of the glass he left on the table on the way over and briefly pondering if he should down some more.

Kakashi kisses back for a short time, his free hand cupping the back of Yamato's head. He shifts in his seat, moaning lowly at the small amount of friction he receives on his groin. "God..."

"Hold on for a second," Yamato mumbles into the kiss, breaking away and scrambling down off Kakashi's lap to reach for the still mostly-full bottle of the table. Swiftly, he flings his head back and he chugs a bit down, clambering back into Kakashi's warm lap with a slight, crooked, half-smile. He presses his lips to Kakashi's neck, sucking lightly.

Kakashi, taking hold of the bottom of the bottle, tilts it towards his own mouth. He swallows some of the liquid, enjoying the burn down his throat.

Yamato pulls back and waits until he's finished swallowing, admiring the long, slender neck he likes to lay his mouth on so much. Ordinarily, by now he'd be grinding down with his hips, towards Kakashi's crotch, aiming for arousal, but even though he can feel his head getting floaty, Yamato holds back. He never wants to trigger Kakashi again. But hey, there are other, less rough ways than fucking to pleasure senpai, Yamato thinks as his hand slips underneath Kakashi's waistband. He leans forward and whispers in Kakashi's ear cautiously, just to be sure. "Are you okay so far?"

"You don't need to ask," Kakashi whispers. "I'll let you know if something's wrong." His left hand palms Yamato's ass, while his right grasps Yamato's hand and urges it further down underneath his waistband. He interlaces their fingers and drags their hands down his cock, hips shifting upwards.

Yamato leans his forehead against Kakashi's, moving his butt backwards against Kakashi's hand to give them more space to work with around his crotch.

"Make sure you do," Yamato mutters back, his joined fingers tightening their grip on Kakashi's member, sliding roughly back up to the base. Yamato's free hand scrambles blindly for the bottle, finds it, and he takes a long swig, feeling it grow considerably lighter. Beginning to speed up his pumps, Yamato bends forward and gives Kakashi a thick, sloppy kiss-he can feel him stiffening in their hands, and the urge to have his senpai deep inside of him is growing fast.

"Fuck," Kakashi hisses. Removing his hand from Yamato's ass, he slides it under the couch cushion, searching for a wayward bottle of lube that he knows is hiding there somewhere. His fingertips brush against plastic, and he quickly grabs it and holds it up triumphantly.

Yamato's eyes flicker apprehensively the sight of the small bottle, dropping his gaze to Kakashi's chest as the fear of triggering him returns for a fresh bout. He knows he won't be fucking Kakashi this time, but he's still undeniably worried. "Are you sure?" he asks hesitantly.

Kakashi, in reply, simply pops open the bottle, the usually soft 'snap' sounding loud in the quiet room. He removes both of their hands from his pants and licks precome from their fingers. "Undress," he orders Yamato quietly.

Yamato feels his lower stomach tighten in response to Kakashi's command. He'll never admit it, but it's so fucking sexy when Kakashi orders him around like this, as long as it’s not too dominant. He steps down off Kakashi's lap, reaches back to grab the neckline of his shirt, tugging it off over his head swiftly, messing up his hair. 

"Is that a direct order?" Yamato asks softly, outstretching his arm and dumping the shirt at Kakashi's feet.

He usually doesn't order Yamato around like this. Kakashi generally enjoys it much more when Yamato does what he wants, but this time is different. If he tells Yamato what to do, then he knows what to expect and won't be caught off guard again.

Running a hand down from Yamato's throat to the trail of hair leading below his waistband, Kakashi looks him straight in the eye and nods. "Yes, it's a direct order."

Yamato lets one edge of his mouth rise up as he turns around, slipping his thumbs under his waistband and dragging his pants down, leaving his boxers for now. I hope senpai enjoys the view of my ass, Yamato thinks with a small snort, bending over and tugging his feet out of the folds.

Kakashi trails one hand up Yamato's leg, fingers inching under the material of his boxers. "Have I ever told you how much I like your ass?" he asks as he brings his other hand to the small of Yamato's back and caresses the skin there.

"You could stand to mention it more," Yamato grins briefly, rotating around and kneeling down. He places both palms on Kakashi's upper thighs, nuzzling his face against his groin, expelling the warm breath from his mouth heavily to reach Kakashi's skin through his pants. 

"You know, I haven't sucked your dick in a while, senpai..." Today, he wants Kakashi to know exactly what he plans on doing, for him to feel completely secure and in control.

Tangling his fingers in the strands of brown hair, Kakashi gently tugs Yamato's head back. "And I seem to recall you promising to eat me out if dinner was good."

Yamato releases an amused, soft chuckle, nodding as much as he could with his senpai's fingers knotted in his hair. "And the dinner was good indeed," He hops to his feet, rising up and kissing Kakashi quickly. "Your ass better be clean, senpai. And-" his hands begin dragging Kakashi's waistband down. "I'd better get you out of these first."

"Don't worry. I took a shower before you got here." Kakashi lifts his hips up and helps Yamato tug his pants and boxers down. A small twinge of doubt arises in him, and he wonders if he can handle this. He fumbles for the sake, taking a long drink before setting it aside. Liquid courage, he thinks grimly as he tugs his own shirt off.

Yamato notes the slight trembling in Kakashi's hand as he downs the alcohol profusely with a crease between his eyebrows. Kakashi gives no verbal indication to stop, however-he did promise earlier to say if anything is wrong, but this is Kakashi, after all-and Yamato hopes that the sake will ease his tension. Once Kakashi sheds his shirt, Yamato sits up by his side, gently winding an arm around his bare waist and placing a kiss on Kakashi's jaw. 

"We can wait," he offers cautiously.

"I'm fine," Kakashi insists vehemently. As if to prove his point, he lurches forward and kisses Yamato, sloppy and clumsy, then lies backward on the couch, dragging Yamato on top and wrapping his arms tightly around him to prevent his escape.

A twinge of unease enters Yamato's mind about Kakashi's overeager advances, but it's hard to act upon it with Kakashi's skin rubbing against his, smooth and slick. And the taste of his alcohol-tainted lips pressing against his, moving so damn deliciously...Yamato leaves loose a low moan in his throat, grinding his hips downward.

Once Kakashi is sure that Yamato won't try to pull away, he loosens his grip and pushes gently on his shoulders. "Make good on that promise," he rasps huskily. Lust shines brightly in his dark eyes as he stares down at his lover, as if daring him to call his bluff. There's a small smirk edging the corner of Kakashi's lips, knowing that Yamato wants Kakashi as much as Kakashi wants him.

Yamato's lips part as Kakashi's intense gaze meets his, licking his mouth as he retreats down Kakashi's body carefully, reverently. He kisses a line up Kakashi's inner thigh, his palms cupping around the backs of his thighs and lifting them up, curling Kakashi's hips inwards.

Kakashi's breath hitches in anticipation, and his fingers curl into Yamato's hair. He can't help but look down at Yamato, not wanting to miss a single thing.

Yamato places one hand propping up Kakashi's lower back, his other hand firmly sunk into Kakashi's left ass cheek, dragging it over to give him space to work in. He rubs his thumb hard down Kakashi's entrance before dipping his face down, brushing his pursed lips teasingly off of his anus.

"Fuck," Kakashi breathes with a small shudder. Even though it's been awhile since he's had Yamato's tongue up his ass, he hasn't forgotten the sensation, and the little teases have Kakashi arching his hips, eager for more.

Yamato feels the slight shiver against his palm and smirks, opening his mouth a little wider to wetten Kakashi's hole. He pushes his face in deeper, his nose squashing up against the sliver of skin between Kakashi's balls and where Yamato's tongue is currently slicking around, lubricating with as much saliva as Yamato can muster onto it.

Kakashi releases a muttered curse, tugging harshly on his hair. He rests one leg on the back of the couch to help take the strain off of Yamato having to keep it in place. "You have a wicked mouth," he pants.

You haven't seen half of what I can do, flashes through Yamato's mind, but his mouth is too busy to speak out aloud. In response to Kakashi's panted-out words, Yamato finally dives his tongue inside Kakashi, flicking it to and fro in the very moist warmth. With both hands free, he spreads Kakashi's ass cheeks apart further, letting his teeth scrape against the rim.

Back arching, Kakashi's nails scrape at Yamato's scalp helplessly at the shiver coursing down his spine. His senses feel like they're on overdrive, sensitive to every tiny touch, every lap of Yamato's tongue against his inner walls. His eyes roll back at the slick movement, and his hips buck.

Yamato, his face already buried deeply in Kakashi's ass, almost gets his nose hit, but luckily his hands are able to stop his hips from slamming forward too forcefully. Yamato withdraws his tongue from Kakashi's ass, knowing that he'll hate it, and meets his gaze, scowling playfully. "Are you trying to give me a nosebleed?"

"Of course not," Kakashi says, pretending to be miffed. He sits up and tugs Yamato in for a kiss, sucking slowly on his tongue with a heavy moan before pulling away, a thin string of saliva connecting their lips before it breaks. "Do you want me to fuck you?" he whispers.

"Please," Yamato moans breathlessly back, crawling up in between his legs, drifting closer to Kakashi. His hand slinks around the sofa, searching for that damn bottle of lube, absently theorising that it's much less likely of Kakashi having any problems if his dick is up Yamato's ass instead. His gaze skips to the white, healing mark by the base of Kakashi's neck, and suffocating guilt seeps in through the thick, consuming lust, making him look away quickly. Finding the bottle wedged within two cushions, Yamato pulls it out with a short grin. 

"I take it you have condoms?" He asks as casually as he can, eying Kakashi's utterly erect member.

"Somewhere," Kakashi says, flapping a hand around. "I think." He grabs the lube from Yamato and flicks it open, squeezing some of the lube onto his fingers. His gaze travels up and down Yamato's body, and he licks his lips before swaying forward for a kiss.

Yamato turns his head swiftly, denying Kakashi his lips before speaking. "I'd like to get them… Where are they?" Yamato's gaze bounds around the room, attempting to recall where Kakashi produced the condoms from last time they had sex in this apartment.

"I think the package is still under the bed from where I kicked it last time," Kakashi says.

Rolling his eyes, Yamato clambers off the sofa swiftly, really not wanting to delay much longer. "I fear what else I'll find underneath there," he shoots back at Kakashi before whizzing to the side of his bed, bending and looking down under it. Fortunately, there's a single packet near the edge, and Yamato grabs it, returning impressively fast to Kakashi's lap.

Kakashi tugs on Yamato's boxers. "Get these off now. You've had them on for far too long."

"True," Yamato bends forward and kisses Kakashi to keep him occupied, his hands yanking his boxers down to slightly above his bent knees on either side of Kakashi's thighs. Yamato hisses his frustration out, breaking the kiss and leaning back, raising his legs awkwardly in the air and finally rips off his boxers completely. He settles back down on Kakashi's crotch, rolling his ass against his hard cock and letting out a quiet, raspy moan at the pleasurable friction. "Are you going to finger me or should I do it myself, senpai?"

In response, Kakashi snakes a hand around Yamato's waist, fingers slicked with lube trailing down to his entrance. He rubs a small circle against the puckered hole before slowly inserting the tip of his middle finger. "I'm going to do it, and you'll be moaning my name."

Groaning, Yamato's eyelashes flicker at the sensation, not having felt Kakashi's finger/fingers penetrating him in a while, much too long for his liking. His hands cling to Kakashi's muscular shoulders as he slowly sways his hips backwards and forwards, attempting to guide Kakashi's finger deeper. "If you want me to moan your name, you're going to have to do a better job than that," Yamato teases, feeling his cock harden, but regardless lusting after more arousal.

Kakashi grins. "Oh, don't worry." He slips his finger deeper, stroking the inner muscle with each pass as he thrusts his finger in and out. He dips his head down, licking a line from Yamato's ear to his nipple. He twirls his tongue around and sucks on the small nub.

Yamato releases a breathless gasp, his fingers travelling to Kakashi's hair and clutching onto the unkempt strands. His mouth falls open, arching his back and grinding down forcefully against the wonderful sensation of Kakashi stroking him on the inside. His breaths stutter as Kakashi's wet tongue swirls hotly over his nipple, his body shivering with pleasure as pressure builds up in his lower torso. He can tell this is going to be a good fuck already. 

"Ah...that's more like it," he manages to vocalise. "But it's going to take a lot for me to moan your name aloud."

"I've barely begun," Kakashi says with a wicked smirk. He slides a second finger in, scissoring them back and forth to loosen the muscles. "God, when was the last time I fucked you? You're so tight," he groans and rests his forehead on Yamato's shoulder, breathing hotly against his skin.

"Too long," Yamato pants out in a heavy breath. He could put an approximate time date on it if he wants to, but right now he's unwilling to focus on anything but the present kneading of his inner muscles, massaging away the tautness. It's great fucking Kakashi's ass, but he must admit that receiving his senpai's member up his ass is very pleasurable too. Yamato can feel his entrance expanding, and he rocks his ass backwards into Kakashi's fingers, a coarse moan slipping out of his throat. He's still grasping onto the condom packet, and now he tears it open, rolling it onto Kakashi's cock skilfully. Then he winds one arm loosely around Kakashi's back and simply concentrates on the feeling of Kakashi's fingers inside him, tensing his grip with every thrust. Kakashi's index digit brushes against a certain spot, and Yamato moans lengthily, one hand clasping his own cock. 

"I need to sit on your dick soon, senpai, or I'll come just from your fingers."

"One more finger," Kakashi promises, removing the two and then inserting three. He thrusts them in and out once, twice, three times before pulling them out completely. Pressing a kiss to the pulse pounding in Yamato's neck, Kakashi takes a breath. So far, he's been fine, and he hopes that he can hold out for just a few minutes more.

The fingers on his left hand grip Yamato's hip as he urges him to lift up, his other hand holding his cock, ready to guide it inside of Yamato.

Yamato raises himself up onto his knees, shifting to position himself right over Kakashi's member, fingers already making indents in Kakashi's back with just the anticipation. Exhaling profusely, Yamato's lips find Kakashi's and kisses him distractedly as he lowers himself down, biting his senpai's lip as he's slowly being filled up.

Kakashi moans thickly as Yamato sinks onto him, both hands flying to tangle in Yamato's hair. Their kiss is messy and interspersed with short pauses, breaths mingling together as they pant into the other's mouth. When Yamato is fully seated on him, Kakashi gives a slow roll of his hips, savoring the slow drag of his cock deep inside.

Kakashi gradually starts to move deliberately inside him, and Yamato's sturdy body feels electric, focusing on intensifying the bliss arching through his nerves. He elevates his ass up again, letting Kakashi's solid cock trail almost completely out of him before driving his hips down again, his head falling backwards, exposing his vibrating throat as he moans loudly. "That's it," Yamato pants unsteadily, nails tearing down Kakashi's back. "Move faster...."

Gripping Yamato's hips, Kakashi drives him down hard as he bucks up. He attaches his lips to Yamato's neck, sucking, licking, nipping. Heat pools low in his groin, and he groans quietly, angling his hips up and grinding them in slow circles, mouth falling open as he breathes heavily. "Fuck..."

"Oh, god..." Yamato's chest heaves up and down, matching Kakashi's rhythm, swaying his pelvis in just the right directions. The burning contained in his lower stomach kicks up a notch, and he moans some more, knowing he's being excessively loud but he can't help it-not with Kakashi's saliva soaking into his oversensitive skin. Knowing he's going to come soon, he hangs onto Kakashi, pressing their sweaty chests together. Resisting the urge to grasp his own longing cock, he chooses to instead suck hard underneath Kakashi's jawline to divert his attention from his oncoming orgasm.

Kakashi smirks against Yamato's neck, which is all the warning Yamato gets before Kakashi expertly maneuvers them, without slipping out, so Yamato is lying down on the couch. Kakashi grabs the armrest with one hand, using it as leverage as he thrusts. His other hand encircles Yamato's cock, and his thumb brushes lightly over the head.

Drinking in the sight of Kakashi's flushed cheeks, a beautiful shade of light, dusty pink, Yamato's dark, lustful eyes narrow to slits, his stomach tensing almost painfully. The back of his head sinks into the pillows as Kakashi satisfies him again and again, the wonderful sensation of being joined with someone he loves overwhelming him in the most gratifying way possible. Yamato's hand grasps the hair at the back of Kakashi's head tightly, parting his lips and kissing him deeply, arching into Kakashi's touch with a loaded, drawling moan. "Kaka..shi-senpai," he gasps out into his senpai's mouth with a quiver running through his body. "Ah.. I.." slips out between his lips, unable to verbally warn Kakashi of his imminent orgasm. 

"I know, Tenzou," Kakashi breathes. He pulls back slightly, staring at Yamato with hooded eyes. The raw emotion he sees there makes his movements falter, and liquid heat spirals through his veins. He gives one more sharp thrust before he comes with a loud moan, his shaft pulsing deep inside his lover.

His hips jerking forwards suddenly, Yamato claws at Kakashi's back, his eyes squeezing shut hurriedly. His body shudders pleasantly one more time, his entrance clenching around Kakashi's cock and then he comes, gasping at the bursting release. Semen splatters over Kakashi's midsection and then leaks down both of their thighs as dots dance in Yamato's vision. His mind is wiped of worries, so clean of stress, so blank that the next thing Yamato knows, his eyes are open, gazing into Kakashi's gorgeous obsidian irises as his pants gradually grow less raspy and he can feel hasty sweat cooling against his skin.

Kakashi leans down, a hand cupping the back of his head while the other curls in his hair, and kisses Yamato. A thorough kiss, tongue twirling around Yamato's, deep and heavy enough to make them both lose their breath, but Kakashi doesn't stop. He presses closer, the slight shift in position causing him to slip a bit deeper inside, and he exhales shakily against Yamato's mouth before he's softly coaxing another kiss out of Yamato.

He rolls his hips carefully forward to chase the feeling of Yamato's inner muscles clenching around his cock, aware that Yamato will be sensitive - hell, he is, too - but Kakashi doesn't want to release him, just wants to stay wrapped up in him forever. He feels content, safe, warm, and he never wants this sensation to disappear. He memorizes everything about this moment - the gentle glide of sweat-slicked skin, their hearts beating almost in time with each other, the soft pants between lazy kisses, strong legs wrapped around his waist - and hopes that there will be another time like this in the near future.

Kakashi's soft lips melding against his is amazingly enchanting to Yamato, feeling himself relax, purely and utterly content, with every gentle slide. His senpai's kisses are charged enough that it's simply impossible for Yamato to keep oxygen in his lungs, but tender enough to be caring. And, Yamato realises fleetingly, the way senpai's moving in and out of him right now isn't like fucking at all. It's like making love. The thought makes Yamato inhale sharply against Kakashi's mouth, but swiftly covering it over with another passionately invasive kiss. He isn't sure when this is going to end, but Yamato really doesn't mind if this goes on all night. Pulling back briefly, he traces Kakashi's reddened lips with one quivering finger, catching his evasive breath. "Not bad for our first day of living together."

Kakashi chuckles softly, dipping his head to lick at a tiny droplet of sweat on Yamato's neck. "I foresee some fabulous fucking in our future."

"Mm....I warned you my ass mightn't be able to take it," Yamato smiles, shifting his pelvis around-part playfully, and partly because he still wants to feel Kakashi inside him. Then it filters back in why it's him getting fucked this time in the first place, and he rubs down Kakashi's back softly, thinking. "You're okay, right? Nothing happened?"

Blowing out a frustrated breath, Kakashi rolls his eyes. "I'm fine. I told you that I would let you know if something was wrong." His expression softens, though, and he offers a small smile. "I know you're just worried, and it's..." he casts about for the word he wants, brushing a soft kiss to his lips, "...nice that you care."

Except that it's not nice. It's so much more than nice, but Kakashi is reluctant to express just how much he appreciates Yamato's concern. He knows that Yamato isn't the only one who cares about him - there's Guy and Naruto and Sakura and Sai and even Sasuke - but none of them matter as much as Yamato does.

Yamato grins widely, his eyes crinkling up with happiness. "I'm really glad to hear that, senpai." Maybe it was just a one-off thing, but Yamato is beyond glad that not all forms of intimacy are completely out of the question. They can have sex safely, and both of them enjoy it immensely. This fact is so relieving to Yamato, who releases a massive breath, still smiling as he tucks a bit of Kakashi's damp grey hair behind his ear.

Kakashi hums and relaxes. He's not worried about his body weight being too much for Yamato to handle, Yamato's build being much broader than Kakashi's own lean frame. He traces the tendons in Yamato's arm lazily while resting his head on his chest.

Yamato closes his eyes softly, roping a laid-back around Kakashi's lower back and dipping his face down to touch off Kakashi's forehead. Every inch of his body almost floats with the...rightness of this. He's once again feeling that sense of belonging Yamato has never felt anywhere but beside his senpai. It's right how easily they embrace. It's right how intensely caring their kisses are, how neatly their pelvises gravitate together, how their panted moans mingle together in the heavy air between them. It's right how often Yamato smiles around Kakashi. This is what he wants.

Abruptly, Yamato senses a gaze on him, and he opens his eyes to see Abacus, perched on Kakashi's upper back between his shoulder blades. He sighs and rolls his eyes, reaching up with a lethargic hand to pet her. "You better not have been watching us."

"She better not tear my back to shreds with her claws," Kakashi mumbles around a yawn.

Yamato giggles lightly, stretching his neck out to get a view of Kakashi's very nice back. "I don't think she could claw it up much more, senpai."

"Oh, my god," Kakashi says. "How badly did you claw my back?" He tries to angle his head to see, now aware of the slight stinging.

Yamato takes in the long, red scratches almost all the way from Kakashi's shoulders to the curve of his lower back with slight shame mixed in with a bit of pride. They were pretty noticeably fresh and bright against his pale skin right now, but Yamato hopes they will fade. Although, there's something very gratifying about marking Kakashi as his. "Um...." he mutters aloud.

Kakashi snorts. "You'll have to disinfect them for me. I can't reach. Are any of them bleeding?"

"I don't think so...." Yamato replies, squinting. "There's a lot of them, but none really that deep. Also-" he lifts up his thigh slightly. "In return, you get the honour of cleaning my injury."

"Oh, I'll take good care of you," Kakashi whispers, a teasing lilt in his tone.

Yamato rolls his eyes, inwardly glad that Kakashi's back to making innuendos. "I suppose I can't tell you to stop making sex jokes with your dick up my ass, huh?"

Kakashi grins and says cheerfully, "Nope," pressing a kiss to the tip of Yamato's nose. "And as much as I like being inside of you, I'm starting to get a little stiff."

Yamato rotates his pelvis around, humming a little at how nice it still feels to have Kakashi inside him. "And my cum is drying, too..." He moves to sit up a bit more, frowning mildly at the escaped white drops dotted on the seat. "Please tell me you didn't like this sofa much anyway."

Kakashi carefully pulls out, then takes off the condom, tying it off before tossing it in a nearby wastebasket. "As for the stains, this couch has seen worse," he states and cringes as soon as the last word leaves his lips. "Shit... Sorry."

Yamato watches the condom land in the bin impassively, the empty, hollow feeling of knowing Kakashi was never, and will never be, entirely his, seeping back unwelcomingly. "It's fine," he says flatly, avoiding Kakashi's gaze. "Nothing I didn't already know."

Raking a hand through his hair, Kakashi shakes his head, pacing away from Yamato a few steps, not caring that he's still naked. "Look, yes, I've fucked around, okay? If you can't deal with that, then you're welcome to leave. But that's in the past." Here he whirls around, and his black gaze pins Yamato to the spot. "You and I - it's just us. I haven't fucked anyone else in months."

Yamato pulls himself into a cross-legged position, wincing a little. He can't help feeling insecure-the fact that Kakashi's slept with so many other people makes him feel like he's just a passing fancy, that the Hokage will be back to his same old routine soon when he leaves. If he left, Yamato wishes he could be certain that Kakashi would care enough to stop him. 

"I know that," he says quietly. "But for me, there was-" his planned words, only you, are suddenly glued to the inside of his throat. There was a time when he was upset, angry and resenting Kakashi, a time when he was willing to try anything to stop that damn aching in his chest. Yamato bows his head.

"There was only me, right?" Kakashi finishes with a heavy sigh. This is a conversation that he doesn't want to have, particularly since there are things he hasn't told Yamato, but also because he's still unsure of his true feelings for Yamato.

He knows that he cares deeply for the ANBU and would be upset if Yamato were to ever leave, but Kakashi isn't sure if he would chase after Yamato if that happens. You don't deserve anything good, you've been bad, a familiar voice says in the back of his mind, and Kakashi clenches his fists tightly.

He's worthless, he knows this, and truthfully, Yamato deserves so much better, but Kakashi is too selfish to let him go.

No, Yamato wants to say. It wasn't only you, although I wish it had been. He climbs off of the sofa silently, and grabs his clothes off the floor, pulling on his boxers mechanically. He doesn't want to have this conversation right now, not right after everything going so well. Why can't things go smoothly for once?! Yamato exhales shallowly, feeling suddenly vulnerable and cold. The walls stretch out around him, the floor expanding out beneath his feet, carrying everything and everyone he dares to love away, far, far away. He clutches the rest of his clothes to his chest, shivers creeping over his goosebumped skin. Yamato clenches down his jaw, telling himself to be strong, fight through this, he can't keep getting stuck on how abruptly Kakashi suddenly wasn't there anymore. It happened years ago. And yet, he's never felt more isolated in his life. He's stepping quickly forward before he realises what he's doing, words spilling out of his mouth as he grasps Kakashi's shoulder tightly. 

"Don't leave me again."

"Again?" Kakashi asks with a frown. "Are you talking about when I left ANBU?"

Yamato leans his forehead against Kakashi's collarbones, lips sewn together in a tight line, remembering. The smothering dampness of thrashing helplessly inside a snake's gut, unable to do anything but pass out and pray for death. The horrid weight of the guilt knowing he was being used to fuel an army, trapped like a mammoth in an oily swamp. 

"No," Yamato breathes out. "Not exactly."

Kakashi wraps his arms around Yamato, resting his cheek on the top of his head. "Hey, I'm not going to leave you," he murmurs. "I'm here, and I don't intend to let you go. Whatever this is, we can work through it."

Yamato has never heard anything remotely like what came out of Kakashi's mouth ever before. At first, he's not sure even to believe it, or if he heard it at all. Yamato feels something buckle inside his chest - something like that huge longing for someone to stay with him finally being given hope. "Thank you, senpai," Yamato gulps out, and he pushes off Kakashi's chest suddenly, racing into the bathroom as the first tears fell. Slamming the door behind him, Yamato sinks to the floor, his dark eyes shining brighter than they ever had before. He's repressed his emotions for so long-dammit, why did they choose now all to come out? Yamato wipes his damp eyes with a small smile, exhaling slowly.

Kakashi hurries to the bathroom, knocking on the door. "Tenzou?" he asks, a worried edge to his voice. "Tenzou, are you okay?" He doesn't think that he said anything wrong, but perhaps Yamato misunderstood him.

Yamato gathers himself together against gradually, realising he's still got his bundled-up clothes pressing to his chest. "I'm okay," he calls back, hopping into his pants. "I'll be out in a second." He dresses quickly and cleans himself off, opening the door to Kakashi with a slight smile. "We still have work to do, senpai."

Giving him a bewildered look, Kakashi blinks. "Um, okay? We aren't going to talk about what made you run into the bathroom?"

Yamato reaches up to his head and ruffles his own hair in mild embarrassment. "It's nothing. I overreacted a little. It isn't often that I hear those types of things from you, senpai." His heart's still beating fast as he recalls them, amazed that Kakashi actually said them. Then again, saying doesn't mean much if he doesn't carry through. But somehow, Yamato realises, those words were exactly what he needed.

"You realize it wasn't exactly a love confession, right?" Kakashi mentions slowly. He hates to bring it up, but he needs to make sure that Yamato understands that while Kakashi may not want to leave him, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's in love.

Yet, at least.

Yamato rolls his eyes. As if he'd ever expect something like that from Kakashi's mouth, even knowing half of his issues. "Of course. I'm not dense."

A wry chuckle falls from Kakashi's lips. "Just wanted to make sure we were on the same page," he tosses over his shoulder as he strides over to his abandoned clothing and begins pulling them on. He still feels slightly tipsy from the sake and sex, and he plops on the couch. "So what work do we have?"

Yamato paces over to his box, sifting through some things before producing a brown envelope, stuffed with sheets. He flicks it open and rifles through the pages, his expression dropping. "It's the reports joining the rank of ANBU missions to the death rate, plus past data regarding the same thing. We've got to compare and analyse them, see if there's a pattern or increase." Straightening up, Yamato pads over to the table, plonking himself down on a cushion and shedding the sheets over the wood. He scans them briefly, moving them into organised piles, already frowning as his mind turns from the subject of him and Kakashi to the ROOT.

Kakashi shifts closer, leaning against his side. "I hate paperwork," he complains as he turns a sheet to better read it, forehead creasing.

"I'm surprised you're saying that, knowing the reason behind this," Yamato comments, grabbing a blank page and a nearby pen, starting to summarise and record the information into a table.

"I still hate paperwork," Kakashi maintains. "Have you looked through anything yet?"

"As you can see, I'm currently looking, as you should be doing too," Yamato prompts, flicking over another page. "ANBU missions don't have ranks, but I got them to figure out a system based on the difficulty to file every single mission from the last year under. It's similar to the regular grading, with letters, so we can compare the recent death toll against the ones calculated for a similarly graded mission last year," he tells him, already switching over to work, document-and-sort mode.  
"I'll take A and S rank, you can handle C and B."

"Yes, sir," Kakashi murmurs, and, with a quick nip to Yamato's ear, he grabs the designated piles and begins scanning through them.

It takes a while to sort through most of the reports, documents and files. Yamato finds himself rubbing his tired, dry eyes, staring out at the dark night as his fuzzy head clears for a quick break. But the conclusions he's drawing from this are worrying him more and more....

"Have the missing and death rates risen on B and C rank missions too?" He asks Kakashi, glancing up at him tiredly.

"Unfortunately, yes," Kakashi sighs, tossing the papers onto the table.

"Why are they killing off agents?" Yamato muses. "Why not convince them to join their side and hide them in the ANBU? This way, our numbers are dropping, but none of these are especially outstanding...." Yamato's pen travels over the files of the dead and missing. One caught his eye and his pen halted deathly still. He nudges Kakashi. "Look. Yugao."

Kakashi nods. "I know," he says softly, recalling the purple haired kunoichi he worked with in the past. "That was a few months ago."

"I didn't realise..." Yamato frowns, pursing his lips as he stares down her unmasked face, unease piling up. After a couple of seconds, she becomes another tally mark on the page and Yamato shuffles more impassionate faces over her file. "I'm going to go through the D ranked missions too. Normally there's around a 3% death rate, so if that's increased we'll definitely know of one way they're operating."

"Do the shinobi who have died have anything in common?" Kakashi wonders aloud. "Maybe that could be a factor as to why ROOT is targeting them, and it could help us identify future victims."

"Mm...." Yamato hums, flicking through his notes. "Predictably, none of them are former ROOT agents, but if that boy was telling the truth, only one is a new member, but I doubt we can trust anything he said."

"Age and gender are out of the question," Kakashi muses. "There is a range of ages here, not to mention males, females, and non-binary ninja."

"I doubt that'd be of any concern to them," Yamato sighs. "I don't know how this new one operates, but Danzo never gave a shit about age, gender, race, sexuality-whatever. It was just if you could kill well or not...."

Kakashi jerks upright. "Check the number of kills they all have. Success rates of their missions."

Yamato's eyes widen, his hands flying around with new vigor. "Are you suggesting that they're taking out all of our best members to leave us weak?" He scans through the gathered files of the dead, brow creasing up. "Because all of these are strong. Very strong and very paranoid. I couldn't imagine that it would be easy to take them out quietly."

"So this," Kakashi taps the papers, "could very well be why ROOT is killing them. Although I'm sure not all of these deaths can be attributed to ROOT."

"Definitely not," Yamato agrees, wrapping a hand around his mouth in thought. "Although, let's not assume that's the reason immediately. Some of these could be ninjas who knew about ROOT and intended to inform."

"How about we do this," Kakashi suggests. "Separate the ones who have witnesses to their death. It's the ones where there are no witnesses that we should focus on."

Yamato nods, starting to rearrange the files, pushing aside the reports for now. "Good idea. It should also mention if the witnesses are credible or not, and who reported the death. I don't know if who the team captain was will turn out to be of any importance, but I want to know who's dying under whose command."

"I don't want to think about it, but an ANBU captain would be an ideal undercover ROOT member," Kakashi admits. "They would know plans, movements of ANBU and of the Hokage."

"Yep," Yamato exhales, leaning against Kakashi's shoulder as he thinks. Somehow, captain and Kakashi reminds him of someone....but he can't recall exactly who. Yamato ruffles his hair in frustration, making a mental note to look into it later. "Movements of the Hokage....meaning that they could know where you'll pass through and set traps, maybe even taking you out without a member at the scene. " Yamato shivers slightly, bolting upright as something occurs to him. "What about your home? How many people know you live here? There could be an attack directly here!"

"All of the ANBU know where I live, Tenzou. They need to just in case there's ever a problem. But you don't have to worry. I've been summoning my dogs at night, and I haven't had any problems yet," Kakashi says gently and places a comforting hand on Yamato's shoulder.

"And yet you keep your door open," Yamato sighs briefly, shaking his head. "Sorry. Off-topic. I noticed something else connecting the missing agents together-it's very general, though-but all of them have lost someone very close to them, like a relative, friend or lover. I don't see why that would make them a target for the ROOT though....Wait," Yamato interrupts himself. "All of their lost ones were killed by an accident, a flaw in judgement by the leader, a mistaken target...everything that would cause them to resent something, or somebody."

A long-buried memory flashes through Kakashi's mind, and he frowns deeply. "Danzo used that approach with me years ago, when you and I first met. He tried to get me to blame the Third for Minato's death."

"So you think they're adapting that approach of hatred towards ANBU operatives, using their past to manipulate them into joining? And the ones that didn't accept...well, there they are," Yamato gestures at the stacked files. "So maybe we can identify moles if we pick out the members with a particularly painful past."

Kakashi nods. "That sounds reasonable enough. We can split the pile in half and go through them."

"Here are the ones still living," Yamato grunt, raising a 10cm high stack. "I'm kind of glad the ANBU reduced in size after the war now..."

Kakashi makes a face. "Same here." Taking the pile, he splits it in half and hands one stack to Yamato. "Have fun." He begins sorting his papers, and after a few minutes, releases a low sigh.

"What is it?" Yamato asks absently, expecting a complaint. A yawn wriggles on his lips, and he stifles the urge, glancing up at the clock. "It's past midnight already. We should probably get some sleep soon, and continue in the morning."

"I'm just remembering my ANBU days, that's all. I was good at it, and I never quite understood why the Third had me resign. I miss it sometimes," he says wistfully as he shakes his head.

"You were becoming too stony, that's why," Yamato says evenly, his chest tightening. "Team 7 came along, and you became warmer, less cold-hearted. I understand the Third's decision."

"'Too stony'?" Kakashi repeats with a raised eyebrow. "I thought I was doing fine."

"I've heard rumours about what you were like before I joined, and you did improve, compared to that. But murdering constantly for years on end can't be good for anyone," Yamato comments, sitting up straighter and gazing at him. "I just wasn't enough to balance out how much killing you were doing. You were doing fine, but if you stayed much longer, I was afraid of just how much of your humanity you would lose."

"Says the guy who's been in ROOT or ANBU for all but, what, five years of his life?" Kakashi snorts and leans back on his elbows, saying bitterly, "Maybe I should take you out of ANBU and see how you like it."

"Every person reacts differently to the same situation," Yamato shoots back. "For example, when I lost people I cared about it just made me care about keeping the others alive more. So take me out of the ANBU if you want. It won't stop me guarding you."

"And I didn't care about my comrades? My nickname in ANBU may have been 'Friend Killer Kakashi' but that's not true. I did my best to keep people safe," Kakashi hisses.

"I know," Yamato raises his hands, clenching his jaw down. He can visibly see Kakashi getting pissed off, and he really doesn't want another disagreement tonight. "You were the most excellent captain I ever served under, senpai. I still trust you with my life, and the reason why you're here now, sorting through paperwork although you hate it, is to protect people. I know that, and the whole village appreciates it."

Shoulders slumping, Kakashi hangs his head. "I know. I didn't mean to get so...defensive. I guess it's been festering for a while..."

Lowering his hands, Yamato's expression softens, realising. "You always did everything you possibly could to protect your team-even going into the impossible sometimes," Yamato smiles a tiny bit, recalling all the times Kakashi ran himself to the ground and ended up in hospital. "Nobody blames you for deaths you simply couldn't prevent. You can't shoulder every burden. So," Yamato finishes, placing a hand on Kakashi's shoulder. "Think about all the deaths you prevented. How many people are alive now because of you?"

Kakashi leans into the touch. "You're alive because of me," he whispers as he brushes his lips across Yamato's ear.

Yamato ducks his face to hide his somber smile, wrapping an arm completely around Kakashi's shoulders and moving nearer to him for a hug. "And for that, I am very grateful," he murmurs.

Two fingers under Yamato's chin, Kakashi tilts his face up and presses their lips together with a quiet moan. "I'm glad you're alive," he says against his lips.

Relaxing against Kakashi's warm mouth and his even warmer words, Yamato parts his lips, thinking how nice it would be to lay here with Kakashi and forget about work. A reply is on the tip of his tongue, ready to roll off, but he holds back. Too much. "Same to you," he breathes quietly. Three words a lot more subtle, a lot more suitable and a lot less frightening. Gently winding his hands around Kakashi's shoulders, Yamato brushes his lips off of Kakashi's nose. "How about we go into the bathroom and I clean those scratches of yours?"

Kakashi nods with a soft sigh. "And I can take care of your leg." He stands up, extending a hand to help Yamato to his feet.

Yamato takes it with a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure all the papers are organised. He's satisfied with what he sees, and he clasps Kakashi's hand, heading to the bathroom, wincing a little as he walks, realising his butt may need a decent lot of hours or even days to recover. "You have medical stuff in there, right?" he asks Kakashi.

"Yeah, I do. Antiseptic, bandages, gauze." He shrugs. "I try to take care of my own injuries before going to the hospital." Opening a cabinet, he removes the needed supplies and sets them on the counter.

Sighing lightly, Yamato takes up a bottle of antiseptic, noting how empty it is. "Make sure you always go to the hospital afterwards, though. Minor injuries can be a lot worse than they seem on the surface," Yamato reminds him. "Shall we go somewhere more comfortable or stay here? You don't want your whole house stinking if disinfectant, do you?"

"Are you planning on dumping the entire bottle on me, Tenzou, that my house will stink from it?" Kakashi asks with a grin. "We can stay here. It's fine."

"Yes," Yamato replies, face utterly serious. He places a hand on Kakashi's waist, slipping underneath his clothing. "It may be just a little easier if you take your shirt off."

Kakashi yanks his shirt off, hissing as the material rubs against the scratches. "Damn, you got me good," he says, a hint of approval tinging his voice.

"Hence needing most of the bottle," Yamato twirls it around in his palm with a small smile, swishing it back and forth. He fetches a cotton pad from the supplies, tilting the liquid onto it. "This may sting a little," he says, winding a palm around Kakashi's waist and pressing the pad lightly to the top of a scratch.

Kakashi flinches, drawing in a quick breath as his fingers twitch into fists. "Just do it quickly and get it over with. I'm not that delicate."

"That's what you like to think." Yamato lays a hopefully relaxing kiss at the side of Kakashi's neck as he follows the red marks down, undeniably enjoying the closeness. "But I'll try to go as quickly as I can." He dabs downwards swiftly, halting every so often to change to fresh cotton, gaze skipping over Kakashi's sinewy back with a lot of appreciation.

"I can feel you eyeing me," Kakashi comments. "I know I'm hot and I have this reputation as a sex god, but I do need time to recover." He carefully rolls his shoulders, trying to relax through the sting of the medication.

Yamato chuckles, admiring the way his muscles shimmer underneath his smooth skin when he does that... Yamato shakes his head, tossing the old piece of cotton in the bin. "If you truly were a sex god, you wouldn't need time to recover," Yamato shrugs, giving into his urge to leave a row of kisses across the top of Kakashi's shoulders. "I think I'd like that."

The light touches cause shivers to course through Kakashi's body, and he tilts his head to one side, exposing more of his shoulder and neck for Yamato to explore. "I'd like that, too. Just imagine me fucking you again and again until you're so sensitive that just the simplest touch will set your nerves alight."

"Mm," Yamato hums against Kakashi's skin, moving closer so his free hand can rest on his senpai's lower stomach. "If you actually want time to recover, you may want to stop talking," he mumbles, wanting to suck hard at Kakashi's neck but resisting. Instead, he rubs the fresh supply against the scratches on his lower back.

Kakashi inhales shakily. He can feel his body beginning to respond to Yamato's touches and closeness, but he's exhausted. "We can continue this tomorrow," he says around a yawn. "I need to take care of your leg, and then I'm going to crash in bed."

"Good plan," Yamato answers, feeling the pull on his eyelids as he finishes up cleaning the wound.

"Your turn," Kakashi murmurs as he turns around and slides Yamato's pants down. He gently removes the bandage, wets a cotton pad with the antiseptic, and begins to clean the wound.

Yamato lays a hand on the back of Kakashi's neck, bending forward and kissing his forehead. His injury stings with sharp throbs as Kakashi swipes the antiseptic over it. "Thank you," he murmurs.

"You're welcome." After Kakashi finishes cleaning it, he expertly bandages it. "Time for bed," he says wearily, standing to his feet, and he puts the supplies away.

"Definitely," Yamato mumbles an agreement, not even bothering to put back on his pants and simply scooping them up, plodding towards his box. He picks out some pyjamas, throwing them on on the spot and rubs an eye sleepily. "Do you want to use the bathroom first?"

Shaking his head, Kakashi gestures to Yamato before heading to the bedroom. "Nah, you can use it first."

"Sure," Yamato says tiredly, packing away his clothes neatly. He's fast at getting ready for bed-and soon he's curled up sleepily on Kakashi's mattress, subtly breathing in the full, comforting scent of his senpai.

Kakashi disappears into the bathroom, reappearing a few minutes later and sliding into bed. His eyelids feel heavy, and he's barely able to drape an arm over Yamato's waist before his eyes close completely. "G'night," he slurs.

"Sleep well, senpai..." Yamato whispers with a soft sigh, placing a hand over Kakashi's looped around his waist. He's exhausted and stressed out completely, but he knows if he was alone right now he'd still be hyper-alert, paranoia infesting through his mind with theories about his former organisation. And yet, having someone next to him - someone he can trust entirely - breathing pouring out warmly against his neck, he's okay. It'll work out okay, is Yamato's last relieved thought before he's dreaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yamato and Kakashi drink sake and end up slightly drunk, and start making out. Yamato worries about triggering Kakashi and asks if he's okay. Kakashi replies that he'll let Yamato know if he's not. Kakashi does drink more sake, thinking that it will give him 'liquid courage.' They have sex with no flashbacks.
> 
> Yamato and Kakashi also discuss the missing and dead shinobi from different ranked missions. They have an argument about Kakashi's ANBU days.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I’m scared because you mean more to me than any other person. You are everything I think about, everything I want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, not much to warn about, but warnings at the end of the chapter, as usual.

"Ah!" Yamato cries out sharply, snapping upright and his head bashing against the wall as he frantically backs up, doused in panicked sweat. 

"Don't-!"

The fearful shriek fades from his throat as his wide eyes take in the darkness around him, his ears taking in silence. His vision clears swiftly as he realises that he's awake. He's safe. Yamato slouches, holding his cold head in his hands, sinking down between his knees. "Dammit..."

Kakashi, who had woken up at Yamato's first cry, leans up on an elbow and frowns. Yamato has been having nightmares for the past four nights, ever since he first moved in with Kakashi. It worries him. Neither of them have been getting a good night's rest, and although he and Yamato have talked about the nightmares, it hasn't helped.

Cautiously, he stretches a hand out and touches Yamato's shoulder. "Hey," he whispers, "was it the same dream again?"

Yamato flinches away from the touch, his nerves still on edge and his blood still feeling like it's going to burst open from his veins. He hangs his head lower, tangling his fingers in his damp hair in frustration. He knows Kakashi isn't getting any decent sleep because of this, and no matter how much they talked or tried to fix it, it never went away. A round of guilt hits him, and he would've dipped lower if he could. 

"Yeah," he says flatly. He doesn't want to see Kakashi slowly breaking down, shivering in a cold corner while he's trapped behind glass, a soundproof and shatterproof wall, unable to reach Kakashi no matter how hard he smashed against it. Both alone, both unable to reach each other. And, as an added bonus scene, there's the end finale where Yamato's ROOT again, made to plunge his fingers around Kakashi's red eye and yank it out. Helpless to control his actions or block out Kakashi's screams.

"Hey," Kakashi says again, knowing full well what all the dream entails. "I'm here, I'm alive, I'm safe. Look at me, Tenzou. Look at me," he urges when Yamato is hesitant to lift his head.

Yamato wants to cover his face with his hands like a child who's broken a toy, but he's just about recovered enough to resist the urge. Kakashi's familiar voice rings his chest, squeezing it tighter. He could've actually done it. He almost did it. Yamato forcefully bites back some choking tears, upturning his face and meeting Kakashi's soft gaze. He's been crying so much lately when so little is wrong-it feels so stupid, and Yamato hates himself for how weak he's being, especially in front of Kakashi. He's supposed to be the supporting one. He's comfortable in that role-this reversal is very...foreign to him.

"You're alive," he repeats in a desperate attempt to calm himself.

"I'm alive," Kakashi repeats with a soft smile, then frowns as he looks down at Yamato's thigh. "Your bandage is coming off, probably from moving in your sleep."

"Yeah, I do tend to thrash a little," Yamato replies, trying for a smile but his expression crumples instead, fighting back dry tears as the memories of the nightmare well up.

"Why don't you lie back and let me take care of you?" Kakashi suggests, already getting up and moving towards the bathroom.

Yamato swallows hard. He wants to say that he's fine, that he can do it himself, but he knows deep in his gut that he's not able to right now. But the image of Kakashi leaving the room terrifies him-he leaps unsteadily to his feet, racing to Kakashi's back and trying not to feel as if the dark's clutching onto him. "I'll come with you," he says shakily, unwilling to admit that he doesn't want to be left alone, even for a second. However irrational, Yamato's scared that Kakashi won't walk back in the bedroom door.

Kakashi frowns but nods. "Okay," he agrees. He turns on the bathroom light and opens the cabinet door. They'd had to get more antiseptic two days ago, what with Yamato's injury and the scratches on Kakashi's back, and he grabs the nearly full bottle and some more bandaging. "Let's go back to bed."

Yamato nods silently, staying close to Kakashi, eyes flicking around warily. He follows Kakashi back into the bedroom, soundlessly sitting at the edge as he tries harder to convince himself everything's alright. "Pakkun and the rest are here somewhere, right?"

"Pakkun and Bull are inside the house, and the others are spread around outside," Kakashi says as he removes the bandages and begins to spread antiseptic on the cut. "Plus there are two ANBU guarding us, too."

It's an unspoken rule in ANBU to not divulge whom the current Hokage is involved with - even to a fellow ANBU - as it will make the significant other a potential target, so Kakashi isn't worried that his relationship with Yamato will spread around. However, he has a sinking feeling in his gut that Endo knows. His brow furrows, and he concentrates harder on taking care of Yamato. He winds the bandages around Yamato's leg, checking to make sure that it isn't too tight, then leans down and presses a kiss right above the bandage.

Yamato almost jumps at the light touch, but he manages to stay still, exhaling deeply. He concentrates on Kakashi's soothing lips, warm and gentle against his thigh, letting his shoulders droop. Closing his eyes, he rests a hand on Kakashi's shoulder, allowing himself to relax. He could've done what he was ordered, but he didn't. In this universe, both him and Kakashi are safe, guarded and Yamato would rather plunge a kunai into his own throat than hurt his senpai. The thought strangely relieves him, beginning to breathe easier.

"That's it," Kakashi murmurs, both hands coming up to caress Yamato's thigh. "Just relax." He drops more careful, closed-mouthed kisses, moving further up his leg until he's hovering over his groin. Leaning down, Kakashi exhales slowly, warm breath ghosting over the boxers that Yamato is wearing, and he presses his tongue against Yamato's covered cock.

Yamato's back stiffens, his hand jerking up to weave his fingers tightly into Kakashi's hair. His stomach clenches and his teeth grits together, torn between liking the distraction and being too jumpy for this. He opens his eyes slowly, reminding himself this is Kakashi's mouth hovering over his cock. He has nothing to fear, but....Yamato's other hand moves to Kakashi's one lying on his thigh, gripping it hard. He gazes at Kakashi with a profuse breath, letting the tension seep out from his muscles.

Kakashi glances up and pulls away. "Are you okay with this? I can stop." He rubs calming circles on Yamato's leg with his thumb, inwardly cursing himself for not thinking of Yamato first.

"Just..." Yamato trails off, unsure of what to say. His thoughts are so messed up, being flung around everywhere in a panicked daze-it would be nice to blank them out for a bit. Slipping two fingers underneath Kakashi's chin, he tilts his face upwards more, kissing him shallowly. He breaks away cautiously, this time managing a proper smile. "Yeah. Just...can we make out for a bit first?" He thinks he'll be able to handle this better if he has a few minutes to relax his nerves and simply indulge in Kakashi.

A wicked grin splits Kakashi's face, and he gently pushes Yamato down on the bed, crawling over him. "Whatever you want," he breathes before kissing him.

A faint smile appears on Yamato's busy lips, kissing Kakashi deeper. He can feel himself getting caught up in Kakashi again, all the night terrors melting away with every touch. He marvels, not for the first time, how having his senpai around-treating him like this, caring for him-eases his mind just so damn much. His palm cupping the back of Kakashi's neck, Yamato pushes the kiss further, tongue slipping freely past his lips, leaving out a low moan at the instant rush. He's very pleased he decided to go ahead-his mind's already utterly distracted from...whatever it was that was bothering him. Yamato doesn't want to recall it right now, doesn't want to focus on anything but him and Kakashi.

Kakashi hums in pleasure, sucking lightly on his tongue. His hands glide up Yamato's chest, and his fingertips brush against his nipples, circling them slowly. He enjoys moments like this when it's just him and Yamato doing whatever they want, whether it be talking or fucking.

Yamato groans throatily, arching his back, responding to Kakashi's touches attentively, perhaps with a little too much eagerness. He loops his other arm around Kakashi's waist, suddenly grabbing hold of his side and pushing his shoulder, flinging him over onto his back abruptly. Yamato swiftly dumps himself on his lower stomach, keeping him in place as he grins devilishly down at him.

"Want an early morning fuck?"

"Do you even have to ask?" Kakashi replies, rolling his hips up.

Yamato snorts lightly, enjoying the sudden spark of pleasure in his crotch. "True. You're always down to fuck if I am." Yamato leans forward, hand splayed out on his chest, and kisses him quickly. "It's one of the things I like best about you," he whispers with a lopsided, teasing smile.

"What's another thing you like about me?" Kakashi asks. His fingers dance down Yamato's spine to the small of his back, then drift slightly under the waistband of his boxers. He nips at Yamato's ear, scraping at the lobe with his teeth.

"Your tight ass," Yamato murmurs back, moving his hips forward so his waistband dips down further. He rewards Kakashi's nipping with a small, rapid inhale, loving the sensation. His ear's one of his more sensitive areas, and damn did Kakashi like taking advantage of that. "Where did we put the lube?" he asks, slightly distractedly, hand playing absently up Kakashi's inner thigh.

"Um," Kakashi stutters, hips bucking in response to Yamato's wandering hand, "I think...it's under my pillow. Easy access," he shrugs in response to Yamato's look.

Yamato rolls his eyes, withdrawing his hand from Kakashi's groin and reaching under his pillow, stretching his body out over Kakashi. "I suppose I should be thankful," he says, fingertips brushing off of plastic. He shifts forwards a little more, his hips now positioned over Kakashi's face, to grasp it. "Got it!"

Gripping Yamato's hips, Kakashi holds him in place and again presses his tongue flat against Yamato's clothed cock with a heavy moan. "God, I want you so bad."

Yamato glances down at the sight, his eyes becoming even darker as his pupils grow bigger and his mouth turns suddenly very dry indeed. "Mm," Yamato swallows hard, thinking he'll never adapt to how good Kakashi's hot tongue feels against his member. "Hold up," he breathlessly objects, crawling back down with the lube to stare Kakashi eye-to-eye. "I want to finger myself this time. You can watch," he says evenly, beginning to unwind the bottle top, other hand tugging down the back of his boxers.

"Whoa," Kakashi says, grabbing onto Yamato's hand. "No, you're not. I'm going to make you come just from my fingers, and then I'm going to fuck you." He reaches for the bottle. "So I'll just take this now."

"Oi," Yamato jolts his hand out of Kakashi's reach. "Come on, senpai, don't you want some pre-fuck entertainment? As much as I like your fingers, I'll do it this time."

"I'll get entertainment out of watching you squirm on my fingers," he retorts as he stretches for the lube, fingertips grazing the edge.

"Uh-uh," Yamato shakes his head, shuffling backwards swiftly. "This is mine."

"Tenzou, I'm supposed to be taking care of you," Kakashi whines as he makes a wild grab for the bottle. The brief playful scuffle that follows ends with the bottle accidentally flying across the room. "Fuck."

"Dammit," Yamato hissed out as he dives off of the bed, using both arms to soften the impact and propel him further to the bottle, laying at the very end of the room. Yamato grabs it triumphantly from the place where the wall meets the floor and takes a second to throw a smug look at Kakashi before starting to unscrew it as fast as he could.

Kakashi, Yamato finds out, is directly behind him and pressing even closer, his arms leaning against the wall on either side of him, caging him in. Kakashi's eyes are dark as he leans in, dragging his tongue up the side of Yamato's neck. "Give me the lube, Tenzou," he rasps.

Yamato pouts stubbornly, putting both hands behind his back and squirting some onto his fingers messily. "No," he defies, successfully keeping a moan dwelling in his throat from escaping. He rubs his fingers together to spread it out evenly, then begins to inch his hand downwards towards his ass, hoping Kakashi won't notice.

Trying a different tactic, Kakashi sucks on his earlobe, humming lightly as he grinds against Yamato. "Tenzou," he breathes, "c'mon, just hand it over and I'll be inside you before you know it."

Yamato moans, Kakashi's hips feeling utterly delicious against his crotch, his lips making his mind go blank. And yet he slips a finger inside of himself with a tiny satisfied smile, his other hand pressing the lube into Kakashi's palm. "The point is to draw it out for as much pleasure as possible," he rasps into Kakashi's ear.

"Thank you," Kakashi says as he squeezes some on his fingers. He rubs them together then reaches behind Yamato and trails his hand towards his ass. Kakashi's eyes widen when he realizes that Yamato already had begun fingering himself, and he leans his forehead against Yamato's shoulder, exhaling loudly. "Fuck..." he groans and traces a finger around his entrance.

"Heh," Yamato chuckles, liking the feeling of victory. However, he likes one feeling more, and that is the feeling of some part of Kakashi being deep inside him. He withdraws his finger, grabbing Kakashi's slippery digits and inserts one inside, then adds his own finger again, rubbing off each other. He moans a tiny moan, grasping the hair at the back of Kakashi's neck and pulling his face up. "Compromise," he grins breathlessly.

Kakashi lurches forward, crushing their lips together, as he grinds their hips together. His finger strokes Yamato's inner wall, and he moans loudly, waiting anxiously for when he'll be deep inside Yamato, feeling those same muscles clenching around his cock.

Yamato would've had a witty response for Kakashi's eagerness if he could open his mouth any more to talk around the kiss, but he senses that the time for rational talking is over. It's time for loaded moans and breathless gasping, skin slapping against skin and some garbled, incinerated praise for the other rising up out of throats. A loud moan wells up from his throat, Yamato rocking his hips backwards and forwards in an attempt to get their fingers further up inside of him. Kakashi's loosening him up beautifully skilfully, and there's a heated burning in his lower stomach that confirms his arousal, as if they'd ever needed confirmation. His free hand pulls harder at Kakashi's hair with every twist of his finger. "More..." Yamato groans, slipping in a second finger himself.

"Easy there," Kakashi murmurs, stroking absently at Yamato's hip with his free hand. "Don't hurt yourself." He searches with his finger, and within a few seconds, locates Yamato's prostate, rubbing it gently.

Yamato's head falls backwards to face the ceiling, his legs quivering heavily as bolts of hot pleasure run through his body. He's gasping, trying to keep on his unsteady feet by roping both arms around Kakashi's neck, clinging on as he bucks into the touch. "Oh, god," he slurs, pushing in his fingers deeper and scissoring around Kakashi's finger.

Kakashi chuckles and pushes his face into Yamato's neck, lapping at the sweat forming there. "Can you take a fourth finger?" he asks as he presses a second finger to his entrance.

"Try me," Yamato replies thickly, circling his fingers around his rim, trying to get himself as wide as possible.

Carefully, slowly, Kakashi slides another finger inside. "I never get tired of this," he breathes, thrusting his fingers in and out. "God, you're so tight."

Yamato begins to feel everything more keenly-the slick sense of fingers (mostly Kakashi's-he's losing focus quickly on fingering himself) gliding against his inner walls, rubbing all the right spots that Kakashi knew so well. He loves Kakashi's in-depth knowledge of his body and just how easily he can make Yamato squirm, lusting for a good fuck.

Kakashi hums and leans down to kiss Yamato, tongue sliding into his mouth. He continues to move his fingers, making sure that Yamato is stretched enough. "How close are you to coming?"

"Don't expect me to be able to stay on my feet much longer," Yamato breathes out heavily, feeling the insistent burning in his crotch increase with every rub. His legs feel weak, and he hangs closely onto Kakashi's neck, shifting his hips around to aid himself further along. His cock is throbbing hard, desperate for a touch, and he pulls his fingers out, moving them to his shaft, knowing he's going to come soon.

Slipping two more fingers into Yamato's entrance, Kakashi kneels down, flashing Yamato a wicked grin, and slowly takes the head of Yamato's cock into his mouth. He hums softly, tonguing the sensitive skin, as he presses his fingers as deep as he can, scissoring them around. With his free hand, he holds onto Yamato's hip. He can feel the ANBU trembling, and he loves seeing him like this, shaking and out of his mind with pleasure.

Panting out a long, low moan, it takes all of Yamato's fickle concentration to keep on his feet, bracing his back against the wall and throwing an arm over his eyes as his sweaty chest heaves. "Oh fuck...Kakashi..." He grips Kakashi's hair with his spare hand, the combination of Kakashi's tongue dragging up his length, wet mouth wrapped around his oversensitive skin and his fingers pressing against his prostate like this...Yamato shakes, groaning out throaty praise to Kakashi. "I'm-ah, going to come in your mouth if you don't move..." Yamato manages to get out, the heat ablaze in his crotch driving him insane.

Kakashi pulls away, licking his lips before blowing a heated breath on Yamato's spit-slicked cock. He stands up, aware of his own hard cock aching for friction, but he willfully ignores it in favor of bringing Yamato to completion first.

Yamato takes one last great shuddering inhale before he comes, grasping his own cock and stroking it lightly, taking advantage of how sensitive he is. Come drips onto the floor as he fights to stay upright, his mind blissfully blank as he rides out his orgasm, unaware of what sounds are being produced by his open mouth. 

Kakashi presses closer against Yamato to help him maintain his balance, glancing down and watching as he comes. He moans loudly and swears. "I need a condom," he says, withdrawing his fingers. After making sure that Yamato is at least mostly steady on his feet, he quickly grabs a package and tears it open as he comes back over to Yamato. He rolls it on then squeezes some more lube onto it, hissing at the slight friction.

Kakashi lifts Yamato up, sliding a knee between his legs to rest against the wall. "Wrap your arms around my neck."

Yamato obeys, his damp breathing still heavy and rapid, but he likes Kakashi's toned shoulders and graceful neck. So he slowly drapes his arms around his neck, dipping his face and nuzzling into his shoulder. "Make it good," he whispers against Kakashi's skin.

Kakashi nods, pressing one hand to the wall to brace himself. He reaches down with his other hand, grasps his own cock and lines it up to Yamato's entrance. He slides inside an inch, only to move almost completely out before sliding back inside a little bit more. He bites his lip to hide a grin. He knows that Yamato will soon be nearly begging for him, but he can't help but tease the younger man.

Yamato grabs the hair at the back of Kakashi's head, yanking it back impatiently to stare him dead in the eyes. "Stop fucking around and shove your dick up my ass already," he breathes in frustration, the light, teasing slides driving him to being almost aggressive with lust. He hoists himself up, wrapping his legs around Kakashi's waist and using the wall to support his broad stature also. His fingers dive down roughly into Kakashi's back, urging him on.

"Bossy, aren't we?" Kakashi murmurs and gives him a short kiss, but he complies, sliding all the way in with a sharp gasp, keeping eye contact the entire time.

"Mm!" Yamato has to bite down on his lip to stifle his sudden cry of pleasure, arching his back to angle Kakashi's cock inside him better. He gives Kakashi a deep, messy kiss, swaying his hips gently to get used to the arousing sensation more.

"Fuck," Kakashi pants into the kiss, rolling his hips as he tries to get as deep as possible. His fingers spasm on Yamato's hip, digging into the soft flesh, and he trails open-mouthed kisses down his neck and shoulder.

Yamato's head falls back, his brown hair brushing up and down the wall as Kakashi's lips leave what feels like curls of fire on his skin. He can feel himself hardening again despite having just orgasmed, and it's difficult to keep breath in his lungs with Kakashi's cock gradually thrusting deeper into him.

Kakashi's legs gradually become unsteady, due to holding Yamato against the wall and his impending orgasm. He grinds against Yamato, fully aware that he'll only be able to last another moment. "Tenzou," he gasps out and rocks into him as hard as he can.

Yamato clenches around Kakashi, wanting to make the pleasure as intense as he can. When Kakashi slams into him hard and fast, Yamato can't stop a raspy moan pour thickly from his mouth, nipping up along the side of Kakashi's neck. "Senpai...." he whispers, nails digging into skin.

Kakashi dips his head and sucks harshly at Yamato's neck, not caring if he leaves a mark. He bucks his hips, chasing after the sweet friction, the clutch and drag of Yamato's inner walls against his cock. He can hear their heavy pants, the slap of skin on skin. He can smell the scent of sex and sweat. Everything combines and overwhelms him, and his fingers bite harder into his hip as Kakashi comes with a cry stifled in Yamato's neck.

Yamato grins widely against Kakashi's damp, pale skin, feeling his trembling body within his with a immense amount of satisfaction. There's all the usual signs of Kakashi orgasming-the sticky scent of sex seeping around the room, mingling with his senpai's own reassuring, recognisable smell that Yamato likes so much. His legs are quivering profusely, and Yamato fears for a second that they may collapse onto the floor. Familiar lips caress his neck, the vibrations from his cry turning on Yamato even more. It's incredibly hot to him when he can sense Kakashi's bliss, and, although he's not that close to coming himself, Yamato feels a steady blaze in his lower torso. 

Kakashi blows out a breath, feeling his entire body trembling. Sex with Yamato is always great, and this morning is no exception. He's still on a high from his orgasm as he manages to say, "Do you want to come again?"

Yamato combs through Kakashi's hair with his fingers as he answers. "I do, but I can do it myself if you're too worn out."

"Yeah, get yourself off. I want to watch," Kakashi murmurs. "Just let me sit down first." Steadily, he kneels down, then turns around and leans against the wall, sliding the rest of the way to the floor.

Yamato follows his example, except kneeling down in front of him, leaning forward and giving him a thankful kiss before grasping his pulsating cock. " You do seem quite drained," Yamato notes, biting back a moan as his hand slides downwards. "Was that position very tiring for you?"

"Mm," Kakashi acknowledges the question with a short nod, gaze fixated on Yamato's fingers working his cock. He lazily flops a hand on Yamato's thigh and rubs small circles on his skin.

Yamato gazes at him unashamedly, using his senpai's flushed pink cheeks, reddened lips and his glistening body to get himself off quicker, imagining thrusting fast into that beautiful body. He hasn't fucked Kakashi in a while, due to previous events-and while he misses being inside Kakashi, he's terrified of anything happening like that ever again. Yamato wants Kakashi to feel safe, wanted, stable while they're having sex-always. He grits his teeth, speeding up his pumps and feeling himself totter on the edge.

Kakashi flicks his eyes up to Yamato's face, drinking in the sight. It's not often that he just watches and doesn't participate. It's different, but nice. If he weren't so exhausted, he could probably come again, too. "What are you thinking about?"

"You," Yamato pants out instantly. One last stroke and he comes again, breathing hard. It isn't as good as the orgasms he has when having sex with Kakashi-that bar is too high for any masturbatory tactic to touch-but it's still pretty damn good. Yamato finds himself suddenly aware of himself being doused in sweat, cooling on his skin now he's no longer pressed up against Kakashi.

Swaying forward, Kakashi brushes their lips together, opens his mouth, and draws Yamato into a lazy, albeit heated, kiss. His arms wrap around the other's waist, trailing fingertips up his spine to curl in his hair.

Yamato leans into the kiss, wanting nothing more than to make out casually until they doze off. He shifts forward more, until he's almost in Kakashi's lap, and he winds a palm around his thighs, moving up to his waist very slowly. "Do you want to move somewhere more comfortable?" he mumbles into the kiss, pulling back for a second.

"I should shower so I can go to the office." Kakashi makes a face, rolling his eyes. "There are only so many times that I can be late. Besides, the sooner I get there, the sooner I can finish what I need to for the day."

Yamato cocks an eyebrow, amused. "So this is what you sound like when you're being responsible. I never thought I'd hear you say anything like that." Yamato glances at the window, taken aback at how light it is. "My shift isn't until the afternoon, right?"

"Right." Kakashi nods and pokes Yamato, saying with a completely straight face, "So you can do whatever it is that you do when I'm not around. Sit and pine, stare forlornly at a picture of me while wistfully sighing, wishing that I were with you to wrap my strong arms around you, sweep you off your feet, and run off into the sunset with you."

Yamato's eyebrows rise up further with every suggestion, and at "strong arms," he pointedly stares at Kakashi's sinewy arms, then crosses his arms over his chest, showing off his much thicker biceps. "I think I'm going to actually do something useful," he says with a dubious expression, halfway between rolling his eyes and smiling. "And I don't have a picture of you, so sadly that makes all of your very insightful notions of what I do without you irrelevant."

"You wound my ego," Kakashi says. "I don't know if I'll ever recover from this." He flops forward and buries his face in Yamato's neck.

Yamato holds him with a short chuckle, ruffling his hair. "I doubt it. Your ego's pretty resilient, senpai. But don't you need to be getting into the shower?"

"Shh," Kakashi hisses. He pushes a finger to Yamato's lips insistently. "Let me bask in the afterglow."

Yamato recoils from Kakashi's finger, wiping his lips. "That tastes like ass and lube."

Kakashi wrinkles his nose and sighs. "Sorry. Shower it is, then... Unfortunately, I can't move," he says as he looks pointedly at where Yamato is sitting on his legs.

"Oh," Yamato says, unruffled. He's warm here, and doesn't really fancy shifting his ass anytime soon. "I'm afraid I'm going to need some motivation."

Kakashi tilts his head, pretending to think. "This afternoon, I'll let you wear the Hokage cloak and sit behind my desk while I give you a blowjob."

Yamato sucks in a sharp breath, mouth going dry even at the thought of doing something so risky, yet incredibly pleasurable. "I do like wearing your cloak..." he muses slowly, tracing a circle on Kakashi's chest. "And I also like your mouth on my cock..." he pauses, raising his finger to Kakashi's lips and gently swiping over them sensuously. "Deal." He rises up off of Kakashi's lap, holding out a hand in case his senpai is still unsteady.

Kakashi accepts the help, staggering just a little as he takes a step. He huffs out a small laugh. "I may need your help in the shower."

"With pleasure," Yamato replies, grasping Kakashi's elbow, nipping playfully at his ear as they head to the bathroom. 

Turning the shower on, Kakashi adjusts the temperature until he nods in satisfaction. He steps under the hot spray and tilts his head back as he rolls his shoulders, feeling his muscles relax as the water runs over his body.

Yamato steps back, letting his gaze roam down the entirety of Kakashi's damaged, lithe body, white scars running deep in his skin, branching out like fractured glass over his muscles. Sometimes, Yamato thinks, it's like all the relentless pounding on him is like hitting against a window, trying to see what's on the other side, but as the cracks spread, the view on the other side gets foggier, harder to make out. Shaking his head, Yamato walks forward cautiously, winding his arms around Kakashi's waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. "I need a shower too, so we're just saving water," he murmurs, swaying slightly.

Sounds good," Kakashi murmurs. He's relieved that Yamato seems to have recovered from his nightmare. Kakashi has never been very good at comforting others, so he mostly just fumbles his way through, doing what he can. In Yamato's case, that's basically a distraction, usually a round of sex or at least making out to assure Yamato that Kakashi is alive.

Kakashi fears the day when that will no longer be enough, when Yamato will see Kakashi's inadequacy at showing emotions and decide that he's not going to take it any longer. But for now, Kakashi thinks as he dunks his head under the spray, he'll take what he can get and commit all of it to memory.

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"Hey, are you cooking dinner today?" Yamato questions, leaning against the door with his uniformed shoulder to shut it with a solid click.

"Yeah." Kakashi has already removed his sandals, and now he pulls off his cloak and vest, tossing them over the back of a chair. Next to go are his gloves. He rakes a hand through his hair as he saunters to the kitchen. "We can have deep fried pork with cooked rice, or miso ramen."

"Both sound really good. I don't mind which one you pick," Yamato sighs contentedly, discarding his helmet, armguards and vest, plopping onto the sofa. "I honestly don't know how you deal with the stress of being Hokage, senpai. Today's schedule was really packed."

Kakashi stares at the package of rice in his hand. "Sometimes I don't know how I do it, either," he says quietly, not even sure if Yamato heard him.

Being Hokage was never a dream of his. He was content to stay in the background, serving Konoha however he could. Sometimes, he feels like he should never have been offered the position and said yes. He doesn't deserve it. Obito, he thinks, should have lived and become Hokage. Closing his eyes, he leans heavily against the counter, elbows locked as he braces his hands on the countertop.

Memories swirl around him. Obito proclaiming that he'll awaken his Sharingan and be Hokage. Obito yelling that they should go after Rin. Obito throwing him to safety only to be pinned by the rock himself. Obito giving him the Sharingan in his left eye. Then even more recently, the shock of discovering that Obito was behind the Kyuubi attack on the village and the Akatsuki.

Kakashi has so much guilt weighing him down. He knows that if he'd gone with Obito to rescue Rin first, things would have turned out so much differently. Obito wouldn't have been crushed by the rock and become bitter enough to attack Konoha and kill Minato and Kushina. Everything rests on Kakashi's shoulders, every burden, every weight.

_"Nobody blames you for deaths you simply couldn't prevent."_ Yamato's words from a few nights ago flash through his mind. _"You can't shoulder every burden. So, think about all the deaths you prevented. How many people are alive now because of you?"_

Kakashi takes a deep breath through his nose and slowly releases it through his mouth, focusing on what Yamato had said. He can't blame himself for everything, even if it all seems like his fault.

At Kakashi's quiet mumble, Yamato frowns at his back in the kitchen, wondering if he said something wrong. Kakashi's shoulders are slumped down low, his back frozen and stiff, leaning over the countertop wearily. Yamato hauls himself to his feet, debating whether if it is nothing, just tiredness from the day, or something more serious. "Kakashi-senpai?" He asks softly, voice carrying easily through the still air. "Are you okay? Do you need help with the dinner?"

Straightening, Kakashi turns around with a smile on his face. "Not with the cooking, but you can set the table. We're having deep fried pork and cooked rice." He busies himself with pulling out the rest of the ingredients and supplies, knowing that Yamato can see right through his fake cheerfulness but hoping that he will let it slide.

Yamato stares at Kakashi working away dubiously, the edges of his mouth downturned in concern. He doesn't know why Kakashi even tries to put on that transparent guise of happiness when they both know it isn't fooling anyone. Yamato sets the table quickly and pads back to Kakashi, observing his obvious skill with admiration. He'll try and extract the reason why his senpai was briefly...off for a bit later, but, right now, Yamato thinks the best thing for him to do is focus on something-either making the dinner or Yamato. Whichever one works best as a distraction. Shrugging and moving to Kakashi's side, Yamato begins shedding more of his damp clothing, making a face as he peels the tight black shirt off of his bare skin. "These are so annoyingly awkward to take off," he complains casually.

"Then don't wear it," Kakashi says automatically, focused on preparing the meal. "I like seeing you without a shirt. You're all broad shoulders and muscle," he adds on a beat too late.

Yamato's gaze flickers over to him, grimacing lightly with the solemn knowledge that something is astray with Kakashi. He folds his damp shirt neatly in his hands, quietly hoping that it isn't too serious. 

"You look very nice shirtless too," Yamato murmurs, his hands sliding underneath Kakashi's shirt briefly and dragging across his skin as he moves back into the main room.

That gets a smile out of Kakashi, and he snorts. "I'm not cooking naked, though, or while just wearing an apron. That's asking for trouble."

"You're always trouble anyway," Yamato shrugs, rifling through his box, emptied of most things. His fingers brush against a piece of folded paper and he takes a sharp breath, remembering. He'd brought it here for them to analyse together...but now, he thinks Kakashi shouldn't see it. Ever. He shoves it down further, making a mental note to burn it later, when Kakashi is asleep or in the bathroom.

Kakashi inhales sharply, and the spoon he was holding clatters to the floor. You're always trouble, echoes in his mind, you've been a bad boy.

His chest heaves, and bile rises in his throat. He clenches the edge of the counter tightly, not caring that it's digging into his palms, as he struggles to calm himself. His lungs burn with the need for air, but he feels like he can't breathe. He's frozen, just like years ago, feeling embarrassment, shame, fear, grief.

Breathe, he tells himself, dammit, just breathe!

Jolting upright at the cackle of the spoon hitting the floor, Yamato sprints into the kitchen, dread piling up into his chest. He sees Kakashi's rigid body, stooped over the counter, and he knows something definitely's wrong. Fighting back panic, he moves to his side, careful not to touch him, but trying to get Kakashi to focus on him, bring him back. "Look at me, senpai. Look at me. Breathe with me. You're with me now, breathe, senpai, please, you're going to be okay," he says urgently, trying hard to keep his voice reassuring and steady.

Kakashi can hear someone talking to him, but it's like he's hearing it from underwater, everything garbled and muffled. But he clings to it, concentrates on what sounds like soothing reassurances, and drags in a ragged breath, then releases it shakily before taking another.

Yamato.

Yamato's talking to him.

He ducks his head to avoid looking at the ANBU, too embarrassed about what has just happened, and his breathing continues to even out, until only a slight hitch every so often remains.

Worry builds up in Yamato, reaching out with a hand but snatching it back just as quickly, realising he mightn't be okay for contact just yet. "Is..." Yamato starts slowly, his chest tight. "Is it okay if I touch you?" He wants to give Kakashi a long hug and hold him tightly, but he sense it's a bit early for that. And...he's afraid to ask if it was something he did. Maybe it is best if I don't live here, Yamato thinks dismally.

"Just give me a minute," Kakashi rasps, shaking his head as if to clear away unwanted thoughts. A dull pain registers, and he blinks, looking down before slowly unclenching his fists. A red line bisects each of his palms from where the edge had bitten into his skin, and he traces one with a finger. "How long was it?"

"Around..." Yamato pauses. It seemed to take eternity for Kakashi to recover, but, however long it feels for him, he knows it'll be so much longer for Kakashi. He bites his lower lip, trying to put a time on it. "Around three minutes. How are you feeling now?"

"Feeling better than I was," Kakashi admits. He bends down and retrieves the spoon, then tosses it into the sink and grabs a different one. As he steps back to the stove, he shrugs. "Those things happen."

"You-" Yamato falters, for a second. "You can't just say that. Please, senpai, explain to me why. Tell me what not to do. I don't want to live here if you're getting triggered by me."

"I'm not getting triggered by you. Just...certain things that are said or done," Kakashi explains vaguely.

"Certain things?" Yamato inquires softly, breathing out deeply. He needs to know what not to do or say, and he doesn't fancy learning from experience.

Kakashi blows out a breath. "Yeah, certain things. It's honestly not a big deal. It happens to people, especially shinobi."

"It does happen a lot. It's pretty common for shinobi," Yamato admits, sensing Kakashi's reluctance to define "certain things," even a tiny bit. He's unsure whether he should back off now but push it later, or simply confront him now about it. "That doesn't mean we can't try and fix it, or at least make it so it happens as few times as possible."

"You want to fix it?" Here Kakashi whirls around and locks his gaze on Yamato. "Drop the subject."

Yamato takes an instinctive step back, fear arising in him for the first time. Kakashi rarely got this intense, but the last time he had was when..."Endo-san," Yamato breathes inaudibly. The overly hard bite, the mention of bringing trouble...Yamato can't quite figure it out yet, but he knows it's not good. Not pleasant at all. He focuses on Kakashi again, the fear being replaced rapidly by concern. "Okay," he agrees aloud. For now, he thinks. Until I can find out more.

"Fuck," Kakashi swears, running a hand through his hair. The irritation and agitation that had been present now disappears, leaving exhaustion and resignation in their wake. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. It's just been a long day."

Yamato's gaze lowers to the floor as he nods. Feeling childlike, but deciding to offer anyway, he silently hold his arms out and to the side a little. "I know, senpai." There's a hug there, if Kakashi chooses to take it. And if he doesn't...well, Yamato reasons, he'll just have to respect Kakashi's space until he's sure it's okay.

Kakashi steps over and wraps his arms around Yamato, pressing a kiss to his temple. He stays there for a minute, just soaking in the comfort of a familiar embrace, while running fingertips up and down Yamato's back before he speaks. "On a lighter note, I can't believe how close we came to being caught this afternoon."

Yamato's arms are wound around Kakashi's torso, not as tightly as he wants to hold him, but enough. He chuckles, one hand delving back into Kakashi's hair. "We really need to tell Naruto he can't burst in anytime he wants, huh?"

Kakashi starts laughing. "At least you had enough of your mind working to transform into me. I don't think Naruto had a clue that it wasn't really me."

"All I had to do was act aloof and slightly annoyed," Yamato shrugs, glad to hear Kakashi's laugh. "I'm just glad you didn't decide to make noises from under the desk."

"Naruto would have kept looking for the source of the noise," Kakashi says, "but you're lucky I stopped sucking you off until he left." He dips his head, mouth by Yamato's ear. "Otherwise, you would have had a hell of a time trying to keep quiet."

Yamato flushes, his words ringing true but he doesn't want to admit that quite yet. "My ANBU training includes how to be quiet under any situation, as you know, senpai. I'd have been able to handle it."

"Would you like to test that theory at some point?" Kakashi winks and walks over to the stove, checking on the food.

"Maybe...." Yamato trails off, his arms falling back down to his sides slowly. He's not exactly in the best mood for sexual banter right now, but at least Kakashi seems to be back to normal, for now.

Kakashi falls silent, sensing that Yamato's not into it. The food keeps his attention, and he silently finishes, then places the food on the table, sitting down.

"Thank you," Yamato murmurs, placing a soft hand on his shoulder as he passes him to sit opposite. He wolfs down the food quickly, unable to suppress a moan of satisfaction. "Delicious as always, senpai."

Kakashi mutters as he stands up, "Thanks." Grabbing some dishes, he takes them over to the sink and sets them down a bit rougher than he should. He hates how unsettled he feels just from Yamato's earlier comment. He tried to behave normally, but the ANBU apparently isn't interested in banter.

You're pathetic, floats in his head, who can stand you? Everyone will get tired of you and your stupid issues.

"Hey," Yamato says gently, appearing by his side. "I clean up, remember?" Kakashi isn't normal, and the urge to help him is excruciatingly strong, but Yamato doesn't know what to do. He should by now. He should, but Kakashi tells him jack shit about it. Yamato blows out a breath. He hates the strained mask of routine they have, hates how it makes him feel so helpless. "Do you want to go somewhere tonight? " he asks, thinking maybe a distraction would help, get Kakashi away from his own destructive thoughts.

"No," Kakashi says shortly. He turns on his heel and goes into the living room, flopping onto the couch and staring up at the ceiling.

Yamato sighs quietly, his hands automatically washing and clearing away the remains of dinner as he thinks. Trying to decide whether or not to distract Kakashi or let him be for a while...Yamato tries to reason out which one would be best, but he's stumped. An attempt at distracting him may end up in another attack, since Yamato doesn't know what's off-limits. And leaving him alone could be dangerous too-Yamato knows all too well how closed off Kakashi can get, if he thinks he's right about something.

A loud yowl suddenly splits the air, and Kakashi glances over to see Abacus skitter out of Yamato's box, spilling all of its contents. With a heavy sigh, he rolls to his feet and goes over to the box. He bends over and starts to toss things back in when a sheet of paper catches his eye. Frowning, he skims through it, only to widen his eyes in horror. "What the fuck?"

Yamato hears Abacus shriek, but he puts it down to typical cat behaviour and finishes off the dishes before heading to check it out. Taking in Kakashi's form kneeling by his box, Yamato's heart speeds up with frantic hope, praying with all his might that he hasn't found one of the few things Yamato can never tell him about. Then he sees the crumpled note grasped in Kakashi's stiff fingers, and his prayers are shattered. Quick, quick, he needs to explain this, before Kakashi jumps to conclusions. "It's from the ROOT," Yamato blurts out, racing over and trying to grab the paper. "And it's bullshit. All of it is bullshit."

" _'ROOT knows about you and the Hokage,'_ " Kakashi reads flatly. " _'You should watch yourself around him. He is fickle, always changing his mind. You'll see for yourself soon enough. We'll be watching.'_ " He looks up at Yamato, eyes flashing. "Were you going to tell me about this?"

"I was going to once I got here," Yamato begins, gauging Kakashi's reaction worriedly. "But then...I just didn't think it'd be a good idea." Yamato's shoulders slump, unable to offer any better explanation without saying that he thought that Kakashi wouldn't take it well, and his senpai would less than appreciate that sentiment.

"Why would it not be a good idea?" Kakashi jumps to his feet, shaking his fist holding the paper at Yamato. "I think this is something that I need to know."

"It's not a threat on your safety," Yamato tries carefully. "I didn't want to add more stress on, so I decided to analyse and investigate into it on my own."

"It says here that they're watching, and I assume they mean you. They are threatening you, Tenzou, and that does concern me," Kakashi's voice rises, clearly in anger. "You should have told me the second you got this."

Yamato shakes his head slowly, disagreeing. "If I did that, it'd be only one more thing to bother you unnecessarily. I know how to take care of myself."

"Unnecessar-... Oh, my God. You have got to be kidding me," Kakashi seethes, whirling away from Yamato while raking a hand through his hair, frustrated. "You're fucking kidding me. I thought that we were supposed to tell each other things. That was what we agreed on."

"Because you're soo upholding your end of that deal," Yamato shoots back, striding back into Kakashi's sight with his arms crossed warningly over his chest. "I can see the toll of being Hokage on you, and you haven't even tried to communicate more with me. You won't tell me what types of things trigger you, you won't tell me when you're not okay, you even refuse to tell me about what happened between you and Endo-san," he rushes out angrily.

"Don't you fucking bring that up," Kakashi says with gritted teeth, pointing at Yamato. "That has nothing to do with this. We're talking about ROOT. Tenzou, ROOT has eyes on you. Who knows what the hell they want with you."

"I don't care what they want with me," Yamato snaps, stepping closer smacking Kakashi's hand down. "My job is to protect you, and that's what I intend on doing. You know that in the ANBU, our lives don't belong to us."

"If your lives don't belong to you, then shouldn't I know about threats aimed towards you?" Kakashi shoots back. "If one of my ANBU is in trouble, and he's supposed to be guarding me, what happens if he gets attacked while on duty? Who's there to protect me from a possible enemy attack?"

"Any other ANBU nearby!" Yamato points out, fists clenched by his sides. "You know that there isn't just one ANBU guarding the Hokage-that'd be beyond stupid! I may be the only one in the room, but there's a dozen more on alert, seconds away. I can be replaced, senpai. You can't."

In a second, Kakashi has Yamato pressed against the wall, fingers tight on his shoulders. "You can be replaced? Is that what you just fucking said? Because let me tell you, I've known a lot of people, and none of them can replace you." His voice cracks at the end, and something flashes in Kakashi's eyes, but it's gone in an instant.

His fingers scratching anxious dents in the wooden wall, Yamato swallows thickly, trying to digest what he just heard...and what he just saw. An overwhelming display of attachment from Kakashi, and Yamato struggles to find a response with Kakashi's eyes so close to his. He's sure he took in a spark in the grey gaze-a brief, single moment of intense emotions, all aimed at Yamato. Almost like a declaration, Yamato realises, keeping constant eye contact as his chest grows tighter. A declaration of love. His head's getting dizzy, but he tries to moisten his dry lips, try to get Kakashi to confirm his feelings quickly, before the moment has passed. Yamato senses his hands shaking vigorously against the wall, and then, he realises that it isn't just Kakashi's words that's making his heart beat fast, his legs weak, his head faint and letting darkness creep in onto the edges of his vision-

Oh no, is Yamato's last coherent thought before he crumples to the floor, utterly unconscious.

Kakashi gasps, managing to catch Yamato before he completely falls over. "Tenzou? Tenzou!" He cradles him close, gently slapping Yamato's cheek in an attempt to wake him up, but nothing works. "Damn."

Quickly, Kakashi drapes Yamato over his back and runs toward the hospital, heart pounding and panic setting in. He knows that something is terribly wrong so he picks up his pace, hardly slowing down even when he bursts through the hospital doors. "Sakura!" He yells, not caring about the dirty looks being sent his way.

Sakura starts at her desk, the shout echoing all the way up into her office. Kakashi-sensei's voice, sounding more panicked than it had in years. She leaps to her feet, pressing her lips together anxiously as she speed-walks down the corridor, thinking of the poison. The poison she'd almost figured out.

Kakashi, too impatient to wait for Sakura, starts down the hallway. Thoughts swirl through his mind, and he realizes that he can't lose Yamato. He's already lost so many people close to him, and he doesn't want that to happen again. "Sakura!" He says again.

Sakura quickens her pace, rounding a corner and taking in a haggard Kakashi, Yamato slumped unresponsively over his shoulder. "In here," she instructs, immediately running through plans in her mind, gesturing to a nearby room. "Fill me in on what happened, sensei." She tugs her hair back, skilfully tossing it up into a ponytail as she calls for some more nurses. 

"We were...talking," he says after a pause, "and then he just passed out. That's literally everything that happened." Carefully placing Yamato on the bed, he steps back, allowing Sakura and the other medics space to work.

"Talking?" Sakura questions, in between concentrating her healing palms on Yamato's thigh and instructing the other medics. "I've been studying a sample of the poison, and I've discovered that it doesn't act upon the physical state of the person. It seems to deteriorate the ability to handle emotions, causes abrupt mood swings, more frequent negative feelings-I don't know how serious it becomes, but you get the idea." She glances across to Kakashi, eyebrows lowered deeply in skeptical examination. "Did he show any signs of emotional instability recently?"

"We were arguing, is more like it," Kakashi admits. "And nightmares. He's been having the same one every night for almost a week."

"That explains why he passed out," Sakura comments, moving her palms up to Yamato's chest. "Heightened emotions from arguing, lack of sleep, plus the poison boosting up everything...." Sakura trails off, signaling to a nearby staff member. They nod, trotting out of the room rapidly. Sakura's attention turns back to Kakashi. "Can you tell me exactly what the nightmares were about? Because if they're constant, we can work through that one fear or insecurity, and hopefully he'll be able to rest better while we try and make a cure."

Kakashi, despite the dire situation, actually flushes and looks away. "Basically, they were about losing...me. He can't get to where I am, and then he steals my Sharingan at the end." He shakes his head. "But I don't have the Sharingan anymore, so I'm not sure why that's in his dream."

Sakura hums and nods, mentally filing it away to analyse later, perhaps find a way for Yamato to overcome it. In the present, though...

"He seems to be stable physically," Sakura states, lifting her hands up, the green glow fading. "But, honestly, I have no idea if he'll wake up or not," she says grimly.

"Oh, my God," Kakashi breathes, slumping heavily against the wall, eyes fixed on Yamato. His chest constricts painfully, and he swallows hard.

His worst fear is coming true.

He might lose Yamato.

Of course, there was always that fear because neither of them knew what exactly they were, but this is different. At least if they had broken up, Kakashi would still be able to see Yamato. But if Yamato dies…

Kakashi will never see him again.

"Don't be like that," Sakura cuts in sharply, seeing him visibly leap into the void of worst possible outcomes. "Don't you dare underestimate us here. We'll figure out a cure for the poison and he'll be back before you know it. Captain Yamato wouldn't want you to give up on him that easily," she scolds, directing some medics to hook up supplements. The nurse she sent out earlier pads back in, paper in hand. Sakura, taking it and flicking through it, nods once and hands it back with a simple order. "Tell them to begin working on a cure immediately."

Kakashi wanders over to Yamato's side, gently clasping their hands together. "Hey," he whispers after leaning down close. "You fucking better wake up."

Sakura observes Kakashi's behaviour with a small, sad smile. She's undoubtedly glad that her sensei finally allowed himself to care about someone-someone who could give him what the rest of the members of Team 7 couldn't. Sakura sees how close the two are, and it saddens her that tragedy seems to trace out Kakashi's footsteps ahead of him before he even steps forward. She turns away again, determined to do all she possibly can for her former Captain and sensei. "I'll leave you two alone then," she says evenly, motioning for the rest to get out of the room also, seeing that all their duties are finished.

Kakashi sits on the bed, still holding onto Yamato's hand. He closes his eyes and tries to swallow past the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry about arguing with you earlier. I overreacted again. I guess emotions are running pretty high with us." He leans down and brushes his lips against Yamato's forehead. "I -" He hesitates, then shakes his head. "I'll save that for later."

But will there be a later? Kakashi isn't sure. He wants to believe that, but the past has shown him that things can change in an instant. The ROOT has a target on both of their backs, and also knows about Kakashi and Yamato's relationship. He wants to protect Yamato with everything he has. He doesn't want Yamato to be in even more danger than he already is, and there's only one way to do that.

He'll hate himself, but that's nothing new.

"I'm sorry, Tenzou," he chokes out. "But I have to do this." He presses their foreheads together, takes a deep breath, and straightens. He turns towards the door and walks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yamato has a nightmare, Kakashi has a panic attack due to being triggered by something Yamato says. I believe that's it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you want me, then fight for me cause I’m fighting like hell for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: AT END OF CHAPTER!! PLEASE READ THEM IF YOU HAVE TRIGGERS PERTAINING TO THE TAGS.

The hospital is quiet the next day when Kakashi drops by. He had deliberately waited until regular visiting hours were over, knowing that the medics would let him in despite that fact. With each step he takes, more and more doubt weighs him down. He knows that he shouldn’t be here, considering how a bit more than 24 hours ago, he had resolved to cut Yamato entirely from his life in order to protect him. And yet here he is, standing in front of Yamato’s hospital room, exactly like he swore he wouldn’t do. Perhaps, he thinks, he was overreacting. After all, nothing has happened so far and he and Yamato have been seeing each other for a while now.

He raises a hand to knock, but when he senses another chakra coming from the room - and it’s not Sakura, it’s not another medic. No, this one is dark and sinister and sadistic and -

Kakashi wants to run, run, run as far away as he can, but Yamato…

Yamato is on the other side of the door, in the same room as -

_Run!_ his brain screams.

_Fight!_ his heart argues.

Somehow, and Kakashi is fuzzy with the details, he ends up in the room, kunai clutched tightly in his hand as he stares in horror at Endo standing by the top of the bed staring down at Yamato. “Endo.”

“Is that anyway to address me?” Endo asks sharply, not even bothering to look Kakashi’s way.

Kakashi flinches and immediately opens his mouth to apologize, then snaps it shut and glares. “I’m the Hokage. You should watch how _you_ address _me._ ”

“When you’re actually able to be in the same room as me and not piss your pants,” Endo drawls, “then I’ll give you the respect that you deserve. And right now, I’m not impressed.”

Clenching his fists, Kakashi grits out, “I don’t want your approval.”

“That’s not the way I remember it,” Endo sing-songs, finally turning to look at him. “I remember how eager you were to please me, to do whatever I wanted. All I had to do was say ‘jump,’ and you asked ‘how high?’”

Being alone with Endo, save for an unconscious Yamato, in a dim room was not something Kakashi ever wanted to happen again. Unwanted memories flash through his mind, each one worse than the last, and Kakashi wants to vomit. His kunai drops to the floor with a clunk, and Endo takes one step forward. Kakashi knows he should move, but his body is betraying him, rendering him immobile. He can only shake in near-terror as Endo creeps closer until he’s directly in front of Kakashi.

Finally, Kakashi seems to regain his senses, eyes flashing angrily, and starts to say something once again when Endo raises a fist as if to strike Kakashi.

“Don’t speak unless I tell you to,” Endo orders, and a twisted grin appears when Kakashi wilts. “Some Hokage you are. Pathetic, really. You can stand up against a whole army of resurrected shinobi, but five minutes with me, and you’re ready to crawl away with your tail between your legs.”

Kakashi closes his eyes as despair overtakes him. Endo is right. He’s always right. He really is pathetic. Why had Tsunade chosen him for Hokage, and more importantly, why the fuck had he accepted? He was out of his mind, and he really should resign, but who could -

“He’s certainly handsome, isn’t he?”

Endo’s words snap Kakashi from his daze, and he swallows hard as he sees Endo’s attention isn’t on him anymore, but on Yamato. “Lay one hand on him,” Kakashi snarls, finding strength he didn’t know he had, “and I swear I’ll -”

“Tough words, but can you pull of whatever threat you were going to say?” Endo chuckles. “Something tells me that your words are empty. Just like your promises, hm? What was it you said years ago to a dying friend? Ah, right. That you would protect Rin, and look what happened there.”

“I didn’t - She -” Kakashi stammers. He’s sweating, he realizes. When had it become so damn hot in the room?

“But you did,” Endo says coldly. “So think carefully before you make promises.” He tilts his head thoughtfully, eyeing Kakashi up and down.

Kakashi feels his skin crawl, and he wants to take a hot shower right now and scrub himself clean except he’ll never be clean. He’s learned that by now. He recoils in disgust and horror when Endo leans over and presses his lips to his ear.

“What’s your next move?” Endo breathes, then pulls back and smiles viciously. “I’ll leave you two _lovers_ alone.”

It takes Kakashi fifteen minutes to talk himself down from his panic attack.

It only takes Kakashi five seconds to make his choice.

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Am I in oil? Yamato wonders absently. It's a strange sensation, him seemingly drifting in blackness, liquid sucking at his skin, dehydrating his body. Yamato feels an unsettling sense of unease, like he shouldn't be here-like the oil may suffocate him if he stays too long. And yet, he can't figure out which way is up, can’t pick out a direction in the darkness to vaguely swim into. Curling up into a ball with difficulty, Yamato's chest constricts, the thick liquid making it almost impossible to breathe.

Why am I here? He questions, trying to remember something. But there's a blank in his memory, a cloudy greyness that-wait. Grey, grey, cloudy, slate coloured-Yamato has a strong whim that this colour is important to him. He stretches out, reaching upwards with his arms, recalling a glint of something intense. Kicking out with his feet, he strains out, stretching out his arms to the maximum.The more upwards he toils, the more that's coming back to him. A smooth voice, always with an innuendo ready to slip off the edge of his tongue. A warm arm, pulling him in closer-Yamato grits his teeth, beginning to kick harder. He wants to recall these so badly, he knows very clearly that these memories are part of him. One last huge effort and the last of his breath is gone, but it's okay because there's brightness just ahead-

Yamato opens his eyes a crack, almost blinded by the whiteness.

"Captain Yamato!" Sakura leans close, a bright smile on her lips. "I'm so glad you're awake."

Yamato groans, feeling the aches from his unused limbs hit him, sitting up with a grunt. He runs a hand back through his hair, taking stock of his surroundings. "Why am I here?"

"You passed out at Sensei's house the night before last. It was because of the poison, but we figured it out," she says smugly, because of course they did. She never doubted that they would, confident in her abilities as well as those of other medics.

Yamato's gaze drops to the sheets, memories flowing back to him. "Thank you, Sakura. I'm very grateful. Can I go home now?"

"You're welcome. As for going home, I'd like to keep you in here for one more night, at least. Just to make sure that there aren't any side effects," Sakura says. "You gave us all a scare. It's thanks to Sensei that you got here so quickly. If you had been staying by yourself..." she trails off and frowns, not wanting to think about it.

"I must thank him later, then," Yamato tries to smile, not wanting to point out that if he'd been living on his own, there would've been no argument and no passing out, although it would've happened sooner or later, probably. "I've missed out on a lot of shifts too."

"About that, I strongly advised Sensei to give you time off. This poison altered your brain chemistry, which made you more liable to be unstable emotionally," Sakura explains, checking his vitals then looking down at a chart before nodding in satisfaction. "You're doing well so far, but you're still going to have three days off to recover as much strength as you can."

Yamato bites his lower lip, pondering the statement. "It makes sense...but I feel okay. I can go back on duty tomorrow."

Sakura puts her hands on her hips and glares at him. "I said you're taking the next three days off, and that's final." Her gaze softens then. "It was really close, Captain Yamato. I wasn't sure if you would wake up again, and poor Sensei..." She trails off and shakes her head with a heavy sigh. "Three days off, then you can go back to work."

Yamato sighs deeply, rubbing his palms over his chilled arms, wondering what sort of condition Kakashi's in. But then again, if he went back on duty and he wasn't at full strength.... "Fine," Yamato agrees.

"Good," Sakura says cheerfully. "So tomorrow morning, if all goes well during the night, you can go home. Do you need anything while I'm here?"

"May I get a drink of water?" Yamato asks, his throat burning dryly. "And...I presume Kakashi-senpai will know that I'm awake too."

A brief flash of something crosses Sakura's face before it's gone, and she nods. "I'll get you something to drink. And I'll be sure to tell Sensei that you're awake." She turns to leave, then looks back over her shoulder. "I'm glad you made it, Captain Yamato."

Yamato smiles weakly back at her, giving a brief, two fingered salute. "Me too."

Sakura leaves and closes the door, leaning against it for a moment. She's not sure what's going on with her Sensei, but she has a gut feeling that things are about to get worse.

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Yamato takes a deep breath, trying not to let his legs waver any more. This is senpai's house, he reminds himself. He has no reason to feel this wary atmosphere emitting from behind the door. He raises a tight fist and knocks quickly, praying that everything is the same as the way he left it. Well, minus the fighting.

"Just a minute!" Kakashi hollers from inside the house. Grumbling to himself, he sets his book aside and removes his hand from down his pants. He makes a face and quickly washes his hands, all the while willing his hard-on to go down. He hasn't had sex - masturbation doesn't count in his opinion - since the day that he took Yamato to the hospital. And speaking of Yamato…

He knows that it’s Yamato outside. Sakura had told him in the morning that she’d released Yamato from the hospital, and Kakashi had honestly been expecting Yamato to confront him in the office. Luckily, though, he was proven wrong. Otherwise, it would have created quite a scene.

He knows why Yamato is here. Kakashi hasn’t visited him since that fateful night he’d run into Endo, but there’s nothing more Kakashi can do. He has to protect Yamato, and Endo was right. Kakashi can’t stand up to him - hell, it’s been close to three days since the encounter, and he still finds himself jumping at shadows.

Kakashi stands in front of the door, hand hovering above the knob. A deep breath for courage, and he swings the door open, his expression as impassive as ever. "Good to see you out of the hospital."

"And I guess it isn't good to visit and see me in the hospital," Yamato says cheerfully, trying to mask over his disappointment. He tugs at Kakashi's arm, giving him a gentle smile and a peck on the cheek. He wants to go back to what they were before he passed out-before the argument. "Can we talk inside?"

"Sure," Kakashi says, stepping aside to let Yamato enter and shutting the door. He breathes in as Yamato goes by, drinking in the scent of him healthy and alive. It almost makes him rethink what he's about to do, but he steels his nerves and turns to face Yamato, arms crossed over his chest. "Sakura gave you a clean bill of health, hm?"

Yamato feels his mood dampen, instincts picking up instantly that something's off with Kakashi. Concern flashes through him, but he senses it's not exactly something wrong with him, but rather....something wrong between them. There's something cold about his stance, like he's put up a solid wall between them. 

"Yeah," Yamato says aloud after a few moments. "How have you been doing?"

Kakashi shrugs. "I've been fine. Hokage duties are keeping me busy."

"Anything happen I should know about?" Yamato tries, glancing around and noting the carefully placed novel next to his favourite jerking-off place. He’s not really surprised, but there’s no sign that anyone else has been here.

"No, it's been relatively quiet," Kakashi replies. He shifts as if nervous, rolling his shoulders before returning to his slumped posture. A quick look at Yamato's box of belongings, and he breathes in. "Well, the poison's all taken care of. That's good."

Yamato presses his lips together uncomfortably, hating the awkwardness lingering in the air between them. He takes one slow step forward, wondering if some physical contact would help ease his irrational nerves. "Yeah," he says flatly. "Sakura really is good at her job."

"You can go home now."

"What?" Yamato blinks, ceasing all his movements.

"The only reason you were even staying here is because of the poison, and now that it's taken care of, you don't need to be here," Kakashi says flippantly.

"The only reason?" Yamato recoils hastily, wide-eyed with shock and confusion. "How was that the only reason?!"

Kakashi levels his visible eye to look at Yamato. "You're one of my best ANBU. It would be a shame to lose you."

"And what do you mean by that? Aren't I safer next to the most powerful shinobi in the village?" Yamato demands, ragged emotions roiling around in him. He doesn't understand why Kakashi's kicking him out suddenly, why he's abruptly acting like they're strangers.

"Get your things and leave," Kakashi states abruptly. "We're through."

"What the hell?" Yamato shakes his head, not understanding-why is Kakashi telling him that they're through, right after he just came to what he had begun to think of as his home. His breaths become harsher, rage building up in him quickly. Calm down, calm down, break-ups are normal, you've gotten through them before-

"Why?" Yamato bursts out, striding forward and grabbing the front of Kakashi's shirt, a panicked thought racing through his mind. "Are you getting back together with Endo-san?!"

"Not that it concerns you, but no, I'm not." Kakashi grasps Yamato's wrist and jerks it away. "And be careful how you act with me. I am the Hokage, after all. Now get your things and go, Yamato." The name sounds unfamiliar as he says it, dropping like a lead weight off the tip of his tongue.

Yamato stands there. His head's bowed, his face to the ground as he struggles to control himself, a situation he rarely finds himself in. It's happening again. Once again, Kakashi's giving him the completely freezing shoulder, shoving him away so expressionlessly and making nothing of their relationship. Like they never had anything between them. Maybe Kakashi can turn off and on his feelings for Yamato, but Yamato can't so easily, not so abruptly. 

"I see that the note was right," Yamato whispers, raising his eyes, darker than ever, to Kakashi's. 

Kakashi's fingers twitch, and he aches to grab onto Yamato and never let him go, but this is the only way Kakashi can see that will protect him. "Sorry to disappoint," he says airily.

Yamato's fists roll up tight by his sides, taking another strained, measured step towards Kakashi. They're only inches away now, and determination is flaring up wildly in his eyes. He isn't going to be brushed aside anymore. He isn't going to be dumped for no good reason. Yamato's so sick of Kakashi pulling away, so sick of how much time they've wasted away already. 

"I'm not going to leave until you tell me why," Yamato speaks out, loud, clear and firm.

Kakashi gives him a bored look. "You want things that I'm never going to give you. You want me to talk about my problems? That's never going to happen. I didn't do it before, and I'm not going to start now."

"Goddammit, I know that!" Yamato yells, his palm slamming into the door beside Kakashi. His impassioned expression honestly pisses Yamato off more than he thought he could be. Especially since he knows what Kakashi's like when he's opening up, his contented murmurs and easy smiles. Yamato can't let that go just yet. He has a heavy, strong gut feeling that this relationship could work out between them, if only Kakashi...well, wasn't being an asshole. 

"I know you barely talk to me about your problems, but you still communicate with me when you're open-I can tell by the way you brush a finger against your jawline when you're lying, and-" Yamato's voice breaks, staring accusingly into Kakashi's eyes. "You can talk about your problems to me, if you're willing to try. But you're just being a fucking coward now, running away again."

"I am not running away," Kakashi growls, placing a hand flat on Yamato's chest and pushing him an arm's length away. "I just know when something's not going to work out. I'm just cutting my losses, that's all."

Yamato stumbles backwards, more rage welling up in him. He won't be shoved aside any longer. He's not a plaything Kakashi can just string along for a bit and then cut off every bond connecting them when he gets tired of him. "'Not going to work out,' my ass," Yamato mutters, and creaks begin to sound beneath his feet. "Didn't you agree that you'd try? Didn't you tell me that you weren't going to leave me?"

Yamato squeezes his eyes closed, cracks emptying across the floorboards. It wasn't really what Kakashi said that bothers him. It's how he acted before, how he seemed so happy and content to have Yamato there, and how glad Yamato was that he could help improve his senpai's life by being in it. If he had looked down at that moment, he might've seen the tiny branches filtering up through the cracks, spinning up together, growing taller with every surge of Yamato's anger. But he doesn't see, and he doesn't realise either.

"Things change," Kakashi says dryly. He just wishes that Yamato would leave already. He should have known that Yamato would put up a fight and not go quietly. "And you're ruining my floor."

"Not this fucking quickly," he answers, gritting his teeth. Yamato hardly glances downwards. He doesn't care. Instead, he strides up to Kakashi again, and, without him consciously ordering it, wooden tentacles whip out of the door and lash Kakashi's legs and arms down. Before Kakashi can react, he's pulling his mask down and kissing him with every ounce of his frustration, mingled with the immoveable love he possesses.

Kakashi stiffens, eyes widening, and he leans into the touch for a few seconds before abruptly whipping his head away. "Let me go," he speaks through gritted teeth, "get your things, and leave."

Yamato stares back at him stubbornly, his hands winding around Kakashi's waist. "Do you really, honestly, not feel anything between us?"

"You need to leave," Kakashi repeats. "Now, Ten- ...Yamato."

Yamato leans his forehead against Kakashi's, wistfully replaying his senpai's voice, calling him by his true name. It seems Kakashi's set on making him leave, and Yamato won't stay if he really, genuinely doesn't want him here, but he can't leave without knowing one thing. "I can't," Yamato whispers. "If I leave you now, without knowing genuinely why it didn't work out between us, I'll hate myself until the day I die."

And if you don't leave now, Kakashi thinks desperately, you might die. "Leave now, dammit, get out of my house."

"No," Yamato refuses flatly, lifting his hands and grasping hopelessly onto Kakashi's shirt. "I'm not leaving."

"Why the hell won't you leave?" Kakashi asks, tone rising and laced with anger and near panic.

"Because there's no good reason for me to leave!" Yamato cries out, crumpling up Kakashi's shirt in his fingers. Tangles of roots begin to spread outwards from the door, writhing as if sharing Yamato's pain. "Tell me the real reason why you’re making me go through this!”

"Because I fucking love you, that's why!" Kakashi yells, then realizes what he just said, thinking that there is no way to snatch the words out of the air.

Yamato starts at the sudden shout, gazing intensely at Kakashi in pure, raw shock as the words soak in right through his skin, so warm. Judging with every ounce of his being if Kakashi’s words were true or not.

And then branches around them start to bloom.

Yamato's expression slowly settles back to normal, a gradual smile dancing on his lips. "Finally," he breathes softly, bending forward and joining their lips again.

Kakashi moans lowly, kissing back as though his life depends on it. He struggles against the vines still holding him, desperate to hold onto Yamato.

Yamato breaks away, the roots melting right off Kakashi's limbs as his gaze drops to his chest, tracing a circle. He doesn't want to bring this up now, not after that confession, but…

"That still doesn't explain why-oh," Yamato's eyes widen. "You think the ROOT will target me if I'm close to you, right? That's it, isn't it?" He keeps a tight grip of Kakashi, afraid to let go lest he disappear again.

"If we broke up, I could still see you, but if you were to die because of me..." Kakashi, choosing to not further explain who else he’s worried about hurting Yamato, trails off, closing his eyes and wrapping both arms tightly around Yamato's waist. "I can't lose you like that."

Yamato's gaze softens, finally releasing his fearful clasp on Kakashi's clothing and looping his arms around his neck. "Don't be stupid," Yamato says simply. "Stop thinking about death for a moment and kiss me." With that, Yamato bends forward and kisses Kakashi deeply again, closing his eyes in contentment.

Kakashi trails one hand upward, fingers threading through Yamato's hair, and presses closer to him. "God, it's been torture not seeing you," he gasps between kisses. "You don't know how many times I wanted to say 'fuck it' and just visit you."

Yamato moans quietly, willingly letting Kakashi's body entice him nearer. He's so glad Kakashi's act is utterly shattered, and with the gasped out words pouring into his ears, Yamato couldn't feel happier. A smile spreads across his face. "I missed you too, despite being passed out, a couple of visits would've been nice. Maybe I'd have woken up sooner," he rushes out in one breath, not wanting to break contact at all.

Kakashi bites back the words threatening to spill, about the time he visited and Endo was there. He doesn't want Yamato to ask more questions. "I'm sorry," he says, dipping his head to nip at Yamato's earlobe. "But I'm here now," he offers with a weak smile.

Yamato gives him a filthy look. "More like I'm here now. You didn't go anywhere," he points out with a short sigh, his fingers caressing across his cheekbones tenderly. "What would you have done if I had left?"

"I would have hated myself even more," Kakashi says quietly. He raises a hand to cover Yamato's, pressing their hands closer to his face. "But it would have been worth it to keep you safe."

Yamato swallows down a dense rock clogging up his throat, finding it beyond difficult to register that Kakashi cares so much for him. Kakashi's abrupt yell rises to the surface of his mind like a pleasant, refreshing gust of mild wind, and Yamato finds his cheeks darkening, embarrassingly dropping his face into Kakashi's chest. "You don't deserve to hate yourself. You're a good person."

Kakashi snorts. "You just keep thinking that. But I don't want to talk about that right now." He lowers his head, nuzzling the top of Yamato's head.

"You never do," Yamato mumbles, very quietly. Aloud, he declares confidently, "I don't think that. I know you are. But since you want to talk about different things," here he pauses, looking at the door swamped in honeysuckle flowers, the sweet fragrance soaring over to them. "Maybe we should move somewhere different."

"And where do you suggest we move to?" Kakashi says, choosing to ignore Yamato's quiet jibe.

Yamato raises his face, meeting Kakashi's gaze straight-on. "Wherever you want, senpai." His hands have kind of wound up on Kakashi's ass of their own accord, but Yamato isn't exactly complaining. "I believe you were in the middle of something when I knocked?"

"I was jerking off," Kakashi mumbles, not sure why he feels embarrassed all of a sudden. He wishes his mask were still in place because of the light red dusting his cheeks.

Yamato's light chuckles wells up out of him before he knows it, beholding Kakashi's expression with a great amount of amusement. "Since when are you ashamed of masturbating?"

"Since now, apparently..." Kakashi sighs, a slight pout present on his lips. He always prided himself on never being embarrassed with sexual things. "I was thinking about you," he admits.

Yamato's taken aback for a split instant, but his sense of pride sets in pretty soon, and he raises his eyebrows. "You wouldn't rather have the real thing, no?"

Kakashi looks slowly over his body, gaze heated and lust filled. "I'd always rather have you." He surges forward and claims Yamato's mouth, then begins to nudge him backwards.

Yamato's mouth goes dry, his hand circling Kakashi's hip as they kiss deeply, doing a weird step-and-make-out thing to move, unwilling to take their lips away from the other. It always amazes Yamato how much passion they have-how much they still have, after all these years he thought it may have died down a bit, but no. It grew, rampant and wild, the reason why Yamato's tugging Kakashi's shirt off right now.

Kakashi unzips Yamato's vest and slides it off his shoulders, allowing it to drop to the floor. He then slips his hands under Yamato's shirt, fingertips tracing his ribs and muscles up to his nipples, rubbing slowly against the small nubs.

Leaving out a tiny groan, Yamato arches his back into the stimulating touches, clasping the back of Kakashi's neck and nuzzling into the side of it. He hastily kisses his way up to underneath Kakashi's ear, nibbling hotly at the lobe. "It feels like forever since we've done this," Yamato breathes out, lips vibrating against Kakashi's skin.

"I know," Kakashi replies, "I know." Quickly removing Yamato's shirt, he bends down and swipes his tongue over a nipple, his hands grabbing Yamato's clothed ass to grind their hips together. "God, just imagining us doing this isn't enough."

Moaning lowly at the instant fire in his crotch, Yamato's fingers weave into Kakashi's messy hair, distractedly slurring out his agreement. "Agreed...it really isn't the same." He shoots a half-lidded, hazy glance over his shoulder, checking how far away they were from Kakashi's bedroom. Circling his hips steadily against Kakashi's, Yamato leads them on quicker, cursing inwardly at how hard it is to participate in sexual activities while in motion.

They manage to make it into the bedroom without any incidents, and Kakashi pushes Yamato onto the bed, straddling his hips. He licks at Yamato's neck before breathing in deeply, the ANBU's scent overwhelming his senses. A hand trails down Yamato's sides and slides over to his navel, fingers scraping through the trail of hair disappearing under Yamato's pants.

"Fuck," Yamato gasps out, his eyelashes involuntarily fluttering at Kakashi's touches, making him lust for his senpai even more. His own hands round Kakashi's ass, diving into the back of his pants and dragging a finger hard across his entrance. "You okay with this?" Yamato murmurs thickly in Kakashi's ear. "You haven't gotten fucked in a good while. Definitely not properly, anyway."

Kakashi's breath hitches at the touch, but staring down at Yamato, there is no panic. He thought there would be, what with seeing Endo recently, but he knows he is safe, that Yamato will take care of him. He does want to bottom, but... "I don't want you to fuck me," slips free before he can stop it then bites his lip. "I mean, I want you to top, but I... Never mind," he sighs out, hoping that his cheeks aren't red again.

Yamato blinks in bemusement, lifting his hand from Kakashi's hole to his lower back as he tilts his head slightly to the side. "What do you mean? If you're feeling unsure, I can go gently," Yamato offers calmly, reaching a hand up to touch Kakashi's reddened cheeks. "Or we can stop, if you want."

"I want us to make love," Kakashi explains haltingly. "If you want, that is." He ducks his head to avoid further embarrassment from looking at Yamato.

Yamato's eyes brighten, and he pushes himself up so he's sitting up, Kakashi held in his lap hardly inches away. He'd waited and wanted to hear those words from Kakashi for so long that it sort of feels unreal to him, as if he's just vividly dreaming of wonders. He tilts Kakashi's face upwards again, making their gazes intertwine, and smiles warmly. "Of course I do. After all, I do love you," Yamato breathes softly. "But you knew that already, right?"

"Yeah, I did." Kakashi's eyes flick to Yamato's lips, and he draws in a breath. "I love you, too."

"I'm glad you knew," Yamato says carefully, cupping Kakashi's face in his hands tenderly. And it hits him again-finally, Kakashi freely tells him that he loves him. Yamato traces Kakashi's features with his gaze-roaming down to his stormy eyes, over his straight, slender nose, detouring to his flushed cheeks before eventually dropping to his crafted lips. "Beautiful," Yamato breathes quietly, more like thinking aloud than speaking.

"Shut up," Kakashi mumbled, clearly embarrassed. He leans forward and presses their lips together with a contented sigh. A hand winds around Yamato's neck, fingers stroking the short hairs at the nape. He exhales shakily against Yamato's lips. "You're not so bad yourself. Broad shoulders, nicely muscled arms, toned abs and legs, and I can't forget about your cock. It fits perfectly inside of me, and I love it when you're inside me."

Now it's Yamato's turn to flush, arms winding closer around Kakashi's waist. "Now that you mention it, your ass is very nice too," he murmurs, bringing his right hand down to slide up Kakashi's lithe thigh sensuously.

Kakashi rolls his hips, grinding down on Yamato with a low hum. "Your mouth is wicked when it's on mine or wrapped around my cock, or even when you're eating me out." He draws Yamato into a heated kiss while pushing lightly at his shoulders, indicating that he should lie back.

"And I see your tongue is as naughty as always," Yamato replies breathlessly, grasping Kakashi's side as he leans back on one elbow, pressing his hips down harder. A spark runs through him, and he shivers in anticipation, thinking how damn satisfying it is to have Kakashi's ass rubbing against his crotch.

"You expected something different from me?" Kakashi asks as he rocks once more against Yamato before sliding down his body, hands and mouth exploring Yamato's chest slowly. He feels Yamato's abdominal muscles quiver under his touch, hears his sharp intake of breath, and he can't help but smile against his skin before leaning back up and giving him a languid kiss.

"Nah," Yamato slurs, heavily distracted, into the kiss. "I like you being dirty." He loves Kakashi's body melding down against his, making his skin heat up immensely with every touch. His hands slip around the firm curve of Kakashi's ass cheeks and down underneath his waistband, fingers playing lightly against the puckered skin of his entrance. Yamato moans, the urge to make love to Kakashi piling up even more as he opens his mouth further, pushing the kiss deeper.

Kakashi pushes back into the touch. He's missed being touched like this, but there's still a sliver of worry that maybe it's too soon, that maybe he'll panic halfway through and they'll have to stop. He doesn't want to do that to Yamato, wanting to give Yamato everything that he deserves. As long as he focuses on Yamato, he thinks he'll be fine.

Rolling his hips downward, Kakashi threads his fingers through brown hair, fingernails scraping lightly at his scalp, and kisses back. His tongue lightly traces the roof of Yamato's mouth before moving to stroke along his tongue.

Leaving one finger to rub gentle circles around his anus, Yamato nudges Kakashi's waistband down on his hips, cracking open one eye to take in the sexy line of grey hair dancing downwards from his bellybutton. Very nice, Yamato thinks, beholding his well-formed v-line. Yamato drags his tongue around Kakashi's at the same time he slides his free hand into Kakashi's pants, placing his palm loosely around his cock.

Kakashi bucks into the light touch, fingers tightening around the strands of hair. "Fuck," he gasps, caught in an awkward rhythm, unsure if he wants to press back against the finger on his entrance or into the hand on his cock. "Don't stop."

"I don't intend to," Yamato breathes back devilishly, glancing around for the needed equipment. "Why do we never fetch the lube and condom before we get too into it?" Yamato groans, not wanting to shift Kakashi off of him. He supposes he could try to finger Kakashi dry, but he's afraid of hurting him. He wants this time to be gentle and caring-to a point, anyway- unlike any fuck they've had before.

"Because we get caught up in the moment and don't think about it." Kakashi stretched an arm up towards the pillow only to stop and groan. "Shit. I ran out of the lube I keep in the living room, so I grabbed the tube from in here."

Yamato bumps his forehead against Kakashi's gently in frustration. "If this keeps up I'm going to start carrying around lube with me," he pouts, not wanting to state the obvious. "You'll have to get up then...."

"I don't think so." Kakashi quickly forms the seals necessary for a shadow clone and sends the clone out to the living room. "There. Problem solved," he whispers into Yamato's ear before nipping at the lobe.

Yamato watches the clone go before nodding approvingly, beginning to grate his palm slowly down Kakashi's stiff member. "Nice," he says with a teasing smile, moving his heated crotch around in a steady circle.

Kakashi grinds down, breath quickening and sweat beginning to form. "Clones are useful for things other than just fighting or espionage."

"We should explore those possibilities sometime," slips out of Yamato's panting mouth, beginning to rub faster against Kakashi's asshole. His cock is throbbing almost painfully now, the friction between his clothed crotch and Kakashi's body more delicious than ever.

A wicked smirk spreads across Kakashi's lips. "Sounds good," he murmurs as the clone returns. Kakashi takes the lube, and the clone vanishes in a poof of smoke. "So, who gets the lube?" He questions, wiggling the bottle between two fingers.

Yamato rolls his eyes, withdrawing his hand from the front of Kakashi's pants, ready to snatch it away at any moment. "We aren't going to get into this again," he says calmly, right before pressing the tip of his index finger dry into Kakashi.

"That would feel better with lube," Kakashi mutters. He takes the lid off and holds it out to Yamato. "Give me your fingers."

"Heh," Yamato chuckles a little, clasping onto Kakashi's hip as he takes out his finger cautiously, holding out his hand to Kakashi expectantly.

Carefully, Kakashi squeezes lube onto his fingers then tosses the bottle aside. "There." He traces a finger around Yamato's lips while rolling his hips before pressing a light kiss to his lips.

"Thanks," Yamato mumbles, immediately sliding his fingers past each other to distribute it evenly, then using his other hand to grasp onto Kakashi's waistband. "Lift up your ass for a second. I can't work properly with your pants still on."

Kakashi rises to his knees then helps Yamato remove his pants. He wasn't wearing boxers because it was just him at home, and since he was masturbating, they just got in the way. "This position fine?" He asks, settling back on top of Yamato.

"Mm..." Yamato hums, pondering. He likes positions where they're facing each other, where he can see every expression that flashes past on Kakashi's features and where the messy kisses can be long and lingering. "I'd prefer.." Yamato starts, jolting upright and seizing Kakashi's shoulder, pushing him back onto the sheets, clambering quickly on top of him. "This position," he finishes, hand positioning Kakashi's leg around his waist as he bends forward and gives him a passionate kiss.

Not missing a beat, Kakashi returns the kiss and grinds up against Yamato. His fingers drag up and down Yamato's spine in a lazy caress, while his free hand encourages Yamato's lubed fingers between his legs.

Yamato fondles the hair at the back of Kakashi's neck, angling their mouths to get the kiss as deep as possible, feeling himself grow light-headed, but he doesn't want to pull away. His fingers stroke at Kakashi's entrance briefly before inserting a digit cautiously, thrusting in and out, gradually loosening him up.

Kakashi's breath stutters at the feeling, and he presses against the finger. "I missed this," he whispers, arching his back and biting at Yamato's lip.

Yamato drinks this moment in, the pleasant sting of Kakashi's teeth on his lip, the warmth surrounding his finger, and, probably the most satisfying, Kakashi's honest whisper. "Me too," Yamato exhales out, slipping in another finger.

Shivering in pleasure, Kakashi tilts his head forward, mouthing wetly at Yamato's neck. "Can I mark you?" He licks at the sweat on his skin and blows a warm breath on the damp skin.

Yamato's body tenses up, but he continues stretching Kakashi's entrance wider, thinking about it in lustful silence. He’s never asked that before. "Sure," he says thickly, turning his head to nuzzle at Kakashi's jaw.

Kakashi carefully sucks at a spot on Yamato's neck until it turns purple, then brushes the pad of his thumb across the skin. "You're mine," he says reverently, almost as if in awe of this fact. "You're really in love with me."

"Idiot," Yamato mumbles affectionately. "If I wasn't I would've left by now." He closes his eyes, savouring the ebbing sensation on his skin, letting the fact soak in. Kakashi's finally realised and accepted his devotion. He's officially Kakashi's....lover, Yamato assumes with a deep breath. "Can I do the same to you?" he asks carefully, ringing his fingers around Kakashi's rim. "If you think you'll be okay with it, of course."

Kakashi tilts his head, exposing his neck. "Yeah, it's okay," he pants out. He clenches around his fingers in an attempt to draw them in deeper.

"Relax," Yamato murmurs softly, closing his eyes and burying his face comfortably in Kakashi's neck for a moment, inhaling his sweet, floaty scent. He ghosts his lips off of his skin, moving his mouth deliberately to a good spot, near to his throat. Yamato pushes his fingers up further into Kakashi as he starts to suck hard, the incident with the bite snapping to the front of his mind, making him hesitate.

"What's wrong? Why did you stop?" Kakashi frowns, looking at Yamato out of the corner of his eye. Sudden panic races through him as he thinks that maybe Yamato changed his mind. His fingers dig into Yamato's back, and he curls his leg tighter around his waist as if that will keep Yamato there.

"Nothing," Yamato mumbles lowly, feeling Kakashi's body tighten his grasp on him. "I just-" he sighs, wondering how to phrase it. "I'm still afraid of triggering you."

"Hey," Kakashi says, "I know what's going to happen, and I'm fine with it." He rubs soothing circles on his back, thinking it odd how he is comfortable with it and yet Yamato is hesitant. "I understand where you're coming from, but if I didn't think I could handle it, I would have said no." Clenching around Yamato's fingers, Kakashi smiles. "See? I'm doing fine so far."

Yamato blinks, and then he smiles back gratefully, lifting his free hand to rest against the side of Kakashi's face. "Thank you, senpai," he says, ducking his face again, placing his lips back onto the spot. He scissors his fingers inside Kakashi methodically as he sucks hard, catching a little bit of skin between his teeth also. When he judges he's sucked long enough, Yamato pulls back and takes in the purplish mark he's made on Kakashi's skin with awe. Trailing a finger over it, Yamato realises this means that Kakashi belongs to him now. Only him. And the fact that Kakashi was willing to let him mark him, willing to give himself over to one committed relationship....it means so much to Yamato, more than he ever could put into words.

"There we go," Kakashi hums, lips tilting up into a soft smile before it falters slightly. "I'm not going to be perfect at this just because I said that I love you. Chances are, I'll still keep things to myself. That's been ingrained in me for years, and I can't break that in just one night. But I can promise you this: it's only going to be you. You're all that I want," he finishes, gaze locked on Yamato's.

"I love you, not an idealised, perfect version of you," Yamato replies, blushing slightly. "I don't expect you to change overnight either, but I hope, one day, you will open up to me. I want to know all about you, senpai. I want to stay by your side. I'm sick of seeing you reading alone and barely going out. And..." Yamato can't stop a grin spreading on his face, "You're all that I want," bounding around joyfully in his head. "I never thought I'd hear you say that."

"Yeah," Kakashi breathes, looking slightly bewildered as he shakes his head. "I never thought I'd say it to anyone."

Yamato's grin becomes smug, flicking a finger against Kakashi's nose. "I guess things do change."

Kakashi snorts. "Yeah, they do." He wiggles, biting his lip when their groins rub together. "Fuck..."

"We should probably get back to fuc-making love," Yamato corrects himself, starting to move his fingers around within Kakashi again. "You can declare your love for me again later."

"You're going to have me constantly saying it, aren't you?" Kakashi teases, moving sensuously. "Although I wonder what would happen if I keep saying it. Maybe you'll turn red, or hell, maybe it will even turn you on."

"Maybe I'll get a stupidly large amount of satisfaction from the fact that the famously unattainable Hokage saying he loves me," Yamato shrugs, adding in another finger and speeding up his thrusts. "And, sadly, it already makes me want you more. Turning me on isn't out of the question."

"Just wait until you're balls deep in me, and I whisper 'I love you' into your ear," Kakashi rasps. His breathing hitches from the addition of another finger, heat pooling through his body.

"Oh, fuck," Yamato breathes, his cock hardening further at Kakashi's words. He aches to be inside of Kakashi, ever fibre of his body simply needing him, his nerves straining for him. He realises he's still got his pants on, and sighs inwardly at the inconvenience before replying . "As revenge," Yamato says evenly, voice thickened with lust. "I'm going to breathe 'ramen' into your ear right before you come, every time. It'll be fun watching you talk to Naruto afterwards."

"Oh, my God, don't you dare," Kakashi hisses, tugging almost painfully on Yamato's hair. "I don't think I'll be able to have sex with you after that."

Yamato starts laughing, his shoulders shifting in time with his torso as he tries to inhale. "That's a pretty serious threat, senpai," he snorts, hastily yanking his pants down one-handed and very awkwardly.

"You don't think I can last without sex with you?" Kakashi raises an eyebrow. "I'm feeling a challenge." He glances down at Yamato, struggling to remove his own pants, catches a glimpse of his cock, and barely manages to stifle a moan. "God..." It feels like it's been forever since Yamato was inside him, and Kakashi needs him to hurry the fuck up.

"I bet you could last about a week with masturbation, two days without it," Yamato estimates, winking at Kakashi as he tugs his fingers out to pull down his pants swifter. It takes a bit of clumsy shuffling around, but soon Yamato's boxers are off, the condom is on, lube in his hand and he's utterly ready. He extends two fingers into Kakashi's entrance again, making sure he's still wide and relaxed enough. "You ready?"

"Yeah," he says slowly. Doubt creeps into his mind, and he holds a deep breath for a few seconds then releases it. "I'm ready."

Yamato observes his slight hesitation, but if he didn't want to go through with it, he trusts Kakashi to stop him. "Okay," Yamato breathes out, lining himself up and sliding in slowly. It feels even better than Yamato recalls, being a part of Kakashi, sensing his moist muscles flex and rub down his slick cock. He moans softly, bending forward and kissing Kakashi's lips sloppily.

Kakashi nips and licks at his lips, his legs wrapping around Yamato's waist and using that for leverage to roll his hips. "Fuck," he sighs, clenching around Yamato experimentally. "Definitely missed this."

"What, you missed my cock and not me? I'm insulted," Yamato tries to joke, but the pleasure burning through him makes him slur it out as a groan. He deliberately sinks into Kakashi's ass completely, panting and taking a second to savour the amazing feeling of his entire cock buried in Kakashi.

"I missed everything about you, but having sex with you definitely ranks in the top three." He lazily runs fingers through Yamato's hair, his eyes closed as he relishes in the moment. He can feel himself adjusting, and he relaxes. So far, so good.

"I can see why," Yamato breathes heavily, slowly dragging his cock back again, loving the tight pull on it. His fingers dig firmly into Kakashi's hip, his other hand moving to Kakashi's member, stroking it gently.

"You should be illegal," Kakashi mumbles, surging up for a heated kiss. The perfection of this moment - with Yamato inside him and secrets confessed - makes him lose his breath with the knowledge of how close he came to losing it all, and he clings tighter to Yamato, rolling his hips to feel the way Yamato's cock moves inside him.

"Mm, why?" Yamato asks, swallowing down an accompanying moan. He's at the stage where if he opens his mouth sounds are going to drift out, a lot of them. Gritting his teeth, Yamato focuses on Kakashi's lips pressing hard onto his, his slow roll which makes Yamato even more sensitive, making even more pleasure burn through him. His gaze drops to Kakashi's erect cock as he bucks back into him, trying to control his movements. "Would you come too fast if I jerked you off?"

"Yeah," Kakashi nods. "But I want you to touch me." His inner muscles squeeze around Yamato's cock, and his nails scrabble helplessly against his lover's sweat-slicked back.

A moan releases from deep down in Yamato's throat, panting rapidly at the tightness engulfing his member. The hotness in his lower stomach kicks up another notch, and he wraps his palm around Kakashi's cock, dragging his thumb across the tip coarsely. "Hah...." Yamato pants out, circling his pelvis deeper into Kakashi.

Bucking into the touch, Kakashi is drowning in pleasure from both the external and internal stimulation. He can feel his impending orgasm pooling low in his groin, and he bites his lip hard enough to draw a thin trickle of blood. He doesn't want this to end. He wants to stay wrapped up in Yamato like this forever. "Feels...great," he manages to say between heavy breaths.

"Good," Yamato breathlessly says back, shifting backwards and forwards in a swaying rhythm. He's trying to keep it consistent, steady, but he can feel his mind slipping away into blank bliss, just about to totter over the edge. He sort of wants to come, but on the other hand, he just wants to stay like this, joined with Kakashi forever. Taking in Kakashi's parted, wet lips, a narrow line of blood curving around his lower lip, Yamato swallows thickly. He'll never get tired of Kakashi's airy moans and loaded, throaty pants, rasping directly into his ear. Or of the sight of his normally cool, impossible-to-fluster senpai with his cheeks so dark red with pleasure and his nails digging into Yamato's back so eagerly. Gasping, Yamato's attention is yanked back to his oncoming orgasm, and he kisses Kakashi, hard and passionate, warning him by speeding up his thrusts. 

"Fuck," Kakashi hisses, a hand joining Yamato's on his cock and stroking quickly. He's so close, all of his senses combining and swirling around him - the smell of sex and sweat, the sound of their heavy pants, the feel of Yamato surrounding him inside and out, the minty taste of his lips. Kakashi wraps his free arm around Yamato's neck, pulling him in for a kiss before whispering in his ear, "I love you."

It takes a distracted Yamato a second to realise that he's acting on his statement from earlier. And dammit, it is hot. "Fuck you," Yamato gasps back, but that single whisper causes him to spill over the edge. He grabs the back of Kakashi's neck and pulls him in for a lingering kiss, the intense heat in his crotch unbearable-just for a moment, before he comes hard, panting, "I love you, I love you, I love you, senpai.." quietly into Kakashi's mouth. He can't see anything but Kakashi's skin, can't feel anything but the boiling pleasure bolting around his body, can't think of anything but how good this feels.

Kakashi comes, spurting over their hands and chests, with a cry muffled by Yamato's lips. All the times he had sex before now - either with Yamato or someone else - pales in comparison to how this last time has made him feel. He breathes in shakily, wondering absently if Yamato felt the same intensity but unsure if he wants to ask. Instead, he buries his face in Yamato's neck, arms and legs wrapped tightly around him.

Quivering, Yamato almost collapses on top of Kakashi, but he locks his arms firmly against the couch, supporting him. His body is still extremely sensitive, his nerves still electric, and he can feel sweat leaking into what he presumes are nail marks down his back, stinging his skin. He recovers his breath a bit, pants becoming less rapid, and Yamato folds his arms around Kakashi's back, nuzzling his face into his shoulder. "That's the best sex I've had in quite a while," Yamato murmurs honestly, carefully rolling his hips forwards.

Kakashi sucks in a quick breath. "Same here." He gives a gentle nip to Yamato's ear, hands tracing over the bumps of his spine. "And you should be illegal because of how you make me feel when you're inside of me, in reply to your earlier question."

"Now you're comparing me to drugs," Yamato grumbles mildly. He starts to sit back onto his calves, but he keeps a hold of Kakashi's hips, making sure he doesn't slip out of him completely. Yamato's eyelashes flicker hungrily at all the movement, but soon he's got Kakashi seated in his lap, chests pressed up together. Now he can do what he wants to. He arches an arm around Kakashi's lower back, another winding around his shoulder blades as Yamato rests his chin on Kakashi's shoulder. And simply holds him, cherishing the closeness of the embrace. "I love you," Yamato repeats out loud, half in awe that he can say it out so freely. Kakashi isn't going to run away. Yamato thinks of the mark on his senpai's neck and smiles happily.

Kakashi moans at the change of the angle, Yamato's cock able to slide in deeper. His hands tangle in Yamato's hair, carefully tilting his head so he can get to his neck, licking at the sweat gathered there. He slowly lifts himself up an inch or two, then lowers himself back down, finding himself still sensitive. "Fuck," he sighs contentedly.

Yamato grips Kakashi's hips lightly, helping him raise himself up, shifting his pelvis around deliberately underneath. He likes this bit-just after orgasm, coming down from their mutual spike of blissful pleasure, still close. Simply revelling in each other's presence. Well, that's why Yamato likes this bit a lot. Often, it's now when it hits him how glad he is that Kakashi's in his life, even back when they were just fuck buddies…

"Hey," Yamato says seriously. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Kakashi says, and he moves his head back a bit to look at him better.

"Did you ever think we'd end up like this? When we first got involved... " Yamato clarifies, hands massaging down Kakashi's sides.

"By first got involved, do you mean when we were both in ANBU?" Kakashi asks, casting his mind back to those memories.

"Yeah," Yamato hums, recalling the first time he discovered how soft Kakashi's skin was. "When we began to fuck."

Kakashi traces the tendons in Yamato's neck and softly admits, "No, I never thought we'd end up like this. Back then, I always tried to think of you as a ... as just a fuck. I didn't think I deserved you, or anyone for that matter." Then, even quieter, "I still think that..."

Placing two fingers gently under Kakashi's chin, Yamato meets his gaze softly, dark eyes brimming with affection. "You do deserve someone. That's why I'm here."

A crooked smile appears on Kakashi's face, and he brushes their lips together. "Yeah, I'm glad you're here."

"And I'm going to make sure that you'll know you don't deserve to be alone," Yamato breathes determinedly, hands roaming down Kakashi's back. He circles his hips with a small grunt, making sure they don't get stiff.

"God," Kakashi gasps, and he lightly drags his nails up his back. "Keep that up, and I'm going to get aroused again."

"Up for another round?" Yamato suggests mischievously, dipping his head to kiss a teasing, crooked line up the side of Kakashi's neck.

Kakashi, shivering from the light press of lips to his skin, mumbles, "Not yet. Maybe an hour or so we can have shower sex."

"Alright," Yamato murmurs softly, calmly inhaling Kakashi's accented scent, tinged with sweat. "Honestly, I'm a bit worn out after that too."

"We can just lie back and take a nap," Kakashi yawns, pressing a light kiss to the tip of Yamato's nose.

"A nap sounds great," Yamato agrees, raising up Kakashi's hips and slipping out of him carefully, disposing of the condom.

Kakashi grumbles at the loss inside of him, but he settles back on the bed, eagerly grabbing him and pulling him down when he returns to the bed. Soon, Kakashi has Yamato exactly where he wants him - spooned in front of him with Kakashi's arm wrapped tightly around his waist.

Covering Kakashi's arm wound around his waist with his own, Yamato smiles contentedly. He can feel Kakashi's steady, soft breath on his neck-calm and rhythmic, the way Yamato likes his breathing to be. A warmth flourishing inside of his chest, Yamato decides to say it, one last time before they drift off. 

"Love you," he whispers in a drowsy, low voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the beginning scene, Kakashi goes to visit Yamato in the hospital and finds that Endo is in Yamato's room. He panics but goes inside anyway. Endo reprimands Kakashi for not addressing him 'properly' to which Kakashi is scared and almost apologizes but instead turns rank on Endo. Endo belittles Kakashi for his fear and makes mention of a possible D/s relationship the two of them had previously. Endo invades Kakashi's physical space, clearly making him uncomfortable, and when Kakashi is about to speak, Endo orders him not to and makes a fist as if to hit him, again belittling Kakashi for his lack of courage. Kakashi begins to believe Endo is right when Endo comments on Yamato's handsomeness. Kakashi begins to threaten Endo, but Endo interrupts him and reminds him of what happened to Rin, which Kakashi tries to explain but Endo doesn't let him. Endo further invades his space by whispering directly in his ear, then leaves.
> 
> It has a mention of Kakashi having a panic attack, but it is not described.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But isn’t it beautiful  
> The way we fall apart  
> It’s magical and tragical  
> All the ways we break our hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: If you have triggers concerning infidelity or injuries, please look at the end notes. If I missed anything, please let me know!

Kakashi groans as sunlight filters in through the slats of the blinds he hadn't closed the entire way last night. He becomes aware of a warm body next to his, and for a moment he panics - wondering who it is - until the memories of the previous night come to mind.

It's Yamato.

Kakashi relaxes and subconsciously pulls him closer, his nose pressed against Yamato's neck. He can hear the shift in his lover's breathing and knows that he's beginning to wake.

Something begins to stir up Yamato's consciousness, his eyes peeping open to narrow slits as he gradually recalls where he is and whose nose is squashed against his neck. 

"Morning, senpai," Yamato rasps sleepily, lethargically flopping over to his other side in Kakashi's arms to face him. 

His gentle smile fades as memories drift back to him, unsure whether they are real or fabricated. Kakashi's strong, certain voice, yelling out that he loves him...Kakashi's throaty whisper in his ear, stating the same thing...did those events really happen? Yamato wonders. Getting Kakashi to admit he cares a little bit for Yamato is difficult enough, but to say he loves him? Yamato shakes his head slightly. No way would that ever happen. He must've dreamt it up.

Kakashi hums and brushes their lips together, keeping it simple. "Morning, Tenzou," he whispers before leaning in and nosing at the mark on his neck.

Yamato's gaze catches on the purple mark on Kakashi's neck, realising what his senpai is prodding at after a moment. That part wasn't imagined, at least. "How long do they last?" Yamato questions in a sleepy slur, circling his finger over the mark.

"A couple days, maybe a week?" Kakashi shrugs as best he can while lying on his side. "I always told..." He pauses, weighing his next words carefully, "I always told my previous partners not to mark me."

"So you're actually committed to me then?" Yamato says lightly, teasingly, but he's not joking around. Not really. He threads his fingers through Kakashi's splayed hair, smiling at his amazing bedhead.

"If I weren't committed to you," Kakashi says, dark eyes piercing Yamato's, "would I have told you that I love you?"

Yamato's fingers freeze, his smile faltering. "Are...you screwing with me? That-I thought I dreamt that up. You couldn't have..." Yamato's eyes widen, his clasp on Kakashi's hair tightening as doubt falls to realisation. "We made love," he breathes softly, a joyful smile edging onto his face.

Kakashi grins. "Yeah, we did. Twice, as a matter of fact." Pushing at Yamato's shoulder, he rolls them both over, fitting himself snugly between Yamato's legs. "It was amazing," he murmurs.

Yamato's hands hang loosely onto Kakashi's hips and grins a wonderfully carefree grin at him. "I'm glad you remember it being as good as I do," Yamato says back happily, resting his forehead against Kakashi's.

"Sex with you is always good." Kakashi trails a finger down Yamato's chest, over his hip, and down to his entrance, lightly circling around it. He kisses Yamato, slow and slightly bitter from morning breath. "I love you."

His breath stilling in his chest, Yamato returns the lazy kiss, hoping his breath wasn't too bad. It's different hearing Kakashi say those words here, at this time. It's easy to yell things out you don't mean in the middle of an argument or during a particularly passionate round of sex, but now, in the calm, fresh morning... 

"I love you too," he replies quietly.

Kakashi buries his face in Yamato's neck, humming happily. When he shifts to get more comfortable, he hisses at the pleasurable friction that zings through his body. "Fuck..."

Recognising the signs of Kakashi's slight arousal, Yamato sighs shallowly, taking note of the hollow gnawing in his stomach. "We aren't having sex until I get some breakfast," He states clearly, shouldering Kakashi off of him as he glances at the clock. "And from the looks of it, we won't have time, either."

"Fuck," Kakashi grumbles. "We should start setting an alarm so we can have morning sex."

Yamato squints at him dubiously. "No wonder you had so many fuck buddies. One probably couldn't keep up with your insane sex drive," he marvels, slipping out between the sheets. Had. That's the important word to him, and the word that'll help him remember Kakashi's past is in the past.

"I had multiple partners because I didn't want to get attached to anyone," Kakashi corrects, ogling Yamato's ass approvingly as he watches the shift of muscles as Yamato moves.

"Mm. But I'm still in awe of how often you're horny," Yamato replies with a shrug, padding over to the wardrobe. "Ah, did you take all my clothes out?"

"Yeah, I did..." Kakashi comes up behind him and wraps arms around him, settling his chin on Yamato's shoulder. Kakashi clears his throat as he wonders if he should ask the question lingering on the tip of his tongue. He's been dwelling on it on and off for the past few weeks, not long after he and Yamato started dating.

"I suppose that makes it easier for me to move back into my own apartment," Yamato reasons, turning his head to Kakashi's face and enclosing his senpai's hands in his, having heard the questionable sound. "Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong. I was just thinking about asking you something, but I don't know if it's the right time." Kakashi shifts uncomfortably, glancing away.

Gazing at Kakashi's evident unease, Yamato feels curiosity fire up inside of him. What could Kakashi ask him at this fresh stage of their relationship? Yamato takes a breath, holding back his urge to seduce Kakashi into telling him right now. "Well, when will be the right time?" Yamato asks mildly. "Because I'm leaving soon."

"I don't want you to go home," Kakashi whispers.

Spinning back around to face Kakashi entirely, Yamato smiles gently, clasping their hands together. "Are you asking me to stay with you for the moment or...?" Yamato leaves the rest unspoken. Their relationship had literally been stagnant and unmoving for years, and then, within 24 hours, Kakashi had told him he loved him and now...the next step already? Yamato's stomach feels queasy, even though they'd been living together already. It's different when someone asks freely rather than out of concern or necessity. His head spins, slightly dizzy, a bit overwhelmed at how swiftly this all is happening.

"I like having you here," Kakashi admits. "When you first moved in, so to speak, I realized how nice it is to have someone waiting for me when I get home. I like our routine that we have, and when I think about going back to just me living here..." He sighs and brushes a thumb against Yamato's cheek. "It just feels lonely."

Covering Kakashi's hand with his palm, Yamato tilts his head sideways into the warmth, thinking. Just because they said they love each other the problems Kakashi have aren't going to be fixed magically - there's still the fear of triggering Kakashi by something he says or does. Yet Yamato doesn't want to be alone either. Yamato exhales softly, saying, "I'll think about it," quietly. "I'm flattered, but right now I need to go home and get to work."

The hopeful expression on Kakashi's face falls and becomes shuttered, and he steps back, his hand dropping from Yamato's cheek. "Yeah. I need to get to the office." He swallows past the lump in his throat, angry at himself for asking such a question, for showing how vulnerable he can be.

He sidesteps Yamato and grabs some fresh clothing. "I'll be in the bathroom," he mutters quietly, not glancing over at Yamato even once.

"Kakashi-senpai!" Yamato calls after him, his mouth tightening in a worried line, realising it had taken a lot for Kakashi to admit that he's lonely, that he needs someone. "I can't leave it like this," Yamato mumbles to himself, grabbing a pair of boxers-who cares who they belong to?-and hastily sliding into them. He paces out of the bedroom, going over to the closed bathroom door and leaning against it with his shoulder.

He takes a deep breath, mapping out what to say in his mind. "Senpai, you know I don't...don’t like rushing into things. With you saying you love me last night during the argument, and then the next step directly after that...I'm sorry, but I'm just getting a bit overwhelmed right now."

Kakashi leans heavily against the sink, staring blankly at his reflection in the mirror. "I know. It's okay. You can think about it. It's fine."

Yamato sighs, Kakashi giving him one too many reassurances for him to believe any of it. "We'll talk about it later, okay?" he says softly, aware of time passing by swiftly. 

"Yeah, we'll talk later." Kakashi opens the door, leaning against the doorpost, and sways forward for a kiss before abruptly stopping.

Yamato's hands, surprised by the short kiss, fly to Kakashi's waist, his fingers lingering half-worryingly on his skin even after the kiss ends. But he can't find anything to say. "Yeah. We will. Take care," he says cautiously, reluctant to pull away from Kakashi.

"Be careful," Kakashi says with a half-smile then moves away. "You'd best be going before you're late."

"Mm," Yamato nods his agreement half-heartedly, turning away from Kakashi and heading towards his box. He rifles through it briefly, finding his uniform, but recalling with a deep sigh that he left his helmet at his apartment. Quickly donning his clothes, Yamato strides to the door and hesitates, glancing back at the lone box. Should he bring it back or not? Yamato shrugs, opening the door and slipping through the gap. He'll leave it there. 

Just in case.

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Kakashi rubs the back of his neck and yawns. The words on the page before him blur, and he blinks a few times to clear his vision. He taps his pen on the desk as he considers the paper, rereading it again.

Fushi halts outside The Hokage's door, paperwork breezing side to side in his hand as he reaches up to take off his mask with a small, easy smile. He likes the way his silky black hair flows down his back, even when it's tied up, but these damn masks are so restricting, he can't grin or wink at all. Leaning against the door with his muscled shoulder, he knocks quickly, calling out. "Lord Hokage? I have a mess~age."

"Enter," Kakashi calls out with a sigh, shuffling the paper out of sight.

"Oh, there’s gonna be a lot more entering soon," Fushi says quietly, giving himself a small, satisfied grin before opening the door. He'd heard-very happily-that the current Hokage is a massive flirt, always hopping from one bed to the next, never staying more than one night with someone. Fushi's determined to be the one that changes that. And if he can't... Well, hopefully he'll get a good fuck out of it anyway.

"It's from Sakura," he starts casually, taking in Kakashi's lean, strong form with approval. "She says you have to take care of me." He gives a wink, bending forward and with his other hand, he flings the paperwork he is supposed to deliver carelessly onto the desk.

Kakashi raises an amused eyebrow, a smirk playing on the corners of his lips under the mask. "I have to take care of you, hm?"

"Yeah, I have this urgent matter that needs to be taken care of immediately," Fushi whispers.

"And what is this matter?" Kakashi's body begins to heat up, the thrill of flirting always managing to arouse him.

"First of all, this file from Sakura needs to be read by you. But perhaps most important," here Fushi rounds the desk and bends down close to Kakashi. "my cock would love some attention from you."

Kakashi's breath stutters, and he leans in closer, eyes becoming hooded. He and Fushi are so close, and the promise of sex - anal or oral - is appealing to him at the moment.

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"Ah, dammit," Yamato hisses out quietly, halting in his tracks. He rifles through his back pocket more roughly, jiggling up all the contents in a desperate last attempt. But no, his shift schedule for the next week still wasn't there. "Must've left it back at the office," he sighs, shoulders slumping. He supposes he’s lucky that he hasn’t travelled too far from the office-it’ll only take him a few minutes to return. Still, it is a hinderance he’d rather do without.

"Shower's gotta wait," he mumbles in disappointment, beginning to trudge back the way he came from.

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Kakashi eyes Fushi's mouth, thinks about his lips wrapped around his cock, which is starting to harden. "We're in the office."

"I'm sure you like a little danger. You can't tell me that you don't have an exhibitionism kink," Fushi says. "Anyone could walk in at anytime."

Kakashi smirks. "The office wouldn't be the riskiest place I've had sex."

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Maybe I will move in with Kakashi, Yamato thinks airily as he paces down the corridor, Kakashi's office door in sight. Although they haven't talked yet, Yamato had been considering it during the day, and he thinks they may be ready. Shoulders slumping with relief as he reaches Kakashi's office door, he extends out the tips of his splayed fingers onto the wood. To his surprise, the door's already open, and the moment his fingers touch it lightly it begins to swing inwards slowly. Looking through the widening crack, Yamato is about to pad in when he sees -

His eyes snapping open dangerously wide, Yamato's breath turns to quicksand, clogging up his chest as he fails to inhale. A half-gasp leaves his lips, guttural and coarse, and he latches a quavering hand over his trembling mouth. They can't hear him. They won't be able to see him, Kakashi and...whoever that is. Yamato takes a shaky step back and spins around, resisting the urge to either curl up and sob, or burst in there and beat their ass, whoever that is. But Kakashi's expression made it obvious to Yamato-he's willingly being that near to someone else. 

Yamato feels acute anger replacing the numbing shock swiftly as he strides down the corridor again, sweaty fists clenching hard around his clothing. He passes by some other ANBU as he walks, and his gaze skips up and down them experimentally. If Kakashi could say he loves someone yet fuck another, why can't he? Then a face pops into his mind. Yamato shakes his head, rubbing both hands down his face in anguish. No. He wasn't going to make that mistake again. He still loves Kakashi, but it's clear to him now. Kakashi lied to him. Yamato curses at himself for falling for pretty words. His senpai had really come across as genuine, too.

But he supposes that deception’s one of the traits that makes a good shinobi.

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Kakashi's eyes dilate as Fushi starts to lean in closer, closer, closer…

"You're going to love this," Fushi whispers.

Love. Something about that word…

Kakashi feels his blood run cold, and he's across the room in the blink of an eye. "No. I can't."

Fushi blinks. "Why not? How many people have you slept with? Am I not good enough?"

"I'm involved with someone," Kakashi states. "We're in a monogamous relationship."

"They don't have to know," Fushi responds, stepping closer.

Kakashi shakes his head. "No. You should leave now."

"Why? Afraid your limited self-restraint is going to give out and you'll fuck me?" Fushi taunts with a sneer.

"No, you should leave before I throw you out," Kakashi replies coolly, chin raised high.

Fushi regards him with a disgusted look. "Fine, if you're suddenly so high and mighty. If you come crawling back to me, don't expect me to say yes."

"I won't come crawling back to you," Kakashi says. "I'm sure of that." He watches as Fushi leaves, the door slamming shut, and he leans against the wall. He rubs a trembling hand over his face, sick over the fact of how close he came to cheating on Yamato. I have to tell him, he thinks, I need to tell him.

Kakashi just hopes that Yamato will stay with him.

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Yamato comes home with a bang, the door cracking closed with a boom behind him, and it takes all of his self-restraint not to lash out at something. Breathing in deeply, Yamato runs a hand hopelessly down his face. Everytime I see him, I'm going to see the other one too, Yamato thinks helplessly. How is he going to face Kakashi the next day, knowing this? 

Fuck this, Yamato thinks miserably, dumping himself on the couch. He's definitely calling in sick tomorrow. He won't be able to sort his head out for tomorrow, of that he's sure. 

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Kakashi stands in front of Yamato's door, worried as to why Yamato never showed up for his shift, or even came over last night. He assumed that he hadn't come over because Yamato was thinking over Kakashi's question, but Yamato has never missed a shift before.

Dread sits low in his belly as Kakashi fears the worst. What if the poison hadn't been taken care of, but had just gone dormant to make them believe it was gone? What if Yamato was lying in there dead?

Swallowing hard, Kakashi shakily knocks on the door, holding his breath and hoping that there's a reply.

Hearing the knock on the door, Yamato freezes, his food halfway to his mouth. He can sense Kakashi's familiar chakra radiating out from behind the door, and he swallows hard. Should he leave him go away? Yamato still feels like he can't gaze into those dark eyes without recalling the lust in them-the lust not directed at him. Exhaling, Yamato drops his gaze and stays silent, hoping he'll go away soon.

Kakashi knocks harder, thinking that maybe Yamato is asleep or in the shower. That's certainly a better thought than the alternative. He can sense Yamato inside, but his chakra is veiled, as though he's trying to hide or -

Breathing a quick apology, Kakashi rams his shoulder into the door, knowing that Yamato keeps it locked, and stumbles inside, quickly scanning for anything out of place. His gaze locks on Yamato sitting at his table, and he slumps in relief.

"Fuck, Tenzou," he rasps, hurrying over and taking hold of his shoulders. "You didn't answer, and I thought you... I thought the poison had come back," he finishes.

Yamato's muscles tense up instantly, the sight of Kakashi making him want to scramble as far away from him as possible. But he keeps his pose, keeps his expression calm and neutral, even when Kakashi's hands - his hands which had touched others the same way - latch onto his shoulders. 

"No," he replies evenly. "I'm fine, just feeling a little ill."

"You could have let me know," he chides gently with a frown. Something isn't right... "Do you need anything?"

"No," Yamato says flatly, and resumes eating, turning away from him, dislodging Kakashi's palms from his shoulders. “You can go now.” He doesn’t want Kakashi to be here. 

Kakashi sits down in front of him, recalling his true purpose for being there as the panic recedes. "Tenzou," he begins carefully, watching for Yamato's reaction, "there's something I have to say. I almost cheated on you yesterday."

Yamato raises his dark eyes slowly to Kakashi's, judging his sincerity with a pasted blank expression. "I forgot my schedule and went back," he tells Kakashi in a monotone. "And I saw you and ...him. You were so willing, so close...it didn't look like an 'almost' to me."

"I never even touched him," Kakashi says, desperate for Yamato to believe him. His brows furrow as he tries to think of when Yamato could have seen them and come to the conclusion that it wasn't 'almost,' but nothing comes to mind. "We didn't kiss, we didn't touch, and I sure as hell didn't fuck him."

"You were going to," Yamato mutters, knowing he should be open and welcome for explanations...but he can feel the rage from yesterday building up again. Gritting his teeth, he tries to push aside the light of honesty he sees in Kakashi's eyes and expression, instead trying to reason it out. 

"I'm sorry but....I didn't stay long enough to see any more than you two nose-to-nose," Yamato breathes out heavily. "If I were to believe you, I'd..." he trails off, something coming to mind. Kakashi told him. Kakashi could've fucked that guy and gotten away with it, or think he did. "You told me," Yamato says quietly. "Thank you, but...why did you let him get so close? It really looked like...." 

"Because I thought about it," Kakashi admits hoarsely, breaking eye contact. He's ashamed, guilty, that it even got so far in the first place. "But then I thought about you, and I knew that I couldn't do it. No, I didn't want to. Tenzou, I told you that I love you, that I don't want anyone else, and that's the truth. I don't want to hurt you. I'm sorry that I let him get that close, and if you can't forgive me, then..." He closes his eyes, takes a breath, steadies himself, opens his eyes to look at Yamato, "Then I'll leave and I won't come back."

His breath taken away, Yamato's hand darts out rapidly and grasps Kakashi's before he's conscious of what he's doing. 

"No," he says hesitantly, torn between letting Kakashi go and holding him here. "I don't want you to go." He leans forward until they're almost bumping noses, and Yamato studies Kakashi's sorrowful stormy eyes with a tinge of sadness. 

"I believe you," Yamato whispers, hoping with all his heart that he hasn't just made an amazingly huge mistake. "It'll take a bit of time for me to..." Yamato halts, dropping his gaze to their joined hands, tracing the back of Kakashi's hand nervously, searching for the right words. "To trust you again, I guess. But, senpai-" here he lifts his face again, staring at Kakashi with dead seriousness. "If you hadn't told me, I'd have made an assumption and left."

"I knew I couldn't keep it from you. Your reaction is better than what I was expecting," Kakashi rubs a thumb alongside Yamato's fingers and doesn't say the next part - but not as much as I was hoping for.

A scathing laugh rings in his ears, followed by harsh words. Pathetic, Kakashi, that's what you are. You honestly expected that you wouldn't fuck something up? This has got to be some kind of record. Not even a full day after you tell this poor man that you love him, you cheat on him. Pitiful. You have no one to blame but yourself.

Kakashi clears his throat, shakes his head in an attempt to dislodge the voice, and slowly pulls his hand away. "I should go. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. Have a good night," he says and stands, heading towards the door.

Yamato inhales deeply through his nose, standing up quickly and grabbing Kakashi's arm. "Not yet. We still have to discuss me moving in with you," he says. He doesn't want to overthink again or leave Kakashi alone after this. He has a feeling of utter unease in his stomach, but he isn't sure why. "Stay a while."

"Sure," Kakashi says, resigned to an evening of misery. He's not sure how much rejection he can handle in one day, but he shoves his hands in his pockets and slumps over to the table, once again sitting across from Yamato, hands folded neatly in his lap. Normally, he'd be right beside him, whispering flirtatious innuendos in his ear, but this isn't like normal.

Nothing's ever normal with you, Kakashi. God, you're such a baby. Stop whining, comes the voice once more.

Shut up, Kakashi thinks desperately, just shut up.

Yamato's gaze lowers in concern, recognising that Kakashi's behaviour isn't normal, but he hardly expected it to be. He wasn't acting normal either, after all. "So," he starts. "Are you sure that you'd be okay with all my possessions in your apartment?" He feels the abnormally tense atmosphere between them, but he has to try and make normal conversation flow. If ever they were going to try and reach normality again.

Kakashi jolts a bit at Yamato's voice, but he recovers quickly and nods. "Yeah, I'm fine with that. Well," he pauses, and decides to try for a bit of humor, hoping that it won't fall flat, "everything aside from your cat."

Yamato notes Kakashi's abrupt yank back to reality, but he decides to let it slide. He chuckles lightly, eyes curling up as he tries to shove the image of that fucking guy leaning over to Kakashi out of his mind. "I don't know if I can control that," he replies with a shrug. "It's not my fault if she isn't fond of you."

"I couldn't honestly care less if she isn't fond of me. I'll just tolerate her because she's yours." Kakashi shrugs.

"I see the sweet talk is back," Yamato comments, trying for a smile, but it sadly falls short of amused. "And I'd say it's more like it's a mutual partnership. She owns me as much as I own her."

Kakashi's gaze drifts to the mark hidden on Yamato's neck, and he squashes the urge to touch the identical one he has. Mutual partnership. Owning each other, being faithful to each other. The damn cat is a fucking better partner than he is, Kakashi realizes abruptly, and he barely manages to disguise an hysterical laugh as a cough. And here dogs were supposed to be the most loyal of all animals.

"She can come," Kakashi says, casting about for an excuse to leave so he can fall apart in private. "Um, do you mind if we continue this conversation later? Or tomorrow, even? I didn't realize how late it is, and I'm pretty tired."

Yamato furrows his brow, Kakashi's weird cough sounding in his ears. He wishes that he knew what's going on in Kakashi's head-does he actually need space, or does he really just need some companionship and comfort? "If you're sure..." Yamato says slowly, glancing at the clock.

It's not late at all.

Biting his lip, he sways forwards and hugs Kakashi, hoping it'll help them both. "You're always welcome here," Yamato whispers softly. No matter how much you hurt me, Yamato thinks sadly. He may leave Kakashi - he's not a doormat, to be taken advantage of at will - but he suspects Kakashi will always be someone special to him.

Kakashi feels like someone punched him in the gut, knocking all the air from his lungs, when Yamato touches him. His hands spasm, not sure what to do. Does he return the touch? Does he keep his hands to himself?

In the end, he allows himself to wrap Yamato in his arms, but only briefly, pulling away shortly after pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I am sorry, Tenzou," he whispers as he steps back, letting his arms drop like weights at his sides. "I love you," he adds, but the words feel cheap now after what he almost did.

Kakashi doesn't wait for a reply.

"Sure," Yamato deadpans to an empty room, the strong words that once meant so much to him broken and weak. "You sure act like it."

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"Shit," Kakashi mutters with a scowl, rearranging papers and rifling through them. "Where is that fucking file?"

Yamato glances over, scanning across the desk, searching for anything that may be what his Hokage is looking for. "Maybe whoever gave them to you left out one?" Yamato suggests, his fingers rigidly knotted together behind his back.

Kakashi grits his teeth. "Fushi..." He sneaks a peek at Yamato, but he can't see his expression due to the ANBU mask. It's been a week since the fiasco where Fushi had tried to seduce him, but things haven't really gotten back to normal.

There hasn't been any more discussion of Yamato moving in, no more tender 'I love you's.' Only uncertainty and cautiousness on Kakashi's side. He feels like he's walking barefoot on cracked glass, always trying to stay one step ahead of what Yamato might want or like. They haven't had sex, and aside from accidentally falling asleep by each other as they try to decipher who might be ROOT - which luckily has been quiet lately - they sleep in their own beds in their own houses.

All because of Kakashi.

"Yamato," Kakashi begins hesitantly, "Would you please get the file from him? It's labeled 'Unknown Poisons.' Or I could have someone else get it," he finishes hurriedly, cringing inwardly.

"No, I'll do it," Yamato answers evenly. "You'll be fine for a minute or two, but I'll notify the guards outside to keep an extra eye out. Where would Fushi be?" Yamato hasn't heard the name before, but he's sure he's probably encountered the member somewhere, in some passing, trivial interaction or mission.

"Probably in the ANBU barracks," Kakashi answers.

"Alright," Yamato nods, walking outside, inwardly relieved to escape the thick, awkward atmosphere between them temporarily. He quickly informs the guards outside of his absence, and decides it's more efficient to transport straight to the barracks. He makes the hand seals swiftly and vanishes, leaving a small curl of smoke behind him. He takes in the network of many corridors and plain rooms out in front of him, and gets promptly smacked in the face with a round of nostalgia. Luckily, there's someone passing by him, and Yamato taps their arm politely. "Excuse me, but do you know where Fushi-san is?" 

They turn and point down the third corridor emerging from the main room. "His room is on the left, twenty-first one down," they reply, looking Yamato up and down in a way that didn't exactly make Yamato feel at ease. He thanks them quickly and hurries down to the room, counting diligently as he goes. Once Yamato has counted exactly twenty doors down, he stops at the next one, knocking politely and removing his mask.

The door opens to reveal Fushi standing there, clad only in sweatpants. The mischievous smirk that he has on his face disappears when he sees Yamato. "May I ask who you are and what you're doing here?"

"I need to fetch a file named 'Unknown poisons'," Yamato explains clearly, trying to place his vaguely familiar face. Perhaps he'd seen it on one of the many files he'd flicked through with Kakashi. "It's for Lord Hokage. Who I am is not of importance."

"How do I know that he really sent you to get it?" Fushi crosses his arms over his chest. "Maybe he should come over and get it himself."

Yamato holds back a sigh. "Just give it to me. Kakashi-senpai doesn't have time to waste on fetching files that should have been delivered correctly to him in the first place." Yamato is certain now that he hasn't met him before, because he’s sure he would've remembered his bad attitude.

Fushi grudgingly goes inside and grabs the file. "Hey, you must know the Hokage fairly well since you call him senpai. Tell you what. If you answer my next question, you can have the file. Who's the Hokage involved with?"

Yamato's eyes widen for a split second before settling back to normal, crossing his arms over his chest. "I've got no idea. And why do you care?"

"He told me that he's in a monogamous relationship. Can you believe it?" Fushi snorts, shaking his head. "I've heard about his reputation, how he never fucks anyone more than once, at most twice, and yet he expects me to buy that load of shit?"

Yamato's stomach clenches, and he feels a sickening rock settle in his chest. This is him. The guy Kakashi almost cheated on him with. But Kakashi told the truth, Yamato realises. He turned him down - he didn't touch Fushi. Yamato exhales, calming himself down. Kakashi didn’t cheat on him. There is no need to confront Fushi about it, Yamato tells himself. 

"It’s odd, definitely," he offers, holding out his hand. "But he likes to keep his private and professional life separate, mostly, so I doubt if anyone knows who he's involved with - if he was telling the truth."

"What about the ANBU who guard him at night, hm? They have to know who it is," Fushi ponders. "Are you sure you don't know who it is?"

"Nope. And even if I did, I wouldn't be authorised to tell you," Yamato tells him, his hand still in the same position. "I really need to get back as soon as possible."

A suspicious look glints in Fushi's eyes as he scrutinizes Yamato's body. "Hey, are you his boyfriend?" Then, in the same breath, "Nah, I don't think you're his type. You're too plain looking."

"Thanks," Yamato says, gritting his teeth. He really doesn't care anymore. He just wants to get the file and get out. "You're very plain looking yourself. Now can you please hand it over?"

"Ah, there you are," comes Kakashi's voice from down the hall. "I was beginning to think that our old friends had sidetracked you." The sarcasm dripping from the words 'old friends' indicates that he meant ROOT. He halts, frowning, a few feet away and looks from Fushi to Yamato. "Is something wrong?"

"Ah, Lord Hokage," Yamato greets him, heels snapping together in a formal bow, resisting the urge to glare over at Fushi. "He won't hand over the file."

"Why not?" Kakashi asks, turning towards Fushi, who shrugs, clearly not concerned.

"He wouldn't answer my question, but now that you're here," Fushi eyes Kakashi lustfully, "you can tell me the truth."

"The truth," Kakashi repeats blankly. He shifts his gaze towards Yamato, trying to get a good read on what he's thinking.

"Are you really in a committed relationship?"

"Yes," Kakashi answers smoothly, no hesitation. "A committed, monogamous relationship."

Hearing Kakashi say it straight out like that, completely certain and serious...it makes Yamato want to hold himself straighter. He wants to tell Fushi that it's him, the plain one, who Kakashi's talking about. He smiles inwardly, once again placing out his palm upwards in front of him. "There we go. May we have the file now?"

"Who is it?" Fushi presses. "I've been trying to think, but no one comes to mind. Plain Face over here definitely isn't the right one."

Kakashi stiffens, dark eyes glinting. "Be mindful of what you say to your superiors, Fushi," he seethes, "and furthermore, there is more to a person than their appearances. I fell for his personality, his wit and sarcasm just as much as I did for his looks. 'Plain Face,' as you call him, is my lover, and you will treat him with the respect that he deserves and that I demand."

Yamato’s eyes widen in surprise, definitely not expecting the authoritative, yet affectionate, little speech. Kakashi just said it out-just like that! Flushing, Yamato spins to face Kakashi, the file forgotten and his focus shifted utterly off of Fushi. And in that momentary second of shock of distraction, Fushi lunges at him.

"He's nothing but a copy of the First Hokage!" Fushi screeches, brandishing a kunai wildly.

"Yamato!" Kakashi calls out as he rushes forward. Heart pounding in his throat, it seems to beat, 'save him, save him, fucking save him!'

Everything seems to happen in slow motion. The kunai, aimed right for Yamato's unprotected temple, comes closer to its target, and at the last possible second, Kakashi shoves Yamato away with his left hand, throwing his right arm up to protect his own head.

The pain is excruciating as metal plunges deep into his wrist, not stopping until the kunai tip is poking out of the other side, but Kakashi doesn't care. "Yamato," he pants out, "are you okay?"

As soon as he's gotten one foot on the ground, recovering his balance from Kakashi's desperate push, Yamato's moment of shock passes, and his instincts suddenly burst to the surface, the first thing he was trained to do. 

Kill those that oppose you.

Taking in the blood pouring out of Kakashi's wrist, Yamato whips around him, driving a punch into Fushi's stomach and latching onto his throat with one hand. Now, though, he’s acting consciously on a rule he chooses to follow.

Kill those who hurt the ones precious to you.

Forcefully, he slams Fushi back against the doorframe, his skull cracking off the wood and Fushi's feet dangling a few inches off of the ground, writhing as he chokes slowly. He tries to make some hand seals, but Yamato swiftly slips a kunai down from his sleeve, unhesitatingly hammering it straight through Fushi's palm, nailing it flat to one of his ribs. Blood spills down his torso as Fushi lets out a garbled shriek, the heels of his feet pounding desperately against the wall behind him. But he can’t twist free from the hand clamped around his neck. Yamato leans in close, rage boiling through him. Fushi hurt Kakashi. He hurt Kakashi badly, and Yamato will never forget that, even if his intention was to kill Yamato.

"Never, ever, fucking touch Kakashi-senpai. Don't you dare try to seduce him ever again, or I'll fucking obliterate you and every person who you've ever been close to the mindless dick you are in the slowest way I know how," Yamato hisses threateningly, his fingers tightening menacingly around the yielding skin of Fushi's throat. "I ought to make you suffer for what you already did to him. I'm justified to kill you, right here and now."

"Yamato, release him and bind him with wood," Kakashi orders as he struggles to rip a piece of the Hokage cloak to wrap around his wound. Right by his pulse, every time his heart beats, blood gushes from the wound. His hand is drenched in blood, and there's a steadily growing puddle underneath him. Although it hurts like hell, he keeps the kunai lodged in his wrist since it will help slow the bleeding.

Yamato's violent gaze shifts to Kakashi, and instantly all the aggressiveness drips out of his mind, engulfed by urgent worry. He doesn't hear Kakashi's order, but he releases his grip immediately, letting Fushi crumple in a pile by his feet, taking a mere second to restrain him with his mokuton. "Senpai...!" Yamato rushes over to him, helping him wind the cloth around his soaked wrist as tight as he can make it. 

"Medic!" Yamato yells desperately down the corridor, scarcely populated. "The Hokage needs help! Please, get a medic!" He hooks an arm around Kakashi's torso, trying to stay calm. "Don't move any more than you have to," he instructs, a knot of despair clutching his insides as he takes in the rhythmic spurts flowing onto the floor. 

"Keep it above heart level, and....oh, god," Yamato deteriorates into a mumble, ripping off more of the cloak to bandage it up.

"Hey," Kakashi says with a weak smile, "I thought you were supposed to remain calm in situations like this." He elevates his injured arm, propping it up with his other one.

Down the hall, they can hear shouts for a medic. Kakashi gives a relieved sigh.

Around ten minutes, Yamato thinks, praying for the medic to come already. Ten minutes before a person typically bleeds out completely. And at what point do they pass out? Yamato can't remember, but this just makes him worry more, pressing the drenched cloth down further on the wound. "I'm trying," Yamato mutters, gaze fixated on Kakashi's wrist.

"Try harder." Kakashi's legs suddenly buckle, and he leans heavily against Yamato. His already pale complexion is growing even paler, and a thin sheen of sweat has broken out over his forehead. "Shit..."

"It's alright, senpai," Yamato says, his chest not working properly. "Sit down, the medics will be here soon. Don't pass out on me just yet." He casts a panicked glance over his shoulder, and, with an immense amount of relief, sees someone who looked like they knew what they were doing sprinting towards them.

No sooner has Kakashi sat down than a woman skids to a stop in front of them.

"Juba Nozomi," the woman says as she kneels down beside Kakashi. "You," she points to Yamato, "kneel behind him with your thighs on either side of his body. Support his chest with one arm. With the other one, pull out the kunai. I'll have my hands there to begin healing as soon as you do that."

Yamato nods and obeys, shifting Kakashi's limp body back against his chest as he lowers himself to the bloody floor gently. "This is going to hurt, senpai," he murmurs, crossing an arm over his chest. He gives Juba a quick glance to make sure she's ready, then, with a deep breath, tugs out the kunai in Kakashi's wrist.

Kakashi hisses in pain, his head lolling back against Yamato's shoulder as he fights to remain conscious. He feels Juba's hands cover his wrist, but he keeps his eyes on the ceiling.

"The radius and ulna are fractured," Juba murmurs. "Nerves, muscles, tendons severed. Artery ruptured." She clicks her tongue. "Why didn't you use your metal hand protector, or a kunai to block?"

"Wasn't time to think," Kakashi slurs.

"He -" Yamato swallows down a lump in his throat, his hand cradling one side of Kakashi's face. "He protected me first, and then only barely managed to protect himself after pushing me away." In other words, it's his fault. 

A soft smile crosses Juba's lips. "A Hokage who willingly jumps in front of an ANBU to protect him. He must be a very special ANBU."

"He is," Kakashi agrees, playfully butting Yamato's chin with his head.

"Keep still," Yamato scolds, too stressed out to participate in poorly-timed displays of affection. Holding Kakashi closer unconsciously, Yamato asks Juba, "He'll be okay, right?"

"It will likely be a few weeks before his wrist is completely healed. He'll have to go through physical therapy, and even then..." Juba frowns, the green light from her hands glowing brighter.

Yamato, listening attentively, follows her gaze down to Kakashi's wrist. "What is it?" he asks, separating the flash of panic from his voice.

"He may not regain full use of his wrist. I suggest after I treat him here, take him to see Haruno-san." Juba smiles. "She is, after all, the best medic in Konoha. You must be proud, Lord Hokage."

"Very proud," Kakashi mutters.

Yamato nods his agreement absently, gaze travelling up from Kakashi's wrist and to the top of his head, located just underneath his chin. "He's near retirement anyway," Yamato says. "He won't be doing anything dangerous, but I'm sure Sakura could help his recovery."

"'Near retirement'?" Kakashi scoffs weakly. "Please. I can go for another fifteen years. I'm not that old."

Juba tries to stifle a giggle, and she bites her lip to hide a grin.

Yamato rolls his eyes, patting the top of Kakashi's head. "I know you're still sixteen inside, but you've got to take care of yourself. And you've definitely earned a happy retirement."

"Don't patronize me. Jiraiya and Tsunade were shinobi in their fifties. I'm only 32. I've got plenty of time," Kakashi argues.

"Not if you keep this up," Yamato argues back promptly, bopping Kakashi's forehead with his finger, leaning over to frown at him. "Juba, can you tell me when it's safe to move him?"

"A few more minutes," Juba assures him, looking amused at their interactions. "Forgive me if I overstep, but how long have you two been together?"

"Uh.." Yamato mumbles, glancing down at Kakashi to see if it's okay with him to tell her. "Is it that obvious?" Then he realises their position - Kakashi fully relaxed back against his chest with Yamato's arms curling around his chest caringly and his thighs encircling around him tightly. "Oh," he murmurs.

"Just the way you two act around each other," she answers, motioning with her head to their position. "You're both comfortable, and the teasing doesn't help keep it a secret."

Yamato flushes slightly, drawing Kakashi nearer to him self-consciously. "We've been together a couple of weeks," he says, guessing that Kakashi won't mind.

"Longer," Kakashi says. "Well, on and off for a while, I guess. But if you add it all together, it's been a long time."

Juba flashes Yamato an amused grin. "You have your hands full with him, don't you?"

"Oh, yes, he does," Kakashi says seriously. "My cock is a decent size."

Groaning lengthily, Yamato buries his burning face in Kakashi's hair. "Yeah...." he sighs, but smiles softly into the silver strands. "How long until we can move him again?" It's getting too embarrassing for him here, and he doesn't think he can stand much more without imploding into red.

"You can move him now," Juba laughs, standing up. She turns to walk off, then pauses and looks back over her shoulder. "Hang onto each other," she says sadly. "You never know how much time you have."

Yamato blinks at her suddenly ominous words. "Thank you," he calls after her uncertainly. If she hasn't been nearby, what would've happened to Kakashi? Shivering, Yamato gently squeezes Kakashi with a hug from behind, shoving the thought to the back of his mind. Kakashi first. Destructive pondering of what-ifs later. "Hey," he murmurs softly. "You okay to move?"

"I think," he answers. "If not, you can carry me. You have strong arms." Shifting to a more upright position, he waits for the nausea and dizziness to pass before rising slowly to his feet. The hallway spins, and Kakashi quickly presses a hand to Yamato's shoulder to steady himself.

Yamato ropes an arm underneath Kakashi's armpits, holding him close as they hobble up the corridor. "I think it may be faster if I carried you," Yamato says, thinking the faster they get to Sakura the better.

"Yeah, the room is -" That's all that Kakashi says before he slumps completely against Yamato, unable to stay upright any longer.

"Stay with me," Yamato orders firmly, bending down and looping an arm underneath Kakashi's weak knees, judging it'd be impossible to get Kakashi onto his back. He isn't as concerned as he would be if Juba hadn't intervened, but he still swiftly gathers Kakashi's blood-covered body to his chest. Breaking into a jog with a grunt, Yamato heads for the hospital as fast as he can, thanking whoever designed the village that it's close to the ANBU quarters-probably due to overzealous sparring partners, Yamato reckons.

As soon as they enter the hospital, several medics, startled by the sight of their Hokage streaked with blood, jump into action, one leading Yamato to an empty room while another rushes to find Sakura.

"Put him on the bed," the medic urges. "I want to check his vitals."

Yamato nods, easing Kakashi gently onto the mattress, hoping he'll wake up soon. He steps back reluctantly and lets the medics buzz around their Hokage, biting his lip and glancing to the doorway every two seconds for Sakura to appear. He suddenly realises this is probably how Kakashi felt when he passed out and swallows hard. The difference is, Yamato wasn't going to leave until he woke up.

Sakura barges into the room, already snapping orders for the occupants in the room to move away from Kakashi. She bends close to Kakashi's wrist, carefully wiping away dried blood with a wet cloth before placing her hands on his wrist. "What happened?" she asks sharply.

"A kunai pierced through his wrist," Yamato states simply.

"It did a lot of damage," Sakura states grimly, "but whoever treated it first did very well."

Yamato doesn't know whether to be despairing or relieved. "Juba Nozomi treated him first," he tells her, eyes not leaving her radiating hands on Kakashi's wrist.

Sakura's eyes light up. "Oh, she's good. From what I can tell, with physical therapy, there's a 95% chance that he'll regain full use."

Yamato exhales profusely, his shoulders slumping with immense relief. "That's great to hear. How long will he have to stay in the hospital for?"

"Just until tomorrow morning, then he can go home. Unfortunately, that will be the tricky part," Sakura sighs and steps back, the green glow subsiding.

"What do you mean?" Yamato asks, fearful apprehension racking up in his chest. "What's going to be the tricky part?"

"He can't use his right hand at all while it's healing, otherwise the percentage of full recovery will go down," Sakura explains. "And knowing Sensei, he'll ignore that."

Yamato sighs again, rubbing the back of his neck in relief. His mind always went to the worst place possible first. "Is that all? I'll make sure he doesn't use it. Don't worry, Sakura."

"Thanks," she says gratefully. "He should regain consciousness soon. He lost quite a bit of blood, so we're giving him some. You can either stay the night or go home."

"I'll stay, if you don't mind," Yamato says, putting together some hand seals and making a modest, but moulded and comfortable, chair sprout up at Kakashi's bedside. He glances down at his uniform, encrusted heavily with dried blood, and curses inwardly. "Is there anywhere I can clean up or get a clean uniform?"

"Sure. I have a bathroom connected to my office you can use, and I'll find you clean clothing." Sakura motions for him to follow her.

"Thank you," Yamato replies gratefully, shooting one last look at Kakashi's still form on the bed before following her out of the room.

"I have to say," Sakura begins once they're in her office, "thank you for the lovely present you left here a few weeks ago, when you brought in that ROOT member."

Yamato tenses up instantly, praying she isn't talking about what he thinks she is. "Apologies. Kakashi-senpai's a bit untidy," he says, hoping his statement is general enough to cover anything she may be referring to.

"There was a condom in my wastebasket, and dried semen on my paperwork. Although," Sakura continues with a mischievous twinkle in her eye, "it's somewhat surprising to know who tops."

"I'm surprised you spend your time considering who tops in our relationship," Yamato comments, so massively relieved Sakura doesn't appear to be angry at them.

"And who said Senpai disposed of his own condom?" he adds as an afterthought.

Sakura gives him an unimpressed look. "I know you topped, Captain Yamato." She pulls a uniform from a nearby cabinet. "Here. These should fit. Bathroom's in there, and towels are underneath the sink."

Yamato takes the clothes with appreciation. "Thank you, Sakura. You're doing so much for us," he says, a pang of guilt hitting him. "And I'm sorry we had sex on your desk. It's just...we didn't really have anywhere else at that moment."

She waves a hand. "Please, it's fine. It's not the first time someone has used this desk for sex. Just next time, try to keep come off of important papers."

Yamato nods in acknowledgement, unwilling to inquire about the other times, but he assumes it's like the situation with the Hokage desk. Whoever's in office at the time has the right to use it for whatever they want. Yamato finds himself absently pondering how many Hokages have fucked someone on the office desk, but he quickly halts himself before he gets too into it. "Understood," he says, giving Sakura an apologetic smile before heading into the bathroom.

Sakura grins and shakes her head before leaving to continue her rounds, deciding not to tell him that she's been secretly rooting for them since Tsunade had appointed Yamato as captain of Team Kakashi. She's teased him enough for today.

Yamato changes quickly, his mind being dragged downstairs to where Kakashi lies every few seconds. He inspects his uniform and decides that it's hardly worth saving, instead wrapping it up in a bin bag he finds in a drawer. As he heads out of the bathroom, he dumps the bundle in a rubbish bin, hurrying back down to Kakashi. Entering his room, Yamato's gaze skips hopefully over his figure, but there is no movement at all. He's still out cold.

Yamato closes his eyes briefly with a smile, taking in the slow sound of Kakashi's breathing, the gradual pattering and creaking of a hospital winding down for the night. Padding over to his chair, Yamato stands by Kakashi's head for a moment, pondering. Juba's words, more like a warning, skim over the conscious surface of his mind as he outstretched a hand, carefully brushing away stray locks of grey hair from Kakashi's face. He looks so different when he's asleep, Yamato thinks, tracing down his arm, over his bandage and to his warm palm. It's not exactly a good or bad different, but it's an expression halfway between peace and frantic despair, one Yamato hasn't seen often at all. He's always the first to fall asleep, and the last to wake up, but if he does wake up first he usually stirs Kakashi up too, or it's too dark to see his face properly. "I'll be right here," Yamato whispers, laying a tender kiss on his senpai's forehead. He hopes that, tonight at least, the nightmares leave him alone.

Yamato hopes his own worries leave him alone too, but he's not that optimistic about that.

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Kakashi's lashes flutter, and he inhales sharply through his nose as panic briefly overtakes him before he recognizes that he's in the hospital. "Tenzou?"

"Senpai!" Yamato, previously sleepy, snaps awake, staggering out of his chair to lean on the side of Kakashi's bed. "How do you feel?"

"Not too bad, I guess. Are you okay?" Kakashi asks, eyes flicking over Yamato.

"I'm fine," Yamato smiles weakly, trying not to think of the sleepless night he just spent worrying over hypothetical situations that will probably never happen. "Sakura orders you not to use your right hand at all," he adds, thinking that is important to mention. "It lessens the chance of recovering fully, so don't you dare ignore her."

Kakashi rolls his eyes. "I could care less about recovering fully. I'm just glad that you're unhurt."

"But it's my fault in the first place you got hurt," Yamato points out calmly, pretending his heart wasn't twisting itself in two. "If I was actually doing my job of guarding instead of getting distracted, everything would've been okay."

"I'm the one who distracted you, Tenzou," Kakashi responds. "There was no time to think. He was aimed for your head, and I couldn't..." he trails off, turning his head to look at the opposite side of the room. "Even if we're not on the greatest of terms, I couldn't let him hurt you."

All of the breath left Yamato's lungs, and he dips his gaze towards the ground, gently enclosing Kakashi's hand in his. "About that...Fushi confirmed that you didn't touch each other. I'm sorry I couldn't believe you," Yamato says, almost wavering into an embarrassed mumble. "I've been thinking, and we've wasted so much time already. I just want to give this my best shot, senpai. And I'm wondering...are you in this with me?" Yamato's afraid to raise his eyes to Kakashi, but he clings on tighter to his hand nervously.

Kakashi looks over, squeezing his hand gently. "I'm with you," he whispers. "I love you, Tenzou."

A thrill runs through Yamato's body. A special type of thrill, a bolt of excitement and anticipation, the amazing sense of something new starting afresh. He's sure now - he's forgiven Kakashi for the almost-cheating incident. Yamato's going to try his hardest at this, and it seems like his senpai is too. Yamato ducks his head so Kakashi can't see his wide grin and flaming cheeks. "Thank you," he whispers back.

"You going to kiss me or avoid me like a schoolgirl with a crush?" Kakashi teases. He thinks that Yamato has forgiven him, but he's not 100% certain. The sooner he discovers the answer, the better so he can relax.

"I'd prefer the second option," Yamato smiles, but he raises his head. "And we're in public, you know. I'll save the kisses until we get home."

Kakashi huffs, but relents with a crooked grin. "They better be good kisses."

"Only if you follow Sakura's instructions and don't use your hand," Yamato reminds him. "And then-" here he winks, "-I can guarantee you that they'll be very good kisses."

"Oh, my God," Kakashi says with a low moan. "Can I borrow your hand? I have a, uh, problem that needs to be taken care of."

"I'm not jerking you off in the hospital," Yamato deadpans, rolling his eyes but unable to keep a tiny smile off his lips.

"Fuck," Kakashi groans, but he's not really upset. On the contrary, he's relieved that he and Yamato are on good terms once again, conversation and innuendo flowing freely. "You're awful."

Yamato fondles Kakashi's hand, careful not to move it around too much. "I'm the one who's awful? Says the one who wants me to wank him off in a public hospital."

"If you're against that, you could suck me off or ride me," Kakashi says cheekily.

Yamato doesn't even answer that one-he sinks down with his hand glued to his forehead, shoulders quivering in soft laughter. "I can't believe you sometimes."

Kakashi sighs wistfully. "It was worth a try." He sobers when he asks, "Are you staying here tonight?"

"Of course," Yamato says. "Someone has to babysit you and make sure you don't screw up Sakura's hard work. And if-" here Yamato clears his throat, dropping his voice. "If nobody's here, you may just get some entertainment."

Swallowing hard, Kakashi nods. "Deal," he murmurs. "Seal it with a kiss?"

"God, you're persistent," Yamato sighs, shaking his head. He bends over Kakashi's bed, bringing their faces close together, almost touching foreheads. Yamato hesitates, "I love you," lingering on his lips, but they stick to the inside of his mouth, leaving a bitter taste as he swallows them down. Caressing the side of Kakashi's cheek, Yamato finally kisses him through his mask, inhaling abruptly at the sensation racing through him. He'd missed this more than he'd admitted to himself.

Kakashi raises his good arm, running his fingers through Yamato's hair. He hasn't missed the fact that Yamato hasn't said 'I love you,' and that makes a shred of doubt curl low in his belly, thinking that maybe they're still on shaky terms despite their earlier conversation.

Just stay with me, Kakashi pleads silently, I'll give you anything you want if you'll just stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi almost cheats on Yamato but then refuses the sexual advances of the other man. Yamato sees the two flirting but doesn't see Kakashi's refusal. Kakashi confesses what happened to Yamato and feels guilty. Yamato is unsure how to react, saying that it will take time to trust Kakashi again. Later, Yamato is confronted by the other man and learns that Kakashi did in fact refuse him, and Yamato apologizes to Kakashi for not believing him. At the end of the chapter, Kakashi is still uncertain whether or not Yamato forgives him.
> 
> Yamato punches a guy and plunges a kunai into his hand and through his ribs. Kakashi is injured by a kunai stabbed through his wrist. The medic who treats him gives a description of the injury, and blood loss is mentioned.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes when things are falling apart, they may be falling into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think there are any warnings for this chapter, but as always, let me know if I missed something!

"You didn't take my key, did you?" Yamato asks Kakashi, searching through his pockets, becoming slightly pissed off. They're standing in front of Kakashi's door, and Yamato should have a key for his door in his back pocket-but it isn't there. "Dammit," Yamato hisses, leaning his forehead against the door in despair. First of all, the nasty janitor at the hospital wouldn't leave them in peace last night, or even allow them to lock the door, making it a night of hasty making out and no sex at all. Then this happens, and Yamato's feeling quite tired by now.

"No," Kakashi says flatly. "Just use your wood jutsu and unlock it." He's tired and just wants to be left alone.

Yamato groans lengthily, but he performs some hand seals and inserts a finger, turning it sideways after a few seconds. "There we go," he says tiredly, swinging the door inwards. "Home sweet home."

Home sweet home for me, Kakashi thinks as he shoulders past Yamato and heads straight for the bathroom. There's still dried blood flaked to his arm and under his nails, and his wrist hurts like a motherfucker, although he won't admit that out loud. "I'll be in the bathroom," he says shortly, mere seconds before slamming the bathroom door shut behind him.

What's his problem? Yamato wonders lethargically, briefly skimming over the possibility of trying to talk it out of him as he locks the door again. Nah. Yamato hauls himself to the sofa, flinging himself onto the cushions and covering his eyes with his forearm. "Call me if you need help," he shouts out to Kakashi, but honestly all he wants to do is sleep for the entire day.

Kakashi doesn't bother to answer. With his left hand, he manages to tug his shirt off and sets to work cleaning the blood off. He scrubs hard at the skin, hardly caring that the skin begins to turn a light red color from the effort he's using. He's too lost in memories of last night.

_"Are you in this with me?"_

_"I'm with you. I love you, Tenzou."_

_"Thank you."_

Then just a kiss. No answering, 'I love you, too.' Just some rushed making out like teenagers. Kakashi grits his teeth as he examines his clean arm. Apparently I'm in this alone, he thinks sourly.

His next task is shaving. He has some major stubble growing since he hasn't shaved in a few days. He hadn't seen the point when he and Yamato weren't kissing. He stares at the razor he holds in his left hand then at his reflection. While he can handle a kunai with his left hand, it's a bit different than delicately dragging a razor down the soft flesh of his neck without nicking an artery. "Fuck it," he grumbles and proceeds to try anyway but with no luck. Then, "Fuck!" he hisses again as he jabs a tissue at the third cut he's inadvertently given himself.

Yamato's eyes open to slits, picking up muffled, very vicious cursing from the bathroom. And Kakashi isn't going to ask for my help, Yamato thinks, getting up off of the couch with a yawn and heading over to the bathroom door. "I'm coming in," he announces loudly, giving Kakashi time to finish pissing or whatever he's doing on the other side. Promptly making some hand seals and melding through the door, he almost staggers into Kakashi's back, which is not good as he's currently holding a razor to his throat. 

"Goddammit," Yamato exclaims, lurching sideways, taking in the unfortunate scene. "There's no way you can shave with your left hand."

Kakashi ignores him, proceeding to swipe the razor carefully over his Adam's apple before rinsing it off and surveying what he's done so far. It's not good. There are tiny beads of blood dotting his neck, stubble still sprinkled in patches that he missed. He scowls. Of course it had to be his fucking dominant hand.

"Give me that," Yamato says, moving in front of the mirror and blocking Kakashi's view. He clamps a firm hand down on Kakashi's shoulder, one that indicated his lack of tolerance to deal with any bullshit today, and grabs the razor out of Kakashi's left hand. He sees clearly that he's going to have to be stern with Kakashi today, with the terrible mood he's in. "I'll do it," Yamato breathes out, examining Kakashi's throat. "Because you're doing a shitty job, senpai. Go and sit down on the toilet so I can work better."

Kakashi doesn't budge for a moment, then slowly retreats to the toilet, making sure the lid is flipped down, and sits. It's not easy for any shinobi to allow someone - even a close friend or lover - to hold a sharp razor to their throat. It's been ingrained so deeply into them that any sharp objects pointed at their throat by someone else is a threat.

He hopes Yamato recognizes the significance of this, but he's not holding his breath.

Yamato's surprised that Kakashi obeys him, however reluctantly. He squirts out some shaving cream, lathering it up between his hands as he approaches Kakashi. "Here we go," Yamato murmurs absently as he slathers the cream all over Kakashi's lower face and some of his neck. Towelling off his hands and grasping the razor again, something flits into Yamato's mind. 

This is the first time I've ever held a razor to someone's throat and I'm not trying to kill them, Yamato realises abruptly. That means that it's probably the first time for Kakashi to trust someone else with a razor next to his throat and not to slice it wide, gaping open. Blinking, Yamato tilts Kakashi's face up towards him, crouching down a little. Despite his foul mood for some reason, Kakashi is still letting him do this. Yamato meets Kakashi's gaze, and has a sudden urge to pitch forward and kiss him, whisper reassuringly in his ear that he'll never hurt him, that he'll be safe with him. 

Yamato opens his mouth, and what comes out is, "You look even grumpier from this angle."

"Thanks," Kakashi says flatly, turning his gaze to a spot over Yamato's left shoulder. "I've been working on perfecting it."

"You succeeded," Yamato replies, shifting ever so slightly so he blocks Kakashi's sight of whatever the fuck he was staring at. Yamato lays a careful hand on Kakashi's knee, placing the razor just below Kakashi's left ear and stroking it against the skin gently. 

"Tell me if I accidentally hurt you," Yamato murmurs, brow furrowed as he concentrated on not nicking Kakashi's pale skin. For some reason, it's more difficult than he thought it would be, and Yamato's a little worried that things may go arseways.

Last night, when you didn't say you love me, is what Kakashi wants to say, but he bites down on his tongue, cheek muscles twitching with the movement. That's not what Yamato means. Instead, he closes his eyes so he doesn't have to look at him, feeling the dread rising within him once more.

Perhaps Yamato has realized that he doesn't love Kakashi. Perhaps he is only doing this because he feels indebted to Kakashi for saving his life, and once Kakashi is able to do things on his own, he'll leave.

His left hand spasms, and he grips the material of his pants tightly in his fingers as he fights back the urge to yell or, embarrassingly, cry or, even more embarrassingly, both. He's Hatake fucking Kakashi. He shouldn't need anyone. He's lived so long on his own and been fine. If Yamato does leave, then Kakashi will survive.

A movement catches Yamato's eye, and he glimpses Kakashi's hand clutching at his pants leg, appearing frantic. Yamato pulls back, seeing Kakashi's eyes are closed, and his frown deepens, beginning to get seriously worried. Is it the shaving? Yamato wonders, but it doesn't seem like just the shaving. Kakashi has been in a despicable mood ever since the morning, and Yamato can't place anything since then that'd make him act this way. He lays down the razor, dropping down to a crouch so his shoulders are level with his knees. 

"Hey," he says cautiously, covering Kakashi's hand with his, intertwining their fingers. "What's wrong?" He can't simply ignore this and go on shaving, not when there's something very obviously astray with Kakashi.

"Why did you stop?" Loving me, he doesn't say. He forces himself to relax, slowly flexing his fingers so feeling will return to them. He didn't realize how tightly he'd been clenching them.

"Because there's something bothering you, and I need to know what it is," Yamato replies straight away.

"Aside from the fact that my face is half-shaved?" Kakashi asks, voice tight with anger as his tone rises, eyes snapping open to glare at Yamato. "Or that I saved your damn life and didn't even get a thank you in return? Or how about when I told you that I fucking love you, and all I got was a kiss and a thank you? Which one, Tenzou?" he shouts. "Which one do you fucking want to discuss first?"

Yamato flinches instinctively, not expecting Kakashi's sudden outburst, his fingers tightening around Kakashi's clothes and fingers alike. "Is that it?" He asks quietly, meeting Kakashi's raging gaze head-on. "And I'm sorry. I was so worried about you I forgot to thank you, even though it was my neglect that brought it on. If I had died it would've been my own fault." Yamato finds himself outlining things calmly, relief settling in his chest. “Thank you, senpai. I appreciate it.”

Kakashi actually told him what was bothering him, and obviously these things are important to him. But Yamato, despite his shouting, is just really glad that Kakashi spoke up and didn't trap it all inside like he usually did. This is improvement, Yamato tells himself. He's shaken up from the sudden shouting, his heartbeat pounding and frantic, but he keeps his head. 

"I said I love you before. I mean it. But you scared me, senpai. For some moments there I thought you might die. And it'd be my fault. Right then, I felt like-" Yamato's voice cracks, and he clears it awkwardly. "Like I didn't deserve to love you."

If anything, Kakashi knows that he doesn't deserve Yamato.

Kakashi releases a shaky breath, feeling like he can finally breathe without a heavy weight on his chest. "Why wouldn't you deserve to love me?"

Yamato knows he shouldn’t love anyone, least of all Kakashi. He’s trying to break out from Danzo’s simple ideals of living short and dying fast for the village so desperately, but there’s always that quiet whisper of how being close to someone like this is wrong. Emotions get in the way of his job, the effectiveness of a shinobi dramatically decreases after marriage, look how well Danzo did without a partner-

 _Fuck off,_ Yamato tells himself. _I love him, and that’s that._

Yamato shakes his head, forcing a stiff smile onto his face. "I don't know, but the moment is over now. All you need to know is that I'm so grateful for you for saving me." He straightens his legs, bending over nearer to Kakashi. "Because if I was dead, I wouldn't be able to say I love you," he breathes out, kissing Kakashi's lips swiftly, trying not to get shaving foam on his mouth.

Kakashi returns the kiss, his good hand fisting into Yamato's shirt. He's aware that the shaving cream is likely rubbing off on Yamato, but he doesn't give a shit. Yamato still loves him.

Yamato gives up on trying not to get shaving cream smeared around his mouth and relaxes into the kiss, one of his hands resting on Kakashi's thigh while the other is just about curling around the back of his neck. His heartbeat begins to calm down, glad that Kakashi talked to him, glad that they still have a chance. Pulling away, Yamato eyes the space on the toilet, picking up the razor again and wiping at his face. "If you moved back as far as you can go, would there be space for me on your lap?" He asks Kakashi affectionately.

"Maybe," Kakashi says, his mouth suddenly dry, and he scoots back. He can feel himself beginning to harden already from the anticipation of having Yamato on his lap, and he hopes that Yamato won't mind.

"That's enough," Yamato says cheerfully, slipping into his lap and nuzzling briefly against his neck (the bit without shaving cream) before raising the razor again. He can feel Kakashi hardening underneath him, and he rolls his eyes, beginning to scrape down at the stubble again, from where he left off. "It's a little uncomfortable with your cock sticking into my asscheek," Yamato comments casually as he works. "Can you do something about that?"

Kakashi's cheeks flame red in embarrassment. "I'm sorry," he mumbles, and he fights to keep still and not slouch away from Yamato's touch. He can still perfectly recall every slur and taunt tossed his way by -

No, Kakashi grits his teeth, stop, don't go down that road.

"I've always been...easily turned on," Kakashi admits through clenched teeth.

"Don't apologise," Yamato chides softly. "I've always found it amazing how easily you can be affected. I wish I was that sensitive."

"It's easy when I'm around you. Your everything," and here Kakashi gestures with his left hand, indicating Yamato's body, "always affects me."

Yamato chuckles lightly, moving down Kakashi's jawline carefully. "Not bad for a 'Plain face,' huh?" he jokes, shifting around on Kakashi's lap as he starts on a new section. 

"You're anything but plain," Kakashi says softly. "You're special to me. I meant what I said to Fushi. Your personality, wit, and sarcasm, along with your looks, are what attracted me to you. There's no one else like you. You are your own unique person, and I love you for that."

Yamato can't help a pale shade of red splattering across his cheeks, too embarrassed to meet Kakashi's gaze. He's never, ever been appreciated like this before. "You don't need to flatter me," he murmurs. "I already love you so much that sweet words can't make me adore you more."

"I'm not trying to flatter you. I'm telling you the truth. You're perfect," Kakashi whispers heatedly, thumb rubbing soft circles on Yamato's thigh.

Yamato outright laughs at this, having to take the razor away from Kakashi's jaw lest he accidentally cut him. "I'm no more perfect than you are okay," He grins lopsidedly, his hand edging into Kakashi's good one. "But, seriously.." his face grows solemn. "You have to remember that I've loved you for years, and that one or two incidents cannot ever change that, even if I don't say it back."

Kakashi nods, words stuck in his throat. He wants to tell Yamato that he knows, he's just afraid that Yamato will leave like so many other people, but he doesn't want to appear weak or needy. So he says nothing about that. "You can finish shaving me now, unless you like me half-shaven," Kakashi says.

"Mm, I think a beard might just suit you," Yamato teases gently, beginning to shave off his stubble again. "And that was a very subtle subject change. I can tell you have more to say on the matter, but if you really don't want to tell me, it's okay."

"I'll save it for another time. I've had enough deep talk for today," Kakashi mumbles, closing his eyes. He's surprised that he's able to relax with a razor to his throat, but he trusts Yamato with his life.

"Make sure that there is another time," Yamato mumbles, Juba's words still haunting the edges of his mind. He can feel Kakashi relax underneath him, and he smiles gratefully, wiping the blade of the razor clean, ready for another sweep.

Kakashi merely hums in reply. His cock is still hard, and each movement that Yamato makes doesn't help. It's all Kakashi can do to keep still, not wanting to be cut from the razor.

After a few minutes sitting together in comfortable silence, Yamato gently rubs across Kakashi's skin with a new, damp towel and lays a tender kiss on his nose. "Done. You look even more handsome now."

"Thank you." Kakashi rubs his good hand over his face, nodding in approval. "So am I to assume that you wouldn't like it if I decided to grow stubble?"

Yamato leans back, both his hands holding onto Kakashi's shoulders as he tries to imagine his senpai with permanent stubble. "It'd make you look older. Nobody else would see the difference, of course, but I'd prefer not to be going around with a rash."

"Clean-shaven it is, then." Kakashi rubs his cheek against Yamato's neck and pulls him close, carefully arranging his injured arm so it doesn't get jarred.

"Your skin is so soft," Yamato comments with a smile, wrapping his arms around Kakashi's neck, dithering between suggesting they sleep or grinding down hard against the erect member prodding into his ass. He hasn't slept in three days now, and he can feel exhaustion weighing down on his shoulders.

"Let's move out of the bathroom," Kakashi suggests, nipping lightly at Yamato's ear.

"Sure," Yamato mumbles tiredly, lifting himself up off of Kakashi's lap. He rubs at his blurry eyes and yawns, covering his mouth with his palm. "I'm sorry senpai, but can we leave the inevitable sex until later? I'm wrecked."

"Yeah, let's get you to bed." Kakashi stands and leads the way to the bedroom. Once there, he carefully strips out of his clothes, not caring where they land. He slips, naked, into bed and props his wrist on a small pillow.

Yamato swiftly follows suit, folding his clothes at the end of the bed with half-closed eyes before collapsing beside Kakashi. "Take care of your wrist," he indistinctly mutters, roping an arm around Kakashi's waist and tugging himself closer, breathing in Kakashi's fresh scent, tinged with the fragrance of shaving cream.

"I am. Just sleep," Kakashi says. "You look like you're about to pass out at any second."

"You're right about that," Yamato grunts in a slow slur, feeling himself float into the limbo of half-consciousness. He gives one last contented, muted sigh, and quickly falls asleep with the sound of Kakashi's breathing in his ears.

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Kakashi's stomach rumbling wakes him up, and he stifles a moan in his pillow before carefully disentangling himself from Yamato. He pulls on boxers and a shirt - which he discovers is Yamato's since it's bigger than what he normally wears - and pads quietly out to the kitchen.  
He stands there, looking around as he tries to figure out what to make that doesn't require much work. He scowls down at his injured wrist. "Fuck you."

Gradually waking up, Yamato slowly becomes aware that there's no Kakashi next to him anymore. Pushing himself up off of the mattress, Yamato blearily blinks his vision into focus, wondering where his senpai has gone. The tiredness drops from his limbs, a sign of a good, restful sleep. Slipping out of bed and starting to dress, Yamato reaches for his shirt. It's not there. He sighs deeply, heading over to Kakashi's wardrobe and taking out a random t-shirt. It's a bit tight on the shoulders and arms, but Yamato can deal with it. 

"Kakashi-senpai?" He calls out, padding out of the bedroom.

"I'm in the fucking kitchen," Kakashi responds with a low growl. "Trying to get the fucking pan that's in the back of the fucking cabinet with only one fucking hand."

Sighing, but undeniably amused, Yamato walks into the kitchen, taken back by the sheer mess of silvery pots and pans everywhere on the floor. "Senpai, why didn't you wake me up?" he says, shouldering him aside. 

"I wanted to let you sleep," Kakashi answers, kicking aside a pan and making a rattling noise that sends Abacus yowling from where she was peering into the kitchen.

"I slept through most of yesterday and all of last night," Yamato reminds him. "I think I'm well-rested enough by now. I wouldn't have minded." He reaches into the cabinet, groping around. "Which pan do you need?"

"The one for rice." Kakashi points it out. "The one you're holding."

"Alright," Yamato acknowledges, withdrawing his hand and glancing at Kakashi's wrist. "We'd better put some fresh bandages on that soon. How hungry are you?"

"Starving," he says blandly. "Okay, now fill it with four cups of water and let it boil. Then you need two cups of rice."

"Okay, we'll wrap your wrist later then," Yamato says, grabbing a cup and sliding the pot onto the hob. He follows Kakashi's instructions, and soon the rice is cooking away. "What next?" Yamato asks.

"It has to cook for twenty minutes, so we can work on whatever else we want for breakfast," Kakashi says.

"I fancy an egg, what about you?" Yamato states, reaching for the eggbox and a frying pan.

"Sure," Kakashi says as he leans back against the counter and watches Yamato. "You're wearing one of my shirts," he realizes suddenly.

"You're wearing one of mine," Yamato remarks back, throwing a glance back over his shoulder as he moves to crack the eggs into the pan. "I didn't really have a choice to wear anything else.”

"It really accentuates your muscles." Kakashi eyes him, having the sudden urge to plaster himself against Yamato's back and run his hands up and down his arms, back, chest - wherever. Kakashi isn't picky at this point.

"I'm glad someone gets enjoyment from it, because it's quite uncomfortable for me," Yamato says good-naturedly, pouring the eggs into the hot frying pan. "I can sense you ogling me, you know."

"At least I'm just ogling and not groping," Kakashi teases with a mischievous grin.

Yamato shoots a grin back over his shoulder, placing a hand on his hip and half-turning around. "What are you waiting for then?" For some reason, today Yamato feels like initiating things today, right after they eat, anyway. "You haven't even given me a morning kiss."

"Don't need to tell me twice." Kakashi comes over, resting his good hand on Yamato's shoulder and giving him a kiss. "Good morning."

Yamato smiles against his mouth, slipping his relaxed arms around Kakashi's waist. "Good morning to you too, senpai," he murmurs, kissing him back softly. 

They exchange short, sweet kisses until Kakashi pulls away. "The food is going to burn if we keep this up."

"Shit," Yamato spins around, sees the smoking pan and curses some more before he realises it's just the oil. He flips over the eggs, sighing with relief. "They're still edible. Barely."

Kakashi laughs and wraps his arm around Yamato's waist, nuzzling his neck. "It's okay. I don't mind burned food."

"You should," Yamato scowls mildly, but leaning back leisurely against Kakashi's chest. "It's cancerous, apparently."

"Please," Kakashi huffs. "I don't think a little burnt food is going to cause cancer for two buff, physically fit men like us."

"Better safe than sorry," Yamato shrugs, flicking the eggs over again. "They're ready now. How long has the rice been on by now?"

Kakashi checks the clock. "We have about six minutes until it's done."

"Mm, get out two plates, will you?" Yamato asks, bumping Kakashi away from him with his hips. "Make yourself useful."

"I can make myself very useful," Kakashi purrs but does as he's told. He wishes, not for the first time, that his wrist were healed. "This is a pain in the ass," he complains as he slowly sets the table. He can only grab one set of items at a time - two plates, two sets of chopsticks, then one glass and another.

Yamato tries not to smirk, watching Kakashi gather the things needed excruciatingly slowly. "Very helpful, thank you," Yamato says, a tinge of amusement in his voice as he tips the eggs onto their plates. 

Kakashi childishly sticks his tongue out. "You're only saying that to be nice."

"Perhaps," Yamato grins widely, bending over to him and pecking his cheek, before settling back down at the table. "Enjoy my masterful cooking."

"Masterful, huh?" Kakashi muses. "I might be inclined to say that if the food weren't burnt."

"Oh, and whose fault is that?" Yamato shoots back, pointedly staring at Kakashi as he picks up the egg.

"Not mine," Kakashi says cheekily, trying to get some egg on his chopsticks. "You need to learn to cook even with distractions, like I have."

"Hey, I never distract you that much," Yamato defends himself, speaking around a mouthful of egg white.

"But even if you did," Kakashi retorts, "none of my food would be burned. I have perfected the art of cooking."

"And I've perfected the art of making you come without ever touching your dick," Yamato responds with a quick wink, finishing off his egg.

"Fuck," Kakashi mumbles, chopsticks halfway to his mouth. "You fight dirty."

"I fight with the truth," Yamato declares with a smug grin, shrugging as he straightens up to check on the rice.

Kakashi tilts his head thoughtfully. "I can make you come with just my fingers."

Yamato pauses in the doorway, throwing a glare back at Kakashi. "I can go more than two days without jerking off."

Opening his mouth, Kakashi is about to reply but slumps down. "Fuck you," he grumbles without heat.

"Heh," Yamato chuckles, having to spin around again and lean over to Kakashi, poking him on the forehead. "Yamato-1, Kakashi-0."

"Yeah, yeah. Go ahead and gloat." Kakashi glares half-heartedly at Yamato, flipping him off before going back to his egg. It's slightly difficult eating with his left hand, he finds. He sneaks a peek at Yamato, seeing that he's preoccupied with the rice, and switches to his right hand. It's painful, and he has to hold his wrist stiff because of the bandages and the pain, but it's much easier than with his left hand.

Yamato hums as he dumps the rice into a bowl, placing the pan on the stove as he turns around. "Senpai, the rice is-what do you think you're doing?" He zips over to Kakashi swiftly, grasping his right forearm and taking the chopsticks from his fingers firmly. "Your chances of having sex today just decreased," Yamato chides him, rolling his eyes at how accurate Sakura's prediction was. "If you're having difficulty, ask me for God's sake. It may be embarrassing, but nobody's going to see me feeding you."

A calculating look steals over Kakashi's face. "You would feed me?" He tries to keep a teasing glint from his eyes but fails. "Would you do whatever I asked?"

Yamato's eyes shift over his expression uneasily, catching the devious gleam in his gaze. "Only if it helps your wrist recover."

"What about feeding me while I'm riding you?" Kakashi questions.

Yamato silently shoves the last of the egg into Kakashi's filthy mouth, with a completely blank expression. He leaves Kakashi to chew on the food as he heads back into the kitchen, fetching the rice and scooping them both out some before plonking down again. "I'll think about it," he responds finally, staring thoughtfully at Kakashi's lips.

"I was only being half-serious," Kakashi says, swallowing. "I'll be fine with you just feeding me, although I'd prefer to use my own hand."

You can't injure it further," Yamato insists, shifting him and his plate around to Kakashi's side of the table and lifting up some rice to Kakashi's lips. "Open up, senpai."

Kakashi sighs but does as he's told. "Feeding each other is much sexier in Icha Icha," he complains.

One corner of Yamato's mouth hovers in a half-smile, gulping down some rice himself before he answers. "Do you think Jiraiya ever got fed by anyone? Apart from the hospital nurses," Yamato asks, recalling his very poor attitude towards women.

"He was like a grandfather to me, so I try not to think about it," Kakashi says dryly. A piece of rice is clinging to Yamato's lower lip, and Kakashi leans forward, dragging his tongue along his lip to catch the stray piece.

Yamato breathes out a soft moan, unable to stop his hand circling around the back of Kakashi's neck and pressing their lips together. "Is that a bit better?" He asks, fingers twitching but resisting the urge to slide down Kakashi's groin. Dammit, Yamato thinks, settling his hand on Kakashi's thigh. I can't even get through breakfast without wanting to fuck him.

"Yeah." Kakashi clears his throat and straightens, casting his mind about for something unsexy to think about, lest Yamato tease him for being aroused again.

Lowering his face into the side of Kakashi's neck, Yamato kisses the skin sternly, nipping at parts here and there. "All this talk about sex has me in a certain mood," Yamato whispers against Kakashi's skin, turning his head to pick up another lot of rice. "But you have to be fed first, so hurry up."

Kakashi opens his mouth for another bite, eyes hooded as he slowly chews the morsel. "So my dirty talk turns you on?"

"You in general turns me on," Yamato comments casually. "But the dirty talk does help, yes."

"Good to know." Kakashi's left hand creeps up Yamato's leg to brush lightly against his clothed cock. He enjoys it when Yamato lets himself relax. To be honest, Yamato can have as dirty a mind as Kakashi does, and he gives as good as he gets.

Groaning, Yamato's fingers twist with delight in Kakashi's hair, his member stiffening at the teasing touch. "Are you full yet?" Yamato asks, his hand creeping away from the rice dish and towards Kakashi's torso.

"Depends on how you mean that question. Full of food? Yes. Full of you? No, because you're not inside me yet," Kakashi murmurs, lightly squeezing Yamato's cock.

Yamato smiles knowingly against his neck. "I knew you'd say something like that." He shuffles closer to Kakashi, arching his pelvis to press harder against Kakashi's hand with a soft inhale. He's straddling Kakashi at this stage, hands lingering on his chest as he nibbles at Kakashi's ear. "Hey," he breathes. "Is it okay if I mark you again?"

"Yeah, mark me again." Tilting his head, Kakashi tries to roll his hips, but with one hand on Yamato's groin and his other hand forbidden to be used, he has no leverage. "Shit."

"Good." With that, Yamato dives his lips roughly against Kakashi's skin, sucking hard until he leans back, taking in the purple spot gratefully. "I want everyone to know that you're mine." Catching Kakashi's annoyed glance at his right wrist, he narrows his dark eyes at him sternly. "Don't even think about it. We'll manage."

Kakashi glares at him. Then in one swift movement, Kakashi shoves at Yamato's shoulder until he's lying on the floor with Kakashi settled between his legs. Resting his left hand and right elbow on the floor - but taking care not to use his wrist - Kakashi rolls his hips down with a sharp gasp.

"That's it," Yamato breathes out unsteadily, grasping onto Kakashi's hips and raising his own crotch up to grind heavily against his senpai's. Letting out a short, abrupt pant at the pleasure flaring around his body, Yamato tilts his face back, parted lips parallel to the ceiling as he concentrates on swivelling their pelvises together.

"God," Kakashi moans, licking his way sloppily into Yamato's mouth. The friction from the material of his boxers against his cock, combined with the movement against Yamato, sends delicious shivers down his spine. He grinds down, breath coming in short gasps.

One of Yamato's hands rakes down Kakashi's lower stomach, faithfully following the thin trail of hair vanishing underneath his waistband. Yamato's hand delves neatly underneath also, rounding Kakashi's hard length with his palm, stroking it lightly with his thumb. Becoming aware of his own cock needing urgent attention, Yamato glances around for lube and condoms, cursing how, yet again, they're nowhere in sight.

"Hey, focus on me," Kakashi says, rolling his hips sensuously, slowly. "What are you even thinking about?"

"How the lube and condoms are never where we fucking need them to be," Yamato groans out loudly, unwrapping his hand from Kakashi's cock and bringing them together for a clone. "Are they still in the bedroom?" He asks as a perfect clone separates itself from his body.

"Lube's under the pillow, condoms are in the bedside table," Kakashi recites. "You really should know this, Tenzou, considering how often we have sex."

"Probably, but you usually fetch them," Yamato shrugs as his clone nods purposefully and wanders into the bedroom. He returns soon with the important goods, placing them directly into Yamato's waiting hands. "Thank you," Yamato says, but then throws a questioning glance up at Kakashi. "Do you want to...maybe...keep him around?" His clone's crouching down next to them, smiling knowingly but silent. "If you think it'll feel weird, just say so," Yamato adds. "Honestly, it unnerves me a little, thinking about me watching myself have sex."

"Why, Tenzou," Kakashi grins wickedly, "what makes you think he'd just be watching?" Then on a more serious note, he asks, "Do you want him to stay? If we're not both in agreement, then we don't do it."

Yamato glances at his clone, and the clone stares back at him, then an identical smirk grows on their lips. "He's staying," Yamato announces, as the clone immediately circles around to behind Kakashi, tugging his boxers down. He caresses the firm curves of Kakashi's ass before pushing his face in between the cheeks.

A ragged breath escapes Kakashi, and his hips buck into Yamato's. "Fuck," he breathes, left fingers scrabbling at the wooden floor, "you don't waste any time, do you?"

"Nah," Yamato grins, his hand once against grasping Kakashi's freed cock. He lurches upwards and kisses him deeply as his clone's tongue rings around Kakashi's entrance, molding his cheeks in his hands.

Kakashi kisses back desperately, trying to remain as still as possible so the clone can continue eating him out, but his hips keep rolling down into Yamato's to chase the spark of pleasure. "You definitely have a wicked mouth."

His clone pushes his face in deeper, nose squishing up against skin, and his tongue intrudes into Kakashi's ass, dragging roughly across his inner walls. Meanwhile, Yamato's strokes of Kakashi's cock are becoming faster as the gathering of boiling, ardent heat builds up in Yamato's crotch, his erection straining against the fabric of his pants. "I want to make love to you so badly," Yamato pants out into Kakashi's mouth. "I can't even last through breakfast without having you instead."

"Fuck," Kakashi mumbles roughly. The slick tongue twirling inside of his entrance is driving him crazy, and he wants Yamato's cock as soon as possible, filling him up. "Yeah, yeah. I want you inside me."

"First, though," Yamato breathes, pulling away from Kakashi's mouth and sliding downwards. He tugs up Kakashi's shirt and mouths at his nipples for a moment before slotting his upper torso between Kakashi's spread thighs. It's a little tight-Yamato has to curl his legs around either side of his clone to fit, but he manages to get into position without interrupting his clone's work and rolls a condom onto Kakashi. Bracing both of his palms upwards, against Kakashi's hips, Yamato kisses the tip of his member, declaring determinedly, "You're going to come just from my mouth, and then I'll come inside you." Taking the tip of Kakashi's member into his mouth, Yamato grates the uneven bumps of his tongue over the slit, his clone gliding his tongue in deeper, moving his lips against Kakashi's anus.

Kakashi keens, his entire body trembling with the sensations surrounding him. "Tenzou." he gasps out. "Oh, my God. Why have we never done this before?"

Pulling away from Kakashi's saliva-coated cock, Yamato smirks, supporting Kakashi's quivering body with his palms. "We're doing it now, aren't we? Next time, I expect there to be two of you on top of me," he replies before circling his slick tongue around Kakashi's shaft. Frowning, he feels his clone shift onto his waist to get closer to Kakashi's ass, and a moan leaves his lips at the friction on his covered member.

Bending his right arm, Kakashi rests his forehead on it while his left hand snakes down to tangle in Yamato's hair. If he angles his head just right, he can see Yamato sucking on his cock, the sight arousing him even more, pre-come dripping steadily from his cock. Carefully, Kakashi moves his hips down, pressing his cock further into Yamato's mouth as he searches for friction, but he remains attentive to Yamato, making sure that he's okay.

Trying to push Kakashi's hips back upwards more to give him more space, Yamato arches his lips tighter around Kakashi's member, working his tongue coarsely around the tip. He slides Kakashi deeper into his mouth, lifting the back of his head off of the floor. His clone, with one last grate of his teeth against puckered skin, pulls back from Kakashi's ass, rubbing his thumb firmly against his entrance. Circling his hips around, he makes a confused, quizzical expression, one hand hanging onto Yamato's hip. "It seems odd to have my own cock caressing my own ass," he states, not expecting Yamato to answer, due to his mouth being a little busy. "Senpai, have you ever tried anything like this with your clones before?"

"Can't say that I have," Kakashi pants heavily. "Probably would have made masturbation so much more fun." He moans when Yamato's tongue slides against the sensitive head, and he pulls on Yamato's hair. "Gonna come soon."

"Good," the clone answers with a smug smile, leaning forward and dragging his tongue slowly up Kakashi's entrance. "Wait until we get serious."

Yamato simply hums, taking one hand to fidget gently with Kakashi's balls as he speeds up the strokes with his mouth. Saliva's dripping out of the corners of his mouth, mixed with pre-cum, which Yamato is grateful for as it helps with the friction, allowing him to pleasure Kakashi quicker. He can feel Kakashi's body turn into a hot, shivering mess above him. Yamato loves it.

Kakashi's fingers tighten on Yamato's hair as he tries not to buck into his mouth. While Kakashi's had a few threesomes, he doesn't remember any of them being this intense. Maybe, he figures, it's because Yamato is so attuned to his body, having had sex with him more times than anyone else, and has memorized what he likes. Or maybe it's because he and Yamato love each other that he feels like this.

Whatever the reason, Kakashi feels like he might explode from the sheer pleasure soon. Every swipe across his entrance, every slow suck on his cock, or gentle squeeze to his balls feels magnified, heat zinging through him. Sweat drips down his face, his breathing speeds up, and he bites down on his forearm to muffle the loud cries that want to break free.

Yamato's clone runs his hand down the arching, tensing length of Kakashi's damp back, caressing all the curves and dips of his body he can reach as he once again delves his tongue into his ass, lapping roughly at his warm, wet inner walls. Sensing Kakashi's about to come, Yamato releases his member from his mouth, instead stroking it roughly with his hand. He hold Kakashi's hip tightly, propping him up with his elbow braced against the floor. He tilts his face upwards to look at Kakashi's flustered face and grins, adoring the sight.

"Fu-" is all Kakashi breathes before he comes, vision swimming as his orgasm washes over him. His entire body trembles, and if it weren't for Yamato supporting him, he'd have fallen to the floor.

Pressing a kiss to Kakashi's lower stomach, Yamato can feel him quivering all over and smiles against his skin. He's really happy that he can make Kakashi feel like this. His clone breaks away from Kakashi's ass, settling back onto Yamato's pelvis and watching Kakashi come with lustful hunger flashing in his dark eyes, ringing a finger around Kakashi's dripping rim.

Moving backwards into the touch, Kakashi moans. "That was hot," he pants. "Definitely a 'let's do that again' in my book." Then his gaze catches on the clone straddling Yamato, and he hums thoughtfully. "What do we do now with him?"

"Don't talk about me as if I'm not here," the clone says with a slight grin. "It's going to be interesting remembering eating you out and sucking you off at the same time."

Yamato snorts, edging out from underneath his clone and Kakashi. "Do you want him to stick around?" he asks Kakashi. 

Kakashi shakes his head and awkwardly removes the condom, managing to tie a knot at the top. "Nah, unless you want him to. I'm perfectly fine just going back to the two of us." Carefully, he turns around so he's lying on his back. He imagines he'd be a sight to see, with his shirt rucked up his chest, and his boxers tangled around his thighs.

The action catches both other parties' attention, and they turn to face him, drinking in the sight of Kakashi's heated, half-clothed skin. Yamato forgets how to speak for a few seconds, only wanting to clamber on top of his senpai and stare. Swallowing down his thickening lust with difficulty, Yamato makes a hand sign and his clone vanishes, melting back into his body. "Wow," Yamato breathes. "I can remember what your ass and your cock tastes like."

Grinning, Kakashi playfully nudges Yamato with his knee. "The only difference is I can do this and not have to worry about you tasting like ass." With those words, Kakashi surges upward and straddles Yamato, gently cupping his face in his hands and giving him a heated, lingering kiss.

Knotting his fingers in Kakashi's hair, Yamato passionately kisses him back, hard. "I just taste like condoms instead," he murmurs, pulling away for a split second-just enough to reply.

"We could always get the flavored ones for blowjobs," Kakashi suggests cheekily. He grinds down on Yamato, offering friction, but doesn't seek any out for himself. He's still too sensitive.

"They...aren't that nice," Yamato replies, crinkling up his nose. "But we could try them out sometime. Maybe the weed flavour?" He inhales sharply at Kakashi's firm ass grinding down against his throbbing cock, but noticing he's still mostly clothed. "Undress me?" Yamato asks softly, winding his hands up Kakashi's chest, pushing up his shirt.

"You know how difficult that's going to be using just one hand?" Kakashi asks but starts tugging up on Yamato's shirt anyway. "Unless you're giving me permission to use my other hand. I'm sure Sakura won't mind. We can say that it was an emergency," he winks.

"No way," Yamato intervenes firmly, quickly removing Kakashi's shirt and grabbing his right hand to make sure it doesn't move. "I'll give you a hand," he grins, interlacing their fingers very cautiously.

Kakashi grins back, swaying forward and dragging his teeth slowly down Yamato's earlobe. "Let's get you undressed."

"Mm," Yamato hums, sliding his free palm up Kakashi's side, rounding his shoulders happily. "Did I ever tell you how good you look shirtless?" His hand moves to his own shirt, aiding Kakashi in tugging it off over his head.

"I'm fucking sexy, aren't I?" Kakashi murmurs. Once Yamato is free of his shirt, he trails his tongue around a nipple before sucking on it lightly.

"Heh...." Yamato pants out, grasping onto Kakashi's hair, arching out his chest as the stimulating waves hit him. "I don't need to tell you that, do I?"

"Nope. I'm sexy, and I know it," Kakashi says, switching over to the other nipple while fingers slowly rub at the one he just had in his mouth.

"God, your tongue is amazing," Yamato moans out, low and raspy, flexing his hips forward to rub closer against Kakashi. Pleasure burst through him, and he grips Kakashi's hair tighter, his face upturning towards the ceiling as he gasps quietly. 

"I do believe," Kakashi mumbles against Yamato's skin, "that you said earlier that you would make me come in your mouth, and then you would come inside me. The former has been taken care of." He snorts, obviously amused at his unintentional innuendo. "You need to fulfill the second statement."

"I can't do that with my pants still on," Yamato murmurs, dislodging Kakashi temporarily from his lap. Cold air replaces Kakashi's warm body, and Yamato finds himself detesting clothing, forcing to separate for some long seconds. Raising himself onto his feet, Yamato yanks down both his boxers and pants quickly, hoisting Kakashi back into his lap the instant he sits down again. Nuzzling Kakashi's neck, he begins sucking at the skin as his other hand blindly gropes to wherever they left the condoms.

Kakashi lets his head loll to the side, fingers digging into Yamato's shoulder. His hips roll in small circles, and he groans as Yamato's cock slips between his ass cheeks. "Lube me up a bit more," he finds himself saying. "Spit doesn't exactly cut it."

Yamato's silent for some moments, concentrating on sucking roughly at the chosen spot. One mark just isn't enough. Yamato wants Kakashi's entire, beautiful body to be dotted with proof of their love. His other flailing hand somehow washes up against smooth plastic, and he lifts his face up, grasping the bottle and the condoms lying nearby eagerly. "On it," he replies, holding back a moan at how nicely his cock fits between his ass cheeks. Swiftly applying the lube to his fingers, Yamato's hand rounds Kakashi's ass, inserting a single digit carefully.

"Mm," Kakashi hums and presses backward to encourage Yamato to move his finger deeper. His injured right hand rests on Yamato's left arm, and his pointer finger carefully traces the ANBU tattoo inked there.

Yamato, pushing his finger into Kakashi deeper, catches the soft touch and his gaze flicks over to Kakashi's identical, graceful brand of a killer. "It's been a long while since we got them," Yamato comments, resting his forehead against Kakashi's gently.

"Almost twenty years for me," Kakashi says ruefully. "Been nearly a decade since I was discharged from ANBU." He flushes slightly, not from the finger up his ass, but from recalling the argument he and Yamato had about Kakashi being released from ANBU. He'd been so pissed, he hadn't cared what he was saying. But now, having had time to reflect further on it with someone else's opinion, he has to admit that Sarutobi made the right choice. If he had stayed in ANBU, would he still be alive? Or would he have fallen further and further into despair until one day, he just decided not to come home from a mission?

The thought makes him shudder, and he buries his face in Yamato's neck, not liking the direction his thoughts have taken him. He needs to focus on the here and now. He's in Yamato's arms, about to make love to him, and there's no other place he would rather be.

"I love you," he sighs out.

Cradling Kakashi tenderly, Yamato smiles, leaning his face sideways against Kakashi's head. "I love you too, Kakashi-senpai," he whispers confidently, and there's nothing he meant more in his entire life. Honestly, he'd be content to just hold Kakashi like this forever, embrace him until they breathe their last together, but Yamato's member is demanding attention, ordering him to make love to Kakashi already. He's hit with this mad urge to mark Kakashi again, but he shakes it aside with a small amount of amusement. Kakashi's supposed to be the dog-like one, defensive over his territory. But, Yamato reasons, Kakashi's finally chosen one steady partner to commit to, and it's him, yet Kakashi still constantly receives lingering stares from people. Yamato assumes that's where the urgent whim to show Kakashi is his stems from. Shouldering the realisation aside, Yamato rustles Kakashi's hair softly as he slips in another finger, expanding Kakashi's hole further.

"You're sure taking your sweet time," Kakashi mutters, but his tone lacks venom. Truth be told, he's actually enjoying this slower pace, the soft caresses instead of the hurried touches, the lingering kisses instead of the rough ones. Although, he thinks, he doesn't mind those either, but it's a nice change.

"That's the difference between making love and fucking," Yamato murmurs back, somewhat amused, nuzzling comfortably, softly, into Kakashi's neck. He loves how tender this feels, how much care he senses blanketing around them warmly, how he just feels so...at home when he's entangled with Kakashi. Well, Yamato rethinks. Not just when they're having sex. When they're chatting about the day, chuckling together over Abacus' endeavours, cuddling or even showing each other how to do something new. Yamato sighs joyfully, breathing in the scent curling up like invisible smoke off Kakashi's skin, rubbing his fingers around Kakashi's inner muscles cautiously.

"More," Kakashi whispers. "Give me anoth-" The word is choked off by a loud moan as Yamato's fingers happen to find the right spot, and Kakashi shivers. "Fuck," he slurs, his grip on Yamato's arm inadvertently tightening, but even the jolt of pain that flashes through his wrist isn't even enough to drown out the pleasure in his groin.

"Isn't that your right hand you're using to cut of the circulation in my arm?" Yamato asks flatly, taking hold of his forearm and guiding it to hang around his neck. "Don't put any pressure on your wrist, and it should be fine," Yamato instructs, flexing his fingers into that one spot again. Yet, by Kakashi's request, he slips in a third digit, rotating them around in the slick wetness, noting how loose he'd become.

"I'm ready when you are." Kakashi's warm breath puffs out over Yamato's shoulder, and he slides his good hand down the trail of hair leading to Yamato's groin, lightly grasping the base of his cock.

Yamato lets out a thick, stifled moan, his fingers sinking into Kakashi's ass in response. "One second," Yamato mumbles, removing his fingers from Kakashi's body to whip on a condom and some lube. "Okay," Yamato breathes against Kakashi's ear, slipping his fingers back in again, moving them around quite energetically.

Kakashi rests his hands on Yamato's shoulders, and he clenches around the fingers. "Hell of a time to ask, but here on the floor, or do you want to move somewhere more comfortable?"

"My butt's going numb, but I don't want to move," Yamato replies with a groan, unwilling to move Kakashi from his lap. He casts his gaze around the room for somewhere closer than the bedroom but still comfortable, and it rests on the couch. "How about the couch?"

"Yeah, that works," Kakashi says, and he slowly lifts himself off of Yamato's fingers, a low moan escaping, and pads over to the couch where he turns and looks at Yamato. "Are you coming?"

"Not yet," Yamato grins with a quick wink, swiftly bounding over to the couch. "But soon," he adds, settling himself down lengthways and impatiently tugging Kakashi back on top of him. "As soon as you take me inside of you."

"Impatient, aren't we?" Kakashi murmurs with a kiss. Reaching down with his left hand, Kakashi lightly grasps the base of Yamato's cock and, after a few careful strokes, lines it up to his entrance. He slowly starts to lower himself onto it, breath catching in his throat as it stretches him more.

"Oh, fuck..." Yamato breathes heavily as Kakashi sinks onto him, the lingering, wet drag of his expanding muscles around his cock making pleasure bloom all around his body. Leaning forward, he kisses Kakashi's throat thickly, slowly rocking himself in deeper.

Once Kakashi is fully seated on Yamato's lap, he takes a moment to allow himself to adjust before rising slowly, clenching around Yamato's cock as he does so, before lowering back down.

Yamato's arms are wound around Kakashi's waist and back sturdily, and with every gasp seeping out of Yamato's mouth he presses them closer, wanting to feel every bit of Kakashi's sinewy body next to him. Kakashi's tense ass feels amazing, the steady burning in his crotch ramping up quickly as Yamato carefully moves his hips in a gradual circle, his breaths quickening.

Kakashi squeezes his eyes shut, relying on his other senses. The slick drag of the cock inside of him, his lover's heavy pants, the scent of sex, the taste of sweat as Kakashi swipes his tongue across Yamato's neck. He begins to harden again, and he takes hold of his cock, lightly stroking it.

Yamato's fingers creep up Kakashi's back and scramble into his unkempt hair, delving his damp face into the crook of his senpai's neck, panting against supple skin. His nerves are fizzling with sensations, Kakashi, all of them Kakashi, every drifting scent, every compassionate touch, every stifled sound. Yamato's hands carefully guide Kakashi's hips through the swivelling movements, honestly gasping out suffocated praise. "Close..." Yamato murmurs lustfully.

"Tenzou," Kakashi gasps, grabbing a fistful of Yamato's hair and yanking his head back in order to give him a desperate, heated kiss, sloppy and full of tongue, as if trying to convey everything he's feeling into that one action.

Distractedly, Yamato returns the messy kiss, his moist pants coming out heavier than ever. His nails rake sharply into Kakashi's skin, the pressure in his crotch almost becoming unbearable, yearning for release. "Ah..." Yamato moans out thickly into Kakashi's mouth. His body quivers heavily, and with one last roll of his pelvis Yamato comes with a muted, throaty gasp of Kakashi's name.

Kakashi feels Yamato pulsing deep within him, and he starts stroking himself harder, faster, chasing after his own orgasm. "Tenzou," he gasps, pressing their foreheads together to look him in the eye. "Fuck, I love you."

Gasping in pleasure, Yamato's dark eyes widen, entranced by Kakashi's truthful, pure eyes, mesmerised by every thin speck of vivid, electric blue amongst the thundery grey in his irises. "I love you," he whispers back breathlessly, the words feeling so goddamn right. He brings a hand down to join Kakashi's on his cock, helping him build up to his orgasm. And yet he can't pull his gaze away from Kakashi.

The fire in Kakashi's groin burns hotter and grows more intense until he comes, spilling over their hands and their chests. He drags in a raspy breath and slumps against Yamato, overcome by the intensity.

"Hey," Yamato breathes softly, rubbing his palm in soothing circles on Kakashi's back. "You okay? That felt like it was quite...overwhelming."

"I think so." Kakashi burrows his face in the crook of Yamato's neck. The orgasm high starts to wear off, and the throbbing of his wrist makes itself known once more. "Fucking wrist," he hisses quietly. "Just let me enjoy the afterglow."

Yamato throws a dubious, wary glance over to his right wrist, before kissing a loving path up the side of Kakashi's neck. "We'll have to change the dressing on it soon." He cradles Kakashi some more, closing his eyes and just cherishing the simple feeling of being joined with Kakashi without the urgent passion.

Kakashi relaxes, feeling the reassuring presence of Yamato surrounding him. Right now, it's just the two of them. No ROOT, no Hokage duties, no Endo. Just the two of them, bound together in the most intimate of ways.

Yamato sways slightly, lying down on his back, gently tugging Kakashi down with him. He lets out a quiet hiss as he slips out of Kakashi, but using the opportunity to fully intertwine his legs between Kakashi's. Lifting up Kakashi's face, Yamato kisses underneath his jawline tenderly. "I keep wanting to mark you..."

"If you do that," Kakashi murmurs, "I'll end up being different colors as the marks heal. Purple, green, yellow." He maneuvers himself to take off the condom Yamato used, tying it and tossing it into the wastebasket nearby. Then he grabs a blanket and swipes at their come-smeared bodies, cleaning up as best as he can before plopping back down on Yamato.

"Thanks." Yamato smiles up at him, slipping his arms around Kakashi's neck. He's engulfed with a comfy sense of contentment, running his mouth across Kakashi's jaw tenderly, straight to his lips. "I'm really glad you're part of my life," Yamato mumbles, realising how embarrassing it sounds the instant it leaves his mouth.

"I'm glad, too." Kakashi yawns, eyelids drooping as exhaustion overtakes him. "A quick nap," he says, "then we need to wash dishes and change the bandage on my wrist."

"Agreed," Yamato slurs back, twisting around and grabbing a nearby blanket, hung over the back of the sofa-not the one Kakashi used to wipe them with-and spreads it over them. "That's better," he murmurs, settling down against Kakashi again, resting his face in his neck and peacefully sensing Kakashi's heartbeat against his chest.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry you fell in love with someone with so many problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION: WARNINGS ARE AT THE END. PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THEM AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

"Tenzou!" Kakashi's call comes from the bedroom.

"Yeah?" Yamato yells back, scrubbing at the come dried into the blanket that Kakashi oh-so-helpfully rubbed them off with yesterday. Why he hadn't just grabbed a tissue or something actually disposable, Yamato would never know. And of course Kakashi's unable to wash it himself. "Need any help in there?"

A short pause then, "Um, yes. I have a problem."

"Alright, I'm coming," Yamato calls back, abandoning the blanket and padding into Kakashi's bedroom. "Oh."

Kakashi is standing there, clearly frustrated as he tries to get his pants on over his boxers, but his boxers are all bunched up. "This is fucking annoying."

Yamato tries to stifle a chuckle and fails, moving closer to Kakashi's rumpled-up boxers. "I can see that," Yamato comments with amusement, crouching down carefully and fixing his boxers properly.

"I can't wait until I can use this hand again," Kakashi says as he glares at the offending wrist. "Although it is nice to have you on your knees in front of me."

"You're probably going to hate physical therapy," Yamato predicts calmly, tugging up Kakashi's pants for him. "And it's not like I haven't been on my knees for you before."

"I know," Kakashi replies. "I'm just saying that I like it. Just too bad that we don't have time for a quick blowjob."

Tilting his head and smiling warmly up at him, Yamato presses a chaste kiss to Kakashi's firm lower stomach. "True, it’s a pity," Yamato murmurs. "Try to hurry though, we're running late already." With that, Yamato straightens, pulling a shirt on over Kakashi's head.

With Yamato's help, Kakashi is able to finish getting ready quickly, aside from stealing kisses from Yamato. Finally, the last thing he has to do is brush his teeth. "Damn hand," he mutters as he manages to get toothpaste on his cheek. He switches the toothbrush to his right hand after a sneaky glance to make sure that Yamato is nowhere in sight.

Yamato hums as he pins up the blanket to the clothesline, wondering if Ibiki had cracked anything useful from Fushi. It's standard procedure that any attacker of the Hokage is detained and interrogated, and Yamato bites back a guilty grin at what Ibiki will find. He'll know everything that happened, Yamato realises, a churning sensation in his stomach. He doesn't regret his words to Fushi at all-but that doesn't mean he wants anyone else to know. Sighing, Yamato returns to the living room, shooting a dubious glance to the bathroom door. Is Kakashi getting on okay? He wanders over to the side of the bathroom, pondering calling into him but deciding against it. Kakashi's unlikely to ask him for assistance unless he's really, really stuck, so Yamato shrugs and melds through the wall. "Senpai!" he snaps, catching sight of his right hand grasping the toothbrush.

Kakashi looks up, a guilty look on his face. "I kep jamming da toofbruth into my gumth," he mumbles through a mouthful of foam.

Yamato sighs, stepping forward as he rolls his eyes and takes the toothbrush gently from Kakashi's damaged hand. "I keep telling you to ask me for help if you can't manage. I know you hate feeling weak, but this is important. Your wrist must heal properly," Yamato chides mildly, placing two fingers underneath Kakashi's chin. Turning his face towards him, Yamato holds up the toothbrush. "Open up."

Kakashi scowls. "This is a pain in the ass," he grumbles but does what he's told, although his eyes narrowed at Yamato speak of his displeasure.

Yamato starts brushing, noting Kakashi's longer-than-normal canines with some fascination. "When we started a relationship, I never thought I'd be doing this," he comments casually.

"Bruthing by teef?" Kakashi asks then moves away to spit into the sink. "Brushing my teeth?" he clarifies.

"Yeah," Yamato answers with a small smile, shrugging. "It's not exactly...intimate. Not that I mind, of course." 

"You're the only person allowed to help me like this," Kakashi admits quietly. "I...appreciate it, even if I don't like it."

Yamato smiles at Kakashi warmly, and he has an urge to hug him, kiss him, tell him how much he appreciates him. Similar to the day he was shaving him, in fact. Pulling a face, Yamato realises that he adores taking care of his senpai. It makes him feel wanted, useful. "Thanks for letting me do these things for you," he manages to say aloud, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing away.

Touching Yamato's cheek lightly, Kakashi silently encourages him to look at him and says seriously, "You're probably the only one I trust the most."

Yamato closes his eyes and sways sideways, cherishing the caring touch. "I trust you more than anyone, senpai. After all, your injury happened because of me," he breathes out, voice tinged with guilt. It was his negligence of duty that caused this, and however many times he tries to convince himself that it was Kakashi's choice, he suspects there'll still be some shame left. "We'd better get going," Yamato says abruptly, opening his eyes again.

"Hey," Kakashi says sharply, grabbing Yamato's wrist. His brow is furrowed tightly. "Listen to me. It's not your fault. I chose to jump in and push you away. I don't regret it, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

"But if I was actually paying attention, it wouldn't have happened." Yamato bursts out, shame smacking into him as he tries to twist out of Kakashi's grip. "I'm supposed to protect you, not endanger you. You shouldn’t have had to jump in."

"I distracted you," Kakashi says as he struggles to keep hold of Yamato. "If anything, it's my fault. Dammit, will you hold still?"

"It doesn't matter." Yamato stubbornly rips his wrist free, but doesn't move away. "We need to get to work now, see if Ibiki has gotten anything useful out of Fushi."

"You're so damn frustrating," Kakashi growls before stalking past him and heading towards the bedroom. He grabs his cloak and pulls it on, tucking his hat under his arm. He says nothing as he heads to the door, knowing that Yamato will be behind him.

" _I'm_ frustrating?" Yamato mutters under his breath, threading his fingers back through his hair anxiously. He had to bring that up, didn't he? Just quietly take responsibility, Yamato tells himself. He mustn't let Kakashi be hurt again because of him-ever. The thought sobers Yamato, and he stands there for a second, watching Kakashi's flowing cloak before scooping up his sword against the wall. He follows Kakashi outside, determination evident in his quick gait.

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It's a very tense walk to interrogation headquarters. Kakashi doesn't bother saying anything to Yamato since he figures it will just end up in another argument. Sometimes, he's not sure how they're managing to hold onto their fledgling relationship after all the shit they've been through. Not that he wants to break up, but he wonders if it's healthy for them to be together. They fight, they make up - sometimes without even talking about the issue - then they fuck. It's a never-ending cycle, and quite frankly, Kakashi is tired of it. He just doesn't know how to fix it.

Yamato passes most of the awkward striding by concentrating on his surroundings, paying more acute attention to the sun-dappled trees, the solid buildings, the tense, thick atmosphere between them that indicated another argument-Oh, goddammit, Yamato thinks, breathing out heavily. He can't even focus on his job-the important duty he's entrusted with, which he has already failed in. It's ridiculous. He shouldn't be an ANBU guard. They were supposed to be elite, focused and ready to react-ready to protect the Hokage in any situation. Look at what a great job he did. Kakashi's wrist is unusable, pierced right through. Holding back a bitter chuckle, Yamato's gaze flickers to Kakashi's back, wondering if he could ever see that is was Yamato's fault, all of it.

Kakashi walks into the headquarters, the sunny outside changing into gloomy, dark hallways. His footsteps echo through the darkness, and a few minutes later halts in front of a doorway. He raps on the metal twice then steps back to wait.

Ibiki opens the door, and, upon seeing the visitor, bows deeply, standing back from the doorway to let Kakashi through. His face is an impenetrable mask, as always, like his mind, as he greets Kakashi professionally, offering him a seat in front of his desk. Ibiki gives Yamato a sense of instinct unease-the way his eyes glint when he's recounting intel tells him that he loves his job, and that doesn't really appeal to Yamato. However, he's excellent at what he does, and all parties present know that.

"May I ask the reason behind this visit, Lord Hokage?" Ibiki inquires crisply.

"Nakagawa Fushi," Kakashi states bluntly as he takes the seat. "He's the one who injured me a few days ago. Have you learned anything useful from him?"

An unformed smile gleams in his sharp eyes as Ibiki nods. "Much more from that other ROOT agent you captured. Yet, this one was mentally weaker. He cracked after a few hours," Ibiki states, ducking his hand into a drawer and withdrawing a brown envelope, holding it out for Kakashi to take. "Identities."

"Wait, Fushi was ROOT?" Yamato asks, his chest stilling in horror. If he'd gotten any closer to Kakashi, with no guard nearby...

Kakashi flips through the papers with a frown. "So Fushi was ROOT. Guess it's a good thing I turned him down then, huh?" he muses with a small snort. "He could have killed me in a moment of passion..." His frown deepens. "Why didn't he try harder to seduce me, then?"

"The file," Yamato realises, a short knife still twisting around in his stomach. "He forgot a file, remember? He wouldn't let it go until you told him who your partner was."

"He wanted Kakashi alone," Ibiki inputs. "He purposely withheld the file to lure Kakashi back to him, into his room. " Ibiki locks eyes seriously with Kakashi. "He was planning on 'delivering' you-I couldn't uncover any word but that. Firstly, however, he was going to fuck you. Whether you wanted to or not."

Yamato shakes his head slowly, feeling bile rise into his mouth at the thought. "Why did he attack me then?"

Kakashi has never been more grateful that he wears a mask, since it hides how pale his face has become. He tries to swallow, but his mouth has gone dry. Yamato's talking, he knows he is, but he can't make out the words. It's like he's hearing everything from underwater, a buzzing filling his ears, and he's relieved to be sitting. Otherwise, he's sure his legs wouldn't have held him.

"You were in the way," Ibiki replies simply. "Our friend is quite one-tracked minded, and his mind was on detaining Lord Hokage. You were preventing that from happening, therefore he decided to take you out swiftly, then move in on his actual target."

Yamato rubs a hand down his face, glancing over at Kakashi to see how he's reacting. Oh fuck, flashes through Yamato's mind as he takes in how rigidly unmoving Kakashi is-he can't even see his chest rising, and he leaps to his feet, circling around to Kakashi's field of vision. "Hey," he says softly, uncaring that Ibiki is present. "Are you okay?"

Ibiki bows his head and stands up. "I'll leave you two to process the information." The Hokage is not meant to be seen weakening, and Ibiki understands that. In his mind, nothing is wrong with Kakashi. He's leaving because they need to discuss the information alone, and that's what officially occurred. My Hokage's private life is none of my business, Ibiki thinks as he slips silently out the door, unnervingly soundless for his size.

Kakashi inhales sharply, a ragged breath that's loud in the quiet room. He tries to focus on Yamato, kneeling just before him, but the memories drag him down. The panic, the humiliation, the unheard pleas…

"Fuck," Kakashi gasps shakily, raising trembling hands to his face. He's again falling apart in front of Yamato, and he hates it. He wants Yamato to see him as someone strong, not someone who is weak and prone to panic attacks.

"Senpai, just breathe. Focus on me," Yamato says calmly, but his heart is trembling. "Come on, look at me, breathe, I'm here, breathe, Kakashi-senpai, you can get through this," Yamato keeps his voice even and reassuring, his chest crumpling into concerned folds. Endo. Bite. Trouble. And now, rape. Yamato feels a surge of rage erupt in him, connecting the pieces together. But he shoves it back down, always maintaining a steady tone. Kakashi first. Be mad later.

Kakashi, without looking, stretches out his good hand and gropes around for Yamato, managing to snatch onto his wrist. He hesitates, fingers flexing as though not sure if he wants to push Yamato away or hold onto him. "Tenzou, don't... God, I'm such a mess." The last word is choked out with a nearly hysterical laugh, and he weakly shoves at Yamato.

The shove barely budges Yamato-physically, anyway. Breathing out deeply, Yamato pushes down panic and tries to figure out what to do. The first thing that Yamato does is rid himself of the concern clumping up in his chest. Kakashi would hate if he looked at him pityingly. Yamato starts speaking again, praying he isn't making it worse. "You have no reason to be ashamed. Focus on my voice. Do you remember the time we discovered the animals living in the woods?" Yamato asks, hoping to distract Kakashi from the panic engulfing him. "I'm here with you, senpai. Breathe, hey, make sure to breathe." Repetition, reassurance, calm, soothing tone.

"The summonings?" Kakashi rasps. "Yeah, I remember them." That night seemed like it happened years ago, back when he and Yamato were just beginning their relationship. "I was an ass back then to you. I still am," he laughs weakly then sobers, shaking his head as he recalls why he hadn't been in the greatest of moods that night.

The dragon drawing.

The drawing isn't new to him. It was once used as a signal, a wordless command to meet at the usual spot, something that he used to look forward to. Now, he dreads the memories and wishes that he could somehow erase them, wishes that he could go back in time and smack some sense into his younger, naïve self.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Kakashi gasps, a hand pressed to his mouth.

Yamato curses himself. Yes, Kakashi had been very temporarily distracted-but then, for some reason Yamato can't place and doesn't spare a second to think about, he's become worse. "Hang on," Yamato says, glancing around the room briefly for a container in case Kakashi did get sick. "You're going to be fine, senpai." He didn't find any, but hell, he definitely wasn't leaving Kakashi alone in this state. Yamato makes some hand seals and a wooden bucket sprouts up from the floor.

Kakashi drags his mask down and bends over, keeping his head between his knees as he hopes the nausea passes. Breathe in, two, three, breathe out, two, three, he repeats in his head. Slowly, the nausea recedes, and Kakashi is left shaking.

All of Kakashi's body is quaking under Yamato's worried gaze, his own darker hands twisting tensely around each other in agitation. He hates seeing his senpai like this. He hates the fact he feels so helpless to aid him. Most of all, he hates the person that makes this happen to Kakashi.   
"Hey," Yamato says gently, shifting a slight bit closer. "How are you feeling now?"

"Not much better," Kakashi whispers honestly. He keeps his gaze focused on his feet, not wanting to see the pity in Yamato's eyes. He's embarrassed about panicking again, and he wishes that Yamato had just left with Ibiki and let him panic in solitude.

"Keep breathing, senpai," Yamato offers, his heart sinking. "Keep breathing, and you'll be fine." An idea strikes Yamato-he's uncertain if it'll help, but he can't standby any longer and do nothing. Yamato starts humming a small tune, gaze nervously resting on Kakashi's bowed head.

Kakashi presses a fist to his mouth to stifle a shuddering sob. He hates everything about this: the helplessness he feels, Yamato being so caring and understanding despite not knowing what's going on.

"Why?" His voice wavers and cracks. "Why do you stay with me?"

Yamato takes one breath out of his quiet song to answer. His voice soars up softly, carefully, and surely.

"Because I love you."

Kakashi's breath catches in his throat, just like it always does when Yamato says those three words, but instead of repeating them, he vehemently shakes his head. "You shouldn't," comes unbidden from his mouth.

"Whether I should or shouldn't doesn't come into it," Yamato answers, his lips pursing up thoughtfully. "I should've taken your Sharingan, when you had it. You shouldn't have broken into Danzo's headquarters to get me. It's what I feel, and frankly, I don't care if I shouldn't love you."

Kakashi snorts. "Like I was going to let you die. Friends don't let friends die."

"You were the first person to ever teach me that," Yamato smiles, outstretching his hand and gently touching Kakashi's knee.

"Only because I learned the hard way," Kakashi grits out.

Yamato lower his gaze, his thumb circling around on Kakashi's kneecap. "Thanks to you, I didn't have to. But...I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. None of those deaths were your fault."

"They were all my fault," Kakashi says and stands up, pacing away from Yamato and running a hand through his hair. "That's what he - ...I know it's all my fault."

Straightening up also, Yamato exhales shakily, trying to control the billowing rage inside him. That's what he said. He knows those were the words Kakashi was going to say, and he has a pretty damn good idea of who was saying it, too. Yamato isn't sure why, or what happened between them, but he's sure if Endo was here right now, Yamato's fist would've driven right through his neck. "No. You're wrong, and he's wrong," Yamato says sharply, slapping himself inwardly for his tone instantly. He softens his voice and tries again, but doesn't approach Kakashi. "What you're telling yourself is a lie. Both of them made a choice. You're not to blame."

Kakashi closes his eyes. He can feel hot tears stinging his eyes, and he doesn't want to cry. God, he hasn't cried in years. "You and I aren't going to agree on this," he says tiredly, "so let's just drop it. We need to discuss what to do with Fushi."

"No." Yamato shakes his head slowly. "I'm sorry, senpai, but we keep dropping things and putting them off. Nothing ever gets solved. I don't want to push you, but we can't stay like this. And you if you can't discuss it right now, I understand that, but I'm not going to drop it." Yamato takes a deep breath, unfurling his tight fists, almost afraid to look over at Kakashi.

"Can we talk about it later? When we get ho- Back to my place?" Kakashi corrects himself. He and Yamato had never finished their talk about moving in together, but now he is sure that Yamato's answer will be no.

Yamato nods, closing his eyes briefly to compose himself. "Alright. When we get home then." Approaching Kakashi cautiously, he lays a hand on his shoulder gently. "Are you okay to call Ibiki back in?"

With a deep breath, Kakashi nods. "Yeah, call him in."

Yamato gives Kakashi's shoulder a careful squeeze before padding to the door and opening it. "Ibiki? You can come back in now."

Ibiki, having left for the multiple minutes, is nowhere to be seen. Sighing, Yamato stops a nearby intel shinobi and politely inquires to his whereabouts.

"Oh, he's probably gone down to the detained shinobi to talk to them. That's what he does for fun," comes the airy reply.

"Can you please let him know that The Hokage is ready to meet with him again?" Yamato asks. He receives a nod in response, and he withdraws back into the room as footsteps sound out down the corridor. "He'll be here soon," Yamato informs Kakashi, leaning back against the wall to wait.

"Thank you," Kakashi says quietly. He still feels a bit panicked, but calm enough to talk about the situation with Ibiki.

One corner of Yamato's mouth lifts in a subdued smile. "I didn't really do anything," he mumbles, pitching back into the feeling of helplessness. Kicking it aside and reminding himself to stay on track, Yamato dithers on a question, finally saying aloud, "Are we-"

A knock sounds on the door, startling Yamato. He never got used to Ibiki's masterful chakra masking, and it stills unnerves him sometimes.

"Enter," Kakashi barks, sitting up straight and tall, the perfect picture of a Hokage who never has personal problems, never has a panic attack.

Ibii glides into his office soundlessly, rounding the desk and facing Kakashi. "What do you want me to do with Fushi?" he asks straight out.

Yamato wordlessly paces up behind Kakashi's chair, hands folded professionally together behind his back. He glances down at the top of Kakashi's head;he knows what he'd like to happen to fucking Fushi, but it's his Hokage's call.

Kakashi taps a finger on his knee, head tilted thoughtfully to the side. "Have you gotten all the information from him that you possibly can?"

"Of course," Ibiki answers smoothly. "Unless you would like to interrogate him yourself. However, all the information I've harvested is in the file I gave you."

Yamato's fingers twitch, and he wished he could see Kakashi's expression, but he doubts if visiting Fushi-especially after what just occurred-is a good idea. Ibiki must be simply offering to be sure, Yamato thinks.

"Interrogating him myself will not be necessary. I doubt I can do a better job than you," Kakashi adds with a wry smile. "Execute him."

Ibiki nods, his facial expression unchanging. "No point wasting resources on traitors, " he agrees solemnly.

Yamato's tensely interwoven fingers tighten, his chin raised up high in a strange sort of...pride? You chose right, he silently praises Kakashi.

"If that's all, may I leave?" Ibiki cuts into the heavy, momentary silence. "I'd like to execute him as soon as possible."

"You execute prisoners personally?" Yamato asks, surprised.

"No, I just give the order," Ibiki replies back easily. "Same result. The person dies."

"I would have thought that you would get some form of pleasure from executing traitors," Kakashi says as he stands up, nodding towards Ibiki. "But as long as it's done, I don't care."

"I mentally execute prisoners all the time," Ibiki responses with a serious, tiny grin. "Physically... It's not the same. I can kill them many times over mentally-the latter, I can only do once.”

Snorting, Kakashi steps towards the door. "Thank you for the information," he replies, waving the file. "Ten- Yamato and I will look it over further. Let me know when he's dead."

Ibiki nods, pushing up off of his desk and striding over to open the door, standing aside. "I'll send a message. Any preferred method of execution?"

Kakashi pauses. "No, just kill him quickly and efficiently. I want this over with."

"As you wish," Ibiki acknowledges, a tiny smile appearing at the corners of his mouth.   
"Thank you for all your work," Yamato says to Ibiki as he follows Kakashi out of the office.

Kakashi doesn't look at Yamato as he says softly, "To the office or home?"

"Depends on if you've got anything more to do today," Yamato replies.

"We should stop by the office, just to check," Kakashi says. "If need be, I can stay for a few hours, then we can go back to my house. And we can talk," he adds haltingly.

Yamato wants to reach for Kakashi's hand, but they're on the corridor. There's people passing by, they're out in public, exposed. "Okay," Yamato agrees gently, allowing himself to slyly brush his fingers off of Kakashi's palm.

Glancing around quickly, Kakashi pulls Yamato into a side hallway where they're shrouded in darkness, protected from curious eyes. He wraps Yamato in his arms and pulls down his mask before kissing him, hard, desperately. His fingers tangle roughly in Yamato's hair, tugging almost painfully.

Yamato inhales sharply against the sudden sensation of frantic lips pressing against his, relaxing onto Kakashi's embrace. His fingers tighten on Kakashi's clothing, drawing him nearer as he returns the kiss, just as urgently. Thoughts flash through his distracted mind, many too fast to catch, but he knows one thing. He doesn't want to lose this.

Kakashi breaks the kiss, pressing their foreheads together as he slows his breathing. "Give me four hours at the office," is all he says, voice shaking, before he disentangles himself from Yamato and disappears in a small cloud of smoke.

Leaning back against the wall, Yamato runs a hand back through his hair, taking several deep gulps of air. "Typical Senpai," he murmurs, but he's not really angry. If Kakashi needs a couple of hours to sort his head out, Yamato's okay with that. He can occupy himself for some hours without worrying much, right? And, of course, Kakashi timed it so he vanished at the exact time Yamato's shift ended. Hoping nothing else will happen while Kakashi's in the office, Yamato paces cautiously back out into the corridor, heading for his apartment.

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A little over four hours later finds Kakashi standing in front of his house, staring at the knob. He can sense Yamato inside, and he knows that he needs to keep his promise, but panic is beginning to set in.

What if Yamato treats him differently after learning the truth? What if he's disgusted with him? What if he leaves?

No, Kakashi can't do this. He's kept it bottled up so far, and he can continue to do so. He doesn't need to tell anybody. His heart pounding, he turns on his heel to leave before Yamato realizes he's here.

Yamato's reading when he senses Kakashi right outside the door. And he's instantly on his feet when his chakra signal begins to move away, flying over to the door. "Hey," Yamato says, resting his shoulder against the open door. "Is this not your home?"

Kakashi freezes. "Yeah, it is." He looks at Yamato, eyes flicking over his face as if to memorize everything about him.

"Come on in then," Yamato inclines his head, holding out his hand to him. "You're safe here."

Slowly, Kakashi takes his hand and allows himself to be led inside. His palms are clammy and sweaty, and he feels like his heart will beat right out of his chest. "I -" he starts, but his voice cracks. He clears his throat and swallows before trying again, carefully removing his hand from Yamato's. "I need you to sit down and not look at me. Don't say anything until I'm done."

Yamato looks like he wants to say something-tell Kakashi that he knows how fucking difficult this is for him, how much courage it must take for him to do this-but he stays silent. He nods, averting his gaze from his senpai's and sitting down on the couch, folding his hands together. Yamato fixes his narrowed eyes to the floor, swallowing down his apprehension.

"I was seventeen," Kakashi says slowly, standing in front of Yamato but turned to the side so he's not looking at him. "I'd already lost my father, teammates, and sensei. I felt out of control, stressed from decisions that I had to make on missions and in my personal life. I was already sleeping around when I met- " He swallows hard. "When I met Endo. He was ANBU, twenty-two, charming, and he seemed to understand what I needed. Someone to take the weight off my shoulders, where I could just listen and obey. He would leave drawings of dragons where I would find them, and I would know to meet him at our rendezvous point. It sounded great, and it was. For a few weeks."

By this point, Kakashi is pacing anxiously, pressing his trembling hands together. "It changed gradually. He became more abusive, physically and mentally. He would belittle me. He always apologized afterwards, saying that he was just getting into his role for the different scenes that we had. But one night, he went too far."

Halting, Kakashi closes his eyes, breathing in through the panic and grateful that Yamato is respecting his wishes by remaining silent. "During one scene, he started calling me a bad boy. He'd done that in previous scenes, so I wasn't too bothered by it until he took it one step too far. He said that I was a bad boy and started listing all the things I'd done wrong. Letting Obito and Rin and my sensei die. Everything I told him in confidence he started using against me. I panicked, said the safe word, but he ignored it. Even tried to push him off, but I was so shaken by what he was saying that I couldn't even do that." He gives a mirthless laugh. "How pathetic, right? After he left, I resolved never to see him again. The next day, I found a drawing. I didn't go. He showed up thirty minutes later, demanding to know why I wasn't there. I told him we were through, and he told me," here Kakashi closes his eyes and says, word for word, "'No one else will ever be able to stand being with you, you pathetic piece of trash. You're worthless, broken, always trouble. Your insecurities and fears will only push people away. You're lucky to have me.' I managed to stand up to him, threatened that I would kill him if he ever approached me again. He left, and I never heard from him again until a few weeks ago when I found a dragon drawing in my office."

Kakashi stands awkwardly, still facing away from Yamato. "And there you have it. Another chapter in the pathetic life of Hatake Kakashi." His throat and eyes burn with unshed tears, and he clenches his fists. "So, say whatever you need to say, or leave, or whatever you're going to do."

Yamato's shoulders are shaking, two palms pressed down hard over his mouth, muffling his sobs as tears spill down the back of his hands. Kakashi didn't deserve that. He didn't fucking deserve any of that, and the issues that motherfucker left behind-Kakashi's carried them silently, suffering for fifteen testing years, and nobody ever knew. Nobody knew, and Endo is still walking around freely, smiling at people, nobody knowing what the sick fucker did to his senpai. Yamato's chest physically hurts, thinking of all the shit Kakashi went through and then THAT. Him . Straightening up and padding a few paces forward, Yamato rubs the heels of his palms over his eyes, taking in a shaky breath. He'd suspected something like this-but theorising uncertainly and hearing Kakashi say his story straight out is different. Yamato's fists ball up, grief flipping over to anger, a bubbling, boiling rage that shrieks at him to act, to protect Kakashi, make sure that nothing like that happened ever again. 

"He has to die," Yamato whispers hoarsely.

"He was there," Kakashi whispers, "in your hospital room while you were still unconscious."

Yamato's eyes widen, spinning around to face Kakashi's back. "What did he do to you?!" He manages to hold back from yelling, but his tone is vicious, sharp.

Kakashi flinches backward. "He didn't do anything to me. He threatened you."

Yamato exhales deeply, both of his hands raised to the sides of his head, gripping his hair achingly. "He didn't do anything to you?" He repeats, relieved but not quite believing it. "And I assume that's why you tried to break up with me. Because you thought I'd be in danger from him. Not the ROOT."

"I tried to threaten him away from you, but he reminded me that I can't keep promises. So I tried to break it off with you." Kakashi's tone is hollow, and he refuses to look at Yamato still. He's still unsure about where all this talk is going to lead.

Yamato's lips purse up anxiously, Kakashi's tense shoulders reminding him how fragile he is. Yamato's doing him no favours if he loses his cool now. Exhaling slowly, he swallows back his anger, simmering just under his heated skin.

"I understand," Yamato breathes out. "But all his talk is utter bullshit, through and through. He's worse than poison. You don’t need to protect me, I can handle him, so please don’t concern yourself with my safety."

"A poison that's been festering for years," Kakashi says lowly. "You may say it's bullshit, and you can tell that to me until you're blue in the face, but it doesn't change the fact that I won't believe it."

"Then what can I do?" Yamato bursts out, beginning to pace in restrained circles. "You need help, and I can't fucking do anything. He's still out walking around freely, probably doing the same to others, and I can't fucking take that."

"I don't need help," Kakashi looks, confused, at Yamato for a few seconds before abruptly cutting his gaze away. He doesn't want to see the pitying looks he's going to receive.

Yamato strides around to Kakashi's front, and he looks at Kakashi with anything but pity in his eyes. Stern, caring, but not pitying. "Do you you can continue like this? Thinking-no, believing that you don't deserve anything good?"

Kakashi swallows hard. "He's right. I am broken, always trouble. How many times have we argued because of how I am? Closed-off, reluctant to talk about important things, get close to anyone, because of my insecurities and fears."

Yamato tilts his head sideways, listening intently. "Aren't you talking to me about them right now?"

"I -" Kakashi stops. "Yes. But it doesn't take them away."

"No," Yamato agrees. "But you're able to discuss them, and maybe, someday, we can work them out." Yamato takes Kakashi's hands, massaging his thumbs over his rough palms gently. "I'd advise you seek professional help, but whatever you chose to do, I'm here for you."

"You're staying," Kakashi interprets hopefully, grip tightening on Yamato's hands.

Yamato blinks in mild surprise. "What made you think I'd ever leave?"

"Because of what happened to me. I can't do anything against Endo. I'm essentially weak. Some Hokage, right?" Kakashi scoffs.

"I think you're the best Hokage so far," Yamato murmurs honestly, shifting closer to Kakashi. "Weakness is something we all have. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Kakashi nods, clearly not entirely convinced, but at least he doesn't argue further. His shoulders slump with exhaustion, and he sways forward, leaning his forehead against Yamato's shoulder. "Will you just hold me?" Kakashi asks brokenly.

"Of course," Yamato whispers, enclosing Kakashi into his arms, chaste and protective.

Kakashi's arms twine around Yamato's waist, fingers bunching the material of his shirt in his fingers. He gives a muted sob as his whole body shakes. "I never told anyone until now."

Yamato lays a firm, lingering kiss on the top of Kakashi's head, closing his eyes and inhaling softly. "And you're so courageous for telling me, even if you think otherwise. I love you, senpai. I'm staying with you."

"Thank you," Kakashi whispers, eyes slipping closed. "Thank you."

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Kakashi's body is so warm against Yamato's skin. He's so warm, and his breaths so puffy and pure, steady. Yamato doesn't want to leave, but he has to. Kakashi had fallen asleep soon after his awful story was told, and Yamato was more than glad to rest awhile with him, after slipping him into the bed gently. Now, though, it's best that Yamato doesn't stay comfortably entangled with him. There's an ache in his stomach that needs to be taken care of, and nothing was going to happen if he just lay here.

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Kakashi awakes with a jolt, sitting upright in bed and glancing wildly around. Yamato isn't in bed, and as Kakashi reaches out with his senses, Yamato doesn't appear to be anywhere in the small house.

He lied, is Kakashi's first thought. He left, even though he said he would stay.

Endo's words flood his mind, that he's broken, that no one will want him, and Kakashi fights desperately to put them aside. He has to believe in Yamato. Yamato said that he loves Kakashi, and he wouldn't lie about something like that.

Right?

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Yamato grins as he clutches onto the steaming bag in his arms, his hunger making him pad faster to Kakashi's apartment door. "Food!" He calls out as he lumbers into the apartment, intending to wake Kakashi up before their takeaway becomes cold.

Kakashi, standing in the living room, whirls around to face Yamato. His knees feel weak, and he sits heavily on the couch. "You just went to get food?" He asks weakly, a tremulous tone in his voice.

"Yeah..." Yamato's gleefulness fades instantly, gently letting the cartons down on the table. "I'm sorry...you were asleep, and I left you a note in case you woke up," Yamato says, brushing his fingertips over the small slip of paper on the table. 

"A note," Kakashi repeats in disbelief. "I thought you -" He chokes the rest of the words down and runs a hand over his face. "Fuck..."

"I'm sorry," Yamato repeats, taking in how badly Kakashi's quivering. He honestly thought I'd left him, Yamato thinks with a sharp ache in his chest. Padding softly over to Kakashi, Yamato crouches down and gently pulls Kakashi's hands away from his face. "Hey. I'm here. I told you I'm going to stay with you, and I mean it. But I'm sorry for going off like that. In the future, I'll tell you when I'm going somewhere. Will that help?" He asks carefully.

"Yeah," Kakashi says quietly, but his eyes remain downcast. He's embarrassed by how he reacted, how little faith and trust he really has in Yamato. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise," Yamato says, squeezing Kakashi's hands in his. "I know you find it difficult to trust what people promise."

"I should trust you," Kakashi insists. "You've never done anything to hurt me."

"Easier said than done, I'd say," Yamato says easily, standing up and giving Kakashi a quick kiss on the forehead. "Are you hungry, senpai?"

Kakashi remains quiet for a few beats, then says, "Yeah, I'm hungry. I can set the table. Or maybe not," he adds as he looks down at his injured wrist.

"You can help me set the table," Yamato smiles at him, unpacking the cartons from the bag. "I got rice with your favourite;broiled saury."

"Thanks." Kakashi leans over and brushes his nose against Yamato's cheek, breathing in his scent before moving towards the cabinets.

Yamato lays out the food on the table and goes to help Kakashi, outstretching his arms over his shoulders to reach for the bowls. "God, I'm hungry."

"I don't think we had dinner last night," Kakashi says. He leans back a bit against Yamato's broad chest, suddenly having the urge to just curl up with him.

Yamato nuzzles against Kakashi's neck, his breath blanketing warmly on his skin. "Huh. That would explain it," he muses, catching hold of the crockery.

Kakashi shivers, his eyes fluttering closed. Without thinking, he raises his left arm, tilts it over his shoulder, and cups the back of Yamato's neck with his hand, holding him in place. He turns his head towards Yamato's, a tiny smile in place. "Thank you."

"For what?" Yamato asks softly, his eyes crinkling up in a gentle smile, pushing their foreheads together. His hands withdraw from the cabinet with two bowls in each one, but those don't stop him from wrapping his arms around Kakashi's collarbones lovingly.

"For treating me like normal. I wasn't sure if you would handle me like I was something fragile," Kakashi admits. His gaze flicks to Yamato's mouth then away, back to Yamato's gaze.

“It would never change what I think of you," Yamato breathes, dipping his face forwards for a swift kiss. Kakashi is essentially very strong, Yamato knows, but that fact doesn’t make him invulnerable, far from it.

Kakashi responds to the kiss with a quiet moan, fingers tightening on Yamato's neck. He pulls away slightly and exhales shakily. "I love you."

Yamato has to curb his urge to beam happily, instead reining it back into a shy smile. He's still got this insanely strong urge to grin widely every time Kakashi says that to him. "I love you too, so fetch the chopsticks, will you?"

Kakashi rolls his eyes. "Way to ruin the mood, Tenzou." He ducks under Yamato's arms and opens a drawer, withdrawing two sets of chopsticks.

"I apologise for being hungry," Yamato shoots back, heading to the table and placing the bowls on it-beside each other.

Kakashi hands a set to Yamato and takes a seat. "I think you need to work on your flirting skills."

"I think you need to work on your complimenting skills," Yamato deadpans, right before digging eagerly into the takeaway.

"I compliment you. I think you're fucking sexy," Kakashi says, attempting to bring food to his mouth with his left hand. The food falls to the table. "Fuck."

Yamato snorts involuntarily, sending him into a coughing fit as some rice grains stick in his throat. Once he's recovered, he gazes across at Kakashi warmly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "We can't have you wasting food, can we? As for the sexy part, you're not half bad yourself," he comments appraisingly.

"'Not half bad,' he says," Kakashi grumbles, pretending to be hurt. "I don't need your help. I can feed myself just fine."

"Mm hm?" Yamato responds vaguely, picking up a portion of Kakashi's food and aiming it towards his mouth. "In that case, I challenge you to an eating contest," he says slyly, then pops Kakashi's food into his own mouth.

Kakashi's gaze zeroes in on Yamato's mouth, and he licks his lips before lurching forward. His hands frame the ANBU's face as he swipes his tongue across Yamato's lips, urging him to open his mouth.

Yamato's mouth stays stubbornly shut at first, but after a few tiny seconds of persuasion from Kakashi, his lips crack open breathlessly. Moaning, Kakashi curls his tongue inside Yamato's mouth, catching on the piece of food as he tries to steal it. Inhaling sharply, Yamato fights back, his tongue gliding down Kakashi's, brushing away the morsel. Kakashi growls, low in his throat, as he's forced to pull back for a quick gulp of air. He plunges back into the kiss, even though he's fairly sure that the piece of food isn't worth fighting over anymore.

Yamato places an open, spread palm on Kakashi's chest and shoves him backwards, gasping. "Eat your own food, senpai."

"I was trying to eat my food. You just tried to eat it first," Kakashi points out.

"No, I was going to feed it to you, but then you claimed that you could feed yourself, so I reckoned..." Yamato shrugs, swallowing it down. "Once it's in my mouth, it's mine."

Kakashi ponders this information. "Does that include everything you've had in your mouth?"

Yamato gives him I-know-exactly-what-you're-thinking-of look, the corners of his mouth upturning slightly. "I suppose so."

"Then my dick is yours. As is my ass, too," Kakashi says, thinking aloud. "And my tongue was just in your mouth... I think it's a safe bet to say that my whole body is yours."

Yamato grins at him. "I like that idea. I guess I'll just have to press my lips to every part of your body then, to make sure."

"I'm all for that. No arguments here," Kakashi says with a wicked grin.

"Glad to hear that," Yamato chuckles back, bumping their shoulders together. His gaze rambles across the table, onto the floor and into the corner, where a lone box still resides. The smile melts off his face. They still have to discuss Yamato moving in, and even though Yamato's nearly certain that Kakashi's okay with it, he still wants to check. To get rid of the fear in his mind that once breakfast is over, Kakashi'll want him to leave. "Hey, senpai?" he asks solemnly.

"Mm?" Kakashi asks, eyebrows furrowing at the sudden change in Yamato's tone. Having finally gotten food in his mouth, perhaps a bit more than he should have, but he's starving, he tries to chew quicker so he can respond.

Yamato waits for a few silent seconds until Kakashi’s swallowed down his food before speaking haltingly. "Does...the offer you made still apply? About me moving in."

Kakashi freezes, breath caught in his throat. He has no idea where Yamato is going with this, although he is pretty confident that Yamato wouldn't bring it up if he wasn't seriously considering saying yes. Or Yamato could say that he wants to wait a while before moving in.

"Yeah," Kakashi says quietly. "It does, if you want to."

Yamato exhales all his pent-up breath with a small smile, shoulders slumping down in relief. "Great. I'll get the rest of my stuff tomorrow."

"I'm sorry," Kakashi sputters, eyes wide. "Did you just agree to move in with me?"

Yamato glances over to a shocked Kakashi, giving him a lopsided smile. "Yeah. Any objections?"

"None," Kakashi replies, still surprised. "I think we should celebrate."

Yamato raises his eyebrows questioningly as he finishes off the last of his now-lukewarm dinner. "What do you have in mind?"

Leaning over, Kakashi tugs Yamato's earlobe gently between his teeth. "Sex," he murmurs huskily, hand already trailing up Yamato's thigh.

Yamato's mind flashes back to yesterday, Kakashi's trembling body in the dim evening light, his panicked, rapid breaths clotting up Ibiki's office. Yamato's fist curls up tightly, his teeth gritting together. He can't do nothing about it. There's no way he can stand knowing Endo's unpunished, free to do as he wishes. "Are you sure you're okay for sex?" Yamato mutters out, staring at a spot on the floor behind Kakashi.

"Won't know until I try," Kakashi shrugs. "I feel okay, and it's not like I haven't had sex after a panic attack. Granted, I basically relived it all yesterday when I told you, but..." He trails off. "Unless you don't want to."

Yamato grasps the back of Kakashi's neck and moulds their lips together, gentle and soft. He pulls away swiftly, stroking a finger down Kakashi's palm as he tries to make sense of what's in his head. "If I didn't want to, it'd be because I'm worried about you," he mumbles, cheeks flushing slightly.

"We could try," Kakashi offers, nudging their noses together. "And if it's too much for me, I'll tell you."

Yamato bows his head, wrapping his arms around Kakashi's waist and pulling him in closer. "Okay," he agrees. "And I just remembered-you haven't made love to me yet."

"I think I can handle that," Kakashi says softly. He closes his eyes, basking in the warmth and comfort of the embrace, and carefully trails his hand up and down Yamato's leg.

Yamato leans his forehead down against his shoulder, trying to focus on Kakashi's gentle touches, but his mind is elsewhere. He's worrying about what he's going to do about Endo-he doubts that Kakashi wants him to interfere, but... Yamato lets out a short sigh, gripping Kakashi's upper arm a little too hard.

Kakashi immediately retracts his hand. "Sorry, is that - Sorry."

"It's nothing you did," Yamato reassures him, slipping Kakashi's fingers in between his. "I just can't get into it."

"Can't get into what? Sex?" Kakashi questions carefully. He's relieved that it was nothing he did.

"The mood for sex," Yamato mumbles out his reply, massaging his thumb into Kakashi's bicep. "I'm sorry, senpai. I think I just need to go for a run. Hopefully I'll be up for it when I get back," Yamato smiles weakly, straightening up. He needs some fresh air, some time to clear his mind. Some time alone to ponder his action against Endo. Because hell would freeze over before Yamato would let Endo treat Kakashi like that and get away with it unscathed.

"Okay." Kakashi watches silently as Yamato readies himself to leave. He wants nothing more than to ask Yamato to stay, but he doesn't. He's put a heavy burden on his lover, and Yamato needs time to process everything. "Have fun."

"I'll try," Yamato says, slipping on his last runner and turns around, giving Kakashi a swift kiss on the cheek. "I'll be back soon." With that, he spins back around and walks out the door, his head already whirling.

Kakashi stares blankly at the cold food in front of him. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but he's now getting the sense that perhaps he should have kept quiet about his past with Endo. Yamato has that knowledge now, and Kakashi knows that it's painful to carry it around.

He stands and clears the table, throwing away his half-eaten breakfast since he's lost his appetite, then dresses. He can't sit around and do nothing but feel sorry for himself. He is Hokage, after all. He has a village to lead and protect.

A deep breath, and Kakashi squares his shoulders and leaves for the office, pretending as though nothing is wrong, which is easy for him. He's been doing it for years.

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Yamato's spit feels thick in his mouth, feet treading heavily on the grassy verges of the path. He dislikes pavement, the harsh, pounding vibrates up his bones. And there he goes again, distracting himself with completely unrelated things to what he should be thinking of. Kakashi wants him to keep quiet about Endo's abuse, he'd promised his senpai never to speak to Endo about it, but Yamato couldn't possibly talk rationally or normal to him. He'd end up plunging a kunai into his stomach, which Yamato is seriously pondering doing. Years, Kakashi has suffered-and still suffering-because of him. It's because of Endo Kakashi-his senpai, the most damaged, inspirational, strongest person Yamato has ever met-believes, truly believes that he doesn't deserve anything good. Yamato grits his teeth his feet pacing swifter, and some blood drips onto his shoes before he realises he's biting his lip. Yamato halts with an annoyed grunt, catching his breath as he wipes the blood away, casting his gaze around to the village centre awash in evening light. His eyes widen. Is that-

Endo is standing by a fruit stand, inspecting different fruits to find the best ones. He seems to be joking and laughing with the shop owner.

Yamato's muscles seem to have seized up, his fingers digging into his palms incredibly deep. His breathing goes tight, his nerves screaming at him to race over there and slam his fist into Endo's fucking mouth, crush in that insufferable smile of his. His foot rises up and steps forward, his hand reaching for his kunai on his thigh-

"Fuck!" Yamato swears heatedly. He went out for a run, not to run into this...monster. And...Kakashi made him promise not to speak to him about it. Yamato wouldn't say a word. "Public area..." Yamato hisses, scowling. He can't let anyone see, and can't let Endo know someone's unhappy with his existence.

Endo pauses, tilting his head as a hand hovers over his kunai pouch. He doesn't turn around, though it's obvious he's sensing something.

Yamato freezes, seeing the cautious movement. He wasn't-

Yamato retreats, cursing himself. All that training, all that fucking assassinations, and he still forgets to mask his chakra-and with the thoughts he's having, it's no wonder Endo picked up on his blatantly obvious intent to kill. Yamato begins to run onwards, stamping down his anger. He can't confront Endo in the thick of a marketplace, not without innocent casualties. And...Yamato's afraid that he may have already let Endo know that someone's out to get him. He's just praying that he didn't see Yamato and doesn't make the connection to Kakashi. If he does, Yamato thinks furiously, running faster. Kakashi'd be in danger. Yamato jogs on, trying to get rid of the sick feeling in his stomach that he might've just made a terrible mistake.

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"I hope senpai's here," Yamato mumbles quietly as he jogs, doused in sweat, up to the Hokage tower. He'd gone home and there was no sign of Kakashi at all. Yamato's forehead creases up, wondering if Endo had made the connection and reached Kakashi's home before Yamato had. Shaking his head, Yamato tries to convince himself that Kakashi's alright, that he'll just be in the office, working away. After all, there was no traces of a struggle, either. Everything eerily the exact same as he left it, bar the vanished food on the table. Swallowing as he pads up to Kakashi’s office door, Yamato knocks sharply, hoping with all his heart that Kakashi will answer.

"Enter," comes Kakashi's voice from inside the office. He sighs and hides the book he'd been reading in a drawer that can only be opened with his chakra. He hopes that it isn't more paperwork. He can't concentrate on anything, even his beloved Icha Icha.

Sighing in pure relief, Yamato leans his forehead against the wood, wondering if he should go in at all. Kakashi's fine, and that's enough to put his concerns at ease. But, Yamato realises, what if it's just a transformation jutsu? Endo could've gotten anyone to transform into Kakashi.

"Hello, senpai," Yamato says as he pads in, feeling vastly informal in his jogging clothes to be in the Hokage's office. But he must check.

Looking up, Kakashi frowns slightly. "You didn't go home?" He says as he gestures to Yamato's clothing. "Is something wrong?"

"I did," Yamato admits, aiming his gaze downwards as his hands twist together. It is Kakashi, Yamato knows from taking in his impossible-to-imitate-demeanour. "But you weren't there, and I got worried. And there's nothing wrong," he adds hastily, wishing he was better at lying to his senpai.

"Ah," Kakashi winces. "I just stopped by the office to get some work done. I didn't realize how long I've been gone."

"It's okay," Yamato smiles, gradually releasing all his pent-up stress. "Come home whenever you want." He bows quickly, remembering that Kakashi is the Hokage and he needs to show him the due respect, especially in the workplace. Then he turns around, padding out the door again.

"You can stay," Kakashi says suddenly. "It's not like I'm getting anything accomplished."

Yamato pauses, rotating around and gazing at Kakashi, rubbing the back of his neck as he tries to decide whether to stay or not. "Um, I need a shower," Yamato says, glancing down at the shine on his bare arms. "Unless there's a shower here, and maybe we could...you know," Yamato edges out awkwardly, knowing that there's an ANBU posted somewhere in the room, listening to everything.

"If you want," Kakashi says quietly, his eyes roaming over Yamato hungrily. He rises and walks towards Yamato, one hand making sure the door is shut firmly before bracing both hands on the wood, trapping Yamato in between. "Although you're going to get sweaty anyway..."

Yamato's eyes flicker to Kakashi's mouth, just glad that he's here, with him. "You may be right," Yamato breathes, enjoying the confined closeness of Kakashi's arms, making a space where only the two of them can fit into. His arms wrap around Kakashi's waist, and his knee lifts up carefully, gently pressing in between Kakashi's legs.

Kakashi rolls his hips, burying his face in Yamato's neck after tugging down his mask. The friction on his clothed cock makes him hiss in a quick breath, and his fingernails scrape against the door. "Tenzou," he moans lowly.

Lowering his knee, Yamato guides his hands to delve underneath Kakashi's waistband, grasping his firm ass. "Are you sure you want to do this here?" he whispers into Kakashi's ear, nipping at the lobe teasingly. "Somebody is probably watching right now."

"Is that a problem for you?" Kakashi responds with a raised eyebrow. "It doesn't really bother me."

"Mm," Yamato mumbles, feeling any concerns slide quickly from his mind as he breathes in the scent curling off Kakashi's bare skin. "It doesn't matter."

Kakashi moves his head to capture Yamato's mouth, a low moan escaping. He presses closer to Yamato and slowly grinds their hips together before pulling back and looking him in the eye. "I need a yes or a no, Tenzou. I don't want to do anything you're not comfortable with."

"How about a blowjob?" Yamato offers, murmuring against Kakashi's lips. "We can leave the rest until later, back home."

"That will work." Kakashi kneels in front of him and slowly tugs down his pants, just enough to free his cock. He runs his fingertips down the length, while gliding his tongue across the tip before blowing a heated breath on the tip.

"Fuck..." Yamato hisses out raspily, sinking his fingers into Kakashi's hair as he stiffens immediately, pleasure sparking up in his crotch. "It's been a while since you've done this," he breathes out, gently tugging Kakashi's head nearer.

"Too long," Kakashi murmurs. He guides the cock into his mouth again and sinks down as far as he can go, his fingers circling what he can't fit in his mouth. His other hand braces against Yamato's hip, thumb rubbing soft circles on his skin.

Moaning heavily, Yamato's head falls back against the door, Kakashi's wet mouth encircling his sensitive cock making pleasure bolt through his body. He tries not to arch his member in deeper-he's sure Kakashi can't take any more-but he can't help edging his pelvis to both sides, wanting to feel every part of Kakashi's hot mouth wrapped around him. His knees feel weak as he pulls back slowly, instantly pressing back into Kakashi's mouth carefully again.

The sounds that Yamato is making drive Kakashi crazy, and he can feel himself harden in his pants. Kakashi presses his tongue to the underside of Yamato's cock, then begins to bob up and down. Carefully, the hand that is holding Yamato's hip slides down between his legs and lightly squeezes his balls.

Yamato's body quivers, an embarrassingly loud keen leaving his throat as he angles his head back down to drink in the sight of Kakashi's mouth engulfing his cock. "I can't believe I forgot how good you are at this," Yamato breathlessly pants out, fingers twisting in the grey strands of Kakashi's hair.

Pulling back completely, Kakashi looks up and says, "Obviously not good enough if you're still coherent enough to speak in complete sentences." He swirls his tongue around the tip then down to the base, back up again, and takes Yamato into his mouth once more.

"That's not-" Yamato tries to protest, he thinks Kakashi's giving him a pretty damn good blowjob right now, but god damn Kakashi's tongue feels so delicious on his skin, hot and slick, but coarse enough to send shaking shivers through Yamato's muscles. Every nerve in his cock is on fire, throbbing pleasantly with the deft stimulation, and Yamato narrows his eyes, moaning as he focuses in on the rapidly growing pressure in his crotch.

Kakashi hums around his cock before lowering his mouth further down, until his nose brushes against Yamato's pubic hair. He builds up a steady rhythm, feeling Yamato trembling with pleasure. A dry fingertip gently circles around Yamato's entrance, pressing in with just the slightest pressure.

A sharp gasp slips past Yamato's lips, not expecting the digit slowly sinking into him from behind. It makes the heat ablaze in his lower torso kick up the intensity, and he pushes his hips back against it, loving the rough friction. "Hah..." Yamato exhales shakily, his free hand threading back through his own damp hair unsteadily. Yamato's mouth runs dry, open and panting hotly into the air, as his legs begin to quiver that little bit more, the sign indicating his fast approaching orgasm.

Kakashi can tell that Yamato is close, and he pulls his finger out, bringing it to his mouth to wet it before sliding it back inside. He tongues the slit, then the sensitive skin under the head. A quick glance up, and Kakashi nearly comes from the look of sheer bliss on Yamato's face.

"Ah...oh god, Kakashi-" Yamato moans out in a rushed slur, swallowing thickly. He lowers his gaze to meet Kakashi's upturned one as he rolls his pelvis to slip Kakashi's finger in deeper, but the sight of Kakashi's upturned face next to his pre-cum dripping cock is enough to shove him over the edge. Coming with a dramatic shudder, he throatily moans as his mind and body are drowned in concentrated, absolute pleasure. He barely stays on his feet, leaning back against the door, his chest heaving as his fingers grip onto Kakashi's hair almost painfully.

Kakashi swallows what he can, the rest beginning to drip down his chin. He licks Yamato clean, then swipes at the come on his own face and sucks on his fingers. He carefully removes his finger and presses a hand to his groin, hissing at the friction.

Yamato's eyelashes flicker slowly over Kakashi's face, drinking in his every action as he recovers his breath. "I've never seen you with my come on your face," Yamato says quietly, tugging Kakashi upwards for a kiss. He can taste himself on Kakashi's lips, salty and bitter, and then his attention turns to the come Kakashi's missed on his face. Yamato begins lapping at the spots overlooked, his hand dipping downwards to join Kakashi's on his crotch.

Kakashi moans, deep in his throat, his hips bucking up, and with great effort gently removes Yamato's hand. "Not yet," he rasps. "I want to go home and make love to you."

Yamato's eyes burn, alight and eager, as he nods confidently. "Sounds great, senpai," he murmurs, nuzzling down against Kakashi's neck as he yanks his pants back up.

A smile blooms across Kakashi's face as he realizes what he'd last said. Home. Not just his home, but Yamato's, as well. Surging upwards, Kakashi kisses him deeply, fingers threading through his hair. "Let's go home," he whispers, foreheads pressed together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ibiki says that Fushi wanted to have sex with Kakashi, whether Kakashi wanted to or not. This triggers Kakashi into a panic attack, which is briefly described and nearly makes Kakashi sick.
> 
> Kakashi finally tells Yamato what happened with Endo. Kakashi was seventeen to Endo's twenty-two, and Endo offered Kakashi a chance to escape from the pressures of the shinobi life. Kakashi agreed to a D/s relationship (and maybe a bit of BDSM?), but Endo soon took advantage of Kakashi, belittling him and calling Kakashi a bad boy for letting Obito, Rin, and Minato die. Endo also ignored a safe word and raped Kakashi. Afterwards, Kakashi threatened to kill Endo if he approached him again.
> 
> As always, if I forgot something, let me know!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome: 'Do your worst, for I will do mine!' Then the fates will know you as we know you. ~ Alexandre Dumas, _The Count of Monte Cristo_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings at the end of the chapter!

"Senpai, I forgot to ask you about my plants!" Yamato calls into Kakashi, padding around his own lush kitchen. Pansies and carnations, not in flower, take up most of the space on his windowsill, creepers tracking their merry way up the side of his fridge. Along with those, hydrangeas spilled out of every corner, potted grasses piling up on every surface available, numerous other species that Yamato’s almost lost track of.

"I haven't been here much lately to take care of them," Yamato admits, tilting the watering can to feed the azaleas.

"Where the hell are we going to put all these damn plants?" Kakashi asks, bewildered as he stands in the middle of the room and looks around.

"Realistically, they're not going to fit," Yamato sighs, scratching his head. "And I wouldn't expect you to tolerate them either, but how would you like a bit of an extension onto your apartment?"

"I wouldn't mind it, but I'm not so sure my landlady would feel the same," Kakashi says. He pokes at a plant that is half his height and shakes his head.

"I can't believe the Hokage doesn't own his own apartment," Yamato says lightly, pushing Kakashi's shoulder playfully. "You should invest sometime."

Kakashi snorts. "To be honest, I never expected to live this long, so I always figured why buy my own."

"To leave as an asset to your many sired children?" Yamato suggests jokingly, placing both hands on his hips.

Kakashi chokes on his own spit, staring at Yamato in horror. "Fuck, I don't have any kids. I don't even want kids."

Yamato laughs at Kakashi's alarm, leaning back against the countertop with a smirk. "What do you call Team 7 then?"

"They're not my biological kids," Kakashi says. "I didn't have to take them home with me."

Yamato wrinkles up his nose, conceding, "True," as he ruffles his hair, glancing around his apartment again. "There are allotments for hire in the village. I suppose I could take them to that, although I'd be gone a lot."

"We'll find space for them," Kakashi replies. "There's the bedroom, living room, kitchen, even the bathroom may have space for a small one."

Yamato smiles gently at him, but shakes his head briefly. "I appreciate it, but your apartment is smaller than mine, and it'd be quite packed. I will take some though, and as for the rest...." Yamato trails off, sending a suggestive grin Kakashi's way. "Your office is awfully plain, senpai..."

Kakashi tilts his head. "We could put some in there. I'm just not taking care of them."

"It'll give me something to do other than babysitting you," Yamato shrugs. "And that's that taken care of then. I'll either plant the rest leftover somewhere or sell them."

"You know," Kakashi begins, "the plants in front of my apartment building have all died. I don't think my landlady would mind having new ones there. Just a thought." He comes over to Yamato and buries his face in his neck.

"Most of these are house plants, but there may be a few outdoor ones somewhere," Yamato replies as he wraps his arms around Kakashi, placing a light kiss on his temple. "Good idea, senpai. I'll ask her first though, just to be sure."

Kakashi hums, eyes fluttering closed. "Good." HIs hands find their way to Yamato's ass, and he squeezes lightly.

"Mm," Yamato moans, soft and subtle as he presses his pelvis closer to Kakashi's. "Sex in my place one last time?"

"I don't see why not, for old time's sake," Kakashi murmurs, easily rolling his hips. "We had some good times here."

"I guess we could call it reminiscing then," Yamato mumbles, pulling down Kakashi's mask before kissing a firm path up Kakashi's neck.

Tilting his head, Kakashi slips a hand down the back of Yamato's pants. "Let's not reminisce the time that we had sex in the shower and ended up slipping. My back was messed up for a week."

Yamato snorts, his hands slipping underneath Kakashi's shirt. "I don't know how you managed to convince me that it'd be a good idea. I had to hobble around because of my ankle too, you know. That wasn’t fun."

"It was pretty good sex, too, until that part. God," Kakashi sighs blissfully, nibbling on Yamato's jaw, "you felt perfect inside of me."

"You always feel perfect, whether you're surrounding me or in me," Yamato answers easily, prompting Kakashi to raise his arms as he removes his work vest. "Well, nearly always."

Kakashi furrows his brow. "'Nearly always'? What the hell does that mean?"

Yamato shrugs with a smile, leaning in close until their noses are touching. "Sometimes it feels better than perfect, but I don't think the word exists for how I feel about you," he whispers softly.

Kakashi flushes. "You do realize that you're a sappy romantic, right?"

"I do," Yamato murmurs. "Don't tempt me to bring out the rose petals."

"I come home from work and there's a trail of rose petals from the front door to the bedroom, where you're lying on the bed completely naked, just waiting for me to join you," Kakashi grins.

"Hm," Yamato muses, carefully kissing the corner of Kakashi's mouth. "I'll think about it. But I was considering something more like a candlelit dinner," Yamato adds, hopping backwards, shifting his butt up onto the counter and pulling Kakashi closer.

Kakashi sucks on his neck, then blows a heated breath on the wet skin. "Just as long as there's no sweet foods, I'm fine with that."

"I know you better than that," Yamato replies, angling his head to the side, slightly miffed.

Humming, Kakashi trails his hands up Yamato's thighs slowly. "I know you do," he murmurs, sucking again at the same spot.

Yamato's hand cradles the back of Kakashi's head, knotting up in his hair. Closing his eyes and savouring the sharp sensation of Kakashi's mouth on his skin, Yamato leaves out a low moan, encircling his legs around Kakashi's waist.

A hand slides over to Yamato's groin, pressing down on the clothed bulge, as Kakashi finally pulls back from his neck and admires the purple spot. "Very nice," he says, then catches Yamato's mouth in a kiss.

Yamato arches his hips forward into Kakashi's hand, kissing Kakashi passionately as his own hands mould down underneath the front of Kakashi's waistband, brushing teasing fingertips down his member.

Kakashi gasps into Yamato's mouth, pushing further into his hand while squeezing Yamato's cock lightly. "Fuck."

"Should we move somewhere else?" Yamato mumbles indistinctly against Kakashi's lips, finding it hard to manoeuvre the way he wants to.

"Yeah," Kakashi replies as he removes Yamato's hands and steps backwards. "Bedroom? Couch?"

Yamato slips down onto the floor, glancing around his apartment quickly. "Bedroom, perhaps? Last time we'll see it, might as well have sex on it."

"Good point," Kakashi agrees. He strips off his shirt as he heads to the bedroom, plopping onto the bed before tugging off his pants and boxers, too.

"Fine, just throw your clothes anywhere," Yamato grumbles at the mess, shedding his own remaining clothing and folding them in the corner. "You're lucky I don't take them and let you walk home naked. If only you didn't have that teleportation jutsu," Yamato sighs, clambering onto the bed and into Kakashi's lap.

"And what," Kakashi asks with a raised eyebrow, "is so wrong about throwing clothes on the floor when we're about to have sex?" He leans forward and drags his teeth down Yamato's earlobe.

"It looks messy," Yamato answers with a pleasant shudder raking up his spine. "And...." Yamato casts around for another reason as he hands slide around Kakashi's thighs. "There's more chance of getting come on them if they're spread everywhere, okay?"

"Are you still mad about the blanket I used to wipe come off with, and you had to clean it?" Kakashi grumbles, rolling his eyes.

"Maybe," Yamato says in a low tone, nuzzling Kakashi's jawline roughly. "You'll just have to do something to make up for it."

"And what would you like me to do?" Kakashi rolls his hips up, hissing softly through his teeth at the friction.

"Hm," Yamato hums, followed shortly by a gasp at the feeling of Kakashi's cock slipping between his ass cheeks. "I'll...think about it later."

"Sounds like a good plan." Kakashi kisses him, tugging lightly on his hair with one hand. The other occupies itself with smearing precome across the tip of Yamato's cock.

Yamato grinds down hard against Kakashi's length, pushing himself forward into Kakashi's hand. "The condoms and lube should still be there in the drawer," Yamato murmurs, pressing his forehead against Kakashi's shoulder.

"Leaving them for the next occupants?" Kakashi teases. He tries to reach the drawer but can't. "Damn, you're gonna have to get off."

"I thought we solved this problem already," Yamato says, rolling his eyes and making the signs for a clone, who, once formed, instantly tossed the required equipment back to him. "You're not staying this time," Yamato informs himself, then the clone melts back away. "There we go."

Kakashi tilts his head, considering. "You want a clone of me?"

Yamato's breath hitches, and he gazes at Kakashi for a few moments, imagining what it would be like to have two of his senpai melding over his body. "Uh," Yamato swallows, and discovers his throat is bone dry. "I'd like that, if you're okay with it too."

After forming the hand signs, Kakashi lays back, drawing Yamato down with him and kissing him, cradling Yamato's body between his legs. The clone picks up the tube of lube and opens it before squeezing some onto his fingers. He trails his dry fingers down Yamato's back and over his ass, then spreads one cheek apart and licks at his entrance.

Yamato's eyelashes flutter at the brief shot of electricity running through his body, leaning back into the clone's touch with a soft moan, lusting after more. Yamato's hand grips the side of Kakashi's thigh, supporting his weight with one hand as they make out.

The clone's other hand slides under Yamato, fingertips tracing the underside of his cock. His tongue slides in, swirling around the inner muscle.

Kakashi cups Yamato's face, and he sucks slowly on Yamato's tongue. The friction he's receiving from Yamato moving on top of him is not enough, but when he rolls his hips, the clone growls as he's displaced from his position with his tongue in Yamato's ass.

Moaning heavily, Yamato tries to stay as still as possible to enable the clone to properly eat him out, but he recognises that Kakashi isn't getting enough attention. His hand previously resting on Kakashi's thigh slips up to his groin, taking his cock into his palm. Gasping, Yamato feels like all his sensitive nerves are being stimulated at once, and he has to fight not to push backwards to slide the clone's tongue in deeper.

"Fuck, Tenzou," Kakashi gasps into Yamato's mouth, squeezing his eyes closed as jolts of pleasure roll over him. He tangles his fingers in his lover's hair and crushes their lips together, a heated, sloppy kiss.

The clone pushes his tongue in deeper while moving his hand up and down Yamato's cock, before rolling his balls in his hand and squeezing lightly.

Yamato's body quivers slightly, unsteadily trembling over Kakashi as an intense heat builds up in his crotch. "This feels incredible," Yamato pants out, low and raspy, into Kakashi's mouth as pleasure bursts through him. He begins moving his hand quicker up and down Kakashi's shaft, circling his thumb over the slick head.

"I need to be inside you soon," Kakashi says, arching his back and pushing his hips into Yamato's hand. He hears the clone make another dissatisfied sound but ignores it.

The clone pulls his tongue out to lap at his entrance before delving back inside with a quiet hum. His fingers gently work at Yamato's cock, alternating between slow and quick strokes.

Yamato swallows thickly, having to break the kiss to press his face into Kakashi's chest, one hand gripping his arm tightly as he braces himself back against the clone's mouth. 

"I'm going..ah, come before...that," Yamato moans out harshly, the burning in his crotch driving him mad. The combination of the clone's hand stroking his throbbing cock deliberately and his tongue pushing at all the right spots so deliciously overwhelms him finally, the intolerable pressure in his lower torso about to be released. With a loaded gasp, his body shuddering briefly before becoming still, Yamato comes all over Kakashi's thighs, his hand clenching around his upper arm over the ANBU tattoo. Yamato almost collapses on top of Kakashi, letting the intense waves of bliss hit him, gradually reducing in their intensity as Yamato's chest heaves for breath.

The clone disappears, and Kakashi groans as the clone's memories flood into his mind, eyes dilated with lust. "Fuck, that was hot." He can feel Yamato's semen cooling on his skin, and he tries to swallow, throat suddenly dry. "Fuck," he repeats.

"Agreed," Yamato murmurs, tilting his face and kissing Kakashi's throat tenderly as he settles back onto Kakashi's groin. His hand withdraws from Kakashi's cock, replaced by his ass as he slowly rolls his hips with a quiet hiss, still sensitive from his orgasm. He quickly glances around for something to clean his mess up with, but then he sees his come, on the sides of Kakashi's thighs leaking onto the bed sheets and sighs.

"Looks like the sheets are ruined," Kakashi chuckles as his hips buck up, chasing the friction, and his hands fly to Yamato's hips, pushing him down. "God, I need you now." He removes a hand and searches blindly for the lube. His fingertips touch the bottle, and he strains to grab hold of it. Once he does, he uncaps it and squirts some onto his fingers. "Just to make sure you're wet enough," he murmurs as he slides a finger inside.

Yamato exhales deeply, his eyes squeezing closed as he carefully angles his ass to the best position. He's still incredibly sensitive, and is hyper-aware of every touch of his internal muscles, the sweaty scent of sex engulfing his senses. "I'm definitely wet enough," Yamato breathes out, his arms wrapping around Kakashi's neck tightly. "But, senpai, finger me some more. It feels almost as good as your cock."

A second digit slips inside, and Kakashi bites his lip, feeling Yamato's muscles clenching around his fingers. He thinks about what it would feel like to be inside Yamato without a condom, and he shivers, imagining that it would be absolute bliss. But…

"Hey," Kakashi says thickly, nuzzling and nipping at Yamato's neck. "I need to ask you something."

"What is it?" Yamato questions, tilting his head to the side and threading his fingers through Kakashi's hair. He frowns, wondering if it's become too much for Kakashi and he wants to stop, but...he doesn't think so. Kakashi seems just fine, Yamato thinks, creasing up his nose. So what does he want to ask?

"We've been together for a long time," Kakashi begins slowly, "and I haven't been with anyone else. I know you haven't, either." Here he pauses, thoughtfully stroking Yamato's neck with his thumb. A light pink dusting spreads across his cheeks, but it's not from the sex. "I always used a condom whenever I fucked someone, and I was tested pretty regularly for diseases. If I get tested again and find out I'm clean, would you want to have sex without condoms? I mean," he hurries to say, "we're in a monogamous relationship, and I've already had your come in my mouth." He thinks back to the spontaneous blowjob he'd given Yamato against the Hokage office door. "Or we could forget I even asked."

"Oh," Yamato blinks, pursing up his lips thoughtfully. "I suppose I would like that, but we'd both have to be tested first, of course. I haven't been with many people this way, so I've only gotten tested once, but like you, I always used a condom," Yamato says easily, stroking his thumb across Kakashi's adorable tinted cheeks. "Yes. I'd want that."

Smiling, Kakashi brushes their lips together. "Sounds good." He adds a third finger as deep as he can, scissoring them to make sure Yamato's properly stretched out, and presses a finger to the little nub inside of Yamato.

Gasping sharply, Yamato arches his back into the touch, his fingers making little indents on Kakashi's skin. "Oh, fuck..." he breathes out heavily, beginning to harden again. "That's it, senpai." He starts to rock his hips in a steady rhythm, making Kakashi's fingers glide in and out of him quickly, rubbing against all the right spots. Yamato's pants come out more rapidly, kissing Kakashi messily. "You better get inside me, or I'll come again," he murmurs into the kiss, which was a little exaggeration, but he's getting impatient.

Kakashi grins. "Put the condom on me and get me ready, then." He nips Yamato's ear and rolls his hips up once more.

"Making me do all the work," Yamato grumbles mildly, but shuffles back to allow access to Kakashi's member, reaching for the condom packet. He opens it and slips the thin sheath on quickly, kissing Kakashi as he spreads lube over the condom lightly. "Ready," he whispers thickly.

Kakashi pulls Yamato back up his body, only to roll them over so he's on top. He gazes down at Yamato with a soft smile and reaches down to line his cock up. "I love you," he whispers as he slowly pushes in.

All the oxygen floats out of Yamato's lungs, and he's not sure if it's from Kakashi's caring whisper, his amazing smile or his cock filling him up. He feels his cheeks darkening, and he glances away, carefully rolling his hips to adjust. "This is the first time you've been so tender fucking me," Yamato mumbles, his arms looped closely around Kakashi's neck. "It's nice, but sort of odd."

"Yeah, I have to agree," Kakashi says. "To be honest, I think when I top, I prefer fucking you to making love. Shit," he hurriedly says. "Not that I won't if you want it, but it's just...different." He punctuates the last word with one final push, bottoming out with a low moan.

"It's okay," Yamato mumbles, giving Kakashi a swift kiss. "We like different sex styles, that's all." Yamato's legs round Kakashi's waist, tilting his hips upwards with a panted moan, enabling Kakashi to slide in deeper.

A guttural sound is punched out of Kakashi, and he pants harshly into the crook of Yamato's neck. Supporting himself with his left arm, he threads the fingers on his other hand through Yamato's hair. He can feel Yamato surrounding him, muscles slick with spit and lube, and he pulls out so just the tip is inside before pressing back in.

Yamato's teeth dig into his bottom lip almost painfully with a low grunt, nails beginning to sink sharply into Kakashi's back. "Ah...fuck," Yamato breathes, rotating his hips and moaning softly at the sensation of Kakashi rubbing off of his incredibly stimulated inner muscles.

"My thoughts exactly," Kakashi says, rolling his hips and leaning down for a kiss. His right hand trails from Yamato's hair, down his side, to his stretched entrance. Carefully, he rubs a small circle there before moving up to Yamato's balls, taking them in his hand,

Yamato almost cries out, his lips quivering against Kakashi's in barely formed words, his hips bucking forward into Kakashi's hand and onto him at the same time, as deep as he can go. "Oh, god..." Yamato groans out, beginning to sway his hips forward and backwards.

Kakashi presses a trail of kisses down Yamato's neck to his shoulder, then up to his ear. "Not gonna last much longer," he pants, thrusting in and out but his rhythm is irregular, the heat in his groin beginning to grow and overtake him.

"Come on then," Yamato says breathlessly, reaching around the curve of Kakashi's ass and stroking his entrance with one finger gently.

"Shit," Kakashi says, pressing back against the finger. He buries his face in Yamato's neck and breathes, trying to fight back his orgasm, and clutches the bedsheets tightly in his left hand. "Yeah, do that."

Yamato presses his finger completely into Kakashi, his other hand cupping the back of Kakashi's head and rocking his hips forward again with a loud moan.

Kakashi bucks forward helplessly, once then twice, lost in the overwhelming desire, and comes with a sharp gasp of Yamato's name. His vision whites out for a few seconds as he's left feeling like he's floating, his orgasm washing over him slowly.

Yamato's fingers twist sharply in Kakashi's unruly hair, tugging his face backwards to kiss him hard. Kakashi's lips are so absent, so lost in pleasure that Yamato smiles, slicking his finger in and out of him slowly. "How does that feel?" he whispers seductively, ghosting their lips together. He's got a steady, intense fire in his crotch too, but he wants to prolong Kakashi's orgasm as long as possible first. He sinks Kakashi's cock into him as deep as he can manage, slipping another finger into Kakashi's anus at the same time.

Kakashi slurs out, "Fuckin' good," as his body trembles with the force of his orgasm, chest heaving and sweat dripping down his body. He barely manages not to completely collapse on top of Yamato, and the hard length he feels against his stomach reminds him that Yamato hasn't come yet. He loosely grasps his cock, pumping it exactly the way Yamato likes it - fast with just the right amount of attention paid to the sensitive head.

Inhaling abruptly, Yamato's fingers curl up inside Kakashi in response to the perfect touching of him, the perfect way only Kakashi knows. "God," Yamato gasps out, his legs trembling, locked firmly around Kakashi's waist. "You're going to make me come really quickly if you keep this up," Yamato rasps out heavily, arching his back to push into Kakashi's palm further.

"That's the point," Kakashi grins. Fingers circle the tip, then dip lower, tracing along the underside to the base, then back up again. Kakashi, grinding against Yamato, sucks on the crook of his neck.

Yamato's face falls back, his pants emptying freely into the air above them as he feels himself being guided towards the edge. Pulling his fingers out of Kakashi, he grips onto Kakashi's arm tightly, circling his hips even closer to him. "Fuck, senpai," Yamato spills out in a gasp, pressure throbbing urgently in his crotch. "I fucking love you." 

"I love you, too," Kakashi murmurs, squeezing his cock and lightly pressing his thumb under the sensitive head.

Yamato's quavering thighs crush closer around Kakashi's waist, his short , loaded gasps and lingering pants of pleasure speeding up, his forehead pressing hard into Kakashi's shoulder. He mouths at his supple skin eagerly as his body begins to shake, and he's on the verge now, just one last stroke and-

Yamato comes with an abrupt cry, his entire nervous system feeling like it's been drowned in pleasure, and his body simply can't handle the intensity. His mind is submerged in absolute bliss, clutching Kakashi to his chest as his seed lands over Kakashi's hand and stomach. His teeth involuntarily sink roughly into Kakashi's shoulder, muffling his throaty moans somewhat as his orgasm begins to subside.

Kakashi hums, gently stroking him through his orgasm. He doesn't mind the mess on his body. On the contrary, he likes it because he smells like Yamato, something that no one else will ever have the pleasure of. He licks at the sweat on Yamato's neck in between mumbles of 'I love you' and 'so fuckin' good.'

"Ahh...." Yamato sighs out breathlessly, resting his forehead tiredly on Kakashi's shoulder. Swaying his hips deliberately, carefully, Yamato catches Kakashi's lips, kissing him lazily, enjoying the afterglow.

Kakashi returns the kisses, fingers running up and down Yamato's strong arms. "God, I love you."

"I'm sorry for the mess everywhere," Yamato mumbles, looking down at Kakashi's dripping torso. It's sort of satisfying though, Yamato must admit, having his come spread over Kakashi's skin. Once again, Yamato realises, coming back to the many-previous-partners issue that seems to fade, but never disappear utterly. 

"Let me mark you," Yamato mutters, tracing his tongue across Kakashi's lower lip.

"Yeah." Kakashi nods. "And don't worry about the mess. I don't mind." Securing Yamato's legs around his waist, Kakashi flips them so Yamato is settled comfortably on top of him. He rolls his hips slightly, a quiet sigh slipping from his mouth.

"Thank you," Yamato bows his head, brushing his mouth lightly down an invisible pathway across Kakashi's skin, searching for the right spot. He settles at below Kakashi's ear, just behind his jawline. An easily visible place, if Kakashi didn't wear a mask. But Yamato knows that here, his mask is dipping down just below his ear, and sometimes it slips downwards by accident. Kakashi-senpai's taken, Yamato thinks as he begins to suck hard at the spot. His eyes close and he rocks gently, savouring the somehow comfortable, familiar feeling of Kakashi's member up his ass.

Kakashi strokes a hand down Yamato's back, eyes fluttering closed with a contented sigh. He rolls his hips up as he tilts his head to allow Yamato better access.

Yamato finishes up, admiring the forming purple mark with a small smile. "It's still hard to believe that you're mine," he admits, carefully brushing some stray strands of Kakashi's hair back out of his face.

"To quote Naruto," Kakashi says dryly, "believe it." Then he snorts. "Oh, my God. Remind me to never again think of Naruto while we're having sex."

Yamato waits a moment before firing a punch into Kakashi's shoulder, shaking his head. "You didn't just kill the mood. You threw it off the Hokage Tower, retrieved the splattered corpse, stabbed it into tinier pieces with a kunai and then buried it six feet under," Yamato deadpans dismally, but there's a smile nudging the edges of his mouth upwards.

Kakashi winces and shudders. "Sorry. I feel the same way, though," he confesses lowly. "That you still want me even after what I told you... It amazes me."

"After a few years it won't amaze you anymore," Yamato murmurs softly against Kakashi's mouth, circling his hips. "You'll be used to me stubbornly sticking around by then."

"I think I can deal with that," Kakashi whispers. "I love you, Tenzou."

"I know," Yamato smiles, kissing him gently, but easing Kakashi out of him. "I love you, senpai, but as much as I'd like to stay like this, we need to get the plants moved, along with the rest of my stuff."

Kakashi moans, hips arching up as he slips out of Yamato. "It's much more fun to have sex with you than to move things around."

"It definitely is," Yamato agrees, shuffling backwards to settle lightly on Kakashi's legs as he rolls and ties the condom off. "But that's enough procrastinating for today."

Grumbling, Kakashi sits up and stretches, back cracking slightly. He stands and begins to gather his clothes then pauses to glance down at his stomach. "Fuck, I need to clean this off." He heads to the bathroom and grabs a cloth, wetting it and scrubbing at his skin. Eventually managing to remove most of the drying semen, he returns to pulling on his clothes.

"Are you going to make a wooden cart so we don't have to make as many trips?" Kakashi asks, tugging on his shirt.

"Are you going to make some shadow clones so we have more people to help out?" Yamato retorts back, heading into the bathroom to give himself a quick wash also.

Kakashi hesitates, hands on his belt. "Um... Look, I don't want you to think that I'm ashamed to be seen with you, but, for your safety, I don't want many people to know that we're involved." He looks down, not wanting to see Yamato's expression. "I was planning to use a genjutsu to disguise what we were doing."

Yamato turns towards the mirror, splashing up some water onto his face. "Okay. Yes, that's understandable." Swiping the last of his come and lube off of his skin, Yamato spins around, resting back against the sink and states at Kakashi, arms crossed over his chest. "But you know that I can handle my own safety, right?"

Kakashi nods and says softly, "Yeah, I know. It's just... I don't trust Endo. He's pissed at me, and he knows my weaknesses." He turns and looks straight at Yamato. "You're one of them."

Yamato runs a hand back through his hair, his mouth set into a tight line. He feels like he should apologise, but... " I will never let him have the satisfaction of hurting you through me," Yamato says quietly. "I'll kill him if he comes near us." He doesn't add that he probably will regardless, but Kakashi doesn't need to know that.

"I don't want you anywhere near him. If he approaches you, get away from him as fast as you can," Kakashi urges, stepping closer to Yamato.

"We'd be better off if he was dead," Yamato states coldly as a reply. Wincing at his rash words-he doesn't want Kakashi knowing anything, dammit- he adds, "Hypothetically speaking."

"I know we would be," Kakashi says, "but he's extremely dangerous. He knows how to get inside your head, just like Ibiki."

Yamato's jaw clenches down, hard. "I've gone through training against that sort of thing since childhood. And as far as I can tell, my main weakness is you. It'd just be safer if he was gone."

"Do I have to order you as Hokage to stay away from him?" Kakashi growls. His eyes flash not only with anger, but fear as well.

His eyes snapping open wide, but narrowing instantly afterwards, Yamato steps forward, rage flaring up in him abruptly. "Try it," he breathes, pressing his forehead to Kakashi's. "I won't let Endo fucking hurt you again and having him safely put away is the best way to do that." Suddenly dropping his gaze, Yamato slumps backwards, slapping a palm onto his face. "Endo isn't even here and he's still the cause of us arguing," he says tiredly.

"Hey," Kakashi murmurs as he nudges Yamato's chin up with a finger. "I know that you want to protect me, and I appreciate it, but he'll leave me alone eventually. Besides, he technically hasn't done anything that you could legally kill him for."

Yamato's eyes flash darkly, and he grabs Kakashi's wrist, fighting not to grip it too tightly. "There isn't any guarantee he'll leave you alone. How many years has he terrorised you by now? And if the legal system doesn't recognise his crime, then so be it," Yamato finishes up.

"It was fifteen years ago. Every once in a while, I get the drawings, but he stops after a month or two. I've learned to deal with it and go on with my life." Kakashi yanks his hand away and takes a step back, not sure why Yamato is having a hard time with this. Why can't he see that Kakashi just wants to protect him? "This is part of my life. If you can't handle it, then say so, and we'll put all of your things back where they were."

Yamato exhales slowly, very slowly, very calmly. He can't lose his cool now, he must convince Kakashi he's not going to act against Endo. Yamato's sure now that he can't possibly bring Kakashi around to his way of thinking, a quick, simple solution, the best solution. The thought crosses Yamato's mind of moving out-maybe then Kakashi would stop worrying about him-but he's too afraid for Kakashi to leave him alone. "It's a part of your life that needs to change," Yamato says evenly. "But I won't confront him if you really, really don't want me to."

"I really, really don't want you to," Kakashi whispers and cups the back of Yamato's neck, leaning their foreheads together.

Yamato sighs deeply, his breath lingering on Kakashi's lips. He's silent for a few moments, as if wavering between decisions, but he's far from wavering. "Alright then," he concedes eventually, his hand finding Kakashi's.

Kakashi gives a relieved sigh and presses their lips together briefly, squeezing his hand. "Thank you."

A pang of guilt stabs into Yamato's chest at Kakashi's genuine words, knowing he's going to break the promise in less than a day. But it's for Kakashi's good, and he won't have to know anything- Yamato muses. He'll definitely know if Endo turns up dead, but if he is detained because of an unknown charge with an anonymous informant... Maybe that'd work better, Yamato thinks. Aloud, he says, "I have to get dressed."

Kakashi leers playfully at him. "You mean aren't going to walk around naked?"

“I’m not as comfortable as you walking around with my crotch exposed,” Yamato teases.

"I don't do that," Kakashi protests with a small pout.

"Only because I'm there most of the time to stop you," Yamato says, raising an eyebrow teasingly. "What about the time I found you working at your desk with no pants on? Or was that just for me?"

"That was just for you," Kakashi says cheekily, tweaking Yamato's nose before moving away. "Now, get dressed so we can get all of your things over to my place."

"You mean what I was intending on doing before you distracted me?" Yamato rolls his eyes, making a lunge forward to pinch Kakashi's cheeks in retaliation.

"I wasn't the one who suggested we have sex here one last time," Kakashi points out, easily dodging Yamato's outstretched arm.

Yamato shrugs, shouldering past Kakashi and grabbing his clothes. "That wasn't the event I was referring to, but I suppose the sex was my fault," Yamato says, pulling up his boxers. He turns around and flashes Kakashi a brief, apologetic smile, saying, "Sorry about that."

"Never apologize for distracting me with sex." Kakashi stops and wrinkles his nose at the bed. "Should we take the sheets? There's semen all over it."

"Of course," Yamato replies, slipping his shirt on easily over his head. "We're not leaving them for my landlord to clean up."

Kakashi strips the bedding off, rolling it into a ball and shoving it in a box. "Should I... Should we buy a new bed? The one I have now is kind of small. It's great for a few nights spent together, but I'm not sure if it's ideal for an actual live-in relationship."

"I don't mind your current one," Yamato answers, wedging his foot into his boot. "I think it's kind of quaint, actually, and I like the simple design. But I understand your thinking, senpai. We can get a new one if you want, or I could make one."

Kakashi picks up a box and carries it into the living room, calling over his shoulder, "I like the idea of fucking you on one that you made."

"Oh, I could make it quite ornate...or maybe should I just stick with the plain design?" Yamato frowns, scratching his head before he mimics Kakashi, hauling two boxes into the living room. "I can guarantee you there'll be no squeaks or creaking, anyway."

"That would be a good thing. I think my neighbors are tired of the noise whenever I have someone over. They tend to give me dirty looks in the morning," Kakashi muses. He stacks a few boxes by the door and rubs the back of his neck.

Yamato' chuckles quietly, dumping the boxes next to Kakashi's. "I don't think it's the noise from the bed they're tired of."

"You do get very loud in bed. One of these times," Kakashi teases, "I should gag you so I can't -" He draws in a quick breath and nearly drops the box he is carrying.

This time, Yamato knows exactly why Kakashi's sentence broke off abruptly. "Kakashi-senpai, look at me," he says calmly, heart pounding madly. How can Kakashi say this is part of his life and keep going like this? Yamato almost flings his box on the floor to get to Kakashi quicker, but then he thought better of the loud noise and gently places it down. Racing the few steps forward to him, Yamato helps him keep the box up, speaking evenly, as confidently as he can manage. "Senpai, you're going to be alright. Breathe with me, okay? We're going to count to ten now."

Kakashi nods, dragging in a raspy breath. "One," he chokes out. His hold on the box tightens, and he squeezes his eyes shut.

"Two, exhale senpai, you can do this," Yamato reassures him.

"Three." Kakashi can feel the tension in his muscles loosening, just a little bit, with each number counted. The panic is still there, but is buried under Yamato's soothing voice.

"Four...and exhale, senpai, you're doing great, almost halfway there," Yamato says supportively, hoping ten will be enough to calm Kakashi down. He's willing to stand with Kakashi and count up to ten thousand with him, but for Kakashi's sake, he prays he's able to calm down soon.

"Five." His breaths are coming easier now, his chest no longer feeling like it's being squeezed by a vice.

"Six, and only four more to go," Yamato says softly, his shoulders relaxing as he picks up on the freer breathing, but he's still going to go to ten. To make sure.

"Seven." Kakashi opens his eyes but keeps his gaze on the box he's holding. He knows that he shouldn't be, but he's even more embarrassed about his panic attacks now that Yamato knows the real reason behind them.

"Eight. We're almost there now, so look at me," Yamato says level-headedly. He doesn't feel any pity for Kakashi, but hell, there's a lot of loving compassionate rushing inside his chest right now. "Look at me and count."

"Nine," Kakashi mumbles but steadfastly refuses to lift his head.

"Look at me," Yamato repeats, finally recognising the expression on Kakashi's face. Slapping himself inwardly for not noticing sooner, Yamato says gently, "Hey. Look at me. Look at my face. I don't pity you because what you're ashamed of isn't something to be pitied, or embarrassed by. Look at me and I'll say ten."

"It's pathetic," Kakashi grits out. "How many shinobi had I killed by the time I was seventeen, and yet I couldn't get away from one man?"

"Sometimes," Yamato starts, swallowing with difficulty. "Sometimes one person, one face, or one image, sticks with you. I think it's harder to forget one individual than masses of people whose faces blur together after a while." Yamato pauses, realising that he's slipped more into his own personal experiences, rather than Kakashi's. "You're not pathetic. You told me yourself, Endo knows how to get inside people's minds." He carefully takes the box from Kakashi, setting it down on the floor so there's nothing in between them.

Slowly, Kakashi looks up, meeting Yamato's gaze. His eyes burn from gathering tears, and he lets his posture slump, hands sliding in his pockets

“Ten.” Yamato steps closer slowly. "You're going to be alright," he says simply, as he's certain he's never been so determined that a statement will be true in his life.

"Some days it doesn't feel like it," Kakashi admits the painful truth, focusing on a spot over Yamato's head. "There are days where I walk around in a blurry haze, just trying to get through."

"I don't know if I can help with them," Yamato lowers his gaze in shame, his fingers aching to entangle with Kakashi's. "But I can promise you that I'll be there for you on days like those. I'll try my best to make them easier for you, senpai."

"Thank you," Kakashi says. He reaches out and brushes his fingers against Yamato's cheek. "It means a lot to me that you're willing to stay with me."

"It means a lot that you'll have me," Yamato replies softly, closing his eyes briefly and angling his head into Kakashi's touch.

Pressing a kiss to Yamato's forehead, Kakashi then steps back. "We should finish moving you. We keep getting distracted."

Yamato silently nods his agreement, padding over to his dropped box and carrying it over to the door. "I think that's all my things, apart from my plants. Here," he says, forming some hand seals and making a cart sprout from his open palms. Bending down to the wheel, he surveys the rough edges with a slight frown, and outstretches his finger. Carefully, he runs his fingertip along the raised line, concentrating with a crease between his brows. The roughness gradually smooths out underneath his finger, until the wheel is perfectly round. Yamato straightens up with a satisfied smile. "There. I haven't quite gotten the hang of wheels yet, but it's good to go now."

"Good." Kakashi starts piling boxes onto the cart, making sure that the heavier ones are on the bottom.

After a few hours, all the boxes are safely positioned in Kakashi's already restricted living room-now tiny. Plants spill over every nook and cranny, every shelf top and windowsill. "Sorry, senpai," Yamato apologises with a sheepish smile. "Since all my clothes fit into one box, I'll try to get rid of some books, maybe."

"How the fuck do all of your clothes fit into one box?" Kakashi asks incredulously.

"I don't...have many," Yamato admits. "There's my ANBU uniform, my jounin one and about two civilian outfits. That's all I need."

Kakashi frowns. "You could get a few more if you want. That way, you aren't doing laundry that often."

"I don't mind. It gave me something to do in the evenings," Yamato shrugs, then briefly flashes Kakashi a grin. "But since I'm not living alone anymore, boredom shouldn't be a problem."

Before Kakashi came back into his life, Yamato had instead tended to friendships, going out some odd nights and socialising. Soon, however, he discovered he was more comfortable curled up on the couch reading, or focusing on making his plants flourish than in a crowded bar. Then Team 7 had been appointed to him, Asuma-one of his better acquaintances-had died, and Yamato's social life had faded somewhat.

"Boredom definitely shouldn't be a problem. I moved some of my things around for you, so just put things where they'll fit."

"Thank you," Yamato says, kneeling down and taking his clothes box to Kakashi's-their bedroom. Beginning to unpack them into a drawer, Yamato calls into Kakashi, feeling his stomach grumble," Are you cooking tonight or shall I?"

"I'll cook," Kakashi responds as he leans against the bedroom doorframe. "That way you can arrange things how you want them."

"Actually, I'm feeling a bit restless," Yamato says, folding away the last of his clothes. "I think I'll go for a quick jog before dinner, if that's alright." 

His mind skims over his plan quickly as he straightens up. Go to the office, slip in an anonymous note informing them of Endo's abuse-if he did it to Kakashi, there's probably a lot more victims out there-and leave. He's promised Kakashi that he won't confront Endo, and as painful as it was to hold back from sorting the recurring problem once and for all, Yamato wants to respects his senpai's wishes.

"All right. I'll have dinner ready in an hour. That okay?" Kakashi asks. He frowns a bit. Yamato's behavior is slightly odd, but he figures that maybe it's from the finality of the move. It's different to agree to move in together than when it actually happens. He might just need some space, Kakashi tells himself.

"Perfect," Yamato says, seeing the slight bemusement on Kakashi's face. He pads over to him, slips his arms around his neck and offers a swift kiss before pulling away. "I'll be back before dinner."

"See you then," Kakashi murmurs, returning the kiss. He turns to the kitchen, still unable to shake the feeling that something is wrong.

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Sweat rolls down Yamato's forehead, and it's not all from the physical exertion. His stomach feels like it's digesting itself, and he doesn't know how he's going to eat dinner. Everything went smoothly-writing the note in bland, impossible-to-place handwriting, sending the carrier pigeon without anyone seeing, and meeting the messenger on the way back. Everything went well-why can't Yamato shake this damn sense that something went wrong, something is astray, right now? 

Shaking it aside promptly, Yamato puts his hand on the door, calling out, "I'm home!"

"Welcome home," Kakashi greets him. A warm feeling passes over him as he realizes that this is indeed Yamato's home now. He ducks his head to hide a wide smile. "Food's almost ready."

"Great, I'm starving," Yamato says gratefully, thinking how nice it is to come home to a already-cooked meal. Walking into the kitchen, Yamato grabs a towel, using it to wipe up some of the sweat around his neck. "I ran into a messenger from Ibiki. Fushi's dead."

Kakashi's shoulders slump in relief. "Good," he manages to say. "I'm glad that's over with at least."

"Yeah," Yamato moves closer and presses a chaste kiss to Kakashi's temple. "He's not here to threaten you anymore."

Kakashi nods silently, taking a deep breath before turning around. "Time to eat."

"I'll set the table," Yamato says, slinging the towel around his neck as he takes out the bowls. "Oh, and how's the physical therapy going for your wrist?"

"It sucks," Kakashi says blandly, "and not in a good way. They're having me lift light hand weights, not even five pounds."

"You know it's better to be cautious," Yamato replies, setting the table. "You don't want to damage yourself further."

"I asked Sakura if I could do physical therapy at home by jerking you off," Kakashi mentions casually as he places a bowl of food on the table.

Yamato's glad he hasn't started eating yet, or any food in his mouth would've been splattered all over the table. "What? Why did you ask that?!" Yamato frets, hands ringing his face in frustration. "She already knows we had sex on her desk, how much more information are we going to give her about our sex life?!"

Kakashi shrugs. "I think she already knew that we jerk each other off at times."

"Probably, but you didn't have to confirm it," Yamato grumbles, pulling Kakashi down to sit beside him. "Although...what was her answer?"

Kakashi sulks. "She said no, unfortunately. It's hard using my left hand," he complains, dramatically leaning his head on Yamato's shoulder.

"Shame," Yamato comments, running his fingers lightly down Kakashi's thigh. "It's better with your right hand, but this way your left hand skills will improve."

"Hm." Kakashi flexes his left hand, making a fist. "I wonder if it's improved already."

"Perhaps," Yamato says, picking up some food. "Try to eat without dropping anything."

"I could try it with something else," Kakashi winks.

"Sure, go ahead and give me a handjob while I eat," Yamato says back flatly, scarfing down some dinner.

Kakashi perks up then frowns. "You were kidding, weren't you?"

"I was," Yamato laughs softly, hitting their shoulders together lightly. "Don't look so disappointed."

"Damn." Kakashi picks up his chopsticks and manages to get some food in his mouth on the first try.

Smiling at him, Yamato says proudly, "See? You're getting much better at using your left hand. Think of how useful that'll be in battle."

"If I ever see battle," Kakashi mutters, shoving the food around his bowl.

Yamato surveys him for a minute, chewing on his own food, then sighs. "I know you miss fighting, but it's for the best. How about someday we go to the training fields and spar for a bit? I could ask Team 7 if they'd like to come along too."

"Yeah, I'd like that." Kakashi bumps their shoulders together. He opens his mouth to say something, then seems to think better of it and chews on some rice instead.

Yamato doesn't miss the hesitation. His gaze drops down to his bowl and he frowns slightly as he debates whether to let it slide. "Something else to add?" He eventually asks.

"Just that, uh, we can get all sweaty from a different type of physical activity rather than the usual one," Kakashi mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck.

Chuckling softly, Yamato smiles at him, glad that's all it was. "Yeah. It'll be a change from routine, anyway. We should be upkeeping our fitness levels regularly, regardless of whether you're in battle often or not. We don't know when another war will arise," Yamato says solemnly, regretting speaking his thoughts out loud.

Kakashi frowns. "Right. And Endo's still out there, even though he won't try anything aside from scare tactics."

"You can't be completely sure he won't try something new," Yamato comments evenly. "After all, now is the first time after him where you've had a steady partner, right?"

"Yeah." Kakashi shudders as he thinks back to the night when Yamato was in the hospital, and Endo was standing by his bedside. "If anything, he'll probably go after you."

Yamato cups his bowl in his hands, taking a few thoughtful moments to stare somberly at the table. "I hope so," he breathes quietly. Better him than Kakashi. Although Yamato's hoping that the proper authorities will handle Endo, he can't take that for granted. They're still not safe by a long shot, Yamato knows. From Endo or the ROOT.

Kakashi slams a palm on the table, nearly knocking his bowl over. "Well, I don't! Fuck, this is one of the reasons I never stayed with one person. People use them to get to me."

"I don't have that problem," Yamato says calmly, turning his dark eyes to Kakashi. "All my enemies-people who may have had a grudge against me-are dead."

"Are you saying that we should kill Endo?" Kakashi questions as he stares right back.

"Yes. It's the logical thing to do," Yamato states coldly, wolfing down another mouthful of rice. "But there's no 'we.' I kill him, you stay far away."

"And you'll be in trouble for murder," Kakashi says, "and I won't be able to withhold consequences. I'm Hokage, and I can't show favoritism, even for my lover." He looks away. Some part of him deep inside wants Endo dead, but the thought of having someone he loves face him is terrifying. He knows what Endo is capable of, and he doesn't want anyone dying in order to protect him.

"I know," Yamato says softly. "I wouldn't expect you to let me off just because you're involved with me. Laws are laws. But, if I did, you'd be safe."

"I don't give a damn if I'm safe. It won't mean a thing if you're not beside me," Kakashi confesses.

Inhaling rapidly in surprise, Yamato sets the bowl down on the table, shaking his head to try and clear away the red lingering on his cheeks. He can't be like this. Every time Kakashi tells him something like that-something so warm and open, Yamato can't stick to being professional. It's simply impossible for him to keep up an impassive mask when his senpai talks to him like he means something to him. "I love you," Yamato mumbles indistinctly, his hand covering Kakashi's. "I understand, senpai. I suppose....yes, I'd feel the same if our roles were switched."

"I love you, Tenzou," Kakashi whispers and presses their foreheads together. "And you promised earlier that you wouldn't confront Endo, so I'm holding you to that."

Yamato has to battle not to lower his gaze from Kakashi's intense eyes. "I won't," he swallows, trying not to think of the note he wrote. Technically, he hadn't broken his promise, but he still feels undeniably guilty. He knows he did the right thing, but he also knows Kakashi wouldn't have wanted him to do that either. What he doesn't know won't hurt him, Yamato thinks with a lot of shame. I really hope so, anyway.

"Good." Kakashi offers him a smile and a quick peck on the lips. "We should finish eating before the food gets cold."

"Yeah," Yamato smiles weakly back, turning away quickly and digging into his food just a little bit too eagerly. "It's as good as always, senpai. Thank you."

"You're welcome." Kakashi smiles again and takes another bite of food.

Kakashi's open, comfortable smile makes Yamato's chest sting. Badly. It's for his own sake, Yamato reminds himself, and the sharpness eases somewhat. Watching Kakashi out of the corner of his eye, he stifles a sigh. Hopefully Kakashi won't hear any more about Endo and won't know. Yamato blinks, feeling a sudden weight on his lap. He glances down to find Abacus, her tail swaying up and down lazily on his thigh as she stretches herself out. "Hey," Yamato smiles, stroking her gently. "Where have you been?"

Kakashi, wrinkling up his nose, scoots away a few inches. "Damn cat," he mutters. "What would you have done if I was allergic to cats?"

"I’d stop seeing her. She barely relies on me anyway," Yamato replies, rubbing behind her ear with two fingers, earning a soft, steady purr. "She'd be fine without me, but I'd miss her company."

Kakashi hums softly and nods, shoveling the last of the food into his mouth. "I could use a shower," he says as he stands up. "I smell like sweat, sex, and semen."

"Alright," Yamato nods his acknowledgement, finishing off his own food quickly. "Do you still need help with your hair?"

"Yeah, I still have to wear something to keep the bandages from getting wet." Kakashi begins to clear the table, then rolls his neck and sighs as he feels the tense muscles. "Could use a massage, too," he mumbles.

Yamato straightens up with a hasty apology to Abacus, helping Kakashi clear off the table. "I'll just do the washing up first. Go get ready, senpai." Yamato smiles at him softly. "I'll be right behind you."

"Thanks." He brushes his fingers against Yamato's arm before disappearing into the bathroom. Turning on the shower, he adjusts the knob to the correct temperature, then strips out of his clothes. After securing a plastic glove on his right hand, Kakashi tests the water and slips into the shower, exhaling softly as the hot water cascades down his back. He rests an arm on the shower wall as he tries to relax.

It doesn't take Yamato long to clean the dirty dishes. Soon, he's standing in the bathroom undressing steadily and tucking his clothes away in the corner, where they won't get wet from any careless splashes. Resisting the urge to place Kakashi's splayed out garments similarly, he steps into the shower, gasping quietly at the sudden onslaught of heat against his skin. Before picking up the shampoo, Yamato leans his chest against Kakashi's back, softly greeting him by swaying his lips against his neck. His hands rest on Kakashi's shoulders, his thumbs tenderly smoothing small circles into the tense muscles underneath.

Kakashi moans. "Fuck, Tenzou... That feels good." He relaxes a little bit, rolling his shoulders.

Yamato's thumbs sink into his wet skin a bit more, moulding his palms around his shoulder muscles expertly. "Good. You deserve to relax," Yamato says back, lifting his face to the pouring water and letting it soak him as he works.

Reaching back, Kakashi smooths a hand down Yamato's hip, tugging him a bit closer. "Thanks for this. I appreciate it."

"Don't mention it," Yamato nuzzles carefully into the side of Kakashi's neck.

Kakashi lets his head tilt to one side. The hot water, along with Yamato's skillful hands, soothes the aches and pains from tension.

Yamato continues the same comforting, rounding movement for a few minutes, enjoying the warm steam billowing up around them. Kakashi's skin is soft and pale, scars lacing across his slender limbs somehow gracefully. Yamato finds his gaze wandering across Kakashi's back, memorising every inch of his skin and the patterns mapped onto it. His massage is slowing down as he ducks his face downwards, pressing a gentle kiss in between his shoulderblades.

A shiver races down Kakashi's spine, and his mouth falls open on a soft moan. He tightens his fingers on Yamato's hip, no doubt leaving marks, but Yamato's hands, slightly rough from handling shinobi weapons, just feel so damn good on his skin. And he can't forget about Yamato's wicked mouth. "More," Kakashi whispers.

In response, Yamato shifts downwards some more, kissing a caring path down Kakashi's spine. His hands melt off Kakashi's shoulders and trail slowly down his sides, finally firmly cupping around his waist. Yamato's flooded suddenly with a deep appreciation of Kakashi-out of all the lovers Kakashi could've had, out of all the shinobi he could've picked, Yamato is his choice. And Yamato doesn't want anyone but Kakashi. He's so, so grateful for their love, for the fact that they're here right now, like this. 

"You're amazing," Yamato breathes against Kakashi's skin, ghosting his lips against the curve of his lower back.

Kakashi's entire body is now quivering, and he can feel himself growing hard. He arches back into Yamato's touch, begging for more silently, and Kakashi can't help but think that this is one of the hottest situations he's ever found himself in. Soft pants of Yamato's name escape him.

Yamato's crouching behind Kakashi now, and he lets his palms fall down to the sides of Kakashi's thighs as his mouth becomes rougher, mouthing at the skin firmly, but lovingly. Yamato begins to suck at Kakashi's skin, knowing it'd be more difficult to make a mark here but wanting to, regardless. Kakashi's skin is already hot and wet from the shower, and Yamato's hands curl slowly around the front of Kakashi's toned thighs as he sucks, hard. He'd never handled Kakashi's body quite like this before, not even as foreplay, and he'd never imagined it as a fantasy either. And yet he finds this meaning as much as making love to him, Kakashi allowing-encouraging him, even- Yamato access to every part of him.

"God, Tenzou, mark me everywhere," Kakashi murmurs. His fingers twitch towards his cock, but he holds off, not sure what Yamato is planning to do. The sensation of Yamato's caresses send shivers down his spine, and he nearly falls to his knees, overcome with pleasure.

Yamato moans softly against Kakashi's skin, pulling back and taking in the newly formed evidence of Yamato's devotion to him, devotion to each other. "Don't say that," Yamato replies lowly. "Because I want to, so badly."

"Do it," Kakashi pleads, only a little bit embarrassed about begging. He's not really in control of his mouth at the moment. All he knows is that he wants more, more, more. He can never get enough of Yamato, especially now that Yamato knows the truth and still wants him.

"With pleasure, senpai," Yamato breathes heavily, eyes darker than usual yet alight with lust. His eager mouth dances down the curve of Kakashi's butt, around to the soft inner flesh of his thigh. Moulding Kakashi's legs a bit more apart gently with his hands, Yamato makes another mark, leaving out a tiny gasp of satisfaction when he takes it in. "Again," he murmurs, starting on Kakashi's opposite thigh.

"God..." Kakashi's eyelids flutter closed as he leans his forehead against the shower wall, Yamato's hot, wet mouth sucking slowly on his skin. Each breath comes out as a heavy pant, and Kakashi has to fight the urge to turn around and have Yamato's mouth where he really wants it - on his cock.

Yamato finishes his work, pulling back from Kakashi's skin with a soft sigh of contentment. He straightens up slowly, reverently caressing Kakashi's body with his hands and lips alike on the way up. He slips a hand around Kakashi's hip, going over to his side and gently persuading him to turn around, leaning his shoulder against the wall.

Kakashi stares at Yamato from beneath half-lidded eyes, licking his lips and catching tiny water droplets, before swaying forward. "Tenzou," he whispers huskily against his lover's lips as he brings his hands up to glide over Yamato's chest.

Yamato kisses him passionately, but swiftly breaks it, cupping the back of Kakashi's neck and his lower back, arching their pelvises together. "Just one more," he mumbles thickly, swallowing hard at the sight of a drenched, obviously lustful Kakashi. He dips his face, running his mouth lightly along Kakashi's collarbone before sucking at his skin purposely.

Kakashi gasps, grinding their hips together as he allows his head to fall back. Fingers rub over Yamato's nipple before traveling further down to drag lightly through his pubic hair and grasp both of their cocks.

"Hey," Yamato withdraws from Kakashi's heated skin, clasping his wrists and pulling them away, ignoring his own arousal. "We don't have time for that right now. We still have to wash your hair and work through the files Ibiki gave us, remember?"

Groaning, Kakashi drops his head onto Yamato's shoulder. "Better turn the water cold, then," he rasps. The places that Yamato has marked tingle, and he smiles privately at the fact that he'll be able to feel the ones on his inner thighs against his pants for a few days.

Yamato turns away, scooping up the shampoo and dialling the heat on the shower down a few notches. "That'll get this done quicker," Yamato nods, tugging Kakashi nearer and, spreading the liquid over his hands, began to massage it into Kakashi's coarse hair.

Kakashi shivers as the cool water sluices over his heated skin. "Let's hurry up with the files so we can continue this," he suggests.

"We need to track down ROOT as soon as possible," Yamato says with a grimace, rinsing out the shampoo from his messy locks. "So it's unlikely that we'll be able to continue tonight."

"Fucking ROOT," Kakashi mutters. "What should we do with any ROOT members that we find? Kill them or try to rehabilitate them?"

Yamato lets out long sigh, pouring out the conditioner between his palms. "I want to say we could reform them, but I'm not sure if we could do that. It may be easier if we executed them, but first we need to find out ROOT's motives."

"I managed to reform you," Kakashi grins cheekily. "It took a few years and you almost killing me, but it worked."

"I don't think every ROOT member would have the privilege of your personal attention," Yamato replies with a small grin, delving his fingers into Kakashi's hair once more, untangling the knots as he works in the conditioner.

"Mm, not likely. I think I'd have a rather jealous lover on my hands if that were to happen." Kakashi lowers his head to allow Yamato better reach.

"That's putting it mildly," Yamato answers with a grim smile, tugging out some tougher tangles. "I don't know how everyone is attracted to you. You've got most of your face covered up, and you're lazy."

"Mysterious, aloof," Kakashi thinks aloud. "Those are some qualities that seem to attract many people, male or female. Plus, I'm famous. Copy Ninja Hatake Kakashi. Or, I was at least." He tentatively touches his fingers underneath his left eye, wishing that he still had that small piece of Obito left.

"All that is true," Yamato agrees easily, his brow creasing up as he teases out a large, silver knot. "And you're still famous, just for different reasons. After all, your face is engraved on a massive mountain."

Kakashi grunts, thinking back to everyone who had thrown themselves at him after he'd become Hokage. Granted, he'd slept with some - okay, most - of them, but he knows they only wanted the notoriety of having sex with The Hatake Kakashi. Perhaps a few of them were hoping to be the one to capture his heart, but Kakashi only ever promised them one night, two if they were exceptionally good fucks.

His cheeks heat in shame as he thinks about all of the partners he's had over the years. Sure, he doesn't regret many of them - though he shudders to remember that one drunken night with Guy, who thankfully was too drunk to recall the two of them fucking - but he didn't care about any of them. He slept around in an attempt to forget everything, to try to fill the hole left by his entire team, but it hadn't worked.

And yet for Yamato, Kakashi is the only one he's ever known. Yamato, despite everything he'd gone through, had resolved to become stronger and had grown into a fine shinobi. He hadn't given into despair and drowned himself in sex and alcohol. He'd moved forward, moved past the trauma in his past.

I don't deserve him, Kakashi thinks miserably, closing his eyes tightly against the guilt.

"Senpai?" Yamato asks, placing both lathered-up palms on his cheeks. He's experienced enough by now to know when Kakashi's having degrading thoughts about himself, but he has no way of knowing what he's despising himself for. This is why Kakashi needs to communicate with me, Yamato thinks as he places a tender, shallow kiss on his lips, trying to get him to open his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Kakashi says dully. "We should finish up so we can look through the files." Ducking under Yamato's arm, Kakashi carefully elbows him under the spray. "Wash your hair." He grabs the soap and begins to clean his body, focused on washing every imaginary speck of dirt away.

Yamato watches him sadly, a familiar tightness stretching across his chest. Kakashi's already clean. He carefully outstretched his hand, grasping Kakashi's wrist as gently as he can so their gazes are intertwining. "You know that I love you, and nothing will ever change that, right?" Yamato says seriously.

Kakashi's breath catches painfully in his throat, and he swallows hard, dipping his head in acknowledgment. "Yeah, I know." He stares at the bar of soap in his hand, then slowly passes it over to Yamato.

"Thank you," Yamato murmurs, and before he can lose his nerve , he pulls Kakashi into a deep hug, burrowing his face into the side of his neck. "You're everything to me," he breathes softly.

Kakashi returns the embrace, hands tangling in Yamato's hair, smoothing back the damp strands. "Same for me, Tenzou. I love you."

Yamato closes his eyes peacefully, soaking up the wonderful sensations of Kakashi next to him and cool water pouring down his back. "I love you," Yamato says, quiet and certain. He waits a few heartbeats before continuing. "Unfortunately, we can't stay here like this all day. Rinse out the conditioner, will you?"

Kakashi does as he's told, then shakes his head so water droplets fly everywhere. "The water's getting colder," he observes with a small shiver.

"Yeah," Yamato says in a gentle sigh, washing the last of the soap off of his body. "Time to go through the reports, I guess."

Kakashi makes a face and nods. "Unfortunately." He reaches around Yamato, turns off the water, and steps out of the shower, grabbing a towel as he does so and scrubbing at his hair. "If it was something less serious, I'd try to distract you," he says and tosses a towel to Yamato.

"I wouldn't expect any less from you," Yamato replies with a small smile, drying himself off. "You're responsible when you need to be."

A crooked smile splits Kakashi's face, and he quickly towels himself off. "I thought you said I was lazy." He heads, naked, to the bedroom and grabs a clean pair of sweatpants, pulling them on and then heading to the living room.

"Mostly, but I’d be lying if I said you can’t be sensible," Yamato remarks, following Kakashi to the bedroom and yanking on his own clothes. Grabbing the files from the secure drawer which can only be opened with his or Kakashi's chakra, Yamato sits down at the table, glancing up seriously at Kakashi for him to join him.

"The couch is more comfortable," Kakashi complains but sits down anyway, tugging a file towards him and flipping it open after releasing the seal. "Let's see what we have here."

"We can move there if you want," Yamato offers quietly, but taking a section for himself and narrowing his eyes. "Huh, I didn't expect Fushi to have seen actual faces. I suppose this confirms that the boy was lying."

Kakashi thinks back to the young boy who had killed himself weeks earlier and nods. "He couldn't let us know the truth, so he killed himself. Fushi didn't think he'd be caught. He expected me to go along with him without any fuss. Too bad for him, I refused." Kakashi taps the file. "Hm. His entire family died on separate missions within the past ten years. Father, mother, older sister. It doesn't look like he had many friends, either, so there wasn't anyone to really notice any behavioral changes in him."

"I don't think any of ROOT expected to be caught...." Yamato muses, scanning through Ibiki's intel report. "We didn't even know he was ROOT until Ibiki told us, but in his report, apparently Fushi was supposed to commit suicide if he suspected capture or even interrogation. That's why we have faces. Unless they want this information to fall into our hands." Yamato ponders with his forefinger and thumb holding his chin. "Or maybe I'm being too suspicious. But we can't completely rule out a set-up."

"You think this is a trick?" Kakashi waves the file. "Fushi fills his mind with wrong information so we go looking at the wrong people?"

Yamato nods solemnly. "It would be a great distraction, if we focused on the wrong people to keep an eye on. But then again..." Yamato adds, running a hand back through his damp hair. "They could've predicted that we may suspect it's a trap, and this is actually correct intel."

Kakashi groans, rubbing a hand down his face. "Fuck. We'll have to proceed carefully. If this is meant to throw us off, we could insult each of these shinobi. If it's correct, we run the risk of tipping them off."

"Yeah," Yamato grimaces, beginning to flick through Ibiki's art impressions of the faces from Fushi's mind. "Well, let's start sorting through them, shall we?”

Kakashi continues to read through Fushi's life, every once in a while catching sight of a drawing. Suddenly, he shoots his hand out and slams it onto the paper. "Wait! I've seen this face before. I remember the scar across his chin."

"Where?" Yamato questions, turning around to face Kakashi with inquiring eyes. "If we can discover a link between all of the members-"

"Keep flipping through," Kakashi urges, setting the picture he'd recognized aside. His heart beats faster, palms become clammy and sweaty. No, he thinks, I can't be right.

"Hey...." Yamato breathes quietly, subdued. His fingertips skim over the familiar face, once his closest associate. "Yugao. She was filed under the dead."

"But... According to this report, he saw her two weeks ago," Kakashi whispers. "She was declared dead a long time ago."

"She's not dead then," Yamato swallows heavily, trying to ignore the painful sting in his chest. "She's ROOT."

"The shinobi we thought died... They're ROOT." Kakashi sits back in stunned astonishment, unable to believe that Yugao turned her back on Konoha.

"Let's cross-check the files," Yamato says hollowly, his throat closing up. Yugao had become his closest friend after Kakashi left ANBU, and he'd told her things he'd never told anyone-not even Kakashi. And now, she's ROOT. He moulds his hands down his face, praying that nothing about him she knows can be used against him or Kakashi...but he doubts if that is true.

Kakashi gets up and grabs the other files, bringing them over to the table. He pauses a moment before flipping one of them open. "Let's spread them on the table and see if we get any matches from the information that Fushi gave us."

The room is deadly silent as Kakashi places each picture down as he finds the match. Once the last one is placed, he sits down heavily. "They're all ROOT."

"Apart from the few that genuinely died," Yamato says in awe, overwhelmed by the number. "There's... so many . All of them joined ROOT? Why??" Yamato realises his voice is coming out frantic, and he inhales with a shudder, trying to control his emotions better.

Kakashi jumps up, frantically looking through the papers. "Fushi had no family. Yugao's lover, Hayate, was killed. And here, Daichi. His wife died four years ago. Mao. Koji. Yoko. Naoyuki. They all lost people close to them. Fucking dammit!" Kakashi growls, scattering the papers everywhere with a sweep of his arm. He whirls around and stalks across the floor to the window. He bangs his fist against the wall, barely managing to keep himself from smashing a hole through it.

Yamato curls up his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around himself as the storm that is Kakashi thundered on. All he feels is acute sorrow and deep, deep hurting betrayal. All of those people were comrades to him, people who he never really knew intimately but had worked alongside, fought alongside, helped each other, looked out for each other. Yamato rests his forehead on his knees, eyes wide open and gazing at the sharp darkness. He needs a moment.

Kakashi wants to throw something, wants to rant and rave, but he knows why they did it. They had lost people who were precious to them, and in their grief, they were turned to Danzo's side, just like Kakashi himself was for a time.

"Fuck," he says brokenly. He glances back at Yamato, who seems to be lost in his thoughts. He takes a step forward, unsure of what he's even going to say, but he has to comfort him somehow. Before he can continue, a yelp from outside reaches his ears. "Bull?" Kakashi spins around and is blasted back by an explosion from outside.

If it had been anyone else caught up in the blast, Yamato wouldn't have been able to move. As it is, he's racing across to Kakashi's splayed body, his mind muddled and clearing much too slowly to fit together the pieces. He's reeling, unable to hear anything from the deafening detonation, but he kneels at Kakashi's side, the only thoughts whizzing through his fuzzy mind ones about Kakashi. 

He has to protect him. 

He can sense, through the destruction, battles clattering viciously all around him, growls and barks ripping through the air. Yamato's mind begins to clear, sharpened by the expectation of a fight. Glancing at Kakashi, he inhales with a horrible, shuddering gasp, taking in the multiple wounds puncturing his body from shrapnel. Yamato throws up a large wooden dome around them both, but he hasn't any time to tend to Kakashi's injuries before a hostile chakra signal suddenly breaks through the ring of fighting around the Hokage, and Yamato loses the chakra of an ANBU guard.

Gritting his teeth,Yamato forms another thicker, smaller dome around Kakashi's fallen body and steps through the outer dome, cursing his lack of any weapon but his single thigh kunai. An enemy figure appears through the hazy fog of dust, and Yamato claps his hands together quickly, sending a massive earthen wall shooting up between them. He has to focus on defence, not to be lured away from Kakashi. The wall shatters suddenly, and he braces himself against the wave of rubble, his eyes narrowing. 

Five enemies. 

Five of them, broken through the Hokage's protection-six, now. All of them heading rapidly for Yamato. Readying himself, Yamato lunges at the first form he can make out, slashing out rapidly. He catches them across the chest instead of the throat, and a kick bolts towards his side. Yamato blocks it, but is forced backwards, spinning around to engage the second attacker. He trades deadly spars back and forth, grimacing as he sees the rest join the fight. They're good, as good as Yamato himself, skilled and experienced. After a few minutes of constantly trying to crack through his dome, the remaining four of them encircle around him, panting heavily. He raises his bloody kunai up once more, dark eyes flashing around aggressively as they draw nearer warily. This isn't good, Yamato thinks calmly. I have to-

Yamato's last thought is interrupted by a stinking, rough cloth shoved on top of his lower face. One hand seal was made before Yamato's wrists are yanked back forcefully behind him, grunts emitting from his attacker as Yamato struggles furiously. Yet soon he has no choice but to inhale, and Yamato's vision dims at the edges, his mind battling a hopeless war to stay conscious. The last thing he sees before he passes out is wooden shards scattering everywhere as they break through to his Hokage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi begins to tease Yamato about gagging him in bed, then has a panic attack as he remembers the time that Endo ignored his cries to stop. Yamato immediately jumps in to help calm Kakashi down. It's evident that Kakashi is filled with self-loathing and self-hatred over what happened with Endo.
> 
> Yamato goes against Kakashi's wshes and sends an anonymous note to a shinobi office, asking them to look into allegations of abuse that Endo is suspected of.
> 
> Brief depiction of violence at the end, but not extremely detailed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Without struggle, there is no progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS DOWN AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER. PLEASE READ THEM AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

Kakashi slowly comes to, sharp pain scattered all over his body. His mouth falls open with a gasp, and he tries to take stock of his injuries. He can feel pieces of shrapnel lodged throughout the front of his body. He goes to move an arm but finds that it's shackled by a heavy chain. In fact, all four of his limbs are chained so he's spread-eagle, supported by the chains around his wrists that are hooked to the ceiling.

He also realizes with a jolt that he's naked.

"Wha-?" he slurs, blinking his eyes open wider and taking in his surroundings. He thinks that four walls of solid concrete surround him, but he can't see much else because there are no lights. What happened? Kakashi tries to remember what happened last, but he can't. He took a shower with Yamato, then -

Kakashi's blood runs cold. Yamato. Where is Yamato? Is he okay? What happened to him? He struggles weakly against the chains, but only succeeds in scraping skin from his wrists and ankles. "Ten...zou..." Kakashi whispers, but it echoes, making it sound louder.

"He's fine."

Cold dread washes over Kakashi, and he can't breathe. He can only watch as a shadowed figure moves closer to him until he can make out the features.

Endo Ryusuke.

"Where is he?" Kakashi rasps.

"Shouldn't you be worried about yourself?" Endo questions, raising an eyebrow as he surveys Kakashi. "And truly, I'm hurt that you don't believe me, but perhaps you will if you see him. Turn the lights on!" Endo barks.

Kakashi flinches against the sudden brightness flooding the area, his eyes still sensitive to light due to... to what? Oh, the explosion. His eyes slowly adjust, and he gives a small cry when he sees Yamato a few yards away.

Yamato's head is dreary, the pain from his aching shoulders barely filtering through. He feels like he's drugged, one sense slowly crawling back to him at a time. Freezing air clings to his bare skin, and Yamato shivers profusely, making a clatter ring through the air. Where...is he? Yamato's eyelids are leaden, and he struggles to split them, even a crack, but he manages it. Light floods into his sight, making a headache pound between his eyes, but he can hardly focus on it.

"Senpai?!" Yamato chokes out in alarm, waking up rapidly. He tries in vain to move towards him, but can't. He hisses in frustration, glancing up at the cuffs binding his wrists together, dangling him from the ceiling.

"See, I told you that he was fine," Endo grins wickedly, "so I really would worry about you now. After all, there's no one here to stop me from getting close to you."

Kakashi's body goes rigid, and his fingers flex into fists, only for him to realize that the index finger on both hands are broken, rendering him unable to form any hand seals. "You stay the fuck away from me," he rasps.

"You're in no position to be making demands." Endo laughs and comes over to stand right beside him. "Just look at you. You're all tied up, and I can hear you shaking. About to piss your pants in fear? Oh, wait, I'm sorry. You're not wearing any pants." He sneers and reaches out with a hand, trailing fingers down Kakashi's chest.

"Don't you dare. Don't you fucking dare." Yamato's voice is low, almost a primitive growl, and loaded with disgusted hatred. If he wasn't focused properly before, now he definitely is, and every muscle in his body is humming with loathing, the intolerable urge to smash Endo's face against concrete. He's shackled so strictly he can barely move an inch nearer to Kakashi, but his pitch-black eyes are blazing with uncontrollable rage.

Endo's laugh is loud, and Kakashi flinches, opening his mouth to say something, but his mouth is so dry, and he can't form the words needed.

"You can't stop me," Endo sneers. "You are in the same predicament that Kakashi is. Neither of you are able to protect the other. You," he says as he points at Yamato, "can only watch as I do this." With that, he trails his hand further down, fingers curling around Kakashi's upper thigh. "And look what we have here."

Kakashi whimpers and tries to arch away, but the chains hold him steadfast. He doesn't want Endo touching him there, not where Yamato so lovingly pressed marks into his skin, not anywhere.

"Looks like someone marked you up pretty good," Endo muses, poking at one of the marks with a finger. "I wonder what would happen if I did this." He kneels down and licks at the spot, chuckling when Kakashi jumps and hisses in a sharp breath.

Yamato's ears are immersed with a rushing roar, his whole body shaking with overwhelming, thundering rage. The awful room reverberates with the frantic clanking noise of Yamato straining to break solid metal, attempting in vain to twist himself out of the tight chains. "Don't touch him," Yamato whispers out coarsely, hardly registering the pain from his raw wrists. "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH HIM!" He raises his voice to a desperate yell, beyond angry, a suffocating feeling of helplessness welling up in his chest. He'd do anything, anything at all to stop this, to wipe out that expression on Kakashi's face.

"Tenzou," Kakashi chokes out, "please don't watch. I don't want you to see this. Please." His voice shakes, and moisture leaks out of the corners of his eyes. He's already humiliated enough, and the last thing he wants is for his lover to see this degrading act.

"No," Endo says, pulling away from Kakashi's leg. "You keep your eyes open, or I will do even worse things to him."

"Every time you lay a single finger on Kakashi-senpai your death is becoming messier," Yamato breathes out threateningly, his restraints becoming slippery with blood, deaf to Kakashi's plead. His body is so charged with rage that he can sense every fucker in the facility-not that he gave a shit-and the earth surrounding the thick concrete walls of this horrible chamber. Which he does give a shit about, but barely. His mind is so blinded with volatile anger, so crammed full of detestation that he's no longer aware of what his actions are, or the blood draining down his arms. He wants Endo away from Kakashi. Now.

"Tenzou!" Kakashi grits out with more force than he thought he had. "As your Hokage, I order you to -" But the sentence ends with a cry of pain when Endo suddenly twists a fragment of glass in his chest and roughly pulls it out.

"Please do not talk," Endo sighs. "I'd rather not gag you, and I'm sure that you don't want that to happen, either."

Kakashi hangs his head, body trembling forcefully enough to make the chains rattle. Every little touch, every word that Endo speaks, makes him sick, and his chest heaves as he vomits onto the floor. "Tenzou, please," he musters up the courage to beg.

Watching with horrified eyes, Yamato's anger abruptly is overthrown by an emotion he can't identify, one that swallows up his chest and makes a strangled sob emerge from his mouth. "Senpai..." he manages to mumble out, more like a whimper than speech. He doesn't want Kakashi to be put through this absolute torture. He wants his senpai to be safe, happy, so badly, so fucking badly, and here is this...this motherfucking abusive monster .Yamato's body trembles, his moment of sorrow shattered by yet another massive surge of tormented rage. "I told you not to fucking touch him," he breathes out, clenching a sweaty fist tightly, concentrating. His eyes close unwillingly as a tiny crack spreads through the ceiling.

"Yamato," Endo's voice rings out loud and clear. "My God, you are furious. Do you remember what happened last time you were this angry? Oh, that's right! You wiped an entire village off the map!"

Through the haze surrounding him, Kakashi is able to hear every single word, and he lifts his head to look at Yamato. "What?"

"Oh, sorry, did he not tell you?" Endo's eyes glint dangerously, and he pats Kakashi's shoulder. "Well, now that I've already spilled the secret, Yamato, you might as well tell him what happened."

Yamato's chest hurts, and he shakes his head frantically, trying to escape from the harrowing memories of little dead hands reaching out, the utter, haunting silence of destroyed homes. There wasn't even any cries of survivors. 

Yamato goes deathly still, and the cracks on the concrete ceiling branch out wider.

Yamato's body heaves suddenly from exertion, and he glares in pure, undiluted hatred down at Endo. Secretly, he's glad that his attention is focused off of hurting Kakashi, and a desperate need to keep Endo's sights on him bursts into his mind. He can't refuse, or he knows Endo will retaliate by harming Kakashi further. Instead, Yamato submerged himself in the recollections he'd sworn never to return to again. Red skies, dangerous taunts, and the blood-red screams ripping through the air. "I didn't mean to," Yamato swallows down bile rising in his throat, his voice fracturing into pieces. "I never - It was an accident!"

"Keep talking," Endo threatens. One hand ghosts down Kakashi's hip, inching slowly towards his cock.

Kakashi tries to focus on his breathing. He can feel himself hyperventilating, and he knows that he has to remain calm if he and Yamato are ever going to have a chance to escape. Endo's hand is close to his groin, and even though he desperately wants Endo to leave him alone, he won't allow Yamato to reveal dark secrets that he's not ready to tell. "Tenzou, no. I'm fine."

"Tell him the story!" Endo roars, dragging his fingers roughly down Kakashi's cock.

"Stop it! I'll tell him!" Yamato yells out, his insides tangled up in despair. His clenched fists rattle the chains in anguish, and a tiny scattering of dirt trickles down from the slender crack in the ceiling. "Stop it! Senpai, focus on me, look at me, you'll be-" the words glue bitterly to the inside of Yamato's throat. He can't promise Kakashi that he'll be fine, not after this, if there's even an after. He swallows down his shame, exhaling with a shudder and locking eyes with his senpai. "It began when you left ANBU."

Kakashi shakes his head, mouthing 'no,' eyes wide and wet, but at least Endo has retreated. All he can do is listen to Yamato and hope that this is over soon.

Yamato gives him a tiny nod, taking a deep breath. "I didn't know what had happened to you, or why you left. All I knew was that you weren't there anymore, and I couldn't understand that. I was..." Yamato's voice wavers, slightly. "I was naïve, convinced that we were more than fuck buddies, and I couldn't understand why you didn't leave a note, an explanation, anything-so I began taking on extra missions. I couldn't stand to be alone with my thoughts for a single second. So I offered to take on the most brutal assassinations, the messiest clean-ups-all the missions that even ANBU didn't want to do." Yamato takes a long breath before continuing, gaze firmly staying on Kakashi. Making sure Endo upholds his end of the deal and keeps the fuck away from him. "I had no time to think. Once I got back to the quarters I passed out immediately, sometimes still in filthy clothes. It worked well for me, for a while. During this time, Yugao and I grew close. She'd lost someone precious to her, I had pretty much lost you, so I thought our friendship was based on that, but now I see confiding in her was a mistake," Yamato says coldly, gaze flickering to Endo for a split second before pressing onwards. "Then, after a few weeks of it, this undercover mission was offered to me. It would take weeks, maybe months of pretending, to get close to the target-one of the Fire Lords. I don't remember why he needed to be killed, but I recall the one, most important condition was to not have any witnesses. I accepted it eagerly. The thought of being someone else entirely gave me an out, an easy way to avoid my problems," Yamato confesses tiredly.

Kakashi can tell where this is going, and he shakes his chains once, but Yamato doesn't stop.

Now comes the difficult part. Yamato pauses briefly, unwilling to go any deeper. He doesn't want to go back there, but if he doesn't, Kakashi will suffer, much worse. He takes a guttural, harsh breath, and trudges onwards. "It was strangely pleasant, at first. I was introduced into a family as a craftsman looking for lodgings in exchange for work, and I fitted into the role perfectly." Yamato closes his eyes, the corners of his mouth quivering. "There was six already in the family, and yet they welcomed me as if I grew up there. Akemi, the mother, and Kaede, the father, had three little children. Hiromi, the oldest at seven....her hands were even better at crafting pottery than mine," Yamato smiles bitterly. "There was Kayo, too, who loved to sing. She was horrible at it, but it didn't stop her trying. And the youngest was Nori, a serious little boy with the strangest eyes. I stayed with them for months, perfecting my skills until I could sell my carpentry to the Fire Lord personally." Yamato's eyes are damp, and he lowers his gaze, a tight knot closing off his throat. "The day finally came when the Lord was out on the streets personally, and word was it that he was searching for the most ornate chair ever crafted. So, of course I leapt at the opportunity, and spent days creating my masterpiece. The children wouldn't leave me be. They always nagged at me, tugging at my shirt to go out and play with them on the swing I set up outside, or for me to magically make a sapling sprout again."

I did that, Kakashi thinks. He did fall apart. He just did it in a different way. I left ANBU without a word, and this is what happened?

"I finished the chair eventually, and I was invited into his home to present it to him," Yamato says thickly. "And, obviously, once I was alone with him on the second story, went in for the kill. But I messed up, my kunai missed his throat,and he had the opportunity to run, call for his guards. He became desperate and tackled me straight on, out through the window. I managed to manipulate our fall so he broke his neck on the landing, but the landing was in the middle of a crowded marketplace, where all the villagers were. I had a bloody kunai in my hand and a dead Fire Lord underneath me." Yamato swallows hard. "My-the whole family was there too. And the brief said no witnesses. I followed orders, and buried the entire village in a mudslide after I was finished," Yamato exhales shakily. "The population of the village was 256. I murdered them all, for a mission."

"Tenzou," Kakashi whispers. His heart aches for his lover and everything he's gone through. To have to kill an entire village because of a missed killing blow... Kakashi has some innocent blood on his hands, as well, but what happened to Yamato shocks him.

"Awful thing that happened, isn't it, Kakashi?" Endo questions. "Looks like the both of you have something in common. Killing innocent people."

"It wasn't Tenzou's fault," Kakashi argues weakly. "It was in the mission. No witnesses."

Don't argue back for me, Yamato wants to cry out. Argue for yourself. I deserve it. A tiny, stray tear dribbles down his cheek, and Yamato, frustrated, shakes his head to rid himself of the salty guilt. "Don't try and defend me, senpai. What I did is unforgivable. There...there were babies. Children, mothers, fathers, grandparents...I couldn't use my mokuton for years afterwards."

"I couldn't use my chidori after Rin," Kakashi replies. "I had to keep practicing day after day."

"Ah," Endo says in disgust, "just listen to yourselves. God, you're so sappy, trying to stick up for each other. It makes me sick. You do realize, Kakashi, that this happened because of you, right? You left ANBU without a word, and Yamato went into a spiral of self-destruction."

"It wasn't his fault," Yamato says surely, trying to get Kakashi listening to him, rather than Endo's bullshit. "I would've likely have gotten the mission anyway, and everything would've turned out the same. It's not your fault," Yamato insists, shaking his head furiously. "Endo always lies, you know that."

Endo grabs Kakashi's chin, forcing him to look up at him. "You fuck everything up. Remember Obito? Rin? Your sensei? And now you know the truth about Yamato. You turned him into a mindless killer."

Kakashi shakes his head. "No. That's not my - I didn't mean -"

A cruel smirk appears on Endo's face. "You've been a bad boy, Kakashi. Perhaps I should punish you again."

Something inside of Kakashi snaps, and in a blind panic, he jerks his head out of Endo's grasp and bares his teeth. He's terrified, a few seconds away from a panic attack, but he knows that if he succumbs to Endo's taunts, he and Yamato will never make it out alive. I'm the Hokage, Kakashi thinks firmly, and it's my duty to save my shinobi.

"Just fucking try," Kakashi spits out.

"You may act like you're tough," Endo says, "but I know that you're just a scared little boy inside. I'm going to show Yamato what you're really like, and then you'll see how much you disgust him."

"You disgust me," Yamato snarls, inwardly breaking down at how terrified Kakashi is, yet how brave he's being. He's still somehow speaking out against Endo despite being helplessly chained up, at his mercy-if Endo has any trace of something resembling mercy. "Why are you doing this?!" Yamato shouts at him, desperate to distract Endo from tormenting Kakashi, for however long. "What do you have to gain?!" Yamato's breathing is heavy, trying to curb back his rage. He needs to think clearly, he needs to figure out a way to get out.

"I just think it's fun to torment Kakashi, for one thing," Endo shrugs. "For another, control of Konoha is sounding very good about now."

"Control of Konoha?" Kakashi says. "Over my dead body."

"I'd say 'that can be arranged,' but I would rather keep you around. You're more entertaining that way," Endo hums and runs a hand down Kakashi's thigh.

Kakashi grits his teeth and stares at the ceiling. "I'd rather be dead."

"Fun." Yamato repeats Endo's words in a dead monotone, his whole body still as a corpse. Memories of Kakashi's panicked, harsh breathing echo in his ears, enraging him further. "Fun?! Do you have any idea what Kakashi goes through because of you?! And you find that.... entertaining?! " Yamato can't even comprehend how fucked up that is. Endo did all this-utterly wrecked an already broken Kakashi, ruining his life-for his own sick amusement. Biting down on his lip so hard blood trickles down his chin, Yamato looks at Endo touching Kakashi with pure repulsion. "You're pathetic, Endo."

"You two," Endo muses, shaking his head as he steps to the middle of the room, "are the pathetic ones. Reason number one. I can tell that the both of you are frantically trying to figure a way out of here, but there isn't one. I've been watching you very closely for the past few weeks. I know your weaknesses, your strengths. You won't escape that easily."

"And what's the second reason?" Kakashi asks, able to think more clearly now that Endo is farther away from him.

"Not believing that Lord Danzo's thinking is correct."

Kakashi stares in disbelief, horror rising quickly within him. "'Lord Danzo'?" he breathes. "You mean you're -"

"Yes," Endo sneers. "I'm ROOT."

"Of course," Yamato breathes, finding it easy to believe that anyone this abusive follows Danzo's teachings. "I bet you're the leader, aren't you? You were the only one not marked down as dead or missing, and Fushi had no memory of you."

But you're wrong on the first reason, Yamato thinks, opening and closing his fists. The cracks on the ceiling lace out just a tiny bit more as sweat droplets bead Yamato's forehead. Using his chakra without hand seals is incredibly difficult, bordering on impossible, but Yamato's always found it easier to do when he's upset, often unintentionally, like the day in Kakashi's apartment. This time, however, there is no wood around, no living base he can work with, only cold, stale cement and a bit of dirt leaking through the cracks. Yamato inhales deeply, trying to make it appear as if his focus is on Endo as he flexes his chakra outwards subtly, lengthening the thin cracks.

Endo grins proudly. "I am the leader, and I fooled you all, especially with how I chose my recruits. Every single one of them had lost someone important, and I knew that if anyone were to start doing research, they would think that those shinobi were killed either because they found out about ROOT or they turned down an invitation to join ROOT. I wouldn't have made my move yet, but someone sent an anonymous note asking for my behavior and personal life to be examined. That forced my hand." Endo growls, clearly not pleased with the disruption to his plan. "Fortunately, I had it already planned out so despite this minor bump in the road, everything else should go according to plan."

"Anonymous note?" Kakashi turns his gaze to Yamato. Betrayal shines brightly in his eyes, and he swallows hard. "You promised that you wouldn't tell anyone."

Yamato can't meet Kakashi's eyes. "I couldn't do nothing. I'm sorry," he mumbles, ashamed. He had made things worse by acting. Then, he upturns his face to Endo, his voice raising up, loud and determined. "I should've killed him as soon as I found out. I'm sorry, senpai. I let you down, so badly." Yamato breathes out steadily, letting Kakashi see the regret, pure and clear, in his eyes and heart alike. "I knew Endo wouldn't back away from you, but I didn't have the guts to go completely against your wishes, however illogical they were," Yamato explains gently, squeezing his eyes closed in a show of guilt. Guilt, not concentrating on reaching out the branches of the cracks to every corner of the weakening ceiling. He opens his eyes again, fixating on one detail of Endo's speech. "Everything else?"

Endo, clicking his tongue, waggles his finger back and forth. "Confidential, I'm afraid. You're not privy to any more information than what I've allowed."

Kakashi closes his eyes, allowing himself to retreat into his thoughts and blocking everyone else out. He had honestly thought that Yamato meant it when he said that he wouldn't tell anyone. Granted, Kakashi knows that he likely would have done the same thing if he were in Yamato's position, but it still fucking hurts. He trusted Yamato with his secret, and even though Yamato hadn't mentioned any names, Kakashi fears that it's only a matter of time before pieces are put together and he's revealed as one of Endo's victims.

Victim.

That word sends an awful shudder down Kakashi's spine, as though branding him as someone weak.

Yamato grinds his teeth together in frustration, making the earth press down on the concrete just a little more forcefully. He glances over at Kakashi, and his expression breaks Yamato's chest into pieces. 

"Senpai?" Yamato whispers, his lips quivering. The agony of betrayal is etched unwaveringly into Kakashi's face, the warmth vanished from his features. His breaths coming out in coarse pants, Yamato realises just how badly his actions-going behind Kakashi's back like that-are affecting him. If Kakashi turned against Yamato now... Yamato can't think of what he'd do. All along, he'd been the one reassuring Kakashi that he wouldn't leave him, but the very thought of Kakashi leaving him terrifies Yamato. It terrifies him almost as much as Endo hurting Kakashi. 

"Senpai?" Yamato repeats hollowly, writhing around in an attempt to face Kakashi better.

Endo starts laughing so hard, he doubles over, clutching at his stomach as he howls in laughter. "God, this is priceless," he gasps out. "You may have just ruined your relationship, Yamato. Did you think he wouldn't find out about what you did? In your attempt to help him, you betrayed him. Just look at his face. Look at the emotional damage that you caused." Endo lightly grasps Kakashi's chin with his index and thumb, moving his head from side to side.

Kakashi draws in a shuddering breath, eyes damp with unshed tears. "I'm fine, Tenzou. I understand why you did that, and if I can't forgive you for trying to protect me after all the shit I put you through, then I don't deserve you. I want you to know that I love you, no matter what happens." His voice shakes on the last word, his fingers twitching, and he seems to brace for something before unexpectedly jerking his head back then biting down, hard, on the soft flesh of Endo's hand between his thumb and pointer finger.

Endo howls in pain, reflexively yanking his hand back only to have Kakashi's teeth tear the skin even more. "Fucking son of a bitch!" he yells, backhanding Kakashi so hard that Kakashi sees stars. "I ought to teach you a lesson about manners after that."

Kakashi looks up, blood dripping down his cheek, and he spits at Endo, who snarls and digs the fingers of his uninjured hand into Kakashi's throat. "You wouldn't know manners from a slab of cement," he gasps out. He's looking past Endo, though, right at Yamato, gaze not wavering, serious yet somehow tender at the same time.

The sharp sound of the slap Kakashi received is enough to jerk Yamato out of his stupor, and Kakashi's honest words are more than enough to give him the courage and drive he needs for the last push. Slab of cement, huh? Yamato focuses intensely on the feeling swelling up in his chest as he takes in Endo's fingers sinking into his lover's throat, moulding it like his black shadow of anger, letting it pile up into a massive, stormy entity of power.

In a few brief milliseconds, Yamato has the strength he needs. A dense crackling fills up the room, like the warning thunder before the deathly lightning.

"I told you not to touch him, you sick fucker," he breathes out heavily, sweating gleaming all over his dark skin as the ceiling caves in, thick slices of concrete plummeting down, fast. Followed by an immense amount of suffocating earth, responding to Yamato's desperate will. Eyes wide, Yamato instantly melds his finger into a key, unlocking his chains swiftly as the room shudders and shakes like a tree in a hurricane. Dust blots up Yamato's vision as soil piles into his hair, but he gropes towards Kakashi, grasping onto his wrist frantically. Once he's sure that Kakashi's okay, Yamato flings up a dome around them, hoping it'll be enough as he presses himself protectively in front of Kakashi.

Kakashi is shaking so hard that his teeth are chattering, and he's torn between pushing closer to Yamato for comfort and pulling away from because he's not sure if he can handle human contact at the moment. "You should have gotten out of here," Kakashi murmurs into Yamato's ear. He can taste the metallic tang of Endo's blood in his mouth, and his stomach churns, threatening to make him sick.

Yamato's so on edge that he almost flinches with every thud of concrete on their quavering shelter, but he swallows back his nerves. He has to be calm now, get him and Kakashi out of here alive. Turning around, Yamato murmurs, "Don't be ridiculous. I love you," while unlocking all of Kakashi's bonds, this time using hand seals. He's incredibly drained already, emotionally and physically, and he can't even imagine what kind of mental state Kakashi's in. He hopes that Endo was pulverised under a slab of solid cement, but he can't rely on that fact. 

"We're both getting out of here," Yamato says clearly, staring steadily into Kakashi's eyes.

Kakashi collapses against Yamato, his unsteady legs refusing to hold his weight. "We have to hurry back to Konoha. Who knows what's happening there, if Endo had ROOT attack there." He straightens, but with each movement, the debris embedded in his skin protests, shifting and making things more painful. There's no time for taking care of his injuries, though. They have to -

Kakashi and Yamato are both thrown forward when the dome surrounding them is cracked open by a powerful Earth jutsu, Kakashi instinctively grabbing onto Yamato and maneuvering them so Kakashi is on the bottom, skidding across the broken rocks and cement.

"Did you think you could kill me that easily?" Endo rages. Blood is dripping steadily from a wound above his left eye, making him look even more homicidal and dangerous.

Immediately, Yamato leaps to his feet, ignoring every inch of his heart crying out to take care of Kakashi first, help his wounds. He stands steadily over Kakashi, limbs readied in a sturdy defensive stance.

"It was just a hope," Yamato replies evenly, attempting to mask over his exhaustion.  
Cracking the ceiling without using hand seals to funnel his chakra led to Yamato using much, much more than he usually would have to. He's running low on strength, his stomach heaving inwards with every loaded breath, but he has to do everything he can to save Kakashi, to destroy Endo once and for all.

Kakashi struggles to sit up, gasping silently at the pain tearing through his body. He can feel tiny rivulets of blood dripping down his back, torn from the debris surrounding them. He knows that Yamato is exhausted, and he's worried that Endo will have the upper hand now. Kakashi knows that he himself isn't at full strength, with the physical and emotional injuries plaguing him, but they have no choice. They have to fight if they ever hope to get out of here alive.

"I am going to tear you apart," Endo breathes before he lunges at Yamato.

Snapping sideways, Yamato grabs Endo's arm, using his momentum to spin him over his hip, roughly chucking him backwards, away from Kakashi. Ordinarily, he'd simply dodge, but he knows Kakashi's in a much worse state than him. He can't let Endo near him.

Endo recovers quickly, flipping in midair then pushing off of a cracked slab of concrete, and rapidly fires three kunai towards Kakashi. The gleam in his eyes tells Kakashi that Endo knows that Yamato will protect Kakashi at any cost, even jumping in front of Kakashi, and Endo is counting on that.

Scooping up small rocks, Kakashi throws them at the kunai speeding his direction to alter their course. Unfortunately, he has to use his right hand to ensure precise aim, knowing that he can't miss. Pain shoots up his wrist, but he grits his teeth. Full recovery be damned. He'll use his right hand if it means that Yamato will be safe.

Putting his faith in Kakashi's aim, Yamato launches himself at Endo, tackling him around his waist with a desperate grunt. The only thing engulfing his mind is the frantic need to keep Endo away from Kakashi.

The kunai go astray, and Kakashi shifts to his feet, wincing at the fiery pain engulfing him. He's sure that he's covered in blood, but he dashes forward and grabs a kunai. He's torn between throwing it at Endo or keeping it for protection. Glancing over, he sees Endo bring his knee up into Yamato's stomach, then an elbow into his back, sending him crashing to the ground.

In a split second, Kakashi throws the weapon, and Endo, preoccupied with Yamato, barely manages to evade, resulting in a nasty cut across his cheek. "Damn," Kakashi hisses, sinking to one knee. Moving around has caused more bleeding, the scabs that had begun to form ripping off.

Yamato retches, hauling himself up off of the ground, eyes widening as he properly takes in Kakashi's bloodied, beaten state. Gathering up the last shreds of his chakra, Yamato swiftly runs through some hand seals, pounding his palm to the dirt underneath him. An earthen box springs up protectively around Kakashi's wavering form, coated by a thick layer of wood. A wave of dizziness passes over Yamato, and he staggers, but steadies himself quickly. Having nothing but his bare fists, Yamato has no choice but to try and engage Endo in hand-to-hand combat, jabbing a punch at his jaw.

Endo easily blocks the punch, gripping Yamato's fist and bending his wrist back with an audible 'crack.' "Pathetic," he sneers. "You're going to die."

Kakashi bangs a fist against the wood and yells, "Tenzou! Let me out now, dammit! You need help!" His heart is pounding furiously, breaths coming in short pants, as he desperately tries to get Yamato to release him. He doesn't want Yamato to die for him. He doesn't think he'll be strong enough to handle another loss.

Biting back a thick cry of agony, Yamato folds heavily to his knees, trying to think of something-anything he could do, to beat a well-rested, lightly wounded Endo with nothing. He hears Kakashi's yells, yes, but he can't release him-if he isn't strong enough to break out, he isn't strong enough to battle Endo. Yamato's free hand gropes along the ground, grasps a bit of rubble and hurls it into the side of Endo's skull, using their joined fists to yank him forward, hold him mostly in place.

"Stay away, senpai!" He bellows out to Kakashi, wincing with the pain bolting through his body. "Don't worry about me!"

Endo grunts and staggers backwards, pushing Yamato away from him. "You're fucking dead," he seethes, forming quick hand signs before slamming his palms onto the ground. A wall of earth rises, looming over Yamato before beginning to crash down onto him.

Oh fuck, barely has time to flash through Yamato's mind before he propels himself sideways, rolling swiftly out of it's path. Well, mostly. Yamato's left wrist is buried deeply under the solid soil, and he jerks at it viciously, holding back the groans of the pain fluctuating up his arm.

"Tenzou!" Kakashi yells from inside the barrier. He can't see what's going on, but he's almost positive that Endo has the upper hand. Kakashi forms hand signs and sinks into the earth below, moving steadily underground towards where he can sense Endo approaching Yamato.

Endo kneels beside Yamato, twirling a kunai in his hand before plunging it into his right shoulder. "Why don't you stay there while I go get Kakashi? I think he needs to watch me kill you."

Yamato can't prevent himself from letting a tiny cry punch it's way out of his throat, his mind blacking out for a split second before he regains his senses, panting coarsely. He sees Endo retreating to get Kakashi, and his struggles begin to become wild, managing to yank out his throbbing wrist from the earth. "Senpai, get out!" he yells out, trying to warn Kakashi.

Endo only gets three steps away from Yamato before Kakashi emerges from the ground, his fist connecting with Endo's chin, and Endo flies backward. He's not even able to recover before Kakashi is on him, a knee digging painfully into Endo's stomach.

Kakashi isn't even thinking at this point. He's moving only by muscle memory mixed with desperation, thoughts of saving Yamato repeating in his mind. His hand circles Endo's throat, and Endo reaches up with his own hands and claws at Kakashi's face in an attempt to free himself. Kakashi squeezes harder, eyes narrowed and teeth gritted, and gropes for a kunai from Endo's thigh holster. He grips it tightly, point aimed towards Endo's chest.

"You can't kill me," Endo gasps out. "As much as you hate to admit it, you need me."

Kakashi releases an anguished cry and plunges the kunai into Endo's heart.

Endo sputters and coughs, blood spraying onto Kakashi's face. His eyes remain wide, his mouth gaping, as his heart gives one final beat.

Kakashi, shaking, bends over, forehead touching his hand still holding the kunai. "Endo," he whispers, before sobs wrack his body.

Staggering in a broken gait over to Kakashi's blood-doused form, pinning down a still Endo, Yamato collapses in exhaustion beside Endo's shoulder. He can only watch Kakashi cry for a few moments, the pain from his shoulder jolting agonisingly through his body with the sharp lurches. At length, he reaches out a quivering hand to lay it cautiously on Kakashi's shoulder, knowing, at one point, Endo was a person that meant something to him, but also aware they are likely inside ROOT headquarters. "Senpai..." Yamato whispers carefully. "Thank you."

Kakashi nods, giving one final shuddering sob before moving away from Endo. "We need to get out of here," he rasps.

"Yeah, but you..." Yamato swallows thickly, his expression stricken as he takes in Kakashi's injuries;shrapnel from the blast still embedded deeply in his skin, dark bruises forming around his neck from Endo's vicious fingers, shallow chasms torn down his back, caused by skidding over the pointed rubble. Not to mention, he's still trembling all over, tears mingled with blood seeping down his skin. Yamato, tugging out the kunai plunged deeply in his shoulder with a wince, hands it firmly to Kakashi. "You stay here and hide. I'll try to find out where we are and how to get out, but try not to move much, please. You're hurt too much to walk." Glancing at Endo's contorted face and gaping eyes, Yamato gently rotates Kakashi away from the sight, pain flaring up in his shoulder. "You did the right thing. He can't hurt you anymore."

Kakashi says nothing, merely follows Yamato's instructions. He glances down at the kunai, blood still dripping from the tip, bends over suddenly and retches. Endo is dead. He killed him.

Kakashi should feel relief, but all he feels is numbness seeping through his body. He can still see Endo's expression as Kakashi plunged the kunai into his chest, and he heaves again, but there's nothing left in his stomach to throw up.

"Sensei! Captain Yamato!"

He can vaguely hear Sakura's voice drifting down from above, but he doesn't move. He doesn't have the strength so he collapses to his knees and stares at his hands. God, he's such a mess, and Sakura and Yamato are seeing this and he just wants to hide, run away from everything.

Yamato barely glances up at Sakura, too focused on Kakashi's situation, trying to talk to him softly, trying to comfort him, but he feels so useless. Sakura skids down the side of the gigantic hole, followed closely by a familiar hollering blonde boy-well, nearer to a man now. 

"What the hell happened?" Sakura asks in a shocked tone, laying her glowing palms on Yamato's shoulder. 

"A lot of...shit," Yamato replies, shrugging her off. "Tend to Kakashi-senpai first, please." 

"Oh, god..." Sakura mutters as soon as she places her hands on Kakashi's bloody back.

Kakashi hisses and flinches away, sensitive not only to the healing touch on his wounds, but of any touch. 

"Sensei," Sakura says, shaking her head disapprovingly. "You need to sit still. God, your entire back is a mess..."

That's not the only thing, Kakashi thinks. His whole life is a mess, just one thing after another that he's managed to fuck up.

Yamato shifts into Kakashi's line of sight, trying to get Kakashi to meet his eyes, lift his broken gaze, but he doesn't touch him, worried about the reaction he may cause. "Senpai, I understand how you're feeling, but you need to let Sakura heal you. Do you understand?" 

Naruto launches himself down beside Sakura with a cry of "Sensei!", surveying him with wide blue eyes. "He doesn't look good...Captain Yamato, what happened?! We heard Kakashi-sensei's apartment was destroyed and he's missing and then Pakkun tried to track your scent but couldn't and then we saw this massive hole in the ground and-" 

Yamato holds up a finger to silence Naruto, staring at him solemnly. "Will you get us some clothes?" He asks, judging that the hyperactivity-and the extra witness to what Kakashi hates being seen- mightn't help the situation at all.

"Oh, yeah, sure," Naruto says, gawking as if he's just realized that the two of them are naked. He jumps off without another word.

"Sensei, you're scaring me," Sakura says, green eyes wide as she carefully presses her hands to Kakashi's back again.

Kakashi forces himself to remain still, and he swallows past the lump in his throat. "Just tired," he croaks.

"Okay," Sakura says, but the look she gives Yamato indicates that she doesn't believe that for one second. "Is he dead?" she asks, tilting her head in the direction of Endo's body.

"Yes," Kakashi replies dully.

"He defeated the ROOT leader and saved us both," Yamato explains simply. "That's why he's like this." He highly doubts Kakashi wanted Sakura to know the precise details. Maybe someday, if he feels ready, he'll tell them-but it isn't Yamato's place to disclose any more information. "You're going to be fine," he says firmly, locking eyes with Kakashi. It's a struggle to keep his gaze from dropping-Kakashi's eyes are more anguished and stricken than he's ever seen them.

Sakura nods. "Okay. I'm sure that you will write down your reports of what happened."

"Sure," Kakashi states, but he's already mentally going through what he's going to say. He doesn't want everything known. It's no one's business but his own.

Yamato nods absently, thinking it's going to be the vaguest, most sparse report he's ever filled in. Naruto gallops back, a messy bundle clutched to his chest as he halts abruptly, handing the clothing to Yamato. 

"I grabbed whatever out of Kakashi-sensei's closet," he confesses, peering down at Kakashi. "I didn't know you owned so many clothes, sensei, you wear the four same outfits all the tiiiii...." Naruto trails off, finally picking up on the sober atmosphere.

"Thanks, Naruto," Yamato breaks the silence, separating out the random garments. Luckily, there are enough pieces for two full outfits. "Are you okay to move?" Yamato asks Kakashi softly, casting a glance over at Sakura.

"His back was torn badly, so I don't suggest putting on a shirt," Sakura says, "but pants will be fine. You both should go to the hospital, though."

Kakashi slowly stands, wobbling slightly, but catches his balance by placing a hand on Yamato's shoulder. "Thank you, Sakura," he whispers, holding his breath as he bends over to pull on his pants.

Yamato carefully supports Kakashi, tenderly rounding an arm around his bare torso and using his free hand to yank on his own pair of pants, pointedly ignoring his protesting shoulder. His own legs are quivering a lot, but it suddenly hits him that they're either surrounded by ROOT agents outside the room or they're elsewhere, which would worry Yamato even more. 

"Naruto," he says, turning his gaze to the bemused teenager. "Can you and Kurama track down everyone in the rest of the underground facility and capture them?" 

Naruto blinks, then closes his eyes for a mere second, concentrating. "There's nobody else here."

"Do you know where they are?" Kakashi asks. "We need to catch them before they're able to escape." He carefully releases Yamato's shoulder, standing on his own, and glances around at the devastation, keeping his gaze away from Endo.

Naruto squints, probably trying to identify the people with hostility from all the villagers, but he's quick about it. "There's about a hundred, spread throughout the village, and there's some heading in the direction of other villages," Naruto reports, pointing his arm flamboyantly around them.

"Fuck," Kakashi hisses. He points to several ANBU who had shown up. "Gather some other ANBU and apprehend the ROOT members. Naruto, I need you to make some shadow clones and lead them. We don't have time to get the files from my house. If I still have a house," he adds belatedly.

Naruto nods and grins his acknowledgment, springing off with the ANBU members to carry out his orders. "I'm sure Captain Yamato could rebuild it for you!" is his parting shout. Yamato rolls his eyes. Of course.

"Now, you two need to go to the hospital," Sakura orders firmly, looking at Kakashi in particular. "You both need so many wounds treated I'd be here all day if I told you the list."

Each step that Kakashi takes causes the wounds to pull, the ones that Sakura hasn't taken care of bleeding slightly, but he brushes aside help that Sakura offers him. This is all his fault, anyway. He doesn't deserve or want pity.

He looks up at the massive hole above him and readies himself to jump up. His attempt is successful, but not without excruciating pain. Bending over, he inhales slowly before straightening.

Yamato follows suit, with more ease than Kakashi, having regained some of his chakra and his legs uninjured. He touches Kakashi's shoulder gently, wondering whether to offer assistance or not. Kakashi would hate to be seen being carried or supported into the hospital, but Yamato fears the extra damage he may do to himself. If he pushes himself, which Kakashi will definitely do. "Don't strain yourself," Yamato finally says out loud.

"I'm fine. You don't have to fucking worry about me," Kakashi growls quietly, shaking Yamato's hand off and moving ahead.

"He's not okay, is he?" Sakura comes up to Yamato and watches her sensei with a worried expression.

"No...." Yamato breathes out sorrowfully, following Kakashi's trail. He worries. He fucking worries.

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It's difficult to find a comfortable way to lay when your entire body has an injury of some kind. Kakashi shifts slightly, his right side beginning to tingle from lying on it, but he can't lie on his back like he normally does. He has the sheet pulled up over his nose, and he has his eyes closed, not wanting Yamato to be able to read anything in his expression.

Yamato's gentle gaze flicks over Kakashi's form caringly, shifting over just a bit further on the bed to get closer. They should talk about what happened, he knows, but maybe this isn't the best time. Kakashi's wounds are still fresh-metaphorically speaking-and it may just worsen things if Yamato brings them up. But he can't stand the thickening silence between them any longer. "Senpai," Yamato exhales softly, outstretching one arm to brush over Kakashi's covered cheek. "How are you?"

"My back fucking hurts," Kakashi mumbles, "but other than that, I'm fine." He knows that Yamato also means mentally, but Kakashi isn't up for any kind of deep talk. He'd rather ignore everything, sweep all of it under the rug, forget it ever happened. "'M tired, though," he adds in the hope that Yamato will leave him alone.

Yamato's fingers continue stroking Kakashi's cheek lightly, grateful for the fact that the hospital beds were placed so close together. "You should rest," Yamato finally says in reply, opting to let it go for now, but intending on bringing it up again. "When you wake up..., we need to talk, senpai. "

"How about no?" Kakashi mutters, peeking an eye open to glare at Yamato. "It's not something I want to relive."

"I don't know if it's better for us to move on and forget it ever happened or discuss it, work through the aftermath and then move on," Yamato sighs out, returning the glare with a soft stare.

"I vote for move on and forget."

"I don't know if that's such a healthy thing to do, Sensei," Sakura frowns as she comes into the room. "Whatever happened down there is bound to have a serious effect on your life, as well as Captain Yamato's. I mean, you were naked, and -"

"Don't you have another patient to torment, Sakura?" Kakashi says sharply, instantly regretting it when Sakura looks at him with hurt filled eyes.

"I'm actually here to talk to Captain Yamato privately," she replies, motioning to the hallway.

"Me?" Yamato echoes in surprise, withdrawing his hand from Kakashi's worryingly chilly cheek. He clambers out of bed with a sore grunt, following Sakura out into the corridor, mind whirring. "Is this about Kakashi-senpai?" he asks straight out.

"Yes. Frankly, I'm worried about him. When I was healing him before, I noticed some hickies on his neck and thighs. I was going to leave them alone because I figured they were from you," Sakura says hurriedly, seemingly flustered by the fact that her sensei has a sex life that she currently knows too much about, "but he said to heal them." She fidgets nervously, before blurting out, "Should I have done a rape kit?"

"Before?" Yamato frowns, bemused. "Before, like right after you found us?"

"Yes," Sakura nods vigorously. "But his behavior also tipped me off that something's not right. I know Sensei isn't normally the type to casually touch or be touched, but this was more than that. Like he was about to have a panic attack or something like that... I've never seen him like this, and I'm worried about him."

Yamato bites down anxiously into his lower lip, unsure of what to withhold and what to tell her. He's already betrayed Kakashi's trust once, in giving in the anonymous note, but Kakashi's will is not always the right thing to obey. Yamato has to decide what's best for him, taking into consideration what he wants but not basing his entire decision on that alone. "The hickeys were from me originally, but they were...desecrated," Yamato states factually, hiding the fact his heart feels like it's being twisted into pieces at the memory. "And...he has been having panic attacks, because...." Yamato takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and praying Kakashi'll forgive him. "This is highly personal what I'm saying," Yamato tells Sakura in a low voice. "Endo-the ROOT's leader, was a past partner of Kakashi-senpai's. Things....went astray, and Endo's been tormenting him ever since he was seventeen. He captured the both of us, humiliated senpai." Yamato swallows hard, unwilling to go into details."He needs help, Sakura, but he's too proud to admit it, or accept it. He thinks he's weak, when really he's just human, and... " Yamato rubs a hand over his moist eyes, breathing out deeply.

Sakura says grimly, "So Sensei essentially needs to talk to a counselor about this, even though he'll throw a fit about it." She runs a hand through her hair, shaking her head sadly. "I never would have expected Sensei to be hiding something like that..."

"He'll absolutely hate it," Yamato confirms solemnly, and nods slowly in agreement with Sakura. "He hides it well."

"He told you about it. That has to count for something." Sakura then falls silent as a medic passes them in the hall, waiting until they're out of earshot before continuing. "Would he prefer a male or female counselor?"

"He barely managed to tell me about it, but he did, and that's a good sign," Yamato says, hoping that's true. "And I'd say he'd prefer female, but I'm not completely sure."

"I'll give him a choice, then," Sakura decides. "One female and male counselor. Do you need someone to talk to, Captain Yamato? I mean, knowing about what happened to Sensei has to be hard."

Yamato's silent for some moments, forcing himself to recall Endo's cruel touches of Kakashi's cock, Kakashi's terrified expression, him marking over what Yamato had placed so caringly on Kakashi;s skin, erasing their meaning, polluting them both. And then, the other haunting picture, one Yamato fabricated from Kakashi's story, of ruthless slurs, a hand frantically pushing at a grinning face, weakly trying to resist as-

Yamato's pulled out of his thoughts by Sakura gripping his arm tightly. "You're crying."

Yamato steps back, suddenly aware of moisture soaking into his cheeks. "Maybe...maybe I do," he says quietly, wiping his tears away, frustrated at himself for falling apart in front of Sakura. 

"It's not very well known, but there's a support group that meets once a week at the hospital. It's for people whose loved ones are dealing with rape," Sakura explains gently. "It's anonymous, although that can be difficult to pull off if you're a well known shinobi. You could always transform yourself, though. That's just an option, or you can talk privately to a counselor."

Yamato nods, trying to compose himself again. "I think I'll go to that instead," he decides-maybe meeting with other people dealing with the same thing will make him feel less scared, and perhaps learn how to support Kakashi better. "What day is it?"

"They meet on Tuesdays at four in the afternoon. The meetings generally last about an hour, sometimes longer if they're having a really good discussion." Sakura squeezes Yamato's arm. "Sensei is lucky to have you, Captain Yamato."

"Thanks for all your help," Yamato says gratefully, giving her a respectful bow. He really is appreciative of all that Sakura's done for them. "And I'm lucky to have your sensei," Yamato smiles, a tad sorrowfully, back at her.

"I have to admit, I always thought of Sensei as straight because of the books that he reads," Sakura says sheepishly. "Not that it bothers me if he's straight or gay or bi. I just want him to be happy."

"I don't think gender matters much to senpai. " Yamato lets out a weak chuckle, recalling some...very graphic paragraphs he'd been talked into reading. His smile melts somewhat, Sakura's following comment sobering him. "Yeah, me too. He's dealt with so much hardship and yet he's still going through shit. If anyone deserves happiness, it's him."

Sakura nods. "He won't willingly talk to anyone, so I may have to make it a condition of being released from the hospital. He either picks a counselor and goes to meetings, or he stays in the hospital until he's fully recovered."

Yamato nods his agreement. "We'll have to force him, but I'll try to talk him around to it also. And it'll be quite a while before he's fully recovered, right?"

"Physically, I'd say two, three weeks tops. I'm worried about his right hand. I might have to do another surgery later on, but I'd like to wait and see how it heals on its own," Sakura says. "Mentally, it will take longer, and he'll likely never fully recover. I don't know every detail, and I don't need to, but I'm guessing by your expression that it's not good at all."

"No, it's definitely not good," Yamato agrees with a horrible taste in his mouth. Kakashi will probably never recover completely from this, and Yamato heavily regrets not taking out Endo the instant he found out what he did. He should've killed him as quickly as possible-Endo was powerful, but, fully rested and prepared, Yamato thinks he could've won, although with difficulty.

"I have to continue my rounds now, but I'll be back in a few hours. Try to keep Sensei in his bed and as still as possible. His body went through a lot of trauma and shock today." With that, Sakura waves and hurries off, consulting her clipboard.

Yamato waves back, a tightness clutching his chest. He's going to have to tell Kakashi that Sakura knows, and he fears his senpai mightn't take it well, although it's for the best. He pushes the door back open, padding past Kakashi and slipping back into his bed with a soft murmur.

"What did Sakura want?" Kakashi asks, eyeing Yamato.

"What happened, of course," Yamato answers with a deep exhale, realising he can't relax and sitting up.

Kakashi's mouth goes dry, and he swallows. "What did she say?"

"She said you either can go to a counselor, and go home as soon as you can, or stay in the hospital for three weeks," Yamato replies gently. "Trust us, it's for the best."

"A counselor?" Kakashi repeats in disgust. "Why would I need to talk to a counselor? I'm fine."

"If you're fine, then go," Yamato counters steadily. "It can't do any harm."

"How about I just go home and not worry about seeing a stupid counselor? It will only waste their time, and mine. I'm Hokage, Tenzou. When the hell will I have time?" Kakashi asks, carefully sitting up to reach for a glass of water.

"When you're recovering-Kakashi-senpai, this is something you need to do," Yamato pushes, shifting to the edge of his bed. "It's not a waste of time at all. Most people go at some stage in their lives. It's only an hour, senpai, you can spare that much."

"If I've dealt with it for fifteen years without talking to anyone, Tenzou, then I think I can still handle it on my own." Kakashi takes a few sips and sets the cup aside.

Yamato holds back a sigh. This is going to be difficult. "Why do you think you've been dealing with it for so long? It's because you never faced it properly. A counselor will help you do that, work through it."

"Oh, my God," Kakashi mutters. "You're not going to give up, are you?" He catches Yamato's gaze and holds it as he says, "I am fine. I do not need to talk to anyone."

"You are not fine," Yamato says, staring steadily back, insisting "Burying it will not help at all. Senpai, you need this."

"What, exactly, do I need? Someone to hear about how I fuck things up and decide that I'm not fit to be Hokage?" Kakashi nearly yells. "No, thank you. I'll process things on my own. And that's final."

"Nobody will ever question your ability to fulfil the role of Hokage," Yamato says instantly, edging out of his bed completely and approaching Kakashi's bedside cautiously. "And that's why you need to go. You believe you mess things up, but you don't. Talking to someone will help you realise that-everything bad that happens to you is not your fault."

Kakashi's shoulders slump, and he shakes his head. "I don't know... I don't think anyone can help me."

"You have to try," Yamato whispers tenderly, placing an arm around Kakashi's shoulders softly. "Please."

Leaning into the touch, Kakashi buries his face in Yamato's shoulder. "I'm fucking terrified," he whispers brokenly.

Yamato's chest feels like it's shattered into pieces, and he has to press his lips to Kakashi's temple to withhold a sob. There's no way he can stand to see Kakashi like this for years on end, nothing changing. 

"I know," Yamato breathes almost silently. "I'll be here, with you, whenever you need me." 

He's terrified too, but he still has hope.

"Are you sure he's dead?" Kakashi asks, clutching Yamato's shirt. "He wasn't faking?"

"He's dead." Yamato strokes down Kakashi's hair, trying to soothe him. "He's definitely dead. Sakura checked the corpse out."

"So I killed him." Kakashi's voice is flat, emotionless.

"Yes...." Yamato replies in a whisper. "I'm sorry you had to do that. I should've taken care of him."

"No, it’s my fault. I didn't think that he would try anything aside from sending me the drawings. Honestly, I should have told someone about it years ago. Then this never would have happened," Kakashi grits out, shoving away from Yamato and rising to his feet, limps over to stare out of the window.

"This," Yamato starts sternly, walking over to stand behind Kakashi. "Is. Not. Your. Fault. He'd done nothing else for years, senpai. How were you to know he'd do something like that? You simply couldn't have."

"You could have died!" Kakashi explodes, whirling around and gripping his arms tightly. "You could have died, and it would have been all my fault," he continues, clearly having not heard a word of what Yamato said. "I can't lose you, Tenzou. I can't."

"And you won't," Yamato tells him confidently, slipping Kakashi's hands down into his. "You saved me, didn't you? I trust you, senpai. You won't let me die, and I don't die easily, either."

Kakashi rests his forehead on Yamato's shoulder. His body is shaking, and he blinks furiously to keep the tears from falling. "I love you."

Swallowing past the thick, knotty clump of emotion in his throat, Yamato embraces Kakashi close, holding back tears himself. "I will always love you, senpai."

Kakashi runs his fingers through Yamato's hair. "Thank you," he murmurs.

"Hm?" Yamato questions, rubbing his fingers in a small circle on Kakashi's back. "For what?" 

"For staying. For loving me. For supporting me." Kakashi hums appreciatively at the soft touches. "You could have left me at so many different times since we started this relationship months ago, but you didn't."

"I...." Words die on Yamato's lips, a rush of affection closing up his chest. This time, he can't help tears seeping out of his eyes, draining down into Kakashi's coarse hair. Loyalty had always been second nature to Yamato, and once his admiration and respect is earned, it's hard to shake. "As...sad as it sounds, I can't even imagine leaving you."

Kakashi says nothing, isn't quite sure what to say after that, and just holds him tighter. "I'm not sure what I would do if you did leave," he says finally.

"You'll never have to find out," Yamato reassures him gently. "I promise you, that's a scenario that will never happen."

"Good," Kakashi murmurs, nuzzling his neck and breathing his scent in deeply. He sways them gently back and forth until pain in his back makes him pull away. "Fuck."

"Oh god, I'm sorry," Yamato mutters an apology, leading Kakashi back to his bed. "Sakura also said to keep you in bed, and to not move much. Try and follow her directions, okay?"

Groaning, Kakashi makes a face. "I hate staying in bed unless it's because I'm doing something fun."

"I could cuddle with you," Yamato offers with a gentle smile, easing Kakashi back into the bed, careful of his injuries. "That's fun."

"Not as fun as sex," Kakashi gripes, settling onto his side. He takes hold of Yamato's wrist and pulls him forward. "Although I don't think I'm up for sex tonight," he admits. "Or anytime soon."

"I guessed that much," Yamato replies, letting Kakashi tug him nearer and circling a hand around the back of his neck. He bends down cautiously to press his lips to Kakashi's forward, his shoulder whining out a complaint as he tidies up some stray locks of Kakashi's unkempt hair. "Is it okay if I join you on the bed, or will it be too much?"

"I should be okay, if you keep your hands above my waist. Bet you thought you'd never hear me say that," Kakashi jokes weakly with a wry smile.

"True...." Yamato smiles back sadly as he deliberately clambers in beside Kakashi, one hand rounding the back of his neck, the other palm resting on his upper arm. "Try to sleep, senpai," Yamato murmurs lovingly, touching their foreheads lightly together. "I'll be right here."

"You sleep, too," Kakashi yawns, resting a hand on Yamato's side. "We can break out of the hospital later."

Usually, Yamato wouldn't mind breaking out-well, at best, barely tolerate it with a lot of protesting and a lot of convincing from Kakashi-but now is much, much different. "As if I'd let you do that," Yamato blinks suspiciously, but weariness rests heavy on his eyelids. "Sleeping sounds like a great idea..."

Kakashi allows the exhaustion to pull him under, despite his worry that he'll have nightmares. Yamato is beside him and will help him through.

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"Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura calls into the room sternly, landing her green-eyed gaze on the Kakashi-shaped lump in the bed. "It's time for your counselling session. With Juba, correct?"

"Sakura, I was just injured severely yesterday. Give me some time to recuperate," Kakashi mumbles.

"Nope!" Sakura replies cheerfully, going to stand at the end of Kakashi's bed, occupied by two people. "Captain Yamato, could you politely get him to move out of the bed?" 

"Uh..." Yamato slurs, hardly awake.

"I'm actually comfortable," Kakashi says. "And talking won't help anything."

"You don't know until you try," Sakura says evenly, her demeanour turning more serious. "Kakashi-sensei, I know you're dreading it, but go, for your own sake. It'll get easier as it goes on, I promise." 

Yamato finally snaps awake, sleepily listening to Sakura and nodding his agreement. "Go, senpai. Juba's lovely, and I'm sure she'll do her best to help you." He gently untangles himself from Kakashi, shivering a little at the sudden loss of warmth.

"What do you mean 'she's lovely'?" Kakashi grumbles and pokes Yamato in the side. "I thought I was your lovely one."

"You're both lovely, so you'll get along lovely too," Yamato answers back, frowning mildly at Kakashi as he clambers out of the bed. "Stop trying to change the subject. Remember, if you go, you can leave the hospital quicker."

"So I just have to go to this one meeting, and I can go home?" Kakashi sits up and stretches carefully.

"Sorry, it's not that simple," Sakura explains, shaking her head. "We have to keep you in the hospital to recover at least to the point where you can't aggravate any of your injuries. If I let you go home, I doubt even Captain Yamato could make you rest properly."

"I'm Hokage. I have duties," Kakashi protests as he stands up.

"Your duties can wait for a while," Yamato says gently, laying a palm on his shoulder and pushing him forward. "Go get dressed into something other than the hospital gown." 

"And don't try anything. I have guards watching you," Sakura warns.

"I'm hurt, Sakura," Kakashi frowns and places a hand over his heart. "I'm hurt real deep, right here. What makes you think that I would try anything?"

"Your past record:19 escapes out the window, 27 through disguises, around 80 by talking your way past the nurses, and at least a dozen through convincing Captain Yamato to pose as you while you go for 'a quick lunch,'" Sakura informs him with a sigh. 

Kakashi sputters but is unable to form a good response. He deflates and stares down at the floor. "I really don't want to talk to anyone."

"I know you don't want to," Sakura answers gently. "But you need to. Trust me, it's worked for a lot of haunted shinobi, although I admit your case is a bit more...difficult." 

"And what all do you know about my case?" Kakashi asks defensively, body poised as though ready to run at a moment's notice.

"I know enough to know you need this," Sakura states firmly. 

Yamato silently catches Kakashi's hand reassuringly, noting his posture with a sliver of guilt but knowing that he did it for Kakashi's sake. 

Gritting his teeth, Kakashi looks like he might refuse again, but instead he says, "I'll give it one try. If I don't like it, then that's it. I won't go anymore."

"It's like kids with vegetables," Sakura says. "You probably won't like it, but it's for your own good. After it's over, you'll realise."

Yamato strokes Kakashi's palm quietly, stepping up beside him and flashing him a comforting smile.

"This is a terrible idea," Kakashi says flatly and grabs a pair of clean clothes. He walks into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

Yamato stares emptily after him, swallowing thickly. He just wants Kakashi to be okay.

"He'll manage," Sakura tells Yamato, upon seeing his expression. "Trust me, it'll help him."

"I hope so..." Yamato mumbles, rubbing his palms over his face as he waits for Kakashi.

Kakashi, to his credit, doesn't try to escape, but he drags the process of getting ready out as long as he possibly can. He feels as though he's preparing for his death, and his hands are shaking so badly that he can hardly pull his pants up. As it is, it's painful for him, and he almost calls out for help from Yamato, but he bites the words back. He's mad at him, and doesn't want any help from him. It's childish, he knows, but it makes him feel a bit better.

Eventually, he comes out of the bathroom and stands there, glaring at Sakura then Yamato. "Let's get this fucking thing over with."

"It'll be over before you know it," Sakura informs him gently, leading them out into the corridor.  
Yamato's heart drops at Kakashi's glower, but he follows Sakura, trailing along beside Kakashi and wishing he could stay with his senpai. But anything gained easily never has any value, and Yamato knows this is for the best. He just wishes Kakashi doesn't have to go through this. 

"Here we are," Sakura announces lowly, halting outside a plain door, labelled simply, "Juba." Yamato glances over at Kakashi with concern, wondering if it would be okay to hug him or if Kakashi will push him away.

Kakashi stares at the door, wondering if it's possible to be intimidated by a piece of wood. He can sense Juba on the other side and thinks that her chakra feels familiar but can't quite place it. "Just so you know, I'm not happy about this," are Kakashi's last words before he pushes the door open and walks in.

Sakura lays a reassuring hand on Yamato's still arm. "He'll be fine, Captain. Maybe not for a while, but he will." 

"Thanks...." Yamato mumbles, his hands clasping together anxiously. He suddenly feels like Kakashi's facing one of the most difficult situations of his life, after all those years bottling every emotion up-he has to talk. To an almost-stranger. Hell, Yamato remembers how hard it was for Kakashi to open up to him. How is he going to-how-

"Sorry, Sakura," Yamato swallows. "I have to get home and do some..things." 

He hardly sees Sakura's uncertain nod before he transports himself straight into their living room, his shoulders quivering. Kakashi's familiar aroma wafts around him, causing a sob to swell up in his throat. How is Kakashi supposed to do that alone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi and Yamato wake up to find that they're naked and chained, hanging from the ceiling. Endo is there, and he marks over the hickeys that Yamato had left there previously, and, the manipulative bastard that he is, threatens to - and actually does - touch Kakashi inappropriately and without his consent in order to get Kakashi and/or Yamato to do what he wants. Yamato admits that he once killed an entire village due to a botched mission. There is mental abuse, with Endo telling both of them - but mainly Kakashi - that they ruin lives. Kakashi discovers that Yamato sent an anonymous note, asking for Endo to be under investigation, and feels betrayed, but forgives Yamato. Kakashi bites Endo's hand, and Endo slaps him in retaliation. A fight ensues when Yamato manages to free himself and Kakashi, and the violence is described. Desperate to save Yamato, Kakashi kills Endo.
> 
> As always, let me know if I forgot something.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two damaged people trying to heal each other is love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is - the final chapter! Many thanks to all of you who have stayed with this story, reading, giving kudos/reviews, bookmarking it. We're both thrilled that you all love it, as we have enjoyed writing it for you.
> 
> NOTE: Warnings at the end.

_"You're a bad boy, Kakashi. I need to punish you."_

_Kakashi whimpers, unable to say anything from the gag in his mouth. He struggles furiously against the ropes binding him, desperate to escape from Endo's touch as it trails lower and lower._

_"Letting everyone close to you die is a bad thing."_

_Tears fill Kakashi's eyes, and he vehemently shakes his head. No, he thinks. Go away. Go away, go away!_

"Go away!" Kakashi yells, flailing around frantically in hopes of getting away.

Heart pounding from the sudden outcry, Yamato bolts upright in the bed, eyes instantly locking on Kakashi's writhing form. "Kakashi-senpai!" Yamato exclaims, seizing his shoulders firmly, knowing he needs to wake Kakashi up as fast as possible. "Senpai, it's a nightmare, Endo isn't here, wake up, wake up, it's not real...."

Kakashi thrusts an elbow back into Yamato's stomach, twisting out of his grip but losing his balance and tumbling to the floor in a heap. "Let go of me!"

Stupid, stupid, stupid, flashes through Yamato's mind as he wraps an arm and his torso, trying to get his breath back. Of course Kakashi'd act like that. Yamato can't touch him or restrain him, lest he panic further. All he has is his voice, and a prayer that he'll get through. "It's not real, senpai! Endo is dead, he's not here, you're having a nightmare! Wake up, senpai, wake up, please !"

Kakashi comes awake with a loud cry, chest heaving as he struggles to reorient himself. Home. He's at home, safe, with Yamato. "Fuck," he gasps, noticing Yamato holding his stomach. "Did I hurt you?" Guilt flashes through him, and he rises to his feet, awkwardly standing by the bed as he stares at Yamato.

"It's fine," Yamato dismisses, lowering his hand and holding back a wince. As expected from the Copy Ninja, he hits hard. "Another nightmare?" he asks softly, already knowing the answer as he shifts nearer to Kakashi. "You're safe, remember? He can never hurt you again." And yet, he still is there, Yamato thinks despairingly. He's dead, and he's still tormenting Senpai.

Kakashi closes his eyes, recalling the nightmare in vivid detail. "The counseling sessions are rough." His voice breaks at the end, and he sinks heavily onto the side of the bed, burying his face in his hands. "I don't want to do them anymore."

Juba Nozomi, who Kakashi discovered is the same medic who healed his wrist after Fushi attacked him, is a great counselor, but she pries into his memories, digging up each painful one as she analyzes it. She asks him tough questions, why he feels this way, what does he think of himself. It's no wonder his nightmares have intensified.

Flinching slightly, Yamato outstretches his hand gently, resting his palm on Kakashi's head, stroking his hair. He shuffles forward so he's sitting at the side, beside Kakashi's dismal form. "Unfortunately," Yamato swallows thickly. "I think that means they're working. It's going to get worse before it gets better."

Kakashi leans into the touch. He and Yamato have hardly touched in the past few days, and although he misses it, he knows that anything physical will only cause him distress. "I miss you," he breathes.

"I'll be here for you," Yamato whispers back, missing the regular physical contact too but it's enough, having Kakashi next to him. "However long it takes."

Kakashi brushes his fingertips against Yamato's cheek and presses a short, sweet kiss to his lips. "I love you, Tenzou."

Yamato briefly returns the kiss, palms resting carefully on Kakashi's shoulders. "I love you," he murmurs softly. "Do you think you could go back to sleep? If not, I'll stay awake with you, talk a bit if you want."

"I don't think I'll sleep at all now, but you can go back to sleep. I think I'll just read for a bit in the living room." Kakashi stands up and runs a hand through Yamato's hair. "I'll be fine."

Yamato closes his eyes, savouring the sensation of Kakashi's tender fingers threading through his hair. Opening his eyes, he breathes out cautiously, doubting Kakashi's words. "I have a couple of new botany books I'd like to get through," Yamato says, standing up also and glancing to the clock. "It isn't worth going back to sleep anyway."

Kakashi looks dubiously at Yamato but lets it slide, knowing that Yamato doesn't believe him. "Suit yourself," he sighs before heading to the living room and grabbing a book. He lies down on the couch and pats beside him. "You can join me here."

"Sure," Yamato replies, forcefully rubbing the bleariness out of his eyes and crouching down by the bookshelves in the sitting room, selecting a book. Thumping down next to Kakashi and stifling a yawn, Yamato starts the book gladly, his shoulder just about brushing off of Kakashi's.

Kakashi leans his head against Yamato's, opens the book, and begins reading. Three pages in, he realizes that, even though this is his favorite Icha Icha book, he can't read it. The thing with Endo is too recent, and the sex scene in the book is making him uncomfortable, though it's nothing like what happened with Endo. Snapping the book shut, he throws it across the room with a growl and rolls onto his side, facing the back of the couch.

Yamato watches the erotic novel fly across the room sadly, unsurprised that Kakashi can't read Icha Icha. "Hey, want to try one of mine?" he inquires. "I do have books on subjects other than architecture and plants, if you want."

"No," comes the short reply. "I don't want to read anymore." Kakashi knows that he's acting like a petulant child, but Endo has stolen everything that he enjoys, taken it and tainted it. Icha Icha, sex, Kakashi can't even masturbate without thinking about Endo.

"Alright," Yamato answers mellowly, his gaze skimming worriedly over Kakashi's tense figure. He lowers his sight to the words on the pages in front of him, trying to concentrate on the book and not wallowing in indecisiveness. He's unsure whether to suggest some (non-sexual, of course) activity to distract him or leave him be.

Kakashi swipes a frustrated hand down his face and mumbles, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's okay," Yamato says mildly. "It doesn't bother me, but do you want to do something else? We have a couple of hours until we have to go into the hospital, and-" Yamato pauses, setting the book down and swirling around to face Kakashi better. "Would you be up for some sparring? The training fields would be really quiet at this time."

"Sakura gave me strict instructions to not use my right hand," Kakashi sighs. "She's worried I damaged it even more during..." he swallows hard. "During the fight with Endo."

"Oh, how is your wrist doing?" Yamato asks guiltily, the injury totally slipping his mind. "We could just go for a walk then, maybe see the sunrise?"

"My wrist is fine," Kakashi shrugs, brushing the question off. "A walk sounds good. We could take the dogs, too. Inuzuka Hana said that Bull needs exercise after being injured before the explosion."

"Did all of your ninken survive the attack?" Yamato asks in concern, his brow creasing up. He doesn't want to mention the deaths of the ANBU guarding Kakashi's house at the time, or the ROOT agents unaccounted for, fleeing the village. Naruto and Shikamaru are handling it for the moment, due to 'intense psychological stress' on the Hokage.

"Yeah, they all survived." Kakashi climbs over Yamato and disappears into the bedroom to grab clean clothes, then goes into the bathroom to change. He's not comfortable being naked around Yamato, either. "Where do you want to go?" he asks through the closed door.

"I don't mind," Yamato answers from the bedroom, donning some fresh clothes of his own. He brushes aside the curtains, staring out into the wavering night as he tries to judge how long they have left. "The sun's rising in about half an hour, I think. There's a great view from the top of the Hokage mountain, what about that?"

"That sounds good," Kakashi agrees as he comes back into the bedroom. He leans against the doorframe, watching as Yamato pulls his shirt down. He aches to trail his hands, lips, tongue, down Yamato's chest past his hips, but he can't. He can't even get hard, he thinks in despair with a quick glance down at his own groin.

"We'd better get going then," Yamato says, flinging on a casual jacket and padding over to stand in front of Kakashi. He raises his hand slowly and lightly traces his fingertips down Kakashi's jawline. He wants to kiss him so badly he can feel a throbbing hollow in his chest, but he holds off. "Come on," Yamato says quietly, ducking his face and stepping away from Kakashi.

A disappointed pang rips through Kakashi, and he clutches briefly at his chest before he follows Yamato. Once outside, he summons his dogs, who all start jumping around and yipping. Bull limps over to Yamato and snuffles against his hand, licking his fingers.

"Hey, Bull," Yamato gently addresses him, his voice low and soft. "How are you doing? We're just going for a walk to see the sunrise. Want to join us?"

Bull gives a small woof, his stubby tail wagging as he pads over to Kakashi for a rub behind his ears.

Pakkun comes over to Yamato. "How are you?" he asks.

"I'm fine," Yamato answers automatically, straightening up again. "How about you? Did you get caught in the blast?"

Pakkun shakes his head. "No, I was lucky. Well, if you consider being stuck under a dead ROOT member, then yeah, I was lucky."

"Better than being stuck with an alive ROOT member," Yamato mutters grimly, then shakes his head, trying not to think of ROOT right now. It wasn't a good time to withdraw into his mind. He glances towards Kakashi, and then up towards the sky, observing it's pre-morning pastel glow. "We'd better get moving."

Kakashi gives a low whistle, and all of the dogs perk up. "Let's go," he says as he heads towards the Hokage monument. The dogs trot along behind him, stopping every once in a while to sniff around.

Yamato jogs quickly up to beside Kakashi on the path, enjoying the sweet sting of the cool air on his skin, the freshness of the day, the night clinging to the shadows of the trees. Yamato matches Kakashi's pace, a lifting sensation of hope rising in his chest as he looks at him tenderly. A smile floats onto his lips as he silently outstretches his open palm to the side, offering but not demanding.

Kakashi smiles back, taking his hand and squeezing lightly. "This was a great idea, Tenzou. It's nice and peaceful. We should do this every once in a while."

Yamato beams back, utterly delighted to see Kakashi's genuine smile again and his less-tense shoulders. "We should," Yamato replies, suddenly getting embarrassed by the pure affection whirling around in his chest and lowering his gaze to the path ahead. To the dogs milling around them. He likes this. He really, really likes this. It takes Kakashi's mind off of things-well, he hopes-and it somehow feels like they're just a normal couple on a date, cherishing each other's company.

Bringing Yamato's hand to his lips, Kakashi presses a kiss to Yamato's knuckles. "Um, Tenzou. Can we talk?"

Yamato's chest tightens. Oh no. Oh god, please don't let it be anything too bad, he silently prays as he nods, trying to keep his voice steady. "What is it?"

"I've had four sessions in the past week, and Juba says that it would be good if you and I talked about...about what happened with Endo. I agree with her, but I just don't know if I can do that," Kakashi confesses, looking down.

Yamato squeezes Kakashi's hand lightly, gazing at him caringly as he thinks, processing what Kakashi said. Discuss what happened with Endo... Yamato's jaw grits together, and the old hatred swells back up, barely quenched by Endo's death. He's worried that even if Kakashi and him talked about it, he may get too riled up emotionally. But he's always been good at controlling his feelings, usually, but when it comes to Kakashi and Endo's abuse...Yamato exhales deeply. Juba said that it would be good for Kakashi. The thought seals Yamato's decision-making process. "Try it," Yamato encourages. "Try to, but if it's too much, we'll stop immediately, maybe try another time. Does that sound okay?" Yamato suggests softly

Kakashi nods. His silver hair sways in the gentle breeze that blows by, and he breathes in the sweet scent of flowers. "Okay. I, uh, I'm not quite sure where to start, though."

"Start at the beginning," Yamato suggests carefully, holding Kakashi's hand just a little bit tighter. "How did you meet him?" It takes a lot of self-control on Yamato's part not to spit out about him viciously.

"We were both ANBU, both captains of different teams. There was an altercation between one of my subordinates and his, and we were called in to smooth things over. Endo was charming, and he seemed interested in me. A few days later, our paths crossed again. It was just after a bad mission, and he said that he could tell how depressed I was. He, uh," Kakashi breaks off, body shuddering as he takes a deep breath. "That was when he offered to help me out."

"You're doing really well," Yamato tells him, keeping a firm hold of his hand. "Take your time, senpai."

"It, uh, did help. I was relieved that there were times when I didn't have to make decisions. It seemed like he really cared about me, asking me about my fears, but looking back, I know now that he was only interested in finding weaknesses to exploit." Kakashi snorts and shakes his head. "God, I was so stupid back then. I -" he trails off, an anguished expression on his face. "Juba told me that what happened wasn't my fault, and that I shouldn't blame myself. It's just hard not to do that when you've spent the past fifteen years doing it."

"I understand that," Yamato says gently, breathing out carefully, knowing how difficult it is for Kakashi to speak openly like this. "But you're capable of changing your thoughts, although it will take a while. Like now, whereas before, you never would've even considered telling someone about Endo. You will realise that none of it was your fault, believe me."

Kakashi nods doubtfully. "You know the rest of the story, so there's nothing really left to say."

His thumb caressing down Kakashi's hand tenderly, Yamato nods, tugging Kakashi closer and lays a whispering kiss on his temple. "Thank you, and I'm so sorry you had to go through that, senpai."

"If you have any questions, you can ask them, and I'll do my best to answer," Kakashi says. He comes to a stop on top of the monument and gazes over the village. A sense of pride surges through him as he thinks about everything the village has endured and survived and prospered through.

"I can think of some, but, right now, I just want to watch the sunrise with you," Yamato answers simply, halting next to Kakashi and staring with wide eyes out at the village. A pure circle of light is lifting up gradually on the horizon, shedding a soft glow over the expansive village. It takes Yamato's breath away, and he leans his head on Kakashi's shoulder carefully, inhaling his meaningful scent gratefully. 

Kakashi wraps an arm around Yamato's waist, pulling him closer as the dogs surround them and sit down. "If you had told me a few months ago," Kakashi says softly, "that you and I would be in a committed relationship and living together, I would have laughed in your face."

Snorting lightly, Yamato tilts his face upwards to rest a kiss on Kakashi's jaw. "It's nice to know how much I meant to you." His words are light, but Yamato's chest aches, knowing that Kakashi never thought anything of him until recently. But, Yamato thinks, flipping it over to examine the positives, I changed that. He cares for me now.

"I always cared about you," Kakashi says, nuzzling Yamato's hair. "I just never allowed myself to acknowledge it until recently. I didn't think I deserved you, for one thing. For another, I was afraid to let you so close to me. Not because I thought you'd do something to me," he hurries to explain as he runs a hand down Yamato's arm, "but because I was worried that someone would use you to get to me."

Yamato smiled, a tad sorrowfully, his hand circling around Kakashi's shoulder softly. "I didn't dare to think you cared for me at all," Yamato admits, unwilling to say the obvious-Kakashi had been right, Endo had used Yamato to get to him-but Yamato is twice as determined to make up for that. "I took what I got and couldn't bring myself to ask for more."

"I should never have done that to you for so long," Kakashi whispers. "It wasn't fair to you at all. I was being selfish, wanting you but not willing to admit how much you really meant to me."

"I understand why you did it, but it hurt," Yamato breathes quietly, shutting his eyes and shifting himself so he's in front of Kakashi, burying his face in his neck. "I missed you, even when you were sleeping next to me, because I thought I was always just a fuck to you. I was afraid if I spoke up I'd lose you completely."

"I'm so sorry," Kakashi chokes out. He tangles his fingers in Yamato's hair, pressing kisses to the top of his head. His cheeks heat in shame as he thinks about the suffering he put Yamato through, all because he was afraid of his own feelings. "I love you. You know that, right?"

Great, I'm giving Kakashi another thing to blame himself for, Yamato thinks, but he leans into Kakashi's chest further, drinking in every caring touch. "I try to believe it," Yamato murmurs thickly. He's adapted to being alone from before childhood, nobody caring for him, apart from a few scattered letters from Yukimi. It's hard for him to accept that someone genuinely loves him, but it's easy to realise his love for Kakashi. "I love you."

Tilting Yamato's chin up with a finger, Kakashi tugs down his mask and kisses Yamato, tongue sliding across Yamato's lips slowly. His fingers sink back into his lover's hair, angling his head just the right way for the perfect kiss.

Yamato gasps, the floating sound stifled by Kakashi's lips as he kisses back softly. Oh god, he'd missed this, the feeling of Kakashi's warm mouth melting so flawlessly against his, every inch of his heated body pressed lovingly to Kakashi's. His palms clasp tenderly around Kakashi's face, sensing the fresh, warm rays of the rising sun filtering onto his back.

A few seconds later, Kakashi pulls away, resting their foreheads together. "I think we're gonna be okay," he smiles tenderly at Yamato.

"Yeah," Yamato whispers breathlessly with a grin, the words he's told Kakashi so many times echoing in his head powerfully. "I think we will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not very many warnings. Kakashi has a nightmare about Endo raping him, but there's no description of it. He talks to Yamato about how he met Endo, and how Endo's treatment of Kakashi deteriorated over time.


End file.
